These White Walls
Eighteen
~Alice’s pov~
I closed my eyes as once again the warm painful tears started to slide down the sides of my face, caressing my cheeks with each delicate drop that escaped from the innermost horrors of my soul. I should be use to this by now, the dull aching pain that had encased itself around my heart the thing that every day sent me spiralling down into the depths of a dark emotion hell. My hand shook as I tried to gently steady myself to make my writing at least semi legible to read.
“ If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore.
But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head.”
I quickly began to messily scrawl the words of my favourite quote on the paper not knowing where to go next, after 5 times you think I would by now, but this time was different this time it felt like it would finally be the last time I wrote another note like this. The last note that will be carelessly glanced over and thrown out by my ‘adoring’ family, finally the last words they would ever hear er- read from me. I closed my eyes letting my emotions flow onto the page word after word I let my pain, my story, my heartache decorate the pages my violent tears staining the page making it nearly impossible to write as the horrible symbols of sadness blurred my vision. I stared down at the paper in my hands shaking I wrote the final few words ‘Goodbye, I hope to never meet again.’ I closed my eyes and took the tub of pills sitting next to me swallowing them with a bit of vodka I smirked to myself as I glanced at the time midnight, happy 18th I thought to myself as I felt the familiar calming feeling of numbness over taking my body and maybe finally this time I would be at peace.
The dull beep of hospital machines echoed through my aching head, well fuck I thought to myself as I realised that my plan, had once again failed. The familiar quiet murmur of the nurses joined the annoying beeping of the machines as I slowly started becoming more aware of my surroundings I groaned slightly as I opened my groggy eyes, taking in my very bland surroundings. Plain white walls... well this was interesting I thought sarcastically to myself as I rolled my eyes, but this wasn’t the hospital, I paused as the nurses noticed I was awake “where the fuck am I?” I muttered kind of annoyed. Actually more like really annoyed, more annoyed then when you kick your pinky toe on the edge of a bed and it hurts and pisses you off like a motherfucker! The nurses looked at each other and in a hesitant voice once slowly replied “welcome to Lakeview metal facility for troubled teens.. oh and happy birthday.” Wait.. wait.. LAKEVIEW MENTAL FACILITY FOR TROUBLED TEENS!? Like.. the one with the inbuilt school and everything!? What the fuck, no way. This wasn’t going to be fun. At all.
~Andy’s pov~
“YOU. TOUCHED. MY. BATMAN. FIGURINES. YOU. WILL DIE.” I screeched as I lunged forward attacking my room mate, Jinxx with my batman pillow as he erupted into a chorus of laughter, this really wasn't fucking funny though, he reordered them all and that was just not acceptable! Jinxx looked up pulling the pillow down from off his head and blinked at me as if he was innocent “batman figures? I touched no such thing” he said with fake shock and horror in his voice. I chuckled slightly as I hit him “shut up asshole” I said as one of our caretakers walked into our room, “great” Jinxx and I both muttered sarcastically under our breath. We both looked up at James, the caretaker from hell “what do you want?” I said the spite in my voice extremely clear and I hope it pissed him off. He rolled his eyes, “you and Jinxx are getting a new room mate” he said short and curtly and with that he turned and walked off. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Jinxx “well that sure was fucking helpful” I said he let out a chuckle, “James always is helpful, you should know that, I’m going ask Izzy what the deal is.” He said as he stood up “you coming?” he questioned I shook my head, “no I need to fix my figurines now that someone fucked them up!” I glared at him as he rolled his eyes walking out. “Fucking Jinxx” I muttered to myself walking over to batman collection that sat proudly on my shelves, we had 1 bunk bed and 1 single bed in our room and up until now Jinxx and I had always had this room to ourselves. I blinked thinking back to the day I first met him I’d been in the Lakeview facility for about a year before I got a room mate, Izzy, our other caretaker - the awesome one had brought him in to meet me, she literally pushed him into the room and told me to play nice... that sure fucking worked well I thought to myself rolling my eyes Jinxx and I had fought constantly for the next year he said I was arrogant or something? Pfft. as if, I could never be arrogant I’m fucking awesome! Anyway, we fought for ages before we found out we loved the same type of music.. I guess because of that we just put our differences aside and now 3 years later we were pretty much inseparable. I glanced over at my batman shelf and groaned, but sometimes I swear to god I could kill him! All of my figures had been rearranged to make it look like they were fucking each other in all different positions I sighed starting to put them back to normal, annoyed I would so get him back for this. I turned up the KISS album I was listening to and started singing along as I set them back up, I became so engulfed in my own little world that I didn’t hear the door open I heard a scoff paused and turned around James was standing there with some chick, she was kinda cute but I didn’t give two shits I wasn’t here to find some cute girlfriend. “Here’s your new room mate” he said she gave me a small wave as I just stared at her James turned and walked out “BUT YOUR A CHICK!” I said in shock screwing up my face, “I can’t share a room with a chick!?”. She rolled her eyes and flipped me off “and you seem like an asshole who can go suck my dick but you don’t see me complaining do you?” I blinked in shock my mouth fell open okay.. shes not as innocent as she looks. I smirked “I’m pretty sure you're the one whos meant to be sucking my dick, that generally is the way it’s meant to work, the man towering over the girl while she's on her knees.” She looked at me in disgust slapping me across the face “the only time I will be on my knees in front of you is when I burn your dick off with acid” she spat at me spitefully and with that she chucked her bag on the single bed sitting grabbed her ipod and turned it up to full volume as I walked out chuckling.
~Alice’s pov~
WHAT A FUCKING JERK! I thought to myself as I put in my headphones blasting D.R.U.G.S I watched him walk out laughing to himself, fucking great an asshole roommate, but by the looks of it I have 2... oh great.. sharing a room with 2 males I twitched, yuck. Smelly. Stinky. Sweaty. Perverted. Teenage. Males. I rolled my eyes sighing standing up to start unpacking my stuff I closed my eyes plugging in my ipod to the doc that was sitting on a set of drawers in the room as I put “Hearts & Flowers” by SayWeCanFly on. I bit my lip feeling tears prick at my eyes as the chorus started up I softly started singing along sadly wishing that I could never let the world get me down.
I know that sometimes life gets rough
But that's never a reason to give up
Keep your heart up in the clouds
Never let the people drag you down
I have learned to chase my dreams
I know that if I don't they will get away from me
So I do what I love to do.
I sighed to myself and decided to get changed before dinner.
~Jinxx’s Pov~
So it was a girl! We were getting a girl roommate, her name was Alice! She seemed pretty cool from what Izzy told me! I smiled to myself clutching my violin case in one hand I ran back to the room to wait for her. I smiled and opened the door “Hey Ass-” I froze mid word and went bring red, there she was alice my new room mate standing in a very sexy red g-string and a matching red bra my mouth fell open. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, so hard I could barely hear anything else... she was beautiful.. and hot and... oh shit I’m staring! I lightly put my hands over my eyes “O-o-o-h god I I I I’m so sorry! I I I didn’t realise you were in the room, I thought you would be here later and that it was just Andy and I and oh my god I didn't mean to stare you were just really pretty! and oh fuck I mean! Your face is nice..” Fuck! Nice going Jinxx I thought to myself mentally facepalming myself. I felt hands on mine she had pulled my hands away from my face laughing “your face is nice to” she said with a chuckle, “it’s fine, I don’t care what you saw, I’m Alice it’s nice to meet you, you seem nicer than the other one that was here before” she said with a smile. I think I just died, she was so cute I just wanted to steal her and keep her forever! “Me er Jinxx I am.. Nice to meet your pretty face” I blushed and she let out another chuckle “I think I’m going to get along with you well Jinxx! Is that a violin?” I nodded and smiled “yeah, wanna hear a song?” I saw her eyes brighten “sure!!” I sat there and played violin and chatted with her until it was time for dinner.
~Alice’s Pov~
I loved Jinxx he was really amazing, and awkward it was perfect, Andy on the other hand was a jerk I rolled my eyes just at the thought of him.. I glanced over at the 2 sleeping boys before my eyes moved back to the roof I let out a little sigh. Happy 18th birthday I thought to myself your 18 and not dead yet, guess next time you’ll just have to try harder. I bit my lip trying to stop the tears from falling I’d been pretending to be okay all day, and I had so many more days of pretending to come. We all have secrets we have to hid, but how am I ment to hide my addiction to death when I share a room with another 2 people, I rolled over onto my side my blade clutched tightly in my hand I closed my eyes as I felt the small tears escape from my eyes “I don’t want to be sad anymore” I whispered to myself as I pushed the blade against my skin ready to cut “Alice?” I heard a soft voice from beside my bed... oh crap I thought.
I closed my eyes as once again the warm painful tears started to slide down the sides of my face, caressing my cheeks with each delicate drop that escaped from the innermost horrors of my soul. I should be use to this by now, the dull aching pain that had encased itself around my heart the thing that every day sent me spiralling down into the depths of a dark emotion hell. My hand shook as I tried to gently steady myself to make my writing at least semi legible to read.
“ If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore.
But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head.”
I quickly began to messily scrawl the words of my favourite quote on the paper not knowing where to go next, after 5 times you think I would by now, but this time was different this time it felt like it would finally be the last time I wrote another note like this. The last note that will be carelessly glanced over and thrown out by my ‘adoring’ family, finally the last words they would ever hear er- read from me. I closed my eyes letting my emotions flow onto the page word after word I let my pain, my story, my heartache decorate the pages my violent tears staining the page making it nearly impossible to write as the horrible symbols of sadness blurred my vision. I stared down at the paper in my hands shaking I wrote the final few words ‘Goodbye, I hope to never meet again.’ I closed my eyes and took the tub of pills sitting next to me swallowing them with a bit of vodka I smirked to myself as I glanced at the time midnight, happy 18th I thought to myself as I felt the familiar calming feeling of numbness over taking my body and maybe finally this time I would be at peace.
The dull beep of hospital machines echoed through my aching head, well fuck I thought to myself as I realised that my plan, had once again failed. The familiar quiet murmur of the nurses joined the annoying beeping of the machines as I slowly started becoming more aware of my surroundings I groaned slightly as I opened my groggy eyes, taking in my very bland surroundings. Plain white walls... well this was interesting I thought sarcastically to myself as I rolled my eyes, but this wasn’t the hospital, I paused as the nurses noticed I was awake “where the fuck am I?” I muttered kind of annoyed. Actually more like really annoyed, more annoyed then when you kick your pinky toe on the edge of a bed and it hurts and pisses you off like a motherfucker! The nurses looked at each other and in a hesitant voice once slowly replied “welcome to Lakeview metal facility for troubled teens.. oh and happy birthday.” Wait.. wait.. LAKEVIEW MENTAL FACILITY FOR TROUBLED TEENS!? Like.. the one with the inbuilt school and everything!? What the fuck, no way. This wasn’t going to be fun. At all.
~Andy’s pov~
“YOU. TOUCHED. MY. BATMAN. FIGURINES. YOU. WILL DIE.” I screeched as I lunged forward attacking my room mate, Jinxx with my batman pillow as he erupted into a chorus of laughter, this really wasn't fucking funny though, he reordered them all and that was just not acceptable! Jinxx looked up pulling the pillow down from off his head and blinked at me as if he was innocent “batman figures? I touched no such thing” he said with fake shock and horror in his voice. I chuckled slightly as I hit him “shut up asshole” I said as one of our caretakers walked into our room, “great” Jinxx and I both muttered sarcastically under our breath. We both looked up at James, the caretaker from hell “what do you want?” I said the spite in my voice extremely clear and I hope it pissed him off. He rolled his eyes, “you and Jinxx are getting a new room mate” he said short and curtly and with that he turned and walked off. I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Jinxx “well that sure was fucking helpful” I said he let out a chuckle, “James always is helpful, you should know that, I’m going ask Izzy what the deal is.” He said as he stood up “you coming?” he questioned I shook my head, “no I need to fix my figurines now that someone fucked them up!” I glared at him as he rolled his eyes walking out. “Fucking Jinxx” I muttered to myself walking over to batman collection that sat proudly on my shelves, we had 1 bunk bed and 1 single bed in our room and up until now Jinxx and I had always had this room to ourselves. I blinked thinking back to the day I first met him I’d been in the Lakeview facility for about a year before I got a room mate, Izzy, our other caretaker - the awesome one had brought him in to meet me, she literally pushed him into the room and told me to play nice... that sure fucking worked well I thought to myself rolling my eyes Jinxx and I had fought constantly for the next year he said I was arrogant or something? Pfft. as if, I could never be arrogant I’m fucking awesome! Anyway, we fought for ages before we found out we loved the same type of music.. I guess because of that we just put our differences aside and now 3 years later we were pretty much inseparable. I glanced over at my batman shelf and groaned, but sometimes I swear to god I could kill him! All of my figures had been rearranged to make it look like they were fucking each other in all different positions I sighed starting to put them back to normal, annoyed I would so get him back for this. I turned up the KISS album I was listening to and started singing along as I set them back up, I became so engulfed in my own little world that I didn’t hear the door open I heard a scoff paused and turned around James was standing there with some chick, she was kinda cute but I didn’t give two shits I wasn’t here to find some cute girlfriend. “Here’s your new room mate” he said she gave me a small wave as I just stared at her James turned and walked out “BUT YOUR A CHICK!” I said in shock screwing up my face, “I can’t share a room with a chick!?”. She rolled her eyes and flipped me off “and you seem like an asshole who can go suck my dick but you don’t see me complaining do you?” I blinked in shock my mouth fell open okay.. shes not as innocent as she looks. I smirked “I’m pretty sure you're the one whos meant to be sucking my dick, that generally is the way it’s meant to work, the man towering over the girl while she's on her knees.” She looked at me in disgust slapping me across the face “the only time I will be on my knees in front of you is when I burn your dick off with acid” she spat at me spitefully and with that she chucked her bag on the single bed sitting grabbed her ipod and turned it up to full volume as I walked out chuckling.
~Alice’s pov~
WHAT A FUCKING JERK! I thought to myself as I put in my headphones blasting D.R.U.G.S I watched him walk out laughing to himself, fucking great an asshole roommate, but by the looks of it I have 2... oh great.. sharing a room with 2 males I twitched, yuck. Smelly. Stinky. Sweaty. Perverted. Teenage. Males. I rolled my eyes sighing standing up to start unpacking my stuff I closed my eyes plugging in my ipod to the doc that was sitting on a set of drawers in the room as I put “Hearts & Flowers” by SayWeCanFly on. I bit my lip feeling tears prick at my eyes as the chorus started up I softly started singing along sadly wishing that I could never let the world get me down.
I know that sometimes life gets rough
But that's never a reason to give up
Keep your heart up in the clouds
Never let the people drag you down
I have learned to chase my dreams
I know that if I don't they will get away from me
So I do what I love to do.
I sighed to myself and decided to get changed before dinner.
~Jinxx’s Pov~
So it was a girl! We were getting a girl roommate, her name was Alice! She seemed pretty cool from what Izzy told me! I smiled to myself clutching my violin case in one hand I ran back to the room to wait for her. I smiled and opened the door “Hey Ass-” I froze mid word and went bring red, there she was alice my new room mate standing in a very sexy red g-string and a matching red bra my mouth fell open. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, so hard I could barely hear anything else... she was beautiful.. and hot and... oh shit I’m staring! I lightly put my hands over my eyes “O-o-o-h god I I I I’m so sorry! I I I didn’t realise you were in the room, I thought you would be here later and that it was just Andy and I and oh my god I didn't mean to stare you were just really pretty! and oh fuck I mean! Your face is nice..” Fuck! Nice going Jinxx I thought to myself mentally facepalming myself. I felt hands on mine she had pulled my hands away from my face laughing “your face is nice to” she said with a chuckle, “it’s fine, I don’t care what you saw, I’m Alice it’s nice to meet you, you seem nicer than the other one that was here before” she said with a smile. I think I just died, she was so cute I just wanted to steal her and keep her forever! “Me er Jinxx I am.. Nice to meet your pretty face” I blushed and she let out another chuckle “I think I’m going to get along with you well Jinxx! Is that a violin?” I nodded and smiled “yeah, wanna hear a song?” I saw her eyes brighten “sure!!” I sat there and played violin and chatted with her until it was time for dinner.
~Alice’s Pov~
I loved Jinxx he was really amazing, and awkward it was perfect, Andy on the other hand was a jerk I rolled my eyes just at the thought of him.. I glanced over at the 2 sleeping boys before my eyes moved back to the roof I let out a little sigh. Happy 18th birthday I thought to myself your 18 and not dead yet, guess next time you’ll just have to try harder. I bit my lip trying to stop the tears from falling I’d been pretending to be okay all day, and I had so many more days of pretending to come. We all have secrets we have to hid, but how am I ment to hide my addiction to death when I share a room with another 2 people, I rolled over onto my side my blade clutched tightly in my hand I closed my eyes as I felt the small tears escape from my eyes “I don’t want to be sad anymore” I whispered to myself as I pushed the blade against my skin ready to cut “Alice?” I heard a soft voice from beside my bed... oh crap I thought.
And she never updates
8/27/15