Jake Pitts’ Point of View

I left Ashley’s flat after our argument and made my way home, my head hanging low. He didn’t understand that I just wanted to protect him. I knew Andy and his ways. He sweet talked guys he thought were hot into sleeping with him and then he would leave. It had always been like that. Sure, he’d never been in a relationship with one of them, not like he is now with Ashley. They both seemed to be genuinely happy, but I just didn’t trust him one bit. Not after knowing Ashley’s story. I assumed that he hadn’t told Andy about his past and it sure as hell wasn’t my place to tell him.
Leave my flat, and while you’re at it leave me the fuck alone. His last words echoed through my head, bringing tears to my eyes. He surely didn’t want me out of his life completely? It was in the heat of the moment, maybe he didn’t even mean it like that… I couldn’t leave Ash on his own, I just couldn’t. I still had a bad feeling about him being with Andy. But maybe he was right and I really was jealous because I couldn’t have the one I wanted. I sighed. Love isn’t always fair. That was the truth and I had experienced it more than once already. I always got with the wrong people and with Jinxx I didn’t have a chance at all. The tears were flowing by now and I didn’t even bother to wipe them away.
You think I don’t deserve this, right? I had heard the depression behind all his anger, memories of the past speaking. Of course he deserved it; I didn’t know how he could even think like that. Then I remembered that he had it always rough in life and that practically everyone, except for his mother, told him that he was worthless. I involuntarily added to this. I told him that he did deserve it, though. Then why can’t you just be happy for me? His voice, full of reproach, sadness and anger asked. Why couldn’t I? Was it because I knew that Andy would hurt him one way or another? Even though he said he wouldn’t fuck and dump him, I still didn’t believe him. Ashley trusted him though, so all I could do was to be there for him when Andy let him fall. But maybe that wasn’t even the reason that kept me from being happy for him. Maybe he was right and it was all about me and my own damn feelings for Jinxx. All of a sudden I felt selfish, saying those horrible things about Andy to him – even though they were true – just because I couldn’t get my own shit together. More tears streamed down my face, making it hard to see. Not that it mattered anyway – I didn’t even have a clue where I was going. I just kept on walking, not paying attention to anything or anyone, lost in my thoughts. Maybe I should just tell Jinxx and get it over with? That would surely complicate things between us, but if he was a good friend, then this wouldn’t affect our friendship for long. That was at least what I hoped for.

After what felt like hours, I stopped walking and looked around. Surprisingly I stood in front of Jinxx’s house, so apparently my subconscious had brought me here. I needed to talk to him anyway, that was something I was sure of. Better sooner than later I thought to myself and made my way up to his door. Hesitating for a moment, I finally brought my hand up and knocked on his door. I let out a shuttery breath and soon his mother opened the door.
“Jake, dear! What a surprise, Jeremy didn’t tell me you were coming over!” she exclaimed happily, ushering me inside. I smiled weakly at her before answering.
“Well, he doesn’t know and I didn’t think I’d end up here either, it was kinda spontaneous.” I tried to explain and she nodded, still a huge smile on her face. That woman loved me somehow. Maybe it was because I spent so much time here.
“Oh, that is no problem. Jeremy is upstairs, you know the way” she said with a wink and headed towards the living room. I took off my shoes and sighed once more before walking up the stairs that eventually led to Jinxx’s bedroom. I stopped at my door and raised my hand to knock but a soft melody coming from his room let me hesitate. It was full of desire and longing, yet it was so sad at the same time. I bit my lower lip, trying to figure out what to do. I didn’t want to interrupt him but I also wanted this to get over with. Plus, his mom would be suspicious if I would leave after not even three minutes. I pulled myself together and softly collided my fist with the dark wood of his door. The melody ended and I heard some shuffling.
“Come in!” Jinxx’s voice yelled and I couldn’t help but smile. I opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind me. I watched Jinxx as he put his violin in its case, careful not to drop the expensive and beautiful instrument. He furrowed his brows at the silence before he looked up and smiled at me.
“Jake!” he exclaimed with joy in his voice and I laughed a little. It was incredible how happy he seemed about seeing me.
“Hi Jinnxy” I said quietly and went to sit on his bed. “Sorry I interrupted you”
“Hey, it’s you, so I don’t mind!” Jinxx laughed and plopped down next to me. I looked down and noticed that our knees were touching, sending little sparks through my body.
“So, any particular reason why you came here without any warning? Not that I mind, I love having you here, it’s just so unusual for you!” he rambled and looked at me with happiness in his eyes. I bit my bottom lip as I thought of a way to reply. Tell him already. Now or never.I sighed, releasing my lip from between my teeth in the progress.
“Jinxx, we need to talk” I said quietly, my eyes finding interest in the structure of the wooden floor.
“Oh?” was all he said and even though I wasn’t looking at him I knew that the surprise and maybe confusion were showing on his face. “What about? You don’t want to break up with me, do you, babe?” he asked jokingly to lighten the mood that had dropped considerably. I found myself chuckling at that.
“Nah, you know I couldn’t do that, darling” I played along. We were both laughing by now, but after a short moment I got serious again.
“Seriously, though…” I said. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. He would freak out and leave me and hate me and tell everyone. I couldn’t lose him. Tears began to fall down my face again and I felt myself being pulled into a hug.
“Jake?” Jinxx whispered worriedly. “Jakey, what’s up? You know you can talk to me.” he rocked us back and forth a little and I sniffed. I was such a pussy.
“I don’t want you to hate me” I confessed quietly and looked up at him. He was even more confused now, I could tell. It was hard to breathe by now and I got scared even more.
“Jake, calm down. It’ll by alright, I’m sure I won’t hate you. I can’t hate you, you’re my best friend” he said soothingly, rubbing a hand over my back in an attempt to calm me down. That little gesture did the trick though and I felt better as more air was able to enter my lungs again. There were still some tears coming out of my eyes, but I let them.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Jinxx said, looking at me with a smile on his face. I smiled back a little, before my expression turned serious again and I sighed.
“Jinxx, I-I’m bi…” I said quietly, keeping my head down without looking at him. Fingers placed themselves under my chin and pushed my face up, making me stare into beautiful blue eyes. They were full of understanding and relief. Whatever he thought I needed to talk about was apparently worse than the subject at hand. He chuckled a little.
“Jake, you know I don’t judge. If I’d be a homophobic asshole I wouldn’t be friends with Andy and now also Ashley.” he explained, a smile on his face. I nodded, but bit my lower lip.
“Well…” I continued, darting my eyes around the room. I needed to get this out. Jinxx wouldn’t judge me.
“I’m ok with it, really” Jinxx reassured and I nodded once more, silently thanking him.
“I’m in love” I whispered. My eyes were looking back into his, imagining a flash of jealously. He kept on smiling, a curious look on his face.
“So, who’s the lucky guy?” he said. Was that a little bit of sadness in his voice? My mind surely just made that up. I swallowed before answering.
“You” It came out in a whisper, barely understandable but by the look in Jinxx’s face he heard it clearly enough. His face was emotionless and I sensed that I just fucked this friendship up. I started to panic again and hurriedly stood up, rushing towards his door.
“I-I need to go… see y-you tomorrow” I said and walked out the door, running all the way home, not stopping once until I was in my room, not even when my mom called after me. I locked the door and slid down against it, choking on the sobs and tears that stained my face. I was an idiot. Of course he didn’t like me like that, what had I been thinking? I just lost my best friend and there was nothing I could do to take the words I said back. Looking up, my new guitar caught my eye. I stood up, took it in my hand and plugged it in. Music always helped me and even though I was still crying hard, not able to really see anything I just started strumming. Soon enough I fell into the riff for our new song. I remembered the lyrics Andy wrote for it.
You kissed the lips of evil/Two months it’s all the same/I begged for this man’s approval/Like all the rest we'll die in vainI could tell where he was coming from somehow. Now that I was in the situation with a love that is not returned I could fully comprehend his lyrics. Then it hit me. He really did love Ashley. The words made even more sense and I realized that there was more to his feeling than he would admit. I started crying even more and began to work out the guitar parts for the song and to elaborate them. I took a piece of paper and started to write down chords and tabs, erasing and replacing some until I felt that they would fit. The bass parts didn’t concern me, Ash would have his own input. CC would kill this song on drums, I could already imagine his excitement. I even had an idea for the guitar solo, but Andy really needed to finish the lyrics first. Maybe I could just text him? He wasn’t at Ashley’s because he was busy. Damn. I left Ash on his own after our fight. Fuck.
“Hey Ands, you really need to finish those lyrics you started. I’ve got the guitar worked out nearly entirely and I even have an idea for a solo.” Sent. After a short moment of consideration I decided to also apologize to Ashley. Talking would have to wait until tomorrow though.
“Ashley, I’m sorry. I can’t even explain what got into me. You two are serious, I can tell. But you were right. Love isn’t always fair.” I sighed and stared at my phone, waiting for any response. After a few minutes of waiting I got tired and looked up. Papers were scattered around me, containing my work. I picked them up and sorted some of them before placing them on my amp and putting my guitar back in its place. Exhausting wasn’t even the right term to describe how I felt. Sad. Lonely. Desperate. Tired. But I wasn’t able to cry anymore. I just couldn’t. Instead I let myself fall into my bed, face buried in my pillow. I sighed and nuzzled further into the fabric, closing my eyes. Maybe I could just sleep my life away. Or I could wake up from this nightmare and everything would be fine. I could still be friends with Jinxx and never tell him about my feelings. I could prevent the argument with Andy and Ashley. We could all be happy. But no, I ruined everything.
My phone went off and pulled me from my thoughts. Who the fuck would phone me now?! I picked up my phone and looked at the caller ID. Ashley. Fuck, he would probably yell at me and tell me how much he hated me. I swallowed before answering.
“H-hello?” I stuttered and new tears welled up in my eyes.
“Jake, oh god, are you ok?” he asked, sounding worried.
“S-sure, w-why wouldn’t I?” I laughed nervously. He already knew me better than any of the other guys.
“You sound horrible Jakey. I come over” he said, hanging up immediately, leaving me dumbfounded, phone still pressed against my ear. What the fuck?

About fifteen minutes later I heard the doorbell ring and Ashley’s voice filled the house. I listened to his conversation with my mother and I could tell that she already liked him. That was good. I bet she could tell that he cared about me, even though I fucked everything up. A knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts. Good thing I had unlocked it, after Ash said that he’d come over.
“Come in.” I said, ying on my bed, face half buried in my pillow and arms crossed under my head.
Ash entered the room and threw me a worried look. I had been crying all the time, but the tears had dried now, leaving my face puffy and red. He hurried over to me and also lied down on my bed.
“Talk to me Jakey.” He just said, studying my face.
“I told Jinxx” I just whispered, closing my eyes. Ashley didn’t respond, but just waited for me to continue.
“Ash, he just stared at me with this blank expression on his face. I swear I fucked up so badly. He will never talk to me again, he hates me!” I was crying again, burying my face fully in the pillow again. Ash started rubbing up and down my back.
“He won’t and you know that. You two are too important for each other. He just needs some time to get used to that thought.” Ashley tried to reason and I nodded, not fully believing him though. “I’m sorry if I pushed you into telling him. I didn’t mean it Jake, I was just so angry and you didn’t mean any harm. I’m sorry I reacted so badly.”
I looked up and saw his sad face. His eyes were dull and I knew he’d been thinking too much about this. Just like me.
“It’s ok, Ash. I understand that. I was a prick and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things. You two are cute and I really hope you guys last. You are good for each other.” I said and cuddle up to him. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my head.
“Everything will be fine.” Ashley said with a smile on his face. I nodded.
“I know.”
“Andy was somewhat pissed though” Ash chuckled lightly. I looked up in confusion.
“Oh?” I said. Maybe I missed something here?
“Oh well, his cousin kinda dumped him, so he came over and we were cuddling when you wrote us and now he’s pissed because I was so worried about you that I just had to come here” Ashley explained. I looked down. I fucked up again. How many times a day could you fuck up? Wasn’t there like a limit or something?
“I’m sorry” I whispered, but Ash only laughed.
“Hey, it’s ok. It’s good I came, though. We need some more time to ourselves, just to talk. Without Andy or the others.”
“Sounds great” I smiled lightly at him.

It had been getting late and Ashley went home a few minutes ago. He promised that we’d hang out more often and I really was looking forward to that. I had missed him somehow, even though we saw each other every day at school. That wasn’t the same though, as we rarely had time to talk properly at school, with the guys around and stuff. I sighed and stared at my ceiling. I was lying on my bed, arms crossed behind my back and did some thinking. My situation with Jinxx was eating me up from the inside, beginning with my heart. Every time the scene in his bedroom replayed in my head, the little, broken organ would clench in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. New tears were rolling down my cheeks. Ashley had just distracted me from the pain, telling me to wait until tomorrow and that everything would turn out just fine. I sighed again and hoped he would be right.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. I rolled my eyes, because it’d probably be my mom, trying to talk.
“What?” I snapped, without taking my eyes off the ceiling. I heard the door creak open slowly and was confused. My mom would’ve just waltzed in.
“Hey” an all too familiar, quiet voice said. It sounded taken aback and leaked with sadness and confusion. My brows furrowed and I turned my head to look at Jinxx. Why was he here? He hated me, for fuck’s sake! I took in his appearance and bit my lower lip. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and puffy – he obviously had been crying. He looked miserable.
“Sorry, come in” I said, my voice just as quiet. I wouldn’t have snapped if I had known that it was him. Jinxx nodded and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. For a few minutes he just stood there fiddling with his hands, eyes looking at the ground. His black hair covered his face. A tear escaped my eye. He looked so vulnerable. I sat up and patted the spot next to me, hoping he would take the invitation to sit next to me.
“Come here, Jinxx” I said softly. This wasn’t about my love for him. This was about helping him with whatever was bothering him. I was his best friend after all, at least I hoped I still was, and he looked like he needed a friend to talk to.
He nodded slowly and made his way over to my bed, sitting down next to me. He still played with his hands and looked at his lap, avoiding me. I hated seeing him like this.
“Jinxx, I know I fucked up, but you can still talk to me” I whispered. I didn’t want him to think differently of me just because I loved him. I still wanted to be best friends. That was what I would explain to him.
“Look, I don’t want anything to change between us. It’s my fucking problem if you don’t feel the same way, but I just had to let you know. I couldn’t keep this from you, Jinxx. You’re my best friend after all. I trust you. That’s why I finally decided to tell you, you know? Ashley might have pushed me a bit into it, ok. But it’s really overdue that I said something to you. Please tell me that we can still be friends…” I trailed off, in tears again. I didn’t even know why I said anything. I didn’t know why he was here, but I needed to get this off my chest. Jinxx needed to know that I was still Jake, his best friend and that my love for him wouldn’t change that.
I felt arms around my waist and a head in the crook of my neck. A warm liquid trickled down my skin, making me look to the side. Jinxx had cuddled himself up to me and was obviously crying. Cautiously, I put my arm around his shoulder to try and comfort him. I didn’t have a clue why he was like that as he still hadn’t said a word yet.
“I thought you’d never love me like this…” Jinxx whispered and my breath hitched. He didn’t just imply that he felt the same, did he? He surely meant it differently.
“Jinxx?” I asked quietly. That was when he looked up at me, eyes swollen and red from all the crying, but they held love and affection. He leant up and brushed his lips against mine. My eyes fluttered shut at the contact and I thought that I was dreaming. This just couldn’t be happening.
“I love you too, Jake. I have for a long time, but I always thought you were straight and that I’d never stand a chance…” Jinxx said quietly and I smiled at him. He returned it weakly, his eyes sparkling slightly as he looked into mine.
“Will you be my boyfriend?” I asked quietly and received a nod and a peck on my lips as an answer.
“Yes” Jinxx whispered, leaning forward in an attempt to press his soft lips against mine. I mirrored his action and soon we were both fully lying on my bed without our shirts on. My hands roamed Jinxx’s body as my tongue danced with his. Our hips brushed, making both of us moan. Jinxx rolled us over, so that he was straddling me and grinded his hips down, causing our by now pretty obvious erections to press together. I let out a low growl and felt him smirk against my lips as he kissed me again, one hand in my hair and the other rubbing me through my skinnies. I squirmed underneath him, getting turned on more with every one of his movements. One of my hands clawed at his back while the other stroked his chest, lightly pinching his nipples. Jinxx broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine, moaning at my actions. Everything felt so good with him and soon enough we were both naked, jerking each other off until we came across both our stomachs.
I lied back into my pillow, still naked and breathing heavily, and looked at Jinxx. He was in the same state as me, cum all over his stomach and his chest heaving up and down from the deep, shaky breaths he took. I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers, before I pulled his hand up to my mouth and kissed its back.
“You’re incredible” I whispered as I looked into his eyes.

So Ash had been right after all and everything had just turned out fine. Me and Jinxx were together. Ash and Andy were together. For once, everything was perfect in our lives and I just hoped it would stay like that.

Notes

So, you wanted Janxx and now you have Janxx :D I hop you guys like this, I tried to make it interesting and sad and fluffy and smutty! :D Tell me what you think please, because comments make me so damn happy <3
Btw, this has nearly 4k words and 5 pages in Word. WOW! ;D

xoxo Rebellious Redamancy

Heaven's Calling by Black Veil Brides