Andy left the room to get Ashley. How am I going to explain this to him? He'll either hate Austin , or disapprove of me again. I don't want either of those. I want him to love me and Austin.

Can I love Austin after this? I thought he loved me , wanted me , needed me! I know I loved and needed him , I guess the feelings aren't what they used to be.
But the way he reacted , it wasn't like anyone would if they cheated. Yea , he denied it , but , he did it realistically. I mean , if you're acting you don't cry yourself to sleep. You don't cry at
all.

No , I know he did it! I'm not letting myself convince me that it is any other way. I felt a tear roll down my cheek , I wiped it off with my thumb just in time of Ashley to walk into the room. He closed the door behind him , taking longer then it should have. Then he stood watching me. His face was clean of emotion , so I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I was actually pretty scared to find out.

"Show me." He said walking closer.

I was taken aback. he's never wanted to see cuts , or scars. He says it scares him. I've always wanted him to look , to know I was struggling or to know I'm strong. But he always simply refused. I just starred at him , my body was frozen. I don't know what to do , I don't want him to see this time. This is the deepest they've ever been. Other then when I drank the Bleach and used that piece of glass. But I hardly count that.

Ashley has never been one to be patient with me , ever. So I could tell he didn't like this at all. But I couldn't get my body to work , or my voice to work. He sighed and charged towards me , still frozen I didn't know what to do. I was laying on my arm so no one would see , and it was working. Until he grabbed my arm and pulled it out from under me.

He starred and starred for awhile , not saying anything. I don't know how long we've been hear. The clock says half an hour , but it feels like so much more. I finally get fed up with him , I've never really had patients for anyone , but Ashley had earned the most.

"Well?!" I said whipping my arm away from him.

His eyes from my arm to my eyes. His eyes were piercing me , like he was trying to read my
soul. If only he knew it was dead a long time ago.

"I love you." Ashley then turned on his heel and left.

That was it. All my brother , my own fucking father! Had to say to me? I felt betrayed. He owed it to me to at least tell me how he feels , what he was thinking , or at east do more than judge me. All the thoughts that could have been going threw is pretty little head. Probably negative , I mean there is nothing positive about me or the situation. But he'll still love me right?

His words from the last time I tried rung threw my head:

"Carr , if you ever do this again , I don't think I'll be able to love you the same. I won't love you as my sister. I'll love you as my patient , that I have to take care of and keep under 24 hour watch. And I don't want that."

Is this what he was thinking of? Making arrangements for me to live with him and Andy? Or put me in a ward?!

All I had to do know was face Kellin , and possibly Vic. This will be no problem , Kellin and Vic love me so much! They'll have me feeling better in no time.

Or so I thought.

Notes

Just a short filler.
I promise the real drama will start at Austin's visit and forever after that.
Kay , so I want to explain the horrible thought process in this chapter. I figured since she just tried to , "You Know" she wouldn't be thinking clearly ,or straight , or right , or whatever. So I kinda wrote them jumbly and horribly on purpose!
So no hate please , and thank you for the two cookies , they were wonderful , I shared them with Tony Perry. Cause he's perfect.
Okay , keep reading please , it makes me happy! <3