***AUSTIN P.O.V***


Kellin and Vic came out of Carressa's room seeming happy. They were laughing and cuddly. I hated them , I hated how Kellin thought this was my fault , I hated how Kellin supported what Carressa thought even before knowing why she was mad.

"You better get going." Andy snapped me into reality , everyone was starring at me.
I uncurled from my ball and slowly walked to her room. The nurse smile and nodded at me before I entered , I didn't look at Carressa right away. I was to scared , but joy overcame my fear. Joy that my queen was alive , that she fought for something.

I ran to her bed before taking in the sight of her. She was pale , with dark circles around her eyes , they had cut and shaved random patches of hair , and she gained three or four pounds from the tube they had feeding her. It was a fearful sight , but she was still so beautiful. My heart hurt to see her hooked up on so many machines , but hearing her heart beat monitor was calming.

I grabbed her hand that was dangling off of the bed and held it in my two. Oh she was so cold , like death. I kissed her hand over and over , while she watched.

"Carressa I know this is my fault , and I feel like total shit-"

"Austin-" Carressa's voice was creaky , not like her normal voice. My poor baby's so weak.

"But I really wish you would understand that I never cheated on you."

"Austin." Her voice was sharper this time , but I couldn't stop.

"I would never cheat on you. I've been cheated on and I know how much it hurts , especially when you love someone. I need you to know I love you , and when I walked in on you like that Carressa I blamed myself. This isn't how we're meant to be! I thought I finally did one thing in my life right , but I was wrong , I fucked us up. I wanted us to work , I never experienced a love like this! It's the one thing I thought I did right in life , I would craw to the ends of the earth , give up anything for you." I had broken into tears , uncontrollable sobs , maybe Carressa wasn't the weak one , maybe I was.

"I love you too Austin." Carressa said weakly.

"No , no you don't , or at least you shouldn't. You shouldn't love someone who made you do this to yourself- "

"I did this to myself because I was loosing someone I loved. Half of myself died. I just had to make it realistic."

I starred at her in 'awe' . This didn't make any sense. That didn't seem like a valid reason at all. But she confirmed I did it , that I was basically a murderer which just made everything else worse. I never wanted to cause her pain. My goal was to keep her happy and out of pain; thats what love is. Or is love just another way to get hurt. Because you fall in love , but everything that falls gets broken.

I hugged Carressa ,she hugged me back. But with only one arm , the other she laid on. The one she had cut. I can understand her wanting to keep it covered , but it was me , there was nothing to be ashamed of. I took her other arm out from under her and wrapped it around my neck

I soothed her while she cried , she only cried softly , but it was still enough to shatter my heart. She pulled away and looked into my eyes , her eyes were so soft , so inviting. She laid back on her pillow , still starring into my eyes.

I looked away from her eyes a split second and looked at her arm , the worst second of my life.

Carressa had carved , and I'm not joking , they all had stitches on them , she carved the word , in capital letters "CHEATER" in her arm. I looked back up at her , she just smiled. I tried to smile back , but I just couldn't.

Without looking away from her I kissed her arm , each letter softly. She smiled at me.

"Austin." Carressa said in a whisper , making it barley hear-able.

"Yes love?"

"Your mom is so proud of you." She smiled wider and put her hand threw my hair , she stopped half way threw my hand.

My heart stopped , my whole word was crashing around me. I didn't know what my body was doing , I wasn't there mentally. Carressa's dead , you killed her , you horrible person. All she ever wanted was you to love her , but you couldn't even do that!

Suddenly I was there physically again , I was being pushed out of Carressa's room. No! I can't leave her! She needs me! . . . I need her!

"NO! I'm- Staying! Fuck off!" There was eight doctors pushing me and two nurses pulling me out of the room.

My legs buckled and I fell back into the nurses , they caught me obviously doing this a lot and pushed me back up. I spun around to see everyone starring at me , the only one who looked concerned about me was Andy.

She's dead! She's dead! She's dead! You killed her! You killed her! You killed her! She's dead because you killed her!

For every thought I punched the wall , until someone was restraining me. I fell back into them , I couldn't take this world anymore , without Carressa theres no point. The world went black.


*TIME LAPSE: 2 HOURS*


I felt numb , I came too a while ago , but I was so numb. My body was going threw the motions and nothing really existed. Like none of this was actually happening , I was just a ghost , floating threw a sea of colors and sounds.

My hand throbbed and my head pounded , but neither had an effect on me. I just have to get in to see my baby , I have to know she's okay. Kellin said she was in a coma , but that's not great. Some people come out of comas and never remember anything. I can't have that happen to her , she is my everything and the thought of her never remembering me- The pain I was feeling right now could kill somebody.

"Hey man , they're letting people see her now , we've all decided you should go first." Andy put a hand out for me to take it.

Walking out of the room I felt myself come alive again , and not until I was at the foot of her bed did I feel like a real person.

I sat in the same spot I did last time , taking her hand as I did last time. Pressing it to my mouth I could feel her pulse. Still bumping , still breathing , still living.

"Carressa baby I know you can't hear me , but I'm so proud of you for fighting. And whenever you come out of this thing. We'll start all over again , just you and me. How it should be. Please , give me one sign that you're still there."

I waited a minute . . .

Then another. . .

Then another. . .

Nothing happened. I couldn't stop the tears , the fell to the floor. It seems thats all I've done lately , is cry.

"I love you. Please be okay. I love you."

I looked back up to the goddess asleep on the bed , she can't stay like this forever.
Suddenly she squeezed my hand , and with one little moment all the happiness in the world hit me like a train. She was fine , her brain was fine. She'll be fine.

Notes

So , I told you everything was going to unfold in this chapter , so here you go!! :D
I hope you guys like it , I had a hard time writing this chapter and couldn't do it in one sit , but here it is.
So , I need your guy's help. I can't decide what to do so I need help.
Should I either write about her recovery and then do what I had planned for this book , making it 60-70 chapters.
Or , should I skip the recovery and go right into the rest baby stuff between Andy and Ashley , which is also gonna involve Carressa and Austin , A LOT!!!
HALP MUH!!!!
And keep reading , your guy's comments brighten my day<3