Look Into My Eyes, Tell Me I'm Wrong
Chapter One - Mutilate Me, Then Watch Me Die
There, I made it. The bridge without anybody knowing. Making lengthy slits down my artery the whole way. Never deep enough to hit the artery itself. God, walking makes me tired. I tuck the razor into my pocket, and grab the pole. My bloody hand slips. I wipe it off on my white pants. My whole outfit is white. And red now. What a cruel joke. I don't know, even on my last night alive, I've got a sense of humor. I guess it's how I made it 22 years before giving up. Well, here goes nothing. Ah, dammit, the pole is slippery. I wipe it down with the tissue I've got in my pocket. Alright. I hoist up onto the edge. The swish of the water is comforting, a great way to go out. I look down into the dark, my outfit basically glowing in the night. Faintly, I can see the rocks that I could hit, but I want the water. So.... peaceful? Nobody will find my body, that's for damn sure. I draw in a deep, cold, salty breath of ocean water. One of my last. God, thinking that feels so good. I prepare to take the plunge, drawing another breath in. My right foot points over the edge, and starts to slide down. Suddenly, I'm going in the other direction. It was instant, a hand closed over my wrist, and jerked me backwards. I get pulled into somebody's chest and arms ring around my waist.
"Don't do it, don't do it, I swear to God, don't do it," a voice chants in my ear. I rip out of the embrace.
"Why not!" I lash out, looking at a guy I've never seen before. He grabs my arms, ignoring my wince.
"Because there's more to live for,"
"Prove it, you ass, how dare you tell me when to end my life!"
"Get in the car," he tells me suddenly.
"I don't even know you! I'm not getting in your fucking car,"
"Fine. My name is Jake. Now you know me. Get. In. The. Car,"
"Whataya gonna do if I don't?"
"Throw you in there myself,"
"You wouldn't dare,"
"Get in the car, we're going to eat. God, you look like you haven't eaten in days! What about sushi? I know a great place called The Noble Fish. C'mon, we're gonna go. Get in the car,"
"I absolutely refuse,"
"Jesus Christ, you're freezing. Get in the fucking car, now,"
"I came here to die, I fully intend to do just that,"
"Change of plans, then," he rings his arm around my waist yet again, and drags me to his car. It's really high up, and black. He opens the door and hoists me up. He slams the door, and I hear it lock again, but I can't see any handle at all anyway. Escape is futile. The air turns cold again, and then warm. The car is saturated with his smell suddenly. "So, I'm Jake, and you are,"
"What's your last name, Jake?"
"Pitts. What's your name?"
"My name is," I consider lying but just tell the truth. "Ivy,"
"Pretty,"
"Thanks," wait, why the hell am I thanking him? "Uh," I clear my throat awkwardly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm royally pissed I've been interrupted. I'll get back to it though.
"Why?" he asks, his voice, suddenly soft, fills the car still.
"Why what?"
"Oh, please. Don't be so dense," he tells me.
"You just fucking abducted me, I should be calling the damn cops,"
"Okay, fair game. But, still. I wanna know. How old are you, nineteen? You've got a lotta life left to live,"
"I don't even give a damn," I spit harshly.
"Well you should. D'ya mind if I try to show you a little livin', a little of what you might've missed?"
"Well, um, I guess not? I mean, I'll come back as soon as you let me go, so,"
"Now I can't let you go. You'll stay at mine tonight, and then we'll figure out stuff from there. And, you never answered. Why?"
"Maybe I'll tell you.... later,"
"I can wait,"
"Oh, and for the record, I'm twenty two,"
"Sweet! Sake is back on the menu!"
"That's what you're concerned about? Not the freak in your passenger seat who is on the brink of life and death?"
"No, I'm more than concerned about you, Ivy, but still... I love me some good sake,"
"Whatever,"
"Really? You're saying that because you've never had it, right?"
"I don't drink. It's fattening. Like eating,"
"Oh, you're gonna eat," my stomach yelps in agreement. Shut the hell up! Not like I'm going to eat.
"No, I'm not,"
"Yes, you are. For me,"
"I don't even know you, Mr. Pitts,"
"Well you're gonna get to,"
"No,"
"Listen, from what you've been saying, this was supposed to be your last night alive, right? Well, that's not happening, and you're just sore about it, so you're gonna live a little, eat a lot, and drink too. And, no, I don't give a damn about how hard it is to eat. It was so easy to see you. Face it, you wore the white so some passerby would save you, and you were only going down if nobody did,"
"NO! I want to die!"
"One part of you doesn't, let's bring her out,"
"Stop it. Don't you hear me? I'll slit my wrists right here," he scoffs.
"No, you won't," I dig the razor out of my pocket, and a headlight hits it. Dammit! I was hoping to go quietly. He grabs my hand. "Don't," my eyes glow in his almost black ones. The sudden compassion in the espresso brown scares me. He gets the razor out of my hand, and rolls his window down, throwing it out.
"I spent goddamn money on that you know,"
"Well, your life is worth a helluva lot more,"
"Why are you so hellbent on saving me anyway?" my question catches him off guard. But, he has an answer a moment later.
"Because I need saving too. And you seem special. You don't have much love for yourself, and I've got too much love in my heart. I need to spend it on someone, and you seem perfect," this time, I scoff.
"I'm not worthy of anybody's love,"
"Yes, you are," and he turns into a little lit store. "We're here. And you're gonna eat,"
"Don't do it, don't do it, I swear to God, don't do it," a voice chants in my ear. I rip out of the embrace.
"Why not!" I lash out, looking at a guy I've never seen before. He grabs my arms, ignoring my wince.
"Because there's more to live for,"
"Prove it, you ass, how dare you tell me when to end my life!"
"Get in the car," he tells me suddenly.
"I don't even know you! I'm not getting in your fucking car,"
"Fine. My name is Jake. Now you know me. Get. In. The. Car,"
"Whataya gonna do if I don't?"
"Throw you in there myself,"
"You wouldn't dare,"
"Get in the car, we're going to eat. God, you look like you haven't eaten in days! What about sushi? I know a great place called The Noble Fish. C'mon, we're gonna go. Get in the car,"
"I absolutely refuse,"
"Jesus Christ, you're freezing. Get in the fucking car, now,"
"I came here to die, I fully intend to do just that,"
"Change of plans, then," he rings his arm around my waist yet again, and drags me to his car. It's really high up, and black. He opens the door and hoists me up. He slams the door, and I hear it lock again, but I can't see any handle at all anyway. Escape is futile. The air turns cold again, and then warm. The car is saturated with his smell suddenly. "So, I'm Jake, and you are,"
"What's your last name, Jake?"
"Pitts. What's your name?"
"My name is," I consider lying but just tell the truth. "Ivy,"
"Pretty,"
"Thanks," wait, why the hell am I thanking him? "Uh," I clear my throat awkwardly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm royally pissed I've been interrupted. I'll get back to it though.
"Why?" he asks, his voice, suddenly soft, fills the car still.
"Why what?"
"Oh, please. Don't be so dense," he tells me.
"You just fucking abducted me, I should be calling the damn cops,"
"Okay, fair game. But, still. I wanna know. How old are you, nineteen? You've got a lotta life left to live,"
"I don't even give a damn," I spit harshly.
"Well you should. D'ya mind if I try to show you a little livin', a little of what you might've missed?"
"Well, um, I guess not? I mean, I'll come back as soon as you let me go, so,"
"Now I can't let you go. You'll stay at mine tonight, and then we'll figure out stuff from there. And, you never answered. Why?"
"Maybe I'll tell you.... later,"
"I can wait,"
"Oh, and for the record, I'm twenty two,"
"Sweet! Sake is back on the menu!"
"That's what you're concerned about? Not the freak in your passenger seat who is on the brink of life and death?"
"No, I'm more than concerned about you, Ivy, but still... I love me some good sake,"
"Whatever,"
"Really? You're saying that because you've never had it, right?"
"I don't drink. It's fattening. Like eating,"
"Oh, you're gonna eat," my stomach yelps in agreement. Shut the hell up! Not like I'm going to eat.
"No, I'm not,"
"Yes, you are. For me,"
"I don't even know you, Mr. Pitts,"
"Well you're gonna get to,"
"No,"
"Listen, from what you've been saying, this was supposed to be your last night alive, right? Well, that's not happening, and you're just sore about it, so you're gonna live a little, eat a lot, and drink too. And, no, I don't give a damn about how hard it is to eat. It was so easy to see you. Face it, you wore the white so some passerby would save you, and you were only going down if nobody did,"
"NO! I want to die!"
"One part of you doesn't, let's bring her out,"
"Stop it. Don't you hear me? I'll slit my wrists right here," he scoffs.
"No, you won't," I dig the razor out of my pocket, and a headlight hits it. Dammit! I was hoping to go quietly. He grabs my hand. "Don't," my eyes glow in his almost black ones. The sudden compassion in the espresso brown scares me. He gets the razor out of my hand, and rolls his window down, throwing it out.
"I spent goddamn money on that you know,"
"Well, your life is worth a helluva lot more,"
"Why are you so hellbent on saving me anyway?" my question catches him off guard. But, he has an answer a moment later.
"Because I need saving too. And you seem special. You don't have much love for yourself, and I've got too much love in my heart. I need to spend it on someone, and you seem perfect," this time, I scoff.
"I'm not worthy of anybody's love,"
"Yes, you are," and he turns into a little lit store. "We're here. And you're gonna eat,"
done for you is from their 3rd album wretched and divine
12/12/14