As you fade into the night.
I let my eyes fall closed slightly as a wave of pain hit me like a truck. I had gotten out of the hospital 2 days ago.I was on the couch right now because jinxx was afraid to move me to much, scared he would hurt me. My body was an off temperature like a broken thermostat that kept changing to hot and cold and it made me feel ten times worse added onto the physical pain.
" do you need anything?" My eyes lazily opened to see Ashley sitting on the edge of the couch. His hand was gently resting against my head and I let out a small smile.
"I'm okay for now" with my words my eyes shut slightly in pain.
When I opened them again His lips turned into a frown. He brought his fingers to my head slowly as he let them run through my hair.
"You look terrible honey I'm worried"
The rest of the guys were out getting food so it was just me and him for now. It also gave me a chance to have some quiet. Even though I tried to make Ashley go out as well he didn't but I didn't mind, I enjoyed our alone time as well.
"I just don't feel good at all" With my words his eyes softened. He has been trying to make me feel better these past 2 days and nothing was working.
"Would you feel better in an actual bed?"
I shrugged towards him before giving a small nod. The sudden idea sounded amazing to me as this couch was starting to hurt.
"I think so" He nodded towards me before slowly standing up.
"I'll help you okay? Just let me know if I hurt you"
"Sit up honey" I nodded and slowly sat up.
Ashley helped me and moved the blanket slowly off my body. He then bent down and hooked his arms under my legs and picked me up. I hissed in pain making him look at me worriedly but at this rate it would hurt no matter what.
"Just keep going I'm okay" He nodded and swiftly moved to the stairs. I kept my eyes closed in pain the whole time until he walked into a room.
He slowly Put me on a bed and I opened my eyes seeing it was his. I smiled gratefully as he then pulled the covers over me and crawled slowly beside me.
"Better honey?" The softness of the bed was so much better compared to the couch.
I nodded my head towards Ashley and he smiled at me. His hands found their way into my hair again and I watched his eyes as he gently brushed my hair back.
The way he looked at me alone was enough to make me feel loved. I found so much in him hat I had never found in anybody before. I found safety in his arms, a place to call home even when I'm far away from there. A light shone in his eyes so brightly that they could lead me out of any darkness. I didn't know what I did to deserve him but all I knew was I never wanted him to leave.
I saw Ashley's eyes light up towards me as he let out a small smile.
"What are you looking at?" I brushed my hand gently across his cheek before leaning up and kissing it.
"The love of my life"
The smile that appeared on his lips were enough to make me forget the pain I had been feeling before. He shook his head at me and leaned in to peck my lips softly.
"You can't say shit like that and not expect me to kiss you" He pecked my lips again and this time it was my turn to smile like an idiot.
"all the reason to say it then" He pulled apart from me and brushed his hand across my face again.
His movements were slow and gentle and his eyes held a sparkle I wished would never dimmer.
" I love you, Jessica I love you to the end of this earth"
" I love you too" With this he shook his head and wrapped a strong arm around me gently.
"No you don't get it, I fucking love you. I have never loved a person more than I love you."
"Ashley" his head shook against my neck telling me he wasn't done.
"These past months really made me realize that. Seeing you like that, I can't explain what it fucking did to me. It killed me babe it absolutely killed me because it made me realize just how lost I would be without you." He took his head away from my neck and put his hands softly under my chin so I was looking into his eyes.
"Without you, I would be nothing and god I want you to understand that. I know you get down sometimes and think you could just leave and we would all go on normally but not me, Jesus Christ not me or any of us. Your existence means the world to me and so many more."
I felt emotions start to build up inside me at his words. I knew he had been wanting to say this ever since I woke up but he had been holding it in, trying to stay strong. He didn't want me to know how weak he had become but I knew, jinxx filled me in.
" I never cry much but Jess I cried every single night that I had to sleep alone without you, every time I came back home it made me sadder not seeing you on the couch or not hearing your laugh echo across the halls." He took in a shaky breath and I leaned forward to kiss his cheek softly.
"I'm right here baby, I'm okay"
"I know it's just, God I had never ever seen jinxx cry either and I did. I saw it too many times for my liking and that's what killed me. I thought for sure you were dead because why else would he cry like that if he didn't think so either? We all stayed positive saying you would wake up but I know deep down in everybody there was a small voice saying you wouldn't and in me? It was screaming in my ear.
" At this point slow tears started to fall down his face making my heart break slightly. I had always thought for so many years that I could kill myself and delete myself from this world but his words made me realize it wasn't easy that I had people that would cry for me.
" baby, I'm so sorry you went through that but I promise you I'm right here okay? It's all over alright?" He shook his head against me and held me tighter.
The pain increased at this mission but I didn't do anything to stop him. He needed this and so did I.
"I know I just, God I just fucking love you I can't say it enough, I never want to lose you" I pulled away slightly and looked into his hazel eyes.
I watched as they clouded up with wet tears but my finger immediately wiped them away making Ashley smile at me gently.
" thank you Ashley, for being so good to me. You don't understand what it means to me that you cared so much when I wasn't here."
" I cared so much, you have no idea. I cared so much I never ever will stop careing."
"and that makes me so much happier to be alive sweetheart, you honestly give me something to live for"
With my words I watched his eyes glisten slightly before his mouth was back to being pressed against mine. The kiss added up in seconds but quickly ended leaving Ashley to bring me closer to him once again. I let my body rest against him as my head laid against his warm chest.
His arms held me safe against him making me relax and close my eyes. Fingers ran across my back in a soothing manner and I let out a small groan of pain that was now becoming more noticeable.
"shh, try to relax my darling, I'll keep you safe" With his words I let my eyes fall slowly closed feeling nothing but safe in my boyfriends arms.
Hey guys! I'm back! I'm so sorry I went through a bad patch of writers block but I'm back. I'm going to try to update every Wednesday so look forward to that! I hope this story is still something you all enjoy, thank you for all reading it.