As you fade into the night.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always ment it
My eyes cracked open to the loud chirping of my phone buzzing and ringing against my tan night table making me groan and sit up slightly in my dark purple sheets and rub my eyes as I yawned and snatched the phone off the table.
I answered it without looking and sleepily layed my head against my wall and I placed it against my ear
"Good morning sunshine, or shall I say afternoon" I heard jinxx's quiet yet lovley voice say on the other end making me smile as I took the phone away and checked it for the time
" shit it's 12:30" I mumbled and I heard his chuckle
"It is and do you remeber what was happening at 12?" He asked and I remained silent confused until it hit me
" oh shit, you're outside aren't you?" I asked an he laughed more
" that is correct ,want to let me in? I think a hug is overdue"
I smiled before pulling the covers off
" be right down"
The line clicked and I hopped out of bed quickly yanking off my blue Nike shorts and slipping on my black skinny jeans that were lying on the floor.
I stumbled across across my dark carpet and went to my desk. i yanked of my night shirt and replaced it with my plain black shirt and my suicide silence hoodie that was messily hanging off the side of it before raking my hands through my hair and leaving the room hurriy.
I walked out of the room and down the tan carpeted steps to the door where I Immediatly unlocked it a small smile spreading on my face.
Before I could react the door swung open and strong arms wrapped around me making me stumble back but grip on to the cold leathered man holding me tightly.
" I missed you so much" I said into his chest and I felt him grip harder as if I was going to collapse beneath him
" I did too, god I did too" he said swaying my body side to side causing me to giggle.
He let go and Stepped back holding my shoulders and studying my face.
" god almost a year look how big you're getting!" He exclaimed and i chuckled a little bit
" 18 next month Jeremy" I sang
he smiled again kissing my forehead
"Don't call me Jeremy , Jessica Beatrice"
I scrunched my nose up at the name and he laughed before kissing my head again.
" so can I come in? Or shall I stay in the doorway for the rest of the day?" He teased and I laughed before closing the door giving Jinxx the chance to walk past me And disappear into the living room.
I followed after him and watched as he dropped into the tan couch. He kicked his combat boots off and swung his feet on the coffee table reaching for the remote
I laughed shaking my head as he flicked the tv on making me smile on how at home he seemed.
I walked in and fell into the couch beside him and leaned against his shoulder watching in silence as he scrolled through the channels. He landed on some random show on MTV before tossing the controller back on the table and looking down at me.
I looked up slightly catching his gaze. He smiled sadly before kissing my head and wrapping his strong tattooed arm around me bringing me closer to him.
"I'm so sorry" he said letting out a breath and I squeezed tighter knowing what he meant.
Neither of us said anything after that letting the apology float in the air as he gripped me tighter making all the silence break me.
I felt my arms start to slightly shake as I gripped tighter and started breathing irregular into his jacket until my breaths started to come out into small silent sob and tears started flowing onto my cousins black faded jacket.
"It's okay.." I heard jinxxs calm voice try to soothe me but I was too far gone.
"They're gone" I sobbed out choking on the last word slightly and he gripped me tighter kissing my head.
"I know Jess, I know" he said numbly from above me
I felt Him burry his neck in the crook of mine as he tightened our embrace and let me cry into his warm chest.
"Just let it out, I'm here, I'm here now I'm right here now"
I nodded into his chest starting to feel the tears stop flowing as the minutes went by.
Everything that happened had hit me like a truck and his embrace made it all seem okay, the pair of strong arms always made me feel better, if only he could've been here right when it happened.
The minutes had turned to an hour and I was finally calming down against my cousins embrace.
" I missed you" I said against him chest and I felt him take in a breath of air
" I missed you a lot too, I worried about you too, you never answered my calls"
I stayed silent against his chest.
"You worried me sick you know, not knowing how you were, and then when mom told me the news, I tried calling you and calling you but you didn't answer and I was scared of what you were doing or what you had done I was scared I lost you too, that you did something even more terrible than I know you have" he said in one breath gripping me.
" I'm right here jinxx" I said and he nodded sitting up slightly
" I know , I know but you just, you know exactly why I'm like this" he said calm but stern and I stared at him
He knew, he always knew, ever since the events that took place 3 years ago he wouldn't stop worrying and I understand, but I wish he didn't care.
I was quiet as I nodded my head starring forward at the tv like I always did when conversations like this happened.
I felt him sigh
"Can you at least tell me you didn't, tell me please, that's all I want " he all but pleaded and I remained silent feeling another tear threatening to fall.
I felt his arm leave my shoulder as he sat up and attempted to move my head towards him but I tensed up feeling my body shake more.
I ignored him feeling the black fabric covering my arms grow heavy and my head started to spin.
His warmth was soon gone as he quietly stood up and placed himself on the glass coffee table right in front of the couch.
I heard the cling of his chain that hung off his pants scratch against the surface and his hands cupped my face making my gaze fall into his.
His face held sadness but comfort as he looked at me silently. I felt a hot tear fall down my face and he quickly wiped it off with his thumb. He silently removed his hands from my face and moved them to my sweatshirt sleeves.
He looked at me seeing if I would resist but I remained quiet still shaking as I watched my cousin slowly lift up both sleeves revealing the angry red lines.
His eyes fogged over with sadness as he let out a big sigh starring at them.
" I couldn't help it- I'm sorry you were away and I didn't want to answer your calls because if I did you would've rushed down here but I didn't want to make you leave the tour just for me" I stuttered out and he shook his head sadly rubbing my arms softly
" you should've, I could've helped you, I could've sent Sammi over, or my mom I could've helped you" he said sadly still soothingly rubbing my arms
" I know" I said softly and he shook his head again.
"what's done is done , But mark my words, when you move in with me I will make you so happy that you will never have a want or need to do this ever again"
I smiled and wiped my eyes with my left hand.
"I promise, ill do anything"
I chuckled slightly before leaning foreword and kissing his cheek.
" I believe you"
He smiled also and removed his remaining hand from my arm just as his phone rang.
He immediately stood up taking his phone out of his pocket and checking it.
" it's jake" he said looking at me and I nodded smiling
"So answer it"
He looked at me before nodding
"Oh right yeah"
He answered the call looking away for a second making me laugh and shake my head.
"Yes sorry I'm at Jess's now, sorry I forgot to tell you guys"
He looked around nodding just as I fixed my sweatshirt sleeves pushing them down my arms making jinxx look at me and make a face
"Yeah yeah, tomorrow by like 2 I'm not sure"
" no I haven't told her about that I will now"
"Okay yup ill see you guys tomorrow"
He locked his phone before putting it in his back pocket and looking at me
"Tell who what?" I asked and he laughed
"You, that since we're working on the album we rented one house that well be staying in till warped tour, there's a studio in the basement, so ou get the pleasure with living with 5 guys, Sammi,Lauren, Ella and Andy's girlfriend" he said and I smiled excited
"Oh joy" I said sarcastically with a smile
He smiled also giving me a push before bringing me into a hug.
"God I missed you" he said into my neck making me smile
"I missed you too"