Fake Love

“Hey Sexy.” Ashley greets as I walk into his backyard, gaining the looks from all his bandmates. “How are you this lovely afternoon?”

“How much have you had to drink?” I question my best friend. “You’re way too happy.”

“And you’re actually way too moody for once.” Andy Biersack, the lead singer of this band of misfits, chuckles. “What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“Trevor again?” Ashley asks. “Don’t tell me he kept calling?”

“If he wasn’t calling me, he was text messaging me, messaging me on Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook. I actually had to turn my phone on silent last night because I kept hearing my phone’s message notification. Seriously I’m so over hearing “Dilly, Dilly” now. I need to change that tone.”

“I don’t know why you love those commercials so much. Bud Light is a horrible beer.” Ashley states.

“I don’t diss your taste in women, don’t diss my taste in beer.” I poke his chest.

“Do you diss my taste in women.” He chuckles. “Just last week you called one of my hookups a floozy.”

“She is though.” I roll my eyes. “Anyone who sleeps with a guy they barely know is a floozy.”

“I just love your use of old slang terms.” Jeremey Fergson aka Jinxx, the old soul guitarist, chuckles. “Who the hell uses floozy anymore.”

“This girl right here.” I say, pointing to myself. “Do I need to get a neon sign?”

“You have one. You just a bright red neon arrow pointing down to your bed.” Jake Pitts, the other guitarist, laughs. “Why do you need one pointing to your bed?”

“So boys don’t get lost?” I shrug, “I thought that was obvious.”

“You’re just as bad as Ashley when it comes to hookups.” Jake states. “Which concerns all of us greatly.”

“Why are you concerned about me but not Ash?” I question them. “I grew up in L.A; homegirl can handle herself.”

“Then why is Trevor still harassing you?” Ashley questions. “We know you can handle yourself, Jez. It’s just you don’t want you. You’re too fucking nice to these creeps you meet through friends or on Tinder.”

“And that’s why you want to pose as my boyfriend to get Trevor off my ass?” I question him, earning weird looks from his bandmates.

“You’re doing what now?” Christan Coma, the badass drummer questions his “terror twin.” “Like are you seriously going to pose as Jez’s boyfriend?”

“Why is that so bad?” He questions. “We already act like an old married couple as is. What harm could posing as her boyfriend do?”

“Whenever people do this, someone catches feelings.” Andy states. “And then friendships get ruined. And no offence, I would hate to stop being friends with you because you stop being friends with Jez.”

“Why would you stop being friends with me?” He asks, sounding offended. “You’ve known me longer.”

“But Jezebel is just so much better than you.” Andy smirks, coming over and tossing an arm around me. “I’d be lost without her.”

“You’re only saying that because her band is going on tour with you soon.”

“Seriously don’t make us choose between you two.” Jake states. “We love both of you and don’t want to see a friendship ruined because of this.”

“There is no way either of us will catch feelings.” I state. “Ashley and I have been handsy and lovey since day one. Nothing can change our friendship dynamatic. Nothing. Don’t worry about this. Nothing can go wrong.”

“So how long are you going to be doing this?” Jinxx questions. “How long are you going to uphold this act?”

“Until Trevor leaves me the fuck alone.” I shrug. “Or until whenever Ashley gets sick of not getting laid; whichever comes first.”

“I hope both of you know what you’re doing.” Andy states. “For all of our sakes…”

Notes