Limbo

DAWN:

Sunlight makes its way through the window, taunting me into a half-waking state, and for just a second, I have no idea where I am. Then, as I register the weight of an arm draped across my waist, and the feel of warm skin against my back, everything comes flooding back, and I can feel myself blushing furiously as I think about some of the things we did last night.

Then I feel Ash start dropping small, feathery kisses up the back of my neck, and I get the shivers, which makes him chuckle. "So you are awake," he murmurs into my ear. "I thought I felt you kind of tense up for a second there."

"Yeah, I wasn't fully coherent at first, and it took me a second to remember where I was," I explain. "It's been a long time since I've woken up like this."

"That's not a bad thing, I hope."

Turning to face him, I say, "Not this, no. The only downside I can think of is the fact that now I don't know if I'll actually be able to sleep when you go back on tour."

He grins, and kisses my forehead. "Ditto, love," he replies. "Now, I love traveling and seeing new places, and playing for our fans, but I don't think the idea of going back to my lonely little bunk on the tour bus has ever seemed more unappealing than it does right now."

Before I can say anything else, we're interrupted by a rap on the door. I instantly clamp my lips closed and sort of jerk my head at the door to get him to answer. He props himself on one elbow and says, "Yeah, I'm awake."

"Hey, Ash, I just wanted to let you know that your Grampa has gone out to feed the horses and stuff," Lily announces. "I'm going down to help your Gramma with breakfast, so it's all clear if you guys wanna get up and around without them knowing that Sissy stayed with you last night."

"Thanks, kiddo, we appreciate it," he calls back. "If Nan says anything when you get down there, tell her that I'm gonna go use the downstairs shower, and let Dawn use this one, so we should both be done by the time the food is ready."

We listen to her thump down the stairs, then very reluctantly get out of bed. He gathers up some clothes and his shower stuff while I put my robe on and collect my undies from the floor, and we quietly go out into the hall. At the head of the stairs, he wraps me up in a hug and says, "I love you, darlin'. See you in the kitchen."

"I love you too, Ash. And Happy Birthday!"

He flashes me a brilliant smile as he starts downstairs, and announces, "Best one yet!"

I go grab my shampoo and shower gel out of my bag, then head for the bathroom to take a quick shower. As I scrub myself, I start thinking again about last night, and something occurs to me that I make a mental note to ask him about later. Hopefully it won't make me look like too much of an idiot, because I never realized until last night just how uninformed Victor had kept everyone, especially the girls, simply to be able to feel like he was in control of everything.

I get out of the shower and dry off, then throw my robe back on so I can dash back across the hall to get dressed and get to breakfast without making everybody have to wait around. I lay out the clothes I'm wearing for the party, to put on later, then pull on a pair of jeans and one of my BVB T-shirts and start brushing my hair. As I'm arguing with it, Lily comes in and says, "Food should be done in ten minutes or so. Do you want some help with that?"

I hand her the brush, and as she works on my hair, I glance at the mirror and see that she's giving me sort of an odd look, so I ask, "Is everything okay, sweetie? Do you feel okay?"

"Oh yeah, I feel fine. I was just sort of wondering about something."

"And that would be...?"

I'm a little concerned when she hesitates, but finally she puts the brush down and mumbles, "Maybe it's not my business, and I shouldn't ask, but I just wondered. Last night, when you were with Ashley, and you guys... you know. Was it...? I mean, is it... nice? Not gross, or anything like that?"

I wrap an arm around her waist, pull her into a hug, and reply, "Yes, it was very nice, and not even a little bit gross. Why would you think that, anyway?"

"Because I was talking to my friend Morgan at school last week, and she told me and Hazel that her sister did it with her boyfriend, and that she said it hurts."

"Well, I'm not going to lie to you, it does hurt a bit the first time," I explain, reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes. "But after that, if the guy you're with actually makes an effort to please you, it's definitely worth the effort. But you do not need to be thinking about trying it for yourself, you are only twelve."

"Oh, I know that, don't worry about me!" she blurts, looking a bit startled. "I mean, I'm not totally dumb, y'know. That's not something I'm planning on doing until I'm sixteen or so, at least."

"At the very least," I agree. "And whenever you do think about it, don't do it just because some guy wants it, or because all your friends are doing it. Make sure that it's somebody you care about, who actually has some respect for you and how you feel."

Before she can respond to that, Ashley's Nan calls up to say that breakfast is ready, so we head downstairs to join everyone in the kitchen. I sit down between Lily and Ash, and he gives me a kiss before we start filling up our plates with hash browns, scrambled eggs, and pancakes, with the options of maple syrup or cooked apples in a cinnamon sugar sauce. Then, when we finish eating, I help her with the dishes, since Lily helped with the cooking, and we go out for a ride around the property.

After we get the horses back in the barn, Ash's grandma asks me and Lily to drive into town with her to pick up some last-minute things she needs for the party, and on the way there, she stops at a house where they're having an estate sale. As we get out of the car, she explains that a lady from their church recently passed away, and that since her kids all live elsewhere, they're selling the house and everything else that they don't think they can use.

We go inside, and she looks around a bit, deciding to buy a pair of very pretty glass vases and a couple of cookbooks. Knowing that Lily will probably want a couple for her collection, I give her some money and tell her to go pick out a few, but not more than she can fit in her bags. She dashes off to inspect them, I go into the next room, and immediately run into a problem - this room is filled with vintage linens of all descriptions; tablecloths, dresser scarves, runners, handkerchiefs, and hand-crocheted or tatted doilies. My brain immediately fills with ideas for things I could make with them, but there's no way I can get them all, since we're going with Ash to the next show and staying overnight before Lily and I go home.

I start looking through them, trying to decide which ones I absolutely can't pass up when Mrs. Purdy walks in with another lady, who sees me looking through a pile of table runners and says, "This stuff has been sittin' here for two days, and not one of them sold, so if you want any, I'll make you a good deal on 'em, honey." Pointing toward a stack of boxes in the corner, she proclaims, "Anything you can fit in a box, you can have for twenty-five dollars."

"Thank you, ma'am, that would be an awesome deal, but I can't do it, unfortunately," I inform her. "I'm gonna be in a hotel for a couple of days after we leave here, and then we're flying to LA, so I'm just going to have to stick with whatever I can fit in my suitcase."

"Not necessarily, Dawn," Mrs. Purdy interjects. "Tell me, am I correct in thinking that Ash told me that you have a birthday coming soon, too?"

"It's in March, yeah, so it's kind of soon, but not imminent, I guess you'd say."

"Well, I'll tell you what, then," she continues. "Since I most likely won't see you again before then, you go ahead and get two boxes of these things, and I'll pay for one of them as your gift. You can leave me your address in California before you go, and I'll mail them to you there, which will solve your problem."

I try to tell her that it isn't necessary, but she won't have any of it, so we wind up shoving two boxes of some absolutely lovely pieces into the trunk when we leave, along with a stack of cookbooks. Lily keeps the box with the vases in the backseat, along with something else she bought that she won't show us, watching to make sure they don't jostle and get broken.

We finally get to town and finish the party errands, then go back to the house and have lunch before we start getting everything set up. One of his aunts made the cake, and will be bringing that with her, so Emily and her folks arrive, she goes to help Lily and Mrs. Purdy with the other food, while Amber and I supervise Mr. Purdy and Kyle putting up the decorations.

Once this is done, Lily and I go change clothes, and get back downstairs just as guests start to arrive. Ash introduces me to several of his old school friends, but winds up claiming to regret the decision when they wind up passing on some high-school stories that he would apparently prefer to leave under the rug. "Don't worry, babe, I still love you," I giggle. "I can't exactly be mad at you for girls you fooled around with when I didn't even know you, can I?"

"God, I hope not!" he groans.

Eventually, we all gather around so he can blow out his candles, and everyone has a slice of cake before he starts opening his gifts. Several of the ones from his classmates, and even a couple of his cousins, are gag gifts, referencing inside jokes between them, but he also gets the standard assortment of clothes, books, cologne, and gift cards. Then Lily comes up beside his chair and hands him a rather oddly-shaped package, saying, "Happy Birthday, Ash! I hope you like it."

I know she didn't pack a gift in her bag, so I sort of raise an eyebrow at her, and she says, "I got it this afternoon, at the sale. I didn't get the chance to buy anything before we left home, and it kind of looked like something he'd like, so I passed up a few cookbooks and got this instead."

I turn to Ash with a grin, and tell him, "Well, it's official now! If she's willing to give up a cookbook for you, you've definitely been accepted."

He turns and gives her a peck on the cheek, saying, "Now I feel very special. Thank you, little sister." He pulls off the paper, and looks rather surprised when he reveals a ceramic figurine of a horse that looks almost exactly like Arrow.

"I thought that if you had this, you could keep it at home, and have something to remind you of him," she explains.

"Oh, it's even better than that, kiddo," he replies, looking like he's almost ready to cry as he turns the figure to one side, pointing to something near the bottom. We lean in to look closer, and realized that his initials are stamped into the piece. "I made this in art class my junior year, and it got stolen out of the art room along with a bunch of others. This was Jude, he was Arrow's dad, and my first horse. He died two years ago, and we only had a couple of pictures of him, so I'm definitely happy to get this back."

He pulls her into a big hug, then lets her go, and reaches out to open my gift, which I've kept until last. He looks at the box, which is nearly three feet long, and says, "Okay, this is a big one. As I gonna be able to get this on the bus with me?"

"Why don't you open it and find out?" I reply. "I think Lily may have made it a bit anti-climactic, but I hope you like it."

He undoes the ribbon, pulls the lid off the box, and pulls out the coat that I've custom-made for him. The fabric is a wool-silk blend, jet black with just a hint of shimmer, and the coat is similar to an Australian cattleman's coat, long and sort of flowing at the bottom, but slightly more tailored at the top, so it sort of accentuates his slim but muscular frame. "Wow!" he says. "This is great, darlin'! I almost want to put it in the new collection."

"Not a chance," I retort. "I made that with you specifically in mind, so it's one of a kind, and it's gonna stay that way."

He gets up to try it on, and as he walks over to see his reflection in the window, his phone rings on the table. "Who is that?" he inquires.

Lily glances down, and says, "Somebody named Dina."

"That's our lawyer, she's probably just calling for my birthday. Somebody put her on speaker, willya?"

Kyle accepts the call, and we hear a woman's voice say "Hey Ash, Happy Birthday! Has it been good so far?"

"Probably the best one yet," he announces. "How's everything back home?"

"Not quite as good, unfortunately," she replies, sounding rather serious, which brings him back to the table. "I hate to do this on your birthday, but I've already talked to the rest of the guys, and I didn't want to put it off until you got back on the road and have one of them just blurt it out."

"Blurt what out?" he demands. "What's going on, Dina?"

"I've already talked to Blasko, too, and he's making the necessary adjustments as we speak," she answers. "You guys will be staying on schedule through the tenth of next month, but some of the shows after that are being rescheduled. I received summons for all of you in my office this morning, Ashley. Victor Berridge's trial is set to start on February twelfth, so you'll have to go back there until it's finished."

Then, before he can offer any sort of response, my phone rings, and when I look at the screen, I see that it's my aunt. Before I even answer it, I know why she's calling: we have to go, too, and have to look at the person who killed our mom, and who cost me one of the men I loved, and tried to take the other. The one person in the world that none of us ever want to see again.

I accept the call, and since everyone in the room can hear her voice coming from my phone, they know that Lily and I are in the same boat as the guys, and through the buzz of conversation I hear Emily observe, "I guess we should help Nanny start cleaning up, Mom. It sounds like the party's over."

Notes