Love Me Till It Hurts

It's seven in the morning when I open my eyes to look at my cell phone. The sun blinds me. Neither I nor the girls thought of closing the curtain before going to bed. I read a message from my mother "So how audition went? I was surprised not to hear from you last night. " I didn't think to warn her that it was a day off. I'm answering her and her next text is not too long to come. "Okay, let me know tonight. Say hello to the girls and to Matt, my love." Well, at least she seems to care a little about what interests me. I feel under the weather. Is it the imminence of the audition or our meeting last night that created this knot in my stomach? Or it's just the hints of the many pints that I swallowed. Peaces of my dreams this night come back to me. I'm almost ashamed. Barely two months I'm single, and I already have hormones boiling. My two roommates are still sleeping closed.

I'm texting Ellie to see if she's awake. She answers me in the minute "Yes, we meet up in the hall? I need to smoke." I put on my jacket, my pants and my boots and find her at the reception of the hotel. I don't really approve of her smoking normally, but I know she needs it at times.

- Slept well ?
- Like a log ...
- Not too fantasized about your meeting with Andy?

Ok ... She reads in thoughts or what?

- Absolutely not ! I don't see what you're insinuating!

She knows me too well to know that I am lying to avoid her indiscreet questions.

- Okay, keep your secrets for you!

The morning freshness makes me feel so good. I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head of the stress that has been eating away at me since I woke up.

- You seem a thousand times more anxious than yesterday. Ellie pointed out between two puffs.
- Yeah that's crazy ... What's going to happen once there ...
- Well once there, we will literally liquefy ourself.

I look at her with big round eyes.

- We can count on you to boost the morale of the troops!
- You forget that I'm supposed to be the stressed one and you reassure one!
- Yeah well, you'll come back next time for comfort, I feel so nauseous just as the thought to go on stage ...
- We will at least have to look good to not make regret April and Carole to have invested so much in the band ...
- Yes, you're right !

We smile again and return to the hotel once Ellie has finished her cigarette.

- You see, you're not that bad in the role of one who reassures!

I decide to go get ready before Avril and Carole wake up. I scrutinize myself in the mirror.

- Come on Amy, this is just an audition after all.

I certainly think that talking to myself will help me feel better. I take a deep breath. I don't remember being in that nervous for important things in life before.

I go in the shower hoping that the heat of the water will relax me. I feel much more "Zen" after that quick shower. I put on the clothes I bought yesterday and make up my makeup as I am used to. A little powder, a hint of pink blush, a line of black eyeliner and mascara. I open the door of the bathroom to see if the girls have wake up in the meantime to avoid a brutal awakening with the sound of my hair dryer. They don't sleep anymore.

- Hi hotty! Carole said to me yawning to get off the jaw. My God, I have one of his breath!
- I'm almost done, I'll leave you the place in five minutes

I decide to do nothing special to my hair.

Around nine-thirty, we leave the hotel with our guitars on the back. A small crowd is already gathering at the gates of "La Boule Noire" when we arrive. A huge tour-bus is parked in the parking lot. After a little wait, we find the same security guy as yesterday at the entrance. He finds our names in the list of registrants and gives us permission to enter. Matt manages to accompany us pretending to be our guitar technician. And it works.

The room is extremely dark and there is already a dampness that makes the atmosphere even heavier. Only the lights of the scene allow us to find us. A table was set up right in front, with five chairs.

- It only miss the buzzers, says Matt laughing.

It's true that it seen like that, it gives a little impression of a reality TV audition, cameras less. The Black Veil Brides aren't here yet. As I can see, there are a hundred or so people in the room. Only musicians because they don't bring in other people, much to the dismay of the many fans who came to see their idols. We lean against a wall and put our instruments at our feet. After a few minutes, a girl comes on stage. She has a paper in her hands and announces to the microphone the order of passage of band for the day while ensuring the presence of the latter in front of her.

- From 1pm to 1:15pm : Lost Woman Blues.

We raise our hands in unison and a ball twists my stomach at the announcement of the name of our band. Once all the groups announced, after a good fifteen minutes, she specifies us that a room is made available to grant our instruments but in no case to repeat not to disturb the band that will go on stage. Refreshments and food are also available in this room. We will be judged on two titles: a composition and a cover version compulsory. We have three hours left to wait.

While April, Carole and Matt rush to the buffet, Ellie and I sit down like most people here on the floor, and scrutinize our competitors. What is obvious is that there are very few girls. Two or three entirely female groups, ours included. And naturally, it's on them that we carry our first judgments. We make so "mundane" next to the clothes they wear: little tops that don't hide their breasts and provocative mini-skirts. But the worst is that we know that this is likely to please the Black Veil Brides. Or at least, it's the image they send back, to appreciate this kind of girls.

A soundtrack is suddenly heard, picking up those in the room next door. We get up to see the scene. The Black Veil Brides make their entrance under applause. Ashley greets us with one hand, sunglasses on the nose. Worse than a diva that one. CC raises his arms to applaud us, Jinxx has his hands in his pockets and smiles, and Jake also displays a broad smile, seeming embarrassed by our ovation. He always seemed to me to be the friendliest of the five. And last, Andy appears. He wears a black t-shirt, skinny black jeans ripped on the left knee and a pair of black boots. He also wears sunglasses, obscuring his blue eyes that I stamped with impatience to see again. Ellie looks at me with a smile. I give her a nudge. They quickly join their place behind the table. I put myself on tiptoe to watch them settle down. Andy turns to the crowd and I reflex to stoop, as if I didn't want him to see me. My reaction surprises me. Jake, who is next to him, said something in his ear and gets a slight grin. Why do I imagine that it's me he's looking for? My poor girl, you off you head!

The first group quickly takes place on the stage. They're three and seem to be in a punk / rock style. And indeed, at the first note, I recognize "American idiot" from Green Day. Not sure it's a hit with the Black Veil Brides, but they still seem to appreciate. Or at least they give the impression. Their second title is unfortunately again a cover version of the same band while the conditions of the audition specified that it needed a personal composition.

- And boom ! Discalified! Exclaimed Carole, raising her arms in the air.

Her reaction makes me doubt about the presence of alcoholic drinks at the buffet, but Avril tells me that she hasn't drink anything. This girl is just totally crazy. But one thing is certain, we can't get bored with her.

A hand comes to touch my shoulder. I turn around and discover Chloë, Jake's girlfriend. I am surprised.

- Hey! Hello !
- What time do you come on stage?

I still can't figure out if she's just nice to me or if she's bothering me.

- At 1pm.
- There seem to be some girls in competition, will have to stand out!

Is it an advice or another warning? She seems to be fixing on girls who can gravitate around Black Veil Brides. But she ended up smiling, removing my doubts about her sincerity. I didn't pay attention to that yesterday, but she has a tattoo on her back. The "BVB" logo with bat wings, letting me imagine that she always been a fan of the band.

- We'll do our best.
- "Merde", as you said in this country!

Then she goes back to the backstage.

- You made a new friend! April pointed out.
- I don't really know what to think of her ...

Ashley speaks to thank the group once their second title is completed. Time passes very quickly and bands are linked together. So that at half-past twelve, the girl we saw on our arrival comes to announce that there is a small break of thirty minutes. They will probably eat a piece before starting again. I hesitate to swallow something, but my stomach cries famine for not having breakfast this morning. So I go with the girls in the break room and grab a ham/butter sandwich. At the moment when I'm about to chew in, shrugs of voice and some hysteria's cries make me turn around. A guy of at least two meters tall stands behind me. He shifts and that's when I see Andy. My meal escapes my hands.

Notes