Different

I awoke to a surprising lack of warmth behind me. I leaned my head back in an attempt to see where Andy had gone. The room was quiet, which made it easy to hear the conversation that was happening out in the hall.
“Andy, I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t spend the nights in the guest room.” A soft, but assured voice said sternly.
“Mom, can we please not do this right now.” I heard Andy sigh. His voice was slightly louder, and it sounded as if he were right outside the door.
“Honey, we just want to know that you are safe,” the other voice trailed off.
“What do you mean?” Andy asked with a pang of anger in his voice. I knew that he understood the comment completely, but I also decoded the comment.
“We just want to make sure that you don’t get hurt by this in the end,” the voice stated matter-of-factly.
I sat there pondering if his mother could truly be so cynical. In my state of wonder, I heard the door knob begin to squeak and quickly laid back down to where I originally found myself that morning. Andy opened the door quietly and snuck his way back into the covers. I shifted to show him that I was awake. “Oh sorry, did I wake you?” He asked courteously.
I softly said, “no,” as I lifted the sheets and hopped out of the bed. I wasn’t mad at Andy, but I was mad at myself for thinking that his parents wouldn’t be skeptical. “I won’t hurt you. Not like that.” I blurted out before thinking. I automatically regretted it.
“I know.” He said, not at all surprised that I had heard their conversation.
After that, he simply got back up and hugged me from behind. His arms reached around my waist and he leaned his head into the crook of my neck. I could feel his warmth through the old t-shirt he had given me when we were in Oregon during the summer. His lips began to kiss at my neck in between the lines of a song that he had recently written.
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After the small episode in the morning, Andy decided to spend the day lounging with me, watching some of his favorite movies. As I was browsing the shelves to find something a little less batman related, I came across a bunch of VHS tapes labeled “Andy” in scraggly hand writing.
“Andy, what are these?” I asked genuinely curious. I gently grabbed the bundle and showed him.
“Oh, those are nothing!” He responded suspiciously quickly. As he did, he eyed the bunch in my hands with visible nerves.
“Are these what I think they are? Are they home videos?” I asked with a giggle in my voice. He blushed shyly, embarrassed at the thought of me watching some moments from his childhood.
“I guess that’s what they are…” He trailed off as I stood up and made my way to the TV, that thankfully, still had a VHS player connected to it.
“Please?” I pleaded with him. I gave him a look with large eyes and a pouting lip. After a while of him not responding I just gave up and began to kiss him. I pulled away after about a minute. “C’mon, Andy… I promise I won’t laugh!”
He chuckled softly and finally caved. I quickly jumped up and put the first tape in. He groaned as I did so and then covered his face with his hands. I giggled and pried his hands away. I pecked him affectionately before switching my attention to the tape that was filling the TV with life.
On the screen a small Andy, probably two or three years old was dancing in the yard. The yard was lush with green grass and in the corner there was a small flower patch. The dancing boy stumbled and fell to the ground. He began crying. The camera shifted awkwardly and then there was a cut.
The screen then suddenly changed into Andy’s three year old birthday party. He was laughing and clapping as others sang Happy Birthday to him.
“Aw, you were so cute!” I exclaimed as Andy tried to hide himself in the couch. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up to me. “You never told me that you were so adorable as a kid.”
“I guess it never came up in conversation.” He retorted smugly. I punched his arm jokingly in return.
I soon pulled my focus back to the TV. It was really great watching Andy grow up before my eyes, but it also reminded me of my childhood. Once my dad died, things just changed. There was no real way of describing it. My brother left when my dad died and then my mom just hardened. I spaced out for a few moments before I was pulled back into reality by Andy’s voice.
“Hey, Liza, are you okay?” He asked sincerely.
I quickly readjusted myself and realized that tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. “Oh,” I paused, “yeah, I’m fine.” I answered hurriedly.
Andy wipes the few tears that had fallen from my cheeks, and pulled me into a hug. I collapsed when he held me and finally gave up. I only cried for a few minutes, but it felt better to let it out. I hadn’t felt the same way since his last night in Oregon when I broke down while he held me.
“We’ll figure it out,” Andy said to me. I knew that he was talking about his parents, and my age, and the distance, and everything. Our whole relationship was a giant puzzle that shouldn’t have existed.
Why couldn’t things have just been easy from the start?

Notes

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