Sorrowed Souls
Destination: Desolation
"There's delusion in our heads, that's gonna bring us to our knees."
Let It Go - The Plot In You
Your brain was... distant, walking back from the stage to the parking lot.
You three crunched gravel and then stood in silence as Andy's car was unlocked. Doors opened, bodies placed themselves onto seats, straps secured each person as the car roared to life.
You weren't sure where you were going, not physically, anyway.
Step by step, your brain began taking a walk, never minding the soft chatter that slipped inside your ears. Conversation you would never hear, even if you were there mentally.
Inside, your brain was drafting. Blueprints, landmarks, filling dial tones with numbers.
You wouldn't leave a note. It would be hard, drafting such difficult goodbyes.
You needed to, so you did.
"Right, babe?" Andy leaned way over, pushing you a little. Enough for you to smile at the lightheartedness.
He would miss you.
That's what made this so damn difficult.
The drive home was a happy one. Andy didn't mind taking you, but he didn't know you would be staying with your parents alone. He told you he was happy to take you back, no matter the reason.
It hurt, hearing that, but you just smiled through and gave a nod.
You showed him your favorite songs, during that car ride. You showed him comedy skits and jokes and random tumblr artists. You showed him the essence of who you were--the fan he never got close enough to see.
It was a memory for the ages; of that, you were sure.
Your parents were relieved to see you again, wrapping you up in a three person hug. Andy stayed on the sidelines, gentle smile still there even as you pulled away and glanced to him.
You would miss that smile.
You started slow, sneaking upstairs with the promise of a bath trailing behind you.
Your parents wouldn't notice, wouldn't suspect, wouldn't care in the first place.
Andy... you would be hurting him the most.
The last stair creaked as you transferred your weight.
The last step you'd climb.
This mountain... it was crumbling.
You thought of Andy. You thought of his stare and those eyes and that smile. You thought of him, and everything that made up your existence.
Pain overtook your soul. You couldn't... and yet you had to.
You tipped the pills out onto the rim of the bathtub, counting them all out one by one, index finger sliding each blue pill away from one pile and to another.
Thirty-two. It should be enough, hopefully.
You took them by handfuls, drawing back water and filling your throat with heavy gulps. You repeated this over and over, until... finally...
It was done, and you felt a little lightheaded.
You weren't sure if it would hurt or not. You figured it wouldn't. It would just be like falling asleep.
You put a hand on the bath's knob, and then thought better of it.
Climbing in, you laid back with your clothes on, and felt the medication take you away. Your world slipped away from you, seeping back like the tides of an ocean.
Let It Go - The Plot In You
Your brain was... distant, walking back from the stage to the parking lot.
You three crunched gravel and then stood in silence as Andy's car was unlocked. Doors opened, bodies placed themselves onto seats, straps secured each person as the car roared to life.
You weren't sure where you were going, not physically, anyway.
Step by step, your brain began taking a walk, never minding the soft chatter that slipped inside your ears. Conversation you would never hear, even if you were there mentally.
Inside, your brain was drafting. Blueprints, landmarks, filling dial tones with numbers.
You wouldn't leave a note. It would be hard, drafting such difficult goodbyes.
You needed to, so you did.
"Right, babe?" Andy leaned way over, pushing you a little. Enough for you to smile at the lightheartedness.
He would miss you.
That's what made this so damn difficult.
The drive home was a happy one. Andy didn't mind taking you, but he didn't know you would be staying with your parents alone. He told you he was happy to take you back, no matter the reason.
It hurt, hearing that, but you just smiled through and gave a nod.
You showed him your favorite songs, during that car ride. You showed him comedy skits and jokes and random tumblr artists. You showed him the essence of who you were--the fan he never got close enough to see.
It was a memory for the ages; of that, you were sure.
Your parents were relieved to see you again, wrapping you up in a three person hug. Andy stayed on the sidelines, gentle smile still there even as you pulled away and glanced to him.
You would miss that smile.
You started slow, sneaking upstairs with the promise of a bath trailing behind you.
Your parents wouldn't notice, wouldn't suspect, wouldn't care in the first place.
Andy... you would be hurting him the most.
The last stair creaked as you transferred your weight.
The last step you'd climb.
This mountain... it was crumbling.
You thought of Andy. You thought of his stare and those eyes and that smile. You thought of him, and everything that made up your existence.
Pain overtook your soul. You couldn't... and yet you had to.
You tipped the pills out onto the rim of the bathtub, counting them all out one by one, index finger sliding each blue pill away from one pile and to another.
Thirty-two. It should be enough, hopefully.
You took them by handfuls, drawing back water and filling your throat with heavy gulps. You repeated this over and over, until... finally...
It was done, and you felt a little lightheaded.
You weren't sure if it would hurt or not. You figured it wouldn't. It would just be like falling asleep.
You put a hand on the bath's knob, and then thought better of it.
Climbing in, you laid back with your clothes on, and felt the medication take you away. Your world slipped away from you, seeping back like the tides of an ocean.
awwww, it's finished? D: Oh weeellll, book two, here I come! :D
3/23/19