Consume Me
CHAPTER 6
I run to the front of the bus and see those two cops, waiting for me. They don’t have any sympathic look on their faces, they are just doing their jobs.
“Ma’am we will ask you to sit down please, The first cop begin to say.
- Is she dead? I ask
- Your mother has done an overdose.
- And this time it was too much right? Or you just would not be there.
- Listen, we don’t want you to hurt yourself so now if you will sit down it would be better for everyone.” This time it’s the second cop that starts talking, a tall lady, she is very intimidating. I decide to sit because even if I know what they are about to say, I would not be able to stand on my legs.
“We found your mother laying on the bathroom floor in your house, with alcohol and drugs in her blood. Nobody knew, she stayed there for two days before the neighbors called; She continues.
- Well maybe you could have been more subtle Rachel.” says the man standing beside her, but I can’t hear them anymore. My mother died. If only I stayed home she would still be alive today.
“Where is she now? My voice is shaking.
- You are the only family we could find in her relatives, so we have to let you decide; The man says.
- Burn her.” That’s the last thing I decide to say. Burn her. Don’t bury her into the ground, because that’s what she wanted, I want her to burn. After everything that has happened, I still love my mother, but I can’t stand the fact that her body would still be somewhere, I’d rather have her ashes.
Two hour later, I’m still sitting on the floor in front of the bus. My muscles won’t move, my bones are like stones, they weigh a thousand pounds. I feel like I need to go back to my house, maybe she is still there, maybe they went to the wrong house, maybe she is clean on drugs and alcohol, maybe…
“Lena, you need to go inside, it’s cold out, come on come with me” Andy interrupts my thoughts. I look at him and feel my eyes tearing up. I burst in tears, it’s hitting me like a truck. He helps me get up and we go inside of the bus, I sit on one of the two couches that are the first things you see when you enter the bus.
I can’t think straight, I am alone with Andy, he understands me. I know he does.
“I am sorry Lena, I know that she was the only family member you ever had, I know you two had a hard life and I know you feel guilty, but it’s not your fault. Your presence at home just delayed her death.
- I could’ve stop her.
- No Lena, she has been like this for 14 years.
- I need to go back home, take me back home please.
- We are not going back Lena, let go of her, she was toxic, you know it, forget this house!
- What am I going to do Andy?
- Stay with me, Jake, Jinxx, CC and Ashley, continue the tour and it’ll be fine, you don’t need her, she was beating you. I will not leave you alone.”
I got up the couch and went back to my little place at the back of the bus. We’ll call it my ‘little heaven’, I needed to be alone.
I took my phone and sent a message to my mom : “Mom ? Are you okay ?”. And then another one : “I am sorry for everything you’ve been through in your life, I never told you but I still love you after everything that happened.” “Forgive me mom for everything that I ever was, please I am so sorry.” “Mom, I hate you so much.”
I start to cry again. Hoping for an answer to my messages. The last thing I ever sent her was : “I’m leaving with Andy, sorry mom, but it has to be like that now.” Maybe I should’ve added ‘I love you’. Or maybe not. I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.
Last thing I remember I am falling asleep, holding my phone in one hand, my teddy bear in my other hand.
When I wake up it’s already 3pm, the bus is in motion and has been for quite some time I guess. No one came to bother me, and I am thankful for that. I get out of my ‘little paradise’ to find all the boys looking at me, giving me that very pathetic look “We are so sorry, we are here for you”. I feel like a homeless little dog needing help. I absolutely hate this feeling. I decide to just smile back at them, the kind of smile that is thankful and discreet, I really do love them, maybe more than what was my family.
Maybe because they are my only family now.Notes
I decied to upload this chapter and the chapter 7 today too, the more the better.
@BorderlineBarbie
Thank you so much!
10/27/17