Consume Me

My fear of being alone is pretty strong, which is kinda strange since I've grown up alone. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, kids usually thought I was weird and you know, we were broke so I was not well dressed or anything. Yeah, I was what they call the "looser". But anyway, let's say that the past is in the past.

The show was great as always, they always put up a great show and put a lot of energy into it. One of my favorite song is savior, it's soft, but you have this hope and rage in it that I love, Andy once said that this song was dedicated to me, but I can't accept that, I don't wanna be special when it comes to their music, this song has to be dedicated to all the REAL fans, not just me. And let's be honest, I am not that much of a fan, I mean I love their music and all, but I think I know them too well to be a big ass fan.
I love when the show end and all the boys are coming backstage and they all have this big smile on their faces, they all look amazing. The one that makes my heart melt the most is probably Ashley's. By the way, I red a lot of fanfictions about Ashley and his beautiful smile, I think a lot of girls would like to be me, which is really sad, my life is not great at all, but it's still funny though, I like reading them sometimes. The fans knows me, the boys happens to talk about me, how I can be an inspiration for them, they even say sometimes, that I am like their little sister, except for Andy, he can't say that, I am a little bit older. I like to say he is my little brother, he hates it when I say that.
This night, the boys were particularly happy, they kept laughing and smiling so much, it made me happy too, but it was unusual today, I have never seen them this happy. That is when Andy looked at me, straight into my eyes.
"What?" I say, surprised.
"Nothing.
-Don't lie.
-Well ok, actually we are very excited because we are going on tour.
-But, you've been on tour before..
-Yes but it's gonna be in a tour bus!
-Wow, amazing. You've done that before too.
-But, we are going with you, if you will come.
-W-what?! Are you guys serious?
-Yes we are! Says Ashley, he is even more excited.
-That is really sweet of you.. But I have my mom, I can't leave her.. ; Yes, I am worried.
-Don't worry about your mom, she'll be fine, she is 32 now, she is all grown up; Andy is trying to reassure me.
-But I can't leave her, she needs me here.
-Can I see your back; He is getting upset.
-Andy, it's.. Different.
-It's no different, you are coming with us, I am tired of seeing you with bruises.
-Okay...; They are all loking at me waiting for my last word. I am coming.
They are all so so happy, and they are all strangling me in a big hug. i am happy too, maybe this will help me and my mom, getting away from each other for quite a while, and I am 18, I need some freedom, I guess.

So here I am, on this bus. I am anxious, travelling around the United States with five boys is scary, but freedom, here I come! Saying goodbye to my mom wasn't easy, she was really mad, but she couldn't say anything because I am 18, but I have to admit it, I almost stayed with her, for one second, I wasn't going on this bus. And then I remembered what Andy said, so I left the house, and I even slammed the door. I hope that my mom understands that now it's time for her to grow up too.
"You are looking really stressed out." Ashley is interrupting my thoughts.
"Oh no, I am great, I feel amazing; It is obviously sarcastic.
-I know when you lie, don't try me.
-Well. okay. I look in his eyes straight, or maybe he is catching mine. We both start to laugh, for no reason, but it felt like this laugh had to be there.

I think I like his laugh too, and maybe his eyes as well.

Notes

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