The Cost Of Winning

ASHLEY'S POV :

Thump ! Thump !

I open my eyes , attempting to figure out where the noise is coming from , and then I hear Bren's voice from the hall , sounding quivery and scared , saying , "Daddy , is you's here ?"

Fianna is awake now , too , and I scramble out of bed and grab my jeans , quickly pulling them on . I say , " I'm here , cutie , give me a sec to get up ." , as I yank open a drawer and toss Fi one of my football jerseys to put on . I walk to the door and unlock it , then open it to see Bren standing there in tears .

As soon as the door opens she says , "Why yous not woked me , Daddy ? Why yous wets they takes Mommy 'way some more ?"

Fi's eyes go wide as we both realize what's happened , and I reach down and pick Bren up , trying to calm her down . "It's okay , sweetie , Mommy didn't go anywhere ."

"Yes hers did , I goed to she's room , and her no is there ."

"That's because she's here ." , I tell her as I carry her into the room . "See , there she is ."

Fianna holds out her arms as I bring Bren over to the bed . I set her down and she buries her head in Fi's neck . "Yous were not in yous room , Mommy . Me thinks yous goed away some more ."

"I'm sorry , Smidge , I didn't mean to scare you . I just came in here with Daddy ."

"Do you has bad dweems and needs to has snuggles?"

Fi smiles at her , and says , "No bad dreams , I just wanted to snuggle with Daddy ."

"Wike hims want to gives you tisses all of time ?" , she asks .

I sit down next to them , and say , "Yes , cutie , grown - ups like to kiss and snuggle when they love each other . You've seen Uncle Ryan and Aunt 'Kaela hug and kiss each other , haven't you ?"

She nods , and replies , "Uh - huh , and sometimes Mr . Bobby give hugs to Miss Kim , too ."

"Well , since Mommy's tummy is better now , and it won't hurt her to have snuggles , she's going to sleep in here with me . So if you need one of us , we'll both be right here , okay ?"

"Otay , Daddy . Can's us go to the tichen now ? Me is drinky ."

"Let's go wash your face first , then we'll go have some juice and some cereal ." , I say , as I sweep her up and head for the bathroom , giving Fi the chance to zip out to the guest room and finish getting dressed . By the time Bren and I come out of the bedroom , she's stepping out into the hall , with a pair of shorts peeking out from under my Chiefs jersey .

"Okay , is everybody ready to have breakfast ?" , she asks , and Bren nods her head eagerly .

"Yes , beffast ! But me no wants ceweal , me wants the cwunchy bwead , wif some jewwy and budders ." , she informs us . "Ands some juice ."

Fianna reaches out and tickles her tummy , saying , "I think we might just about be able to manage that , Smidge ."

We go to the kitchen and make breakfast , and as she's pouring juice for the two of them , I slap a coffee pod into the Keurig . As I wait for it to finish , my phone rings . I see that it's Blasko , and pick up the call . "Hey , man , how's it going ?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing ." , he says . "How are Fianna and the munchkin doing ? Are you gonna be able to make the show ?"

"I almost forgot about that , dude , thanks for reminding me . That's what , a week from now ?"

"Nine days , actually . So are you gonna be here ?"

A thought immediately pops into my head , and I tell him , "Hang on just a sec ." , and move the phone away from my face . "Hey , babe , how would you feel about taking a little trip ?"

"Where to ?"

"Back to LA . Blasko just reminded me that we're scheduled to play at an award show later this week , and I'd kind of like you two to come with ."

She grins , and looks at Brenna ."Well , would you like to go with Daddy , Smidge ? We can go see where we used to live , and see the ocean , and you can hear Daddy play ."

"Me cans go to a conthert , and see far away ? Me want to go , Mommy ! Pwease cans us ?"

She give me a thumbs - up , and I bring the phone back up . "I'm in , man . We'll be there in a few days ."

"Glad to hear it . I'll let the guys know , and get back to you on details for rehearsal times and all that happy horseshit . Catch ya later !"

I end the call , and sit down to breakfast with my girls . "Fi , if you're cool with it , I don't just want you to go to LA with me , I'd like for the two of you to actually go to the awards with me , not just slip in backstage . I don't intend to miss out on doing things with you , or taking Bren out , so someone is going to find out about her eventually , and I'd like to have some say on how and when it happens ."

"If you're sure that's what you want , I'm fine with it ." , she responds . "And maybe we could go a couple of days early , and l can show you and Smidge where I grew up . And then ..."

"Then what , babe ?"

"Then I can go visit my dad , and my grandma . I haven't been able to go for such a long time , and I want to make sure that everything is being taken care of ."

I reach across the table and take hold of her hand , bringing it up and kissing her fingers . "We will absolutely go there , sweetheart , and we'll take along the biggest bunch of flowers we can get . And I'd definitely like to see where you grew up , since I never got to do that before . And maybe we can stay for a couple more days after the show , and take Miss Brenna here to Disneyland ."

And almost the instant the words leave my mouth , I have to slide backwards in my chair to avoid the stream of apple juice that comes rushing across the table at me when Bren swings her arms out wide and sends her glass flying off of the high - chair tray and onto the table , shrieking , "Yay , Me cans go sees "Pundle and Cindewewwa ! Ands Minnie Mouse , ands Doofy ! Ands all ofs the pwincessies !"

"Maybe you should have held onto that one 'til after breakfast ." , Fi says , as she grabs a dishtowel and starts to mop up the table .

And as Bren continues to list all of the characters she wants to meet , I go to the pantry for the mop , and reply , "I think you may be right ."

******************************************************

We drive through LA , with Bren in the backseat of the rental car , and Fi finally says , "Pull over here , Ash . The house is right over there ."

I pull over to the curb and turn off the car , then open my door and step out . I get Bren out of her seat and settle her on my hip , then take Fi's hand and let her lead me across the street . We stop in front of a light green ranch - style house , and she points to it , saying , "See that window at the corner there ? That was my room , and Dad's was in the back . They've painted it , though . It used to be gray , with red trim around the windows ."

"Can I help you folks with something ?" , a voice says from my left . We both look , and see an elderly man with a cane standing just a couple of feet away .

"No , sir , my girlfriend was just showing us where she used to live . But thank you for asking ."

He looks us over again , then moves closer , and says , "Well , I'll be ! Fianna Chandler , as I live and breathe !"

She looks at him , and a smile spreads across her face . "Mr . Cartwright ! I wasn't sure if you'd still be here ."

"Yep , still here . And you're not a child anymore , just call me Hank . And who is this with you ?"

"Mr . Car ... Hank , this is my boyfriend , Ashley , and our little girl , Brenna . Sweetie , this is Mr . Hank . He was my neighbor when I was a little girl ."

"Hi , Mr . Hank ! Was Mommy weally used to be a wittle girl ?"

"Yes , she really was , and I think I might have a picture or two around somewhere , so why don't you come in for some lemonade , and I'll try to find them . Lillian would have my head if I let you run off without bringing you to see her ."

We follow him next door , and his wife hugs Fi several times , and makes quite a fuss over Bren , before ushering us to the back deck and telling us to have a seat , while she goes to get the drinks . Hank also goes inside for a few minutes , and they come out together . She's pushing a small cart , which holds a pitcher of lemonade , glasses , a plate of cookies , and some sliced fruit , while he's carrying what look like a couple of photo albums .

"I wasn't sure if the little one was allowed to have sweets , so I brought some fruit , too ." , Lillian says , as she pours the drinks .

"Oh , Bren is practically a cookie connoseur ." , Fianna laughs , gesturing at me with her thumb . "It's this one who's the picky eater ."

"I'm not picky , I just prefer to eat a bit more healthy , that's all ." , I reply , as I put some grapes and a couple slices of melon onto a saucer .

"Can's me has yours cookie then , Daddy ?"

"Yes , cutie , you can have my cookie , if you want it ."

"Found them !" , Hank exclaims , and moves one of the albums closer to Bren . "That little girl with the kitty is your mama , and the fella in the red shirt is your grandpa ."

I lean over and see a picture of Fi , who looks about six or seven , holding a fluffy calico cat , and sitting on the deck with several other people , including a slim , dark - haired man in a red T - shirt . At first , I don't see a resemblance , but when I look closer , they have the same deep - blue eyes .

"Were that yours kitty , Mommy ? And why me don'ts never seed he ?"

"No , that was Miss Lillian's kitty , but she was my friend . Her name was Cleo . And your grandpa went byebye when I was still a little girl ."

"Wike Gampy , and Ivy's mommy ?"

She just nods , and I can see that she's trying not to cry , so I hand her a napkin and give her hand a squeeze . She squeezes back , and dabs her eyes , trying to regain her composure .

Lillian jumps in then , asking about what we do for a living , and I'm a bit surprised that they've actually heard of the band . Apparently several of their grandkids are fans , and they even admit to enjoying a few songs . Then , when Fi tells then that she's working to start her jewelry business , Lillian smiles , and says , "That's lovely , dear . We always worried that since Brendan never got the chance to have that talk with you , that you would wind up forcing yourself into something that you didn't really want to do ."

We both look at them in surprise , and Fianna's mouth opens and closes several times , but nothing comes out . Finally , she takes a deep breath , and manages to ask , "What talk ?"

Notes