The Cost Of Winning

FIANNA'S POV :

I wake up with the feeling that I'm being watched , so I open my eyes and find Brenna standing next to the bed , with her face only a couple of inches from mine . "You is woked now , Mommy ?" , she asks .

"Yes , sweetie , I'm awake . Did you need something ?"

"Daddy ams gonna makes beffast , and him want me to ast yous if yous wants he to come and gives yous some helps before him do it ?"

I sit up , and pull myself out of bed , and I'm relieved to find out that I can actually move reasonably well today . It's kind of odd to think that I feel better right now than I did the entire time I was out of the hospital after the first surgery . "No , Smidge , I think I'm good . Why don't you go tell Daddy that I'm going to go to the bathroom , and I'll be out for breakfast in a couple of minutes ."

"No , Mommy . Me waits for yous , and we cans walks togedders . Then you don'ts falls down some more ." , she says , crossing her arms over her chest and sticking out her chin .

I go to the bathroom , and then clean up and brush my teeth , before I come back out to see Bren with her elbows on the mattress , propping her chin on her little fists . "You is gone long time , Mommy . Why is grewed - up peoples in the bafwoom for wots of long time ? Daddy is in the bafwoom lots when we's goin' byebye , makin' hims hair all poky ."

I giggle as I reach out , and she grabs my hand . "If you think that takes a long time , you should see how long it takes for him and your uncles to paint themselves up for a concert ." , I tell her as we walk down the hall .

"What that is ?" , she asks .

"What is what ?" , Ash inquires from the living room , where he's standing , looking down the hall at us . "I was just about to come and see if everything was all right ."

"It's fine , Ash . I just wanted to brush my teeth and wash up a bit before breakfast ."

"Mommy say yous color on yous self for a conthert . What that is , Daddy ?" , Bren asks , in response to his question .

Picking her up , and carrying her into the kitchen , he explains , "Remember how I told you that your uncles and I play music for people ?" When she nods , he continues . "When a lot of people come , and listen while we play , that's called a concert . We'll be doing some more of them in awhile , and Mommy can bring you to some , so you can see us play ."

"But why yous color on yourselfs ?" , she quizzes him , as he puts her into her high chair .

"I guess we do it to be different , cutie . That way , everybody knows who we are , because we don't look the same as everybody else ."

After getting her settled , he pulls out a chair , and I sit down . After I'm seated , he leans down , kisses me on the cheek , and says , "Good morning , Fi . Did you sleep all right ?"

"Could've been better ." , I reply , giving him a little grin .

"Yeah , I know the feeling . We'll have to work on that later , when you're better ." , he smiles back .

He gets back to work on breakfast , and in fairly short order , we're all stuffing ourselves with scrambled eggs and waffles . He even remembered the strawberries , which Bren loves on her waffles , and when we're about halfway through , she looks up , with strawberry sauce smeared over half of her face , and asks , "Mommy , ams you fwends wif Daddy now ? Me wants yous to be fwends , me don'ts wike when evvybody sad ."

Before I can say anything , he answers , "Yes , cutie , we're friends again , I didn't forget what you said , and nobody is sad anymore . So you and Mommy will be staying here with me now , so we can all be together ."

We're both caught slightly off guard when she asks , "Ams yous gonna tiss her , wike Unca Wy do to Aunt 'Kaela ?"

Ash pretends to think about it for a minute , and says , "You know what ? That's not a bad idea , I think maybe I will ." He then turns around to face me , catches my chin between his thumb and index finger , leans over , and kisses me .

She starts giggling , and asks me , "Yous not minds that Daddy tisses yous , Mommy ? It ams not ucky ?"

"No , Smidge , I don't mind . And it's only yucky when you're not a grown - up , or if somebody kisses you that you don't like ."

"That's right , Bren ." , Ash says . "Little boys and girls shouldn't kiss anybody except their families , and not on the mouth then ."

"Ams that wike when Miss Kim tells us that if somebodies wants us to go to somepwace wif they , or them wants to touch our stuffs that ams in ours cwothes , and them say ' Shhh , no tell Mommy and Daddy' , us should not wistens , cause that am a bad seekit , and us should wuns away ?"

"That's exactly right , sweetie ." , I tell her . "If anybody says you shouldn't tell me or Daddy something , that's probably because they want you to do something naughty , and you shouldn't listen to them . And if they say that we'll be mad , they're telling you lies ."

"That ams what Mr . Bobby say , too . That ams a bad seekit , not a good seekit ."

Ash asks her curiously , "Did they tell you what a good secret is , Bren ?"

She nods enthusiastically , and says , "Uh - huh , Wogan finded out what hims daddy getted hims mommy fors she's birfday , and hims daddy telled he not to say it to she , and that ams a good seekit ."

"Well , at least they're teaching them something worthwhile there ." , he says . Just then , my phone rings , and when I check the caller ID , I see that it's Jeff .

I hit the button , and say , "Hey there , Jeff . What's up ?"

"Hi , Fianna , sounds like you're feeling a bit better . I told Ivy that I'd take her out for ice cream after lunch , and we just wondered if Brenna might like to come along ?"

I switch over to speaker , and say , "Mr . Jeff wants to know if you'd like to go get ice cream with him and Ivy this afternoon , Smidge . Would you like that ?"

She screws up her face , like she's thinking very seriously about it , then she says , "Me wants to pway wif Ivy , and has icekeem , but maybe me no should go . What ifs yous feel bad some more , Mommy ?"

"Sweetie , I feel fine . You can go see Ivy if you want to , it's okay ."

"But yous feeled okay befores , and then yous was seepin' on the fwoor ."

"Hang on just a sec , Jeff ." , Ash interrupts . He turns to me , and inquires , "Do you think you might feel up to going out for awhile today , Fi ?"

"As long as you don't want me to go out and do aerobics or something , I don't think it'll be a problem ." , I respond .

"How would you feel about all of us going together ?" , he asks Jeff . "We need to do a bit of shopping anyway , so we could all meet up for lunch , and then go for ice cream after that ."

"I'm cool with that . Actually , while I've got you on the phone , Ash , I have a question for you . There's something I've been thinking about doing , but I wanted to make sure you didn't have some sort of rule against it first ."

"Can't imagine what sort of rule you'd be thinking about , but ask away , man !" , Ash replies .

"Do you have any sort of policy about your employees dating ?"

Ash looks a bit startled , but says , "It's never actually come up before , but no , there's not a specific rule . Please tell me that Loree didn't get to you , dude !"

"No , I'm not that crazy ." , Jeff chuckles . "I was actually kinda thinking about seeing if Karla might like to get together sometime . We've been talking at work , and we have a lot in common , since we're both single parents . She's pretty cool , so I thought I'd give it a shot ."

"Well , when you put it that way , why don't I call her up and see if she'd be interested in joining us ? That way , you guys can meet each others kids , and you can sort of see how things go outside of the office before you make a definite decision ."

"Sure , why not ? Where do you want to meet , and what time ?"

They settle on a time and place , and Ash ends the call . "Who's Karla ?" , I ask him . "And who's Loree , and why would that be bad ?"

As he starts taking Bren out of her seat , he says , "Karla is my receptionist , her ex bailed out when their son was less than a year old , and I think he's either four or five now . And Loree is one of my models . She looks great in the clothes , but she's basically a ... What do you call those fish that attach themselves to sharks , to mooch a free meal off of them ?"

"A remora , you mean ?"

"Exactly ! If he'd said he wanted to take her out , I think I might've made a rule right then and there ."

He takes Bren to get cleaned up , while I go to get dressed . When I came out of the bedroom , he and Bren were already there , ready to go . "I need to do some laundry when we get back ." , I tell him . "I'm getting to the end of what I have that won't aggravate the incision ."

"Why do you think I said we need to go shopping ?" , he asks . "I figured that out when I was looking for clothes to bring when you got out of the hospital . You own exactly two pairs of sweatpants , and three dresses that are loose enough to work right now . You need more than that for the next two or three weeks , so we can go do that today ."

Bren runs back to the bedroom to grab Pickle and Wockles , and I say , "Ash , you really don't have to spend money on me . What I have will be just fine ."

He walks over and puts his arms around me , and kisses the top of my head . "I know I don't have to do it , love ." , he murmurs . "But I like to do things for you sometimes . I enjoy spoiling you once in awhile . You did it for me more times than I can count ; making my favorite meals , listening to me ramble about all sorts of stupid shit , backrubs when I came home stressed out from the studio . So maybe , just humor me sometimes ?"

"I'll try ." , I reply . "I just don't want to be one of those girls . You know , the ones who expect everybody to hand them everything on a platter , without doing anything to earn it ."

He laughs , and says , "Sweetheart , I've run across more than my share of those girls , and there's no way you could ever be one of them . The whole time we were together , you never asked me for one damn thing . Hell , you didn't take a single thing I'd bought for you when you left , so I know you weren't in it for that !" He pauses for a second , then continues . "Fianna , I promised you last night that I would never lie to you again , and I meant every word . So , do you think that you could do something for me ?"

"Of course ! You can ask me anything , and if I'm able to do it , I will . What do you want me to do ?"

He puts his forehead against mine , so he's looking into my eyes , and says , "What I want , more than anything , is for you to remember that it's okay to think about yourself sometimes . You've spent most of your life worrying more about everybody else's wants and needs , and putting yours on the back burner . You are one of the most unselfish people I've ever met , and I love that about you , but I want you to promise me that you won't ever again let anybody take you for granted . Especially me . There's a difference between being considerate of someone's feelings , and letting them treat you like a doormat . You deserve better than that , and I want you to remember that . Will you do that for me ?"

Bren runs back in , yelling , "Me is weady ! Us cans go sees Ivy now ?"

"Yes , as soon as I find my keys ." , Ash informs her .

As he starts to turn away , I clutch his arm . He looks at me , and I say , "I've been trying to make everybody else happy pretty much since I can remember , so I'm not sure I know how to not do it . I might need some help , but I promise to try . Will that work ?"

He leans down and kisses me , saying , "That's all I'm asking for . And if you need my help with anything , all you have to do is say so ."

Then , we both burst out laughing when Bren shouts , "Daddy , yous cans tiss Mommy laters ! Me wants icekeem ! There ams yours keys , on the tibble !"

"Your wish is my command , princess ." , Ash tells her , as we walk out the door . "Lets go shopping , and get our ice cream , so I can come home and kiss Mommy some more ."

I lean in , and whisper in his ear . "I think Mommy likes that idea , too ."

Notes