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The Cost Of Winning

Not That Crazy

FIANNA'S POV :

As I sit on the couch here at Miki's house , she looks at me , then Ryan , and says , "You're both completely insane ! You do realize that , don't you ? If you'd let me call Uncle Bill , you could have been rid of him for good !"

"Not so loud , Mik , you'll wake Bren up ." , I tell her . Ashley and CC left about thirty minutes ago , and Smidge fell asleep not long after that . It's too bad I can't join her , because my eyes feel like two little round razor blades right now , but if I sleep during the day , I'll be even more jacked - up tomorrow .

She just keeps looking at me like I'm an idiot , and I say , "It wouldn't be that easy , and you know it as well as I do ."

Ryan looks over at her and says , "Think for a minute , babe . If this went back to court , it would only be a matter of time before the media got ahold of it , and Brenna doesn't need to be in the middle of that crap at her age . Not to mention the shit the crazy fangirls would be throwing at Fi , either because she was with Ash and they can't be , or because they've decided that they should take his side no matter what ."

She glares at him for a second , then sighs and says ,"Shit , I hate when you're right about this stuff . But what the hell makes you think you can trust him ? And why even try ?"

"Because I remember what he was like when I first met him ." , I tell her . "And I just kinda have to hope , for Brenna's sake , that the guy I used to know is still in there somewhere .If he is , then she should have the chance to get to know him ."

"For Bren's sake , or yours ?" , she inquires , giving me a skeptical look .

"Get serious , Miki , I'm not that crazy ! Ash and I were over even BEFORE we were actually over . It took me a long time to realize that , but I finally did , and I'm not stupid enough to go back to believing anything else ."

"I'm glad to hear it , Fi . He doesn't need to have the chance to mind - fuck you anymore than he already has ."

"Well that isn't an issue anymore , and it seems pretty obvious that he's crazy about Bren . That's all that really counts right now . All he and I have to do is keep up a civil enough relationship to not affect Smidge ."

"Well , how could he not love Bren ?" , Ryan chimes in . "That kid pretty much has that effect on anybody she meets ."

"That's true , he'd have to be a freakin' android not to get wrapped around her finger ." , Miki admits . "And at least he seemed to have the decency to be ashamed of what he did to your arm ."

" Babe , the guy puked up basically everything but his shoes !" , Ryan says . "I think it's pretty safe to say he won't be making a habit of that . I think he may have scared himself as much as anyone else . Besides , he knows if it ever happens again , not only will Bren not want anything to do with him , but I'll fuck him up so bad that they'll have to pick him up with a Shop - Vac !"

We sit and talk for another hour or so , until Brenna wakes up from her nap , then I carry her out to Lurch and drive home . I make lunch , and she asks to have a movie , so I put "Ratatouille" into the DVR , and ask her , "Sweetie , do you think you can be a good girl for a few minutes , so Mommy can take a shower ?"

"Me can has juice first ? I'm is drinky , Mommy ."

I go to the kitchen , put some juice in her cup , and bring it back , and she says , "Otay , Mommy ! Now me is good girl . I's watches my moobie ."

"If anybody knocks on the door , don't open it , you come and tell me ." , I say .

"Otay !" , she responds , already getting absorbed in the movie . Seeing that the TV has her undivided attention , I head to the bathroom for a quick shower , hoping that it'll wake me up a bit .

I take the fastest shower possible , then get out and start drying myself . As I do , I look at my arm , and wish that the weird cold snap we had over the last couple of days was still going on . At least if it was , I could wear long sleeves to work tomorrow without anybody thinking it was weird . Seriously , a week after Labor Day , I had to put her in a coat to go out with Ash , and now it's back in the eighties !

Since I'm not planning to go out again today , I just throw on my pajamas , which consist of a pink tank top and a pair of men's boxers with Animal on the front of them . Bren and I talked about this one day , and decided that Animal is my favorite Muppet character , and hers is Big Bird , because "Him is nice and pwetty and lello . And him is evvyones fwend !"

"Wook , Mommy , him cooks soup !" , Bren says , as I walk back into the living room . "Micies can'ts weally cooks , wight ?"

"No , they can't , but I think he's a rat , not a mouse ."

"Him is siwwy , him hides in boys hat ! Watches him , Mommy !"

So I sit here and watch the rest of the movie with her , then a couple of episodes of an old kids program called "Allegra's Window" , which she found in the movie bin the last time we went to the Dollar Tree . After that , we color until it's time for supper , and just as we finish eating , my phone rings . I look at it , and see that it's from Ashley's number , so I hand Brenna the phone , and say , "It's for you , Smidge !"

She takes it , and talks to him for a few minutes , while I wash up the dishes and get my lunch ready for work tomorrow . As I close the fridge , she pulls on the leg of my shorts and says , "Mommy , Daddy wants you talk to him on you's phone . Here !"

I take the phone from her and say , "I'm here . What is it , Ashley ?"

"Fianna , I just wanted to tell you again how sorry I am about what happened yesterday . That is not something I'd ever do on purpose , and I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure you know that I'd never do anything to hurt Brenna . You're the one who decides what she can and can't do , I get that now , and I won't butt in anymore , so ..."

"Ash , what the heck are you talking about ? Is that what you think I meant ?"

"Well , it's been made pretty clear to me today , by Ryan , and CC , that the only thing I actually have the right to do is spend time with her , and hope she has a good time ."

Holy crap , is that what all this has been about ? He's acting like this because he feels like he doesn't matter ? Actually , when I think about it , he said something like that this morning , and I guess I was too tired for it to register .

"Ashley , that's not true ! I never meant to imply that , and since you are going to be part of her life now , I'd never try to cut you out of any important decisions about her . But you can't just let her do things after she's already been told that she can't , either . Maybe the next time you see her , we should take some time to work out some ground rules . That way , we're not always contradicting each other and confusing her ."

"Yeah , that might be a good idea ." , he tells me . "We need to be on the same page as much as possible , or it's just gonna make things hard on her . I don't want that , and I know you don't , either . No matter how we feel about each other , we both love her , so she has to be our priority ."

"Yeah , I could see that today , I just need to be sure that you can keep from flying off the handle again when she's around . I know you wouldn't hurt her deliberately , but I can't take any chances . But as long as you can keep your temper under control , I have no intention of trying to keep her from you ."

"You don't have anything to worry about , and I intend to prove that to both of you . And , Fianna ..."

"Yeah , Ash ?"

"Thanks for not listening to Miki , and giving me another shot . I won't fuck it up this time ." , he says , almost in a whisper .

"You're welcome , Ash , and I'm going to hold you to that ." , I tell him . "But I need to get off the phone now , Bren still needs her bath , and she's already yawning ."

He says goodbye and hangs up , and I proceed to wrangle Smidge into the tub for her bath . On the plus side , I don't have as much trouble getting her to brush her teeth , since Ash is holding her guitar lessons over her head , so it gets done without a huge fuss tonight .

I put her to bed , and she goes to sleep pretty quickly , thank goodness . After I tuck her in , I get my clothes and stuff ready for tomorrow , and decide to go ahead and crash myself , since I think I only got about two hours of sleep last night .

As I'm getting ready for bed , what Miki said this morning pops into my head . Like I told her , I'm not stupid enough to think that there's still anything between Ash and I , except Bren , but I can't deny to myself that there are times that I wish things had turned out differently .

He asked me for my number the first time we met , and was pretty surprised when I wouldn't give it to him . He wound up coming by my work three or four times a week , for two weeks , before I did , but after he finally talked me into going out with him , we were basically inseparable for the first nine months or so of our relationship . He treated me like I was the most important person in the world , and had no problems telling me that he loved me , several times a day .
But for the last three months we were together , it was almost like he'd turned into someone else . He hardly ever stayed home , we barely saw each other , and he'd get mad if I said anything to him about it . It was like he didn't want to spend time with me anymore , so the only thing I can assume is that he got bored , since I wasn't a party girl , and didn't know all the tricks the other girls he'd been with did , seeing that he was only the second guy I ever slept with .
I just wish he would have said something , if he'd told me what was wrong , maybe we could have figured something out . I tried everything I could think of to fix things , but after that night at Andy's , I finally figured out that it couldn't be fixed if he wasn't interested in trying , I couldn't do it all myself .

But as I was about to fall asleep , I had to admit to myself , even though I'll never tell anyone else , that there are times when I still wish that I were sleeping in his arms , instead of here by myself .





Notes

Comments

@Merelan
Definitely something to consider. If not an actual prologue, it would probably be interesting to have her remember some of the things that happened in this book, so i'll most likely have to find a way to work that in somewhere. Thanx for the thought!

Red Phoenix77 Red Phoenix77
8/21/18

Oh yes PLEASE a sequel! I would love to see events through Bren's eyes! Something fun you might consider is a recap of the story told by a teen Been, as like a prologue.
I look forward to seeing what you devise next!

Merelan Merelan
8/21/18

@Merelan
Cool, glad you enjoyed it!

Red Phoenix77 Red Phoenix77
8/20/18

Awww, such a sweet chapter! Yay for Ash and Fi!

Merelan Merelan
8/20/18

Ah, I love this story! Good on you, Fi!

Merelan Merelan
8/13/18