I remained in self-imposed confinement in the depths of my dungeons for several weeks. Every now and then, I would decide that the tourists were surely profoundly disappointed when they had to go home without a single paranormal incident to relate to others. Indubitably, the docents must miss finding evidence of my ethereal doings; their jobs must have become dull and dreary without me. But each time, just as I felt my self-imposed duty pulling me from my brooding funk, I recalled (Y/N)’s pretty, feminine face, scrunched up with contempt. That, inevitably, threw me back down the proverbial well of self-pity and despondency once again.

It was my pride that finally succeeded in ministering to my damaged sense of self-worth. One evening, as I watched an ant walk slowly this way and that along the dirty, stone floor, a new thought came to me. Or, rather, a recollection of an old truth I had long forgotten, devoid as my existence had been of social interaction for so long. Women were trouble.

Had a member of the female sex not engineered my demise? While I was yet alive, had they not used their loveliness to drive me to commit acts that were most definitely wholly unadvisable? And now, even in death, was not a comely woman clearly trying to drive me to madness by spurning my attempts at establishing a pleasant rapport? Women!

Filled with self-righteous indignation, I marched from the dungeons, straight to the fields to the East of the castle, determined to give (Y/N) an earful on how a proper lady should behave. Upon reaching the usual spot, I felt an acute sense of disappointment that she wasn’t there. How typical! Women were never there when you needed them!

I felt robbed of a dramatic confrontation and was completely unsure what the deuce to do with all my pent up, sanctimonious outrage. After some hesitation, I took a seat in the damp grass with a great sigh. So compelling did I find my irate ruminations, I barely noticed as it began to rain. Though I could feel the drops as they struck me, the moisture never soaked in, as it had when I was alive.

I was glaring fiercely at the ground, my head in my hands, when something caught my attention. There were several broken pieces of a smooth, flat, oblong rock just a few inches from my left foot! My irritation vanished, giving way to abject despair, at the thought that (Y/N) had rejected my carefully wrought stone yet again! Refusing to admit what was assuredly the truth, I concentrated my energy and pieced the rock back together with trembling, immaterial hands.

Relief that the shattered, carven stone before me was not, in fact, the stone I had crafted for (Y/N) was swiftly replaced by confusion. This rock was only decorated on one side, and with a pictograph I did not recognize. Was it a mysterious, encoded message from (Y/N) that had broken apart upon impact with one of the larger rocks in the field? Who else would throw a stone at this very spot, and from a great enough distance to rend it upon landing?

Curious, I reexamined the design on the stone, setting it before me upon the ground. There were two circles at one end. From the circles arose two parallel lines that then converged at the far end of the stone. Perhaps it was a building, rising from some bushes? Or a shaft of light, shining down on…

With a start, I realized what I was looking at. Disbelief must have shown clearly on my face, as I heard the unmistakable giggle of female laughter coming from the woods. Embarrassed and irritated at being the butt of a joke, I stood and whipped around to fully face the trees, but (Y/N) was nowhere in sight. I called after her with all the volume I could muster, “What manner of lady throws phallic effigies at her neighbors, hmm?!? I have been…“ I had been about to say ‘nothing but civilized,’ but the utter bollocks of that statement led me to trail off abruptly. I had, after all, torn my head off and thrown it at her.

With no reply forthcoming, I turned about and walked swiftly back to the castle. Only when I was certain I was far out of (Y/N)’s earshot did I allow myself to burst into hysterical laughter. That cheeky wench had thrown a cock and balls at me!

Notes

How am I doing? Let me know- vote, comment, subscribe!

I saw I got an additional vote and subscriber!!! Yay! :D