Andley: I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream
Chapter Twelve: There's Something More Inside
I awoke with Andy lying in my arms, sleeping peacefully. He was so beautiful when he slept. All the worries and pains of real life gone, just pure innocence and beauty. For a few moments, I just watched him sleep, in awe at how someone so perfect could be mine. But then I realized why I had woken up; I was in desperate need of the toilet. As I slowly slid away from Andy and stood up, the nagging grew. I headed into the bathroom then remembered that the water on this floor wasn't working so I couldn't use the bathroom just yet. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Grabbing a dressing gown I awkward made my way to the lift and down to the ground floor, making a bee-line straight for the reception toilets. Checking the time, I realized it was only 4 in the morning.
When I'd done my business and headed out, I noticed a strange looking figure standing by the hallway to the elevators. They were wearing a black hoodie and black skinnies. I couldn't see their face, they were practically a silhouette. I decided to ignore them and walk past, but as I got closer I noticed there were more people, about 6 in total, all hidden in the dark and shadows. What were they all doing here at 4 in the morning?! Hesitantly I walked towards them, hoping just to walk straight past with no hassle. Unfortunately, that was not the case.
"Oi, mate, where'd ya' think you're goin'!" It clearly wasn't a question. The man nearest the front stepped forward and into the light. He was very tall, and stronger looking than any of the others. His hair had been shaved off his head and he had a slight stubble. From what I could see of his body, it was covered in tattoo's, some even travelling up his neck and onto the sides of his face. Something about his face - it's shape, size and the expression on it - made him look menacing and merciless. I started to step backwards and a malevolent smile crept up his face, showing his teeth, and evil glint in his eye.
"Not gunna ans'er us, then mate." Heavy sarcasm on the mate. The remark had come from on the guys nearer the back as he stepped into the light. He had a mop of blondish hair curling and sticking out in every direction and gentle, blue eyes sparkled behind the glasses he wore. He was the only one not in all black, instead he wore a loose, white tee shirt and a pair of old-looking jeans. He was lanky and looked rather weak, and had no tattoo's. He did have something none of the others had; cuts and bruises covering almost every visible patch of skin. I really didn't know what to make of him. They way he'd spoken and the whole way he held his posture implied he was tough and could hold his own in a fight, But his whole appearance made him look very out of place amongst the thugs. He rather resembled the first guy who'd spoken. Perhaps a little brother who had joined in for the thrill but didn't really fit into the gang?
"I'm just trying to get back to my room, thank you." I said politely, once again trying to step around them and get on with the day.
"Thank you! Thank you!" The first guy mocked as the rest made weird sounds and exclaimed things such as "ooh, poshy!" and "don't forget your manners!", laughing at their horrendous impersonations of me. After a few seconds, which seemed to last forever, it quietened down and the laughter subsided. "Thing is, sir" a few chuckles from the others "You're not goin' back t' ya' room. Not 'nymore, at least!" There were more cries of encouragement and monkey-like noises from the others. I did, however, noticed the weaker guy hadn't joined in, in fact he seemed slightly uncomfortable. His posture was still strong and stubborn, but something in his eyes flickered with uncertainty.
"Please just let me past..." I didn't even try moving this time, I wasn't expecting them to move. Suddenly, the first guy (who I presumed was the leader) stepped aside, holding his hand to the side in a gesture implying he wished me to get past. I didn't understand what was going on, but I just wanted it to stop, so I quickly walked past before he changed his mind. But just as I got past the group, one of the men from the back grabbed me by my neck and pulled me into a headlock. I squirmed about trying to escape, and I wasn't exactly weak. I managed to break free and ran straight to the stairs. There was no hope in standing around waiting for an elevator to arrive, pegging it up the stair was my best shot. But they caught me quickly, 3 of them hurled themselves at me, bringing me to the ground and holding me there. As strong as I was, I couldn't take on three large, fully grown men who were determined to hold me captive.
"Now, now, Ashley, stay still. This wont hurt...much." There were chuckled from the other men, but I was more preoccupied by the fact he knew my name. How did he know my name? I wasn't able to ponder for long though as soon a needle was injected into my arm and a liquid inserted. It hurt like hell and I cried out, writhing on the floor as I felt my hearing fade and my vision blur...
~Time laps: unknown~
When consciousness returned I found that feeling hadn't. A weird numbness had spread over my body. I don't know what they had injected into me, but it scared me like crazy. As my vision cleared I began to take in the scene. It was a small room, about 4 foot by 10, with one door directly in front of me. The walls were concrete painted black, although the paint was peeling and there was mould growing in one corner. A light shining from behind to in front of me implied there was a window behind me. As for me, I was sat - well, tied - to a chair. It was hard wood with arm rests, and clearly too small for me. Every time I moved I could feel it digging in, yet it didn't hurt; that was the effect of the numbness. The door was a dark wood, with a small, square window cut out. Rather than glass in the window there were vertical, metal poles. My imprisonment couldn't have been more obvious. I sighed and noticed a movement in the far left corner of the room. I hadn't realized there was anyone there. The leader who had previously injected me stepped out of the shadows, a smirk across his face.
"Ah, good. You're awake." What? He was speaking perfect English! The East End London accent had been dropped and replaced by a more sophisticated one, each word pronounced clearly and properly. I didn't understand this. "Now", he reached me and stroked his index and middle fingers under my chin, tilting my head up slightly. "Allow me to introduce myself. You won't know who I am but I'm sure your boyfriend will." His voice was so posh yet so menacing, and he spat the work "boyfriend" - clearly a homophobe.
"My...my what? Who?" Even I could hear the lie in my voice. He just laughed.
"My name is Jonathan," he carried on "and I'm an old...acquaintance ...of Andy's." How did he know about me and Andy?! Only the guys knew, and surely they wouldn't tell anyone! "I found out you guys were touring in my hometown and well, I decided to pay Andy a visit.I always knew Biersack was a faggot, but when I saw you two together...well, it made me more determined to remind him of our time together." It was almost as if he had read my mind. But I really didn't like where this was going.
"So...uh, Jonathon...How did you and Andy, er, know each other?" It seemed like a pointless question, there were so many more I could ask, but this was the one I chose.
He laughed before slowly responded. "High school...we had a different relationship. Some call it bullying, some call it a joke. I prefer different." So he'd been one of the guys who had made Andy's school life so terrifying. I wanted to rip his face off and pummel him, but I was tied to this bloody chair! He'd seen the anger in my eyes and started to laugh. I thrashed about in the chair, but the numbness has worn off by now and it stung every time I moved.
"What do you want with him?!" I screamed at him "What do you want with me?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" His laughter only continued.
"Don't you understand. He won. Well, he almost won." Confusion replaced my anger and I felt my self calm down. The heat leaving my body, the adrenaline dying down and the red fading from my vision. "Well, almost won. The problem with Biersack was he took beating after beating, never fought back, never turned us in. He just put up with it. Kept to himself. And now look at him. He's famous, touring the world. The little faggot even found himself a boyfriend." Hate was filling his voice, his eyes flickered with anger, hurt and...want? "And what did I get?! I got an abusive father, a cheat of a girlfriend, no job, no money, NOTHING!" He was screaming at me now, the posh accent had dropped completely. Why did he keep changing the way he spoke? "After everything, it was all worth nothing. I bet he thought he won. He almost did. And then I found out he was coming here. So I decided to seek my revenge. I could have taken him, would have seemed the obvious answer, but he wouldn't care. He's used to it. And I realized: it would hurt him so much more to loose someone he loved. I wasn't sure who at first, but after seeing you two together it became pretty clear. My boys are out looking for him now, gonna bring him here and make him watch as we hurt you." The sinister, evil look had returned to his face.
It was at that moment, as I started into his eyes I knew I lost all hope. I fought back the tears, refusing to let them fall. Jonathan turned his back on me and opened the door, leaving the room and leaving me. As the door shut I could hold it in no longer and I broke down. What was I going to do?! Everything had finally started going right, everything was beginning to work out and now this. So as the sounds of Jonathans boots lessened and I heard him walk further away I let the tears fall, I let the sobs escape. I let myself realize that it was all too good to last, that there was no hope. It was my own fault. I should never have cursed Andy to being with me. Deep down I'd always known he was too good, that I didn't deserve it. I guess this was the universe's was of balancing things out. For receiving something...someone...as beautiful and incredible as Andy I must also received a pain, a loss, of equal strength. And as Andy meant more to me than even my own life, then my own life was the closest it anyone get. Something about this put me at ease. I guess I was finally coming to terms with it. It seemed there really was justice in this world, just not the right kind. With that realization I felt exhaustion creep up on me. I closed my eyes and let myself sleep. Dreaming of Andy...
When I'd done my business and headed out, I noticed a strange looking figure standing by the hallway to the elevators. They were wearing a black hoodie and black skinnies. I couldn't see their face, they were practically a silhouette. I decided to ignore them and walk past, but as I got closer I noticed there were more people, about 6 in total, all hidden in the dark and shadows. What were they all doing here at 4 in the morning?! Hesitantly I walked towards them, hoping just to walk straight past with no hassle. Unfortunately, that was not the case.
"Oi, mate, where'd ya' think you're goin'!" It clearly wasn't a question. The man nearest the front stepped forward and into the light. He was very tall, and stronger looking than any of the others. His hair had been shaved off his head and he had a slight stubble. From what I could see of his body, it was covered in tattoo's, some even travelling up his neck and onto the sides of his face. Something about his face - it's shape, size and the expression on it - made him look menacing and merciless. I started to step backwards and a malevolent smile crept up his face, showing his teeth, and evil glint in his eye.
"Not gunna ans'er us, then mate." Heavy sarcasm on the mate. The remark had come from on the guys nearer the back as he stepped into the light. He had a mop of blondish hair curling and sticking out in every direction and gentle, blue eyes sparkled behind the glasses he wore. He was the only one not in all black, instead he wore a loose, white tee shirt and a pair of old-looking jeans. He was lanky and looked rather weak, and had no tattoo's. He did have something none of the others had; cuts and bruises covering almost every visible patch of skin. I really didn't know what to make of him. They way he'd spoken and the whole way he held his posture implied he was tough and could hold his own in a fight, But his whole appearance made him look very out of place amongst the thugs. He rather resembled the first guy who'd spoken. Perhaps a little brother who had joined in for the thrill but didn't really fit into the gang?
"I'm just trying to get back to my room, thank you." I said politely, once again trying to step around them and get on with the day.
"Thank you! Thank you!" The first guy mocked as the rest made weird sounds and exclaimed things such as "ooh, poshy!" and "don't forget your manners!", laughing at their horrendous impersonations of me. After a few seconds, which seemed to last forever, it quietened down and the laughter subsided. "Thing is, sir" a few chuckles from the others "You're not goin' back t' ya' room. Not 'nymore, at least!" There were more cries of encouragement and monkey-like noises from the others. I did, however, noticed the weaker guy hadn't joined in, in fact he seemed slightly uncomfortable. His posture was still strong and stubborn, but something in his eyes flickered with uncertainty.
"Please just let me past..." I didn't even try moving this time, I wasn't expecting them to move. Suddenly, the first guy (who I presumed was the leader) stepped aside, holding his hand to the side in a gesture implying he wished me to get past. I didn't understand what was going on, but I just wanted it to stop, so I quickly walked past before he changed his mind. But just as I got past the group, one of the men from the back grabbed me by my neck and pulled me into a headlock. I squirmed about trying to escape, and I wasn't exactly weak. I managed to break free and ran straight to the stairs. There was no hope in standing around waiting for an elevator to arrive, pegging it up the stair was my best shot. But they caught me quickly, 3 of them hurled themselves at me, bringing me to the ground and holding me there. As strong as I was, I couldn't take on three large, fully grown men who were determined to hold me captive.
"Now, now, Ashley, stay still. This wont hurt...much." There were chuckled from the other men, but I was more preoccupied by the fact he knew my name. How did he know my name? I wasn't able to ponder for long though as soon a needle was injected into my arm and a liquid inserted. It hurt like hell and I cried out, writhing on the floor as I felt my hearing fade and my vision blur...
~Time laps: unknown~
When consciousness returned I found that feeling hadn't. A weird numbness had spread over my body. I don't know what they had injected into me, but it scared me like crazy. As my vision cleared I began to take in the scene. It was a small room, about 4 foot by 10, with one door directly in front of me. The walls were concrete painted black, although the paint was peeling and there was mould growing in one corner. A light shining from behind to in front of me implied there was a window behind me. As for me, I was sat - well, tied - to a chair. It was hard wood with arm rests, and clearly too small for me. Every time I moved I could feel it digging in, yet it didn't hurt; that was the effect of the numbness. The door was a dark wood, with a small, square window cut out. Rather than glass in the window there were vertical, metal poles. My imprisonment couldn't have been more obvious. I sighed and noticed a movement in the far left corner of the room. I hadn't realized there was anyone there. The leader who had previously injected me stepped out of the shadows, a smirk across his face.
"Ah, good. You're awake." What? He was speaking perfect English! The East End London accent had been dropped and replaced by a more sophisticated one, each word pronounced clearly and properly. I didn't understand this. "Now", he reached me and stroked his index and middle fingers under my chin, tilting my head up slightly. "Allow me to introduce myself. You won't know who I am but I'm sure your boyfriend will." His voice was so posh yet so menacing, and he spat the work "boyfriend" - clearly a homophobe.
"My...my what? Who?" Even I could hear the lie in my voice. He just laughed.
"My name is Jonathan," he carried on "and I'm an old...acquaintance ...of Andy's." How did he know about me and Andy?! Only the guys knew, and surely they wouldn't tell anyone! "I found out you guys were touring in my hometown and well, I decided to pay Andy a visit.I always knew Biersack was a faggot, but when I saw you two together...well, it made me more determined to remind him of our time together." It was almost as if he had read my mind. But I really didn't like where this was going.
"So...uh, Jonathon...How did you and Andy, er, know each other?" It seemed like a pointless question, there were so many more I could ask, but this was the one I chose.
He laughed before slowly responded. "High school...we had a different relationship. Some call it bullying, some call it a joke. I prefer different." So he'd been one of the guys who had made Andy's school life so terrifying. I wanted to rip his face off and pummel him, but I was tied to this bloody chair! He'd seen the anger in my eyes and started to laugh. I thrashed about in the chair, but the numbness has worn off by now and it stung every time I moved.
"What do you want with him?!" I screamed at him "What do you want with me?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" His laughter only continued.
"Don't you understand. He won. Well, he almost won." Confusion replaced my anger and I felt my self calm down. The heat leaving my body, the adrenaline dying down and the red fading from my vision. "Well, almost won. The problem with Biersack was he took beating after beating, never fought back, never turned us in. He just put up with it. Kept to himself. And now look at him. He's famous, touring the world. The little faggot even found himself a boyfriend." Hate was filling his voice, his eyes flickered with anger, hurt and...want? "And what did I get?! I got an abusive father, a cheat of a girlfriend, no job, no money, NOTHING!" He was screaming at me now, the posh accent had dropped completely. Why did he keep changing the way he spoke? "After everything, it was all worth nothing. I bet he thought he won. He almost did. And then I found out he was coming here. So I decided to seek my revenge. I could have taken him, would have seemed the obvious answer, but he wouldn't care. He's used to it. And I realized: it would hurt him so much more to loose someone he loved. I wasn't sure who at first, but after seeing you two together it became pretty clear. My boys are out looking for him now, gonna bring him here and make him watch as we hurt you." The sinister, evil look had returned to his face.
It was at that moment, as I started into his eyes I knew I lost all hope. I fought back the tears, refusing to let them fall. Jonathan turned his back on me and opened the door, leaving the room and leaving me. As the door shut I could hold it in no longer and I broke down. What was I going to do?! Everything had finally started going right, everything was beginning to work out and now this. So as the sounds of Jonathans boots lessened and I heard him walk further away I let the tears fall, I let the sobs escape. I let myself realize that it was all too good to last, that there was no hope. It was my own fault. I should never have cursed Andy to being with me. Deep down I'd always known he was too good, that I didn't deserve it. I guess this was the universe's was of balancing things out. For receiving something...someone...as beautiful and incredible as Andy I must also received a pain, a loss, of equal strength. And as Andy meant more to me than even my own life, then my own life was the closest it anyone get. Something about this put me at ease. I guess I was finally coming to terms with it. It seemed there really was justice in this world, just not the right kind. With that realization I felt exhaustion creep up on me. I closed my eyes and let myself sleep. Dreaming of Andy...
Notes
Title: Lyrics from Black Veil Brides - Sweet Blasphemy (youtube.com/watch?v=mNKAEKkKef4)A/N: Sorry this took so long to update, worth the wait though? I have had lots to do and might not be able to update for a while but what with the holidays coming up I'll be updating much more And yes, I decided to continue...yay :3
I love this story! :D
4/1/15