Ceese opened the door to the equipment vault and the familiar scent of the Winter Hunt wafted out on the stale air, the vault’s contents untouched since being refurbished the previous year. I grimaced. Another year, and here we all were. Again.The inevitable break from music to attend to our real jobs, if you wanted to call them that.

Team 5 had the highest success rate in history. It also had the highest mortality rate, but that was a statistic no one mentioned out loud .All of us knew it, and all of us reported every year just the same, just as others had for centuries before us.

It really ground me down. I liked music, it was simpler. You could set attainable goals and fill them, and there weren’t generally casualties. In contrast, Krampus was immortal. He would always be back every December 5th.

Krampusnacht had arrived, and we were ready. We’d take that fucker on and drive him straight back to Hell. Last year he got 3 children in L. A. alone. This year, Team 5 was determined it would be zero.

The six of us had laid down bets on the Winter Hunt this year. I was the cockiest. I had put down $100 on 3 hours for Team 5. That was admittedly somewhat insane- there were 20 Teams in L.A. alone, and thousands (maybe millions) of cities and towns Krampus could visit worldwide.

But Team 5 covered an area with an exceptional number of portals. Also, the record has shown that modern L.A. was a favorite of his, presumably due to a higher concentration of naughty children than anywhere else. I snorted in disgust. I may have lived in L.A. the entirety of my adult life, but Cincinnati would always be my home in my heart.

As far-fetched as my bet sounded, I was confident in our plan. There had, to my knowledge, never been one so clever. Admittedly, there had never been one so dangerous either.

We didn’t speak as we suited up. Cleated boots with thin soles for running and chasing, close-fitted, dark green clothes that protected from the December chill while still allowing freedom of movement, night vision goggles- the works. Though the traditional crossbows and swords still hung waiting on the walls, they had been replaced by sniper rifles, machetes, automatic weapons, and earpieces for communication with each other and the Director. Krampus might be immortal, but he bled just like we did. That was where we came in. Once he’d been made to bleed enough, he gave up on children and went home to lick his wounds.

We synced our watches together- 1:02 pm. We had plenty of time, but were going to leave nothing to chance. With our plan, we were taking a very dangerous risk. We were using bait.

---

It was 3:38 pm and the sun had yet to set when we arrived at the target zone. Krampus had been sighted all over the East Coast already, and there had been losses of children and Guardians alike. Unusually, no one in North America had seen Nicholas. Though Krampus’ counterpart only concerned himself with good children, the unexpected still put me on edge.

I grit my teeth as I imagined the terrible fates of the kids Krampus stole. Their families would be lucky if they got their bodies back. Sometimes they did, if Krampus drowned them or ate them. Most of them didn’t. All we knew was that he took the worst kids with him to Hell. We didn’t know what happened to them after that, but it was surely terrible.

What made a kid ‘bad’ anyway? Analysis had narrowed it down to a seemingly arbitrary combination of bad behavior and poor scholastic performance, but we knew there had to be more to it.

I blinked, clearing my mind. We all had to be at our best. Focus on the plan.

After one more quick check of our gear, we entered the mock ‘house.’ Sandra, Jake, Jinxx, Ceese, and Ash ran through the hastily erected ‘house’ for one last check of set-up, extra supply caches, and vantage points. As Captain, it was my duty to calm both of our lures down, and I didn’t relish it.

The woman to play ‘mother’ had been chosen by lottery from all the young women in L.A. that had DD or larger breasts, and around here there were plenty. Krampus was a fan of enormous titties, and we needed all the edge we could get. The woman’s name was Marilyn, and she was terrified. Sitting at a table (the only one our budget could afford; there had been a lot of cuts recently), she was bawling her eyes out, mascara everywhere. Fortunately she calmed down after a little sweet-talking and reassurance that she was not in any danger herself. Of course she didn’t care about anyone else’s welfare- she was from L. A. Sigh.

The kid had been found by our new, experimental N/N (Naughty/Nice) survey tech, and this kid was supposed to be the naughtiest of them all. At only 12 years old, he had been killing pets and torturing wildlife for years. He was failing 5th grade (again), and had started hurting the younger kids in school. I had forgotten his name, and I didn’t care; the kid was evil. All that mattered was that we stopped Krampus from carrying him off, we didn’t have to get to know him.

The kid was sitting in the only armchair staring at us silently. He watched Marilyn’s sorrow with no sign of empathy, and I swallowed the ball of disgust that tried to rise in my throat. I walked over to him to touch base. When he looked at me he gave me a winning smile and assured me that he was nothing but curious to see Krampus, that he was glad to help. It was eerie how well he could turn on the innocent act. In those few moments I had already started feeling guilty about this. I hardened my heart as I checked his magnet placement and shackled his ankles to the floor via thick, titanium chains. I had heard that sociopaths didn’t feel fear, but thinking of his track record, I hoped this kid sure would.

I know what you’re thinking- that the chains were a bad idea. Krampus could, if he wanted, certainly just tear the kid in half. But we knew he wanted whole children. He liked their fear.

Ceese and Sandra were finishing the final check of the weighted net we were going to drop on Krampus as part of Phase 1. It was brand new this year, and way ahead of anything the government had. It had hundreds of tiny magnets in it that worked in sync to avoid the kid, only landing to cover a targeted area. It had been in testing for well over 5 years, and this was the big debut. Made me a bit nervous, honestly.

Sandra sat with Marilyn and made small talk to keep her relatively calm, as though we weren’t about to face down a patently evil demon. Jake, Jinxx, and Ash set up their sniper rifles and settled in for a long wait while Ceese and I poured peach schnapps all over the floor and into buckets positioned in a large circle in front of the kid. Directly in front of him we had an entire apple barrel that had been filled in advance. The old wives-tale that an offering of schnapps could appease Krampus and prevent child abductions wasn’t true, but he sure liked it. Once the rather small space reeked of sickly-sweet peach schnapps, we all got into position, ready for a lot of downtime.

My mind was relatively blank the whole time. The only thought that kept bothering me was that I hoped none of us had to go to the bathroom.

---

4:49pm and the sun had set when we got the message- Krampus was making a beeline towards L.A., hopping westward through towns without bothering to look for children. When the Director told us that Krampus had gone right through Las Vegas without stopping, I swallowed hard. It seemed that a budding serial killer was more enticing than even the city of sin could offer.

I signaled to Marilyn to lower her top, exposing her cleavage. It wouldn’t be long now.

At 4:58pm, just the tiniest whiff of coal filled the room. When I listened carefully, I could hear the sound of ringing bells. Luckily Marilyn and the kid didn’t notice.

At 4:59 pm, the Director piped a single word through our earpieces, “incoming.”

At 5:00 pm exactly, Krampus opened the door and stepped into view.

Every time I saw him, it took an effort not to scream. He was absolutely massive, having to bend to enter the ‘house.’ His fur was dark brown, with cloven hooves and massive horns that scraped the ceiling, like a goat but much larger. His fanged mouth was enormous, hanging open to give his lolling, pointed tongue room to hang. The thing was bright red and several feet long.

Luckily Krampus wasn’t very smart. He showed no signs of hesitation or suspicion of trickery. He trod towards Marilyn, ignoring her screams, only to run his sticky tongue over the top of her décolletage. He had nothing but sackcloth around his waist, and it did nothing to hide his erection, which made the gorge rise in my throat. Apparently Marilyn was a success. Though disgusting, we didn’t budge. He needed to be in position, closer to the kid and right by the barrel, before we struck. When Marilyn stayed seated and didn’t run, I had to admit she had a bit more gumption than I had initially thought.

“Hi!” I was shocked; that boy had just greeted Krampus! What the fuck!? The beast switched his focus from poor Marilyn to the kid in the armchair. Both Krampus and the kid were grinning.

I watched, ready to act, as Krampus stepped closer to the nasty tween, bending to drink from one of the buckets noisily. I didn’t know if he could get intoxicated and sloppy like a human, but I hoped so. Drink up, buddy.

At his waist he had a hemp flogger and dozens of small bundles of birch branches, the infamous Ruten. He was draped with chains from which hung bells of all sizes. The most sickening was the massive basket he carried on his back. That was his ‘backpack’ for bad children. Right now it was empty, apart from some decomposing skeletal remains, and I intended to keep it that way.

The kid just waited patiently, still watching Krampus with that eerie grin. When Krampus finally looked up, the kid waved and started giggling as though he’d just been told a great joke. The demon took a few steps towards the boy, shaking his chains theatrically and sniggering, a low and guttural sound. Any second now.

But, perhaps put off by the boy’s lack of fear, Krampus didn’t step far enough into the target area. Time stood still as the demon stared at the boy, occasionally shaking his chains and each time looking more and more dissatisfied with the kid’s response.

I didn’t believe in any god worth worshiping. Nevertheless, I did my best to will that damned kid to do something naughty, right then and there. To my shock, the boy flipped Krampus the bird! “What, are you scared, you smelly sissy?!”

The beast immediately lunged at the kid, but we were faster. Before his clawed hand connected with the bait, Sandra let loose the net and it dropped him to the ground. Jake, Jinxx, and Ash opened fire, taking their shots carefully and effectively. Dark purple blood flew everywhere, covering the kid and Marilyn. When Krampus stopped moving, I knew it was time to move to Phase 2. I gave the signal and gunfire stopped.

Ceese and I moved into view and approached cautiously, machetes at the ready, as Sandra backed us up from the rear. This part was gonna be difficult. We had to get Krampus up and out of the ‘house’ while he was weakened. Then Phase 3, which was more or less what we’d been doing for years, and should present less of a challenge. We had to keep on his heels as he retreated back to a portal to Hell, making sure he couldn’t hide and heal. There were quite a lot of portals in the vicinity.

I could hear Ash, Jake, and Jinxx sprinting down the stairs, ready to help us drag Krampus out the front door, when, with a roar, Krampus tore right through the net, spraying blood all over us. The rest of our plan went up in smoke as he moved, lightning-quick, and broke the chains that secured the kid to the floor.

He had the kid. I raised my machete and charged as I radioed it in.

Notes

Part I of another piece I wrote for a Wattpad contest.

Happy Holiday Season!