I Didn't Want to Get Married

(Y/N) was frightened? Of kissing? This was, undeniably, an opening. I bit my lip, summoning all the courage I could muster. “My lady, it would be an unmatched honor and a true delight if you would allow me to put your fears at ease. May I share your first kiss?”

(Y/N) just looked at me, rather goggle-eyed. Moments passed. Was it because I was still holding the banana? That had to be it! I put the banana back in the fruit basket, worried she thought I actually meant more than a kiss. “No-no! Just… forget that banana, I didn’t mean a thing by the cursed banana! Good heavens! I, I’m so sorry!”

I looked away, staring into my drink, and adjusted my hair, my mind tumbling so fast I couldn’t keep up. How the deuce would I convince (Y/N) to marry me now? She probably thought I was asking that her to masturbate me, that I was some promiscuous, pretentious assh-

Something pelted me! I looked down: a grape? I looked up, just in time to see (Y/N) aim another one at me and nail me in the face! “Ah!” Good Lord!

“You want my first kiss? You’ll have to best me, Biersack!” What the Hell? I’d never heard of winning a woman over via a food fight! I was an only child- *fump* I got pelted with some bleu cheese, and that did it! You simply could not justify wasting bleu cheese that way!

“Woman!” Indignant, I grabbed a moderately sturdy loaf of bread and went after (Y/N), prepared to subdue the woman I coveted in a direct manner. Perhaps she had an old-fashioned streak after all?

Unfortunately, the wench fought dirty, and she squeezed a grapefruit at me! Some got in my eye, stinging like the Devil’s own arsehole! “Gah!”

I wiped at my eyes and heard her yell out a taunt in singsong. “Avast! Give up now or come at me, Biersack!” Avast? Were we pirates, not adults? Not a chance I would desist! (Y/N) had no idea, come at her I would indeed! I was going to stick my tongue right in her pretty, saucy, dirty, little mouth when I caught her!

Inspired, I grabbed a hunk of Camembert, reckless to the waste of food. (Y/N) was worth it. I turned to peek at her, and saw she was looking on from a perch on some cushions, an expression of concern for my eyes on her face. Ha!

I exploited (Y/N)’s weakness and sprinted over the cushions to her, knocking her onto the fainting couch behind her with my arm and the bread loaf, and smearing Camembert all over her face! I kept her restrained and hooted victoriously in an admittedly shameless fashion.

(Y/N) went to rise, but I stayed where I was, pinning her down, acting as though nothing were out of the ordinary. I dipped the bread in the Camembert on her cheek and had a nibble, making (Y/N) laugh heartily. It was tasty cheese, but seeing that my silliness could make her happy made me smile. I watched her, thinking how badly I hoped she would let me bring her laughter for many years yet. I would eat cheese off her face every day if she wanted.

God, (Y/N) really was so beautiful! It was hard to concentrate; it made it difficult not to be hasty and improprietous. To break myself from being dazzled by her allure too rapidly to focus, I scraped most of the cheese off her other cheek with the bread, and offered (Y/N) a bite, which she took, chuckling.

I helped angle (Y/N) up onto the couch a little, but still didn’t allow her to escape as she munched, so she would be more comfortable. I couldn’t help but move some of her hair from her face. Though she had lovely hair, I adored her face still more. Even with bits of cheese on it, I didn’t want it obscuring my view.

Once again, I gathered my nerve. “So, have I earned my prize? With your permission?”

(Y/N) flushed as she gulped her mouthful, and the pink was a striking contrast. I reflexively put a hand behind her neck to support her a little. “But…the cheese…”

I felt my own face get hot. It was embarrassing; I don’t know that I’d ever wanted to kiss someone so badly in my whole life before. “I don’t care, I swear it. You are sublime and I want to kiss you so profoundly I feel like I’ll die without the press of your lips against mine.”

Oh shit. I was getting… aroused! I hoped (Y/N) didn’t notice! I was squashed right up against her. Dammit!

(Y/N) nodded! All practical thoughts fled instantly.

Carefully, very slowly, I bent down and touched my lips to hers, sending a surge through my whole body. God, yes! Her lips were soft and hesitant, virginal and pure.

Not sensing any resistance or upset, I applied a light amount of pressure, and felt a thrill when (Y/N)’s sweet lips pushed back, tentatively. I stopped pressing for a moment, but was greedy. I didn’t want the kiss to end, not yet.

I turned my head just a little, and felt lightning bolts of pleasure course through me when (Y/N) moved her head in the opposite direction! Voracious for her lips, I applied more pressure again, and felt overwhelmed when she responded in kind! I could feel her hands curling tightly around my back, God! Her lips were so full and soft… I felt the compulsion in my pants growing, becoming urgent, and pulled away, unable to stifle a small groan.

I opened my eyes; (Y/N)’s were still closed. All I could think was that I wanted to kiss her again. I had to marry this woman. Please let (Y/N) love my kisses. Let her want more of them. Let her want more than my kisses. I spoke softly. “How was that? Is kissing still scary?”

(Y/N)’s big, soft eyes opened, and she was clearly a bit dazed. Ah, temptress. My cock was throbbing impatiently and it was a struggle to hold still and do nothing.

She shook her head and smiled. “Well, at least, your kisses are wonderful. But I thought men and women used their tongues?”

Fire raced through my veins and my heart completely overruled my head in an instant. “That is how lovers kiss. It would be the greatest pleasure I have ever known if I could share such a kiss with you, my lady.”

(Y/N) hurt me with a scoff as she tried to wriggle loose. “Don’t be silly, you’ve been with women, their mouths-“

I held her still firmly, but gently. “-None compare to you, (Y/N)! Not by far! I didn’t know it, but you are who I was waiting for.” I released her, and we both stood.

Clearly, she wasn’t following. “Pardon?”

I took (Y/N)’s hand, rapidly running though what she had said earlier as my heart started beating at such a pace I thought it would burst out of my chest. “Please forgive me the informality. I wasn’t planning on this today, so Nana’s ring is at home.” She looked at me like she was concerned I was unwell. I wasn’t so sure she would be wrong. (Y/N) had flung my whole world upside-down.

Absolutely terrified, I went down on one knee; still holding (Y/N)’s hand. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N), I implore you, in the name of God, to accept my proposal of marriage, for I swear to you that it is true: I will never be content again if you refuse me your hand.”

Notes

avast- a nautical exclamation, 'stop/cease'

Wonder what she'll say?

I think Danzig would be in favor, at the very least. ;3