Ugh. My back and shoulder hurt, and my butt was numb. I rolled over and accidentally elbowed (Y/N) in the side. “Sorry,” I mumbled, moving a hand to wipe at my eyes.

Shit. We had passed out, naked, in my den. No wonder I was cold.

I lay back down on my back for a moment. I couldn’t believe I had brought (Y/N) to my den! It was the only personal space I had! It made me feel, weirdly, like I was being unfaithful on a whole, new level.

From another perspective, I now probably needed to clean my yoga mat. Dammit. It was that or asking Kama to send that horrible janitorial droid to clean up my sex mess.

Should I bring a mattress in here, some blankets, in case it happened again? Inwardly, I rebelled at the idea. That was like giving in to the present situation, trying to dress it up as acceptable. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t, not at all.

I felt a horrible feeling of creeping guilt. It was insidious and kind of despairing, totally undeniable. I had to acknowledge that some part of me felt some happiness, a sort of peace here, with (Y/N). Because of (Y/N).

Why? I didn’t like stasis; I liked to be doing things, all the time! And nothing ever changed here; I couldn’t get anything done! Not for my life, not for my family back home, I practically existed in a vacuum.

Except for (Y/N). I liked her smile; I liked her company. And, frankly, the sex was amazing, even with condoms. I groaned unhappily, apparently loudly enough to wake (Y/N) up. “Whutfuck? Shit, my arm hurts… ugh…”

I chuckled. “Sorry. Apparently I fucked us both asleep.”

In the back of my head, I realized, on some level, that this was the first time in a long time that I’d stayed with (Y/N)… afterwards. The shitty, guilt-ridden feeling returned, and I decided that I had to get away from (Y/N) as soon as possible. I was about to get grumpy, and she didn’t deserve to be subjected to it.

I rose to my feet and pulled my pants back on, not bothering with anything else. I knew it’d all be gone, laundered somewhere, and returned to my dresser within a few hours anyway. “I’m gonna go back to my room and take a shower…”

For a split second I almost asked (Y/N) if she wanted to come join me, before realizing what that would signify, yet again. I had to fight that urge to just accept things. Not just to maintain my drive to get out of here, but for Jules. “I’ll, uh, see you later.”

With that, I took off, barefoot, down the hall, in too much of a hurry to mess with my shoes. I could hear (Y/N) sighing in my den behind me, and my shoulders slumped. It felt like there was no way to avoid hurting everyone in this fucking situation!

Notes

Let me know what you think: rate, subscribe, comment! :D

---

For any of you that read my works, I would love to be nominated for the fanfiction awards. I know the odds of me winning anything are very small, but I can still hold out hope. All you have to do is go HERE and name the story and author.

To find any of my stories on wattpad (they are all on wattpad): go HERE

I appreciate anyone who supports me. It means a lot, I’ve been having some tough times recently and writing is a great way to be creative and keep my mind off of things. It’s rather difficult to get any sort of positive reinforcement with fanfic writing as a hobby. Nominations end on January 29th, 2017.