Intergalactic Prison

Both irritated with Andy for being a macho man, and with myself for having been kind of douche-y, I had downed several drinks at the bar before deciding to go apologize. It was the higher road, and Andy and I needed to stick together in this mess, in the non-coital sense. Perhaps an eensy-weensy part of my foul mood was disappointment that he had a girlfriend, but it only figured. He was some kind of famous guy, after all.

When Kama had led me to Andy’s quarters, and I’d found him jerking off, I had fled. I was a little bit drunk, and Andy was hot, and I had just really fucked up everything even more! I had taken off down a hall, eventually getting Kama’s help to find my actual room.

After going to the bathroom, then finding my bed and passing out for a while, I had woken up. I was still a little tipsy, but could think more clearly. That left me alone with my relatively coherent thoughts for the first time since Kama’s little announcement.

So… Andy was famous. That was probably why he was here. Kama’s ‘maker’ was probably an obsessed fan, or possibly a competitor wanting to humiliate Andy.

Though, the longer I thought, the less it seemed likely that only one evil megalomaniac was behind everything. The ship seemed huge, with a lot of resources. I wasn’t certain, but my gut told me that most of the common byways of space were monitored in some fashion or another, you couldn’t just plop a ship down. Wouldn’t scrappers come to reclaim an empty, unmoving ship? Wouldn’t some places tow it? I wasn’t sure, but my gut told me an unregistered space station was unlikely. So… Perhaps we were actually moving somewhere? I hadn’t seen any viewports…

And there was the other obvious question: why was I here with Andy? What about me made me special or desirable to a psychopath, or a big, evil group of psychopaths? It would have helped to know something about myself to answer that question.

I frowned. Perhaps it had nothing to do with my former occupation, and I had been thinking along the wrong lines. I wondered if they were trying to breed us to create some kind of weird, mutant baby?

If that was the case, there had to be something desirable about my genetics. I pondered for a moment before deciding to investigate.

I took my best guesses at my pulse and respiratory rates. I couldn’t know for sure, but they seemed normal. I went to inspect myself in the mirror. I checked my eyes, looked in my mouth, at my ears, and up my nose, but my entire face seemed unremarkable.

Shedding my clothes, I looked at my body’s reflection carefully. I appeared to be perhaps less than ideally fit, but had all normal appendages. I didn’t feel any maternal urges, but just in case I had been nursing and missed something, I gave both of my boobs a decent squeeze to check for lactatio-

*snick*

I turned, horrified, to see Andy walking right in, in his underwear, staring at me! I grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around myself, totally humiliated. “-I was just-“

At the same time, Andy started talking hurriedly, his whole head going red as a tomato as he turned around. “-I’m so sorry! But the floor won’t let me go anywhere else, and I’m thirsty as fuck! I’m-“

We both paused as Kama piped up. “-Would you like a drink, Andy?”

Andy looked up, and some echo of a memory told me that was a common habit among newer space travelers, when talking to mainframes. “-Yes! Please, some water?”

As a little panel by my bed clicked open, presumably with a drink, and Andy went to fetch it, I took a moment to adjust my towel so that it thoroughly covered everything. Then I thought about what Andy had said, and grew curious. “What do you mean, ‘the floor wouldn’t let you?’”

Andy wiped some water from his mouth and I had to concentrate to keep looking him in the eye. Perhaps this was all some kind of test? “The ship took my clothes, my bed, and locked me out of my room! Whenever I sat down, it would roast my ass to make me move! And there were new walls, I know it!”

For just a second, I wondered if Andy was full of shit. Was he in on this too? Was he so rich, this was what he did for fun? Kidnap chicks and try and give them Stockholm Syndrome?

But the earnest anger and panic in his voice was enough to convince me he was probably telling the truth, or perhaps hallucinating it, just believing it to be true. If Andy was drugged, I needed to be careful.

“It’s ok, Andy, at least the floor isn’t hot here, right?” He nodded, still looking strung out.

I pointed to the restroom. “Why don’t you go stand in the bathroom, so I can put some pajamas on, and then we’ll figure something out, ok? It will be alright.”

Andy sighed and did exactly that. I was looking for some pajamas in the dresser when I heard Andy shout. “It’s happening! Come feel the floor! Quick!”

Hurriedly, I put my towel back on, shuffled to the bathroom, and gracelessly knelt to put a hand to the floor. It was hot! I looked around for a bathmat, but there was nothing! Andy started skipping from foot to foot in discomfort.

Shit! I stood up and grabbed him by the arm. “Get out of there, hurry!”

Peeved, I came up with an impromptu plan. “Stand right behind me, but close your eyes!" Quickly I rifled through the dresser, finding a slutty t-shirt and some shorts. With a brief glance at Andy to make sure he wasn’t looking, I dropped my towel and tugged them on.

“See, no problem…” I trailed off as I felt the floor beneath us start to heat. “What the fuck?”

Andy and I both trotted hurriedly around the room, but found the whole surface was warming. Andy tapped my shoulder. “I’ll check the hall!”

I nodded as I gathered my clothes from earlier for us to stand on, trying to quell my panic. Andy turned back. “The hall is warming too!”

I gestured at him frantically. “Come stand on my clothes!”

Andy and I stood on my equally slutty clothes from earlier, and I felt the heat even through the fabric. Andy looked pissed, but I needed him to focus, it wasn’t the time to lose his temper-

“Kama, what the fuck are we supposed to do? Our feet are going to roast off!”

Kama paused. “The furniture might provide a suitable safe haven.”

Andy skipped towards the bathroom counter, but after testing it, moved to the bathroom. I heard him flailing with the shower. By his cursing, I assumed that he hadn’t met with any success. Abruptly, I realized what was going on, and I groaned.

Andy came nipping out of the bathroom and made his way quickly back to my pile of clothes. “What?”

I didn’t even want to say it. I just took a few steps and sat on the comfortably cool bed, lifting my feet up. Resigned, I patted next to me. “Of course, the damned bed is fine. Have a seat.”

Andy glared venomously at the ceiling, then took a seat at the other end of the bed, sitting cross-legged. I watched him put his head in his hands and decided to look elsewhere. Men could be touchy, I was pretty sure.

The absolute icing on the cake came about a minute later, when the panel that had brought Andy’s drink clicked open, and a little platform shot out. I took one look over and rolled my eyes, heaving an enormous sigh. Andy would surely flip shit.

Andy looked up. “What is it?”

I frowned. “Condoms.”

Notes