"And the flowers and the trees, all laugh when you walk by and the neighbors kids run and hide, if they only knew that you were really one of them, but you're not, you're the one."
- One by Joy Zipper


My sleep was restless and lonely, despite Andy being there the whole time. It still felt like there was a huge, endless void around me.

I wake in the morning, tired, emotionless, and still carrying the sting of guilt when I open my eyes. As I arrange my clothes and other items for school, Andy speaks up, from his place perched by the window.

“Were you going to rat me out?” He asks, looking at my face curiously. I sadly don’t have the energy to humor him with a sarcastic comment. I continue to frown, and shrug. “I felt like I needed to tell him... But lucky you, it works out in your favor.”

I continue laying out my outfit, overthinking it too much, picking at the wrinkles and seams like a madman. I’m angry with myself, yet I’m pitying myself... It’s a very strange contradiction to find yourself in.

“I mean... I understand where you’re coming from - I do - but you can’t do that. Ever. If anyone finds out about me, they’ll slip up and tell more people, either by accident or by choice. If your Dad tried to tell others, they’d either have him locked away in a padded room, or my parents would find out, and the devestating end would eventually come, and they’d be sent back into mourning. We’ve already gone over the details before. We cannot tell anyone else about me.”

I don’t respond to his rant, I just keep looking down, pretending to find more flaws with the white blouse to busy myself with.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” I reply sharply, sharper than I had intended.

“Ash, do you understand why I have to do things like this?” His voice is concerned. I nod, “Yes, Andy! I know! You remind me every damn day. I get it.”

He goes quiet, and I feel guilty for hurting his feelings. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like that... He’s just trying to share his side of things to help me understand his predicament better, but with me going after him like a witch hunt for it, it’s no wonder he keeps things to himself...

I turn to apologize, but he’s gone, and the window is cracked open a little. I grumble under my breath, and walk over to it, closing it sharply. My attention is drawn outside the glass, where to my complete and total shock, is clear.

The sky is a little hazy with left over clouds, but there’s patches of blue pushing through. The grass below my window is glazed with fresh raindrops, but shimmering in the dull sunlight coming through the darkened clouds in splinters.

It’s an undeniably beautiful morning out. Shame it has to be spent wallowing... But at least I’ll get a nice long walk in before I get to school.

I get dressed and put on enough makeup to hide the purpulish circles under my eyes, thus removing one reason for bullies to seek me out today.

I put on deep blue skinny jeans, and a nice white blouse, readjusting it several times before I’m reasonably okay with how it rests against my collarbone. I put on a heavy jacket over the top, and zip it to my neck, grabbing my phone and headphones off the mattress on my way out.

I skip breakfast when I hear Mom and Dad’s calm chatter inside. I can’t handle an awkward encounter this morning... It’s just best to save it for when I get home... Though, the double edged sword here is, I’ll have to dread it all day.

I decide I can wait until lunch to eat, so I silently slip out the door, unsure rather or not Andy or Ashley, or both of them, will be tailing me to school today.

The sky is slowly turning a nice, kindred blue. I stare up at the patches in the murky grey, feeling this tiny spark of hope glowing in my heart.

God, if everything could just go back to the way it was three weeks ago... When I was a perfectly normal teen... I think to myself sadly. Unfortunately, I’d also go back to being spineless and perfect. I’m no saint now, but at least I have some form of self-applied personality, where I’m not painted like every house on the block in a suburban neighborhood.

I pull up my hood to protect my hair from the cool mist lingering in the early morning air. The horizon is glowing the color of cooked salmon, speckled with deep violet and navy blue. I admire it’s hue as I hike across block after block of flooded neighborhood streets to my school.

I’m careful as I manuveur the streets, judging each dodge across a flooded alleyway twice before advancing. I’m in a decent mood, but I know stepping in a puddle and soiling my converse would only ruin my whole day, and ruin any chance of it possibly getting any better.

I pput in my headphones after a block and a half of walking in silence, I put my music on shuffle, and the first song to come on is Real Love by the Beatles.

“All my little plans and schemes, lost like some forgotten dreams. Seems that I all I was really doing, was waiting for you. Just like little girls and boys, playing with their little toys, seems like all I really was doing, was waiting for love. No need to be alone, no need to be alone. It’s real love, it’s real. Yes, it’s real love. It’s real.”

The song is sagely upbeat but also morbidly lowkey at the same time. I bury my hands in my pockets, enjoying the tune that slowly evolved into a description of my weird lovelife while I listen. I take comfort in knowing that there have been more star-crossed relationships than ours... But the number of girls who date boy ghosts and vise versa? The numbers have to be pretty low.

I find myself chuckling to myself... I’m insane, I’m crazy... I’m dating a damn ghost... I think, I mean, we never made it official-official. Y’know? I think we just both assumed we were, y’know, after we kissed. Which reminds me of those fabled attempts to kiss him in my Grandmother’s house... Ouch.

I’m by no means, and never have been, much of a scholar of the ‘romantics’. I don’t know how to cook a cute dinner for two or how to dress like a casually cute girlfriend... Instead I kinda just look like every item from the 60’s-early 2000’s fashion was thrown into a Goodwill store, shaken around a bit, then dumped on me... And oddly, I’m perfectly comfortable with that comparision.

The familiar cluster of buildings rises from the thinning fog, and I’m filled with an odd sense of homecoming, which is immediately replaced by the grieving feeling of my stomach doing nauseous flips.

“Don’t worry, bitch, you’ll be fine!”

I leap in shock, turning to shoot a glance at Andy, who is lingering to my immediate right. My anger and annoyance is snuffed out when I notice how undeniably handsome he is this morning.

His brown hair is tousled, and his eyes are darkened considerably with accenting makeup. His eyes are just a blue as always. He’s wearing the same worn leather duster he did the first day we officially met at my school. To top it off, he has a cigarette hanging from his lips, and he’s smoking it so cooly he could even make the hulky jocks cry.

“Hi.” Is all I really get out, when I was thinking up some elaborate, flirty introduction. My creativity is shot to shit.

He gives me a crooked half smile and extends his hand towards me. “May I walk you to school?”

I smile at him suspiciously and extend my gloved hand towards him, he takes it, and holds it close to his side as we approach the school. He dons a pair of black sunglasses from his jacket pocket, perching them on the bridge of his nose, making him grin in satisfaction.

“What are you doing?” I giggle, and he laughs, “You’ll see. Watch those preppy bitches squirm.”

He walks by my side, sending me adoring, exaggerated looks every few moments, looking so dramatic and elegant that the cheerleader girls and the jocks hanging out by the front doors of the school can’t help but look at us approaching. They look confused, and a few of them point and gesture towards us, making my cheeks light up pink like Rudolph’s nose.

“Be calm, queen, you’re the leader today. Put those prissy shitfucks in their place.”

“You’re aggressive today.” I laugh, playfully jabbing him in the ribs, he laughs and grins, his eyes invisible to me behind the dark lenses of his glasses. He’s wearing them with good reason, because if you think those cheerleaders are oogling enough with the glasses on, imaging them when he takes them off and the undivided, emotion controlling, blue-bell colored irises reign complete power.

He grins calmly, reaching up to dramatically ruffle his hair as we walk past Barbera Johnson - leader of the Student Council. She’s sitting on the edge of the brick siding leading up to the front doors, with her boyfriend’s, Jasper Walker’s, arm over he shoulders. She glances up from their quiet chatter to stare at us two approaching together, and her eyes widen, locking onto Andy’s angelic face, then drifting back to my ordinary features. There’s undeniable shock and curiousity glowing in her hazel eyes.

“No one seems to recognize you yet,” I murmur after we pass Barbera and Jasper. “Considering you were front page news for a week and a half.”

“Yeah, luckily my parents didn’t have an updated photo of me, so they had to settle on my picture from senior prom.” He laughs, pulling his hand away from mine to drape it casually over my shoulders in a protective manner as we walk through the front doors.

“Senior prom? Did you go to Junior, too?”

He nods, “Junior year was the year the bullying shit went down with Bonnie Bart and Neil. Jackson. Senior year went pretty well, actually.”

“Really? Did you have a hot date?”

He smiles fondly before responding, “Actually, yeah, I did.”
“No way!” I gasp, slapping his arm, “tell all!”

He looked encouraged, so he continues with his tale of senior year prom.

“Her name was Deseree... Deseree Lane.”

“Don’t stop there, I need details.”

He sticks his tongue out at me, but continues. “She was a strange kind of girl. She was surprisingly popular, considering she was the gothic/rock type. She could flawlessly pull off black and red hair, while wearing a girly lacy gown. She was just that kind of girl.” He shrugs simply.

It made me wonder secretively, if I am that kind of girl. The kind of girl so flawless and confident that she made Andy weak, and stuck in his memory years later like a scar on skin from a good memory.

“I was at rock bottom senior year, and I spent most of my time alone. She would glance at me in school every now and again and wave, and after a while, I started waving back. I don’t know what gave me the guts to do it, but one day I saw her sitting on her front porch, listening to music and reading. She lived straight across the street from me since fourth grade. I got this burst of confidence, and I crossed the street, gave her a fistful of dandelions that had already gone to seed, demanding that she attend prom with me, no matter how pathetic my chances were.”

“What happened?” I wonder curiously.

“She said yes.” he chuckles incredulously, not focusing on anything in particular as he stared ahead, like he was lost in the memory. “She laughed, and said ‘hell yeah, I’ll go with you.’ I thought she might decide to cancel or stand me up, but on prom night, I walked across the street to her house in a preppy tuxedo and knocked three times on her door. Her Dad answered, scanned me up and down, and called for her to come down. It was something from a Disney movie, I swear...” He breathes fondly, and I giggle. He’s so absorbed in telling the story, and I’m facinated by the way he tells it with so much enthusiasm.

“She comes to the door and smiles brightly at me. Her black and red hair is curled and pinned back into a loose bun, and she’s wearing this pale champagne colored gown that comes to her ankles, hell, I still remember every detail about that dress.”

“You speak of her like you loved her... Did you?”

He shrugs, hesitating.

“I’m not going to drag you across the coals for saying yes. Tell me.” I laugh, waiting for him to cough up the truth. Finally he nods, and chuckles nervously. “Yeah... Yeah, I did. The only girl I’d ever loved before her was Scout, and I had to leave her behind in Ohio. She made my palms sweaty and my words evaporate. I didn’t know... How to cooperate around her. She was so confident and unwavering as she let me pin the coursage to her dress, and drive her to the school. She talked a lot, about music and mutual interests, mostly. Everything she said, every sentence made my heart pound harder, and I fell in love with her.”

“What... Happened to her?”

He shrugs, “I’m not sure, exactly. I know that summer she moved in with her Aunt and Uncle in Colorado, but then she never came back. I think her parents still live here.”

“We should look for her.” I suggest adamently.

“What?” He gasps in shock, “What? No, we can’t do that.”

“Why not? Don’t you want to know what she’s up to?”

“No... Not really.”

It surprises me how badly he wants to avoid her. “Why?”

He sighs, and takes a long moment to carefully choose his word choice. “Because in my mind, Deseree Lane was the perfect girl leading a perfect life... I’m worried that if I saw her now, she wouldn’t be as perfect as I remember and she’ll become another disappointment of my past life. I’m happy remembering her as I do.”

I frown, but I don’t push the subject, and he drops it. We head towards my locker, and I enter the code, preparing to abandon a few uneeded textbooks to replace them with new ones.

Andy leans against my locker and sighs, “It’s probably time for me to go back into hiding. Too many people will see me, and it will probably get you in trouble. I don’t want that.”

“Don’t go.” I say before I can stop myself, and and smiles sadly, “I won’t be far.” He promises, “and I’ll always be visible for you.”

He is dramatic as he leans in, pressing a kiss to my lips. I blush harder than before, feeling the shocked eyes of my peers locking onto me. I smile at him awkwardly afterwards, and he walks away to find somewhere private to disappear, since he can’t very well disappear in a puff of smoke right there in the overpopulated hallway.

I watch him go, and aparently, everyone else did, too, because the second he’s out of sight, a few people hesitantly approach me, asking nosy questions. And there, splitting the crowd in two, came forth a girl with a purple and red tye-dye nose. My ex-best friend plants herself in front of me, crossing her arms, narrowing her eyes at me.

“I can’t believe you went to all this trouble to hurt me.” She huffs dramatically. I observe her obviously broken nose discreetly. I sure as hell didn’t do that. It looks like someone closed her face in a door.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused. Ugh, to think you know someone. Let me know when you get through counciling, Asheen.” She makes an exaggerated effort to bump into my shoulder sharply as she breezes by, causing one of my textbooks to tumble from my grip, hitting the tile floor with a loud thud, making heads turn, trying to peer around one another for the source.

My cheeks flush deep pink, and I bend over to grab the book, to find someone’s fancy athletic shoe planted atop it smugly. I sigh loudly and slowly drag my eyes upwards to the culprit. It’s one of the more popular boys, Reece Holland.

“Uh no,” He laughs, the sound booms from his chest, making me flinch. “you and I need to have a little chat about what you did to my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” I laugh with what bit of sarcasm I can muster up over my pounding heart and shaking hands. “Who on this wide, green earth would date your speckled ass?”

His jaw flexes downward in surprise as he processes the insult I just threw at him.

“Elizabeth is my girl.” He informs me proudly once he’s recovered, following up the statement with a smug smile. “And unlike you and ‘cowboy punk roamer’ strolling through the halls, this love is real and not for show. On that note, I don’t particuarly enjoy that someone is beating on her, you feel me?”

I lift my eyes to him and stare at him in absolute silence. The second build up and a long, uncomfortable silence follows. After a full twenty-five seconds has past, I finally reply tiredly, “I feel your breath colliding with my face like a brick wall. Here,” I straighten up a bit, reaching into my jacket pocket, producing two dollars and fifty cents. I extend it towards him and he holds his palm out in confusion. I drop the money into his palm and finish my insult with a overbearingly sweet, sarcastic tone. “head on down to the drug store and buy yourself a travel sized bottle of mouthwash, because goodness sakes boy, you’re losing the war against the onions you ate for breakfast. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” I kick his foot off the book while he is stunned and dumbfounded by my comment. I scoop it up, turn, and continue on my way.

I feel my heart threatening to throw itself out of my chest in excitement and anxiety.

Three weeks ago, I might’ve hung my head and taken an accusation like that. But now? No fucking way.

I smile to myself, but it wavers as my nerves consume me. Day one, I’ve been on the property for five minutes, and I’ve already formed an army of enemies. What a productive day.

“That, my friend, was hilarious.” Andy’s deep voice came from behind me, and I smiled genuinely. His pace quickened until he was walking right beside me, careful not to get too close in case I disappear.

“I learned the snotty ways of sarcasm from the best.” I joke, “Okay, now I’ve gotta get to class before the teacher finds another reason to hate me.”

Notes

Chapter inspired by One by Joy Zipper

I don't know how often I'll be able to update this story for the next few weeks, because right after I finished writing this chapter, my computer gave me an error saying my battery had experienced a permanent error and needs to be replaced, and that the next time I unplug my AC adapter, my computer goes into hibernation... With all my files... Glorious. Thanks, Dell! Thanks Windows 10 for messing up my battery in the first place! Thanks universe fo hating me so.
If by some random chance one of my readers is good with computers, I'd really appreciate some assistance figuring out the finer details of replacing it.