Andy

I wake up just in time for school...

In a hospital room.

I open my eyes, and groggily assess my surroundings, taking note that there are actual lights on, and electronics running in the room. I must’ve gone to Heaven.

There’s buzzing of a heart monitor nearby, and I feel like I’m suffering Deja-Vu, having been in the hospital not but a week and a half ago. I really hope that there is not a routine forming.

My parents rush me when they notice I am awake, and I am showered in hugs, kisses and concerned comments and questions, which I can’t quite handle, since I’m not so sure myself. I chalk it up to being so tired when I passed out.

“We know that it probably wasn’t serious enough to constitute a hospital stay, but we didn’t know what kind of trauma you suffered underwater, so we just had to be sure.” My Mom tells me with stiff, anxious gestures. I nod in understanding, not sure if my voice is back yet. Before I can try, she raises her hands in warning.

“I wouldn’t try that yet until the doctor has checked on you. Sorry, love, back to no talking.”

I frown, and relapse into silence. I peek around the crowd that consists of my Mom and Dad, spotting Andy and Ashley out cold in the duel recliners across from my bed. I smile slightly, relieved that the two of them are getting some rest.

They continue to fill me in on what’s happened while I was out, and pepper the speech with ‘I love you’s’ and ‘we were so worried’.

Immediately, a memory comes to mind, to Dad marching to the neighbor’s house with a gun. I can’t help myself, and I speak immediately.

“What on earth were you doing?” I ask disapprovingly, aside from the slight crack in my voice, it’s fine. No pain or anything. Mom stares at me, looking annoyed that I avoided her previous warning, then becoming concerned, she turns to my Dad.

“David, what did you do?”

I realize by the shock ridden, shameful face he’s bearing, that Mom had no idea that he ran out in the rain storm, waving a gun around. I quickly shake my head and change the subject, as much as I want to rat him out for his stupidly careless actions, I don’t need Mom more upset and stressed out than she already is.

“How long have I been out?”

“Only twelve hours.” She replies suspiciously, looking as though she was going to say something else, but thought better of it .

I nod slowly, attempting to push myself up into a sit. “I feel much better now... Can we go home?”

They share a silent moment of contemplation and I wait in silence.

“I really don’t want to spend a moment longer here than I have to, because everytime I am here, it’s always a night-long stay following some traumatic event.”

“Well this time you lucked out,” My Dad chuckles, his laugh sounds off and anxious as he lightly punches my shoulder playfully. “Because you missed the first day of school.”

“That will be both a blessing and a curse.” I sigh, accepting the help they offered when I threw off my blankets and slowly began climbing out of bed. I look to my left, and Ashley is just starting to wake up. He looks over at Andy, still knocked out cold, and he sighs a little bit before pushing himself out of the recliner and approaching me.

I’m stricken with shock and surprise when he reaches for me, so I have to try my damnedest to not act like something is wrong and terrify my parents.

He places his hands over where theirs are, and swiftly guides me off the bed, steadying me with cautious hands and a guarded expression. “There you go.” He announces, letting go of me and stepping back as far against the wall of the hospital room as he can.

I nod towards him in a silent form of thanks, and Mom calls in a nurse to check me over and remove the IV. I’m partially hopeful that the nurse will be Amilie, but it’s not. The girl is anxious and impatient, ripping the IV out of my arm, covering it in gauze quickly, and taping it down.

Once she’s done, she collects her things and leaves silently. I take a moment to collect myself, and accept the bundle of clean clothes from my Mom. I go into the bathroom to change, and take a quick bath - taking a moment to enjoy the luxury while it’s provided.

I lie down in the piping hot water, feeling it consume the ghostly sting of the icy cellar water. I rejoice the feeling of warmth, and slowly submerge beneath the water.

Holding my breath, I lie at the bottom of the tub like a rock, keeping in mind that this time, I am completely in control. Whenever it becomes too much, I can simply resurface.

The familiar push of pressure in my lungs comes back, followed by the burn as my lungs run out of oxygen. Then I permit myself to surface, quickly taking a deep breath, sitting up to wipe the water from my eyes.

I’m not sure yet if it makes me feel better knowing that I’m in control of my fate just this once. If I was done with myself, I’d stay under and let natural circumstances claim me.

But I have too much to fight for still, far too much to still attend to for suicide to even be an option, let alone an accidental one. I intend to live a long, hopefully happy life. That starts when I let go of the demons that plague me on a daily basis.

So many strange things, digging their claws into me, taking hold of my life, steering me in directions I’m not comfortable with. I have to find a way around them.

When I’ve had enough of wallowing in a physical representation of my self-pity, I drag myself up from the pool of dirtied warm water, the last traces of the Riley’s cellar dripping off my skin, running down the drain.

I dry off quickly, and put on the clean clothes, replacing the dingey hospital gown.

I exit the bathroom, and Andy is awake and alert, though his eyes are slightly duller than usual, still, they seem to light up considerably when he sees me, which causes my heart to launch out of my chest.

Get a grip, I scold myself calmly, people are watching. You can smother him in kisses and annoyingly loving comments when you get home.

“Ready?” Dad asks, and I quickly nod. It can’t be soon enough that I get out of here.

I reach for Andy’s hand as I fall behind my parents in the hall, and immediately, he gives it a firm, reassuring squeeze. I return it, smiling up at him slightly.

I notice Ashley’s a few steps behind us, hesitant to follow, looking out of place like a white wolf. I slow down, and pause. He looks at me, silently judging me, and trying to figure out what I’m going to do to him. I think I surprised him when I hold my other hand out towards him for him to take.

He stares at it like I just tried to hand him a gun. I let go of Andy’s hand and step towards him, forcefully grabbing his gloved hand, pulling him back into the friendship folds by grabbing Andy’s hand again.

Ashley isn’t as reluctant to touch me as I might’ve expected, and I’m hopeful that this is the start of a loveley friendship.

We get outside, and are immediately greeted by the downpour. It’s almost becoming tradition to be soaked and freezing every time we go outside. I don’t mind, really, I still love the rain.

Everything else that follows is just bleak and easy to forget. I stare out the windows at the blurred scenery as we drive through the remaining unflooded streets, headed home. As much as I love the rain, I’m really missing the sun right now, which really makes me miss California - strangely. I never thought I’d say that, yet... Here I am, missing the shimmering beaches with their white sand and champagne colored shells strewn about.

My parents are ultra careful to help me out of the care, giving me an overly confident pep talk just climbing out of the car - a task I could have easily completed on my own, without the guiding ghost hands that helped anyways.

“You should go up and rest for a bit.” My Mom smiles at me, and I can tell from the exhaustion evident in her eyes that she could use some rest herself. Dad, on the other hand, hides his exhaustion well, remaining completely calm and unreadable.

I nod in agreement, not in the mood for too much conversation. Going to sleep, and enjoying the one extra day I have to myself before the dreadful chore that it school sounds like a good idea.

I do just that, departing immediately when we get inside.

“Will you be okay on your own for a little bit?” Andy asks me as I reach the first stair. I turn slightly to stare down at him, and nod in confusion, unsure where he is going. Ashley looks up at me with his haunting eyes before they both disappear.

I go to my room, too tired to care that the bed is a mess, and that the room is dark and noisy with the pound of rain. I mumble a prayer as I slump onto my mattress, curling up in a little ball against the headboard, and close my eyes, almost immediately slipping away into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~


My Mother gently shakes me awake a few hours later, telling me that dinner is ready. Andy is there immediately, staring at me with kind, tired, patient eyes. I smile at him tiredly and accept his help getting up, even though I feel much better, and well rested.

Part of me even felt a little excited to return to school - just for that nostalgic feeling of routine again, something that had been missing from my everyday life for weeks. A little order would be nice.

“Your Dad will want to talk to you after dinner.” Andy tells me, pursing his lips into a thin line. “He thinks you lied about the cellar.”

“What should I say?” I ask, frowning. “I didn’t lie, but with Nora and James gone, and no evidence to back up my presence in the cellar, there’s no proof it even happened.”

His forehead creases as he thinks, “Do you think.... No, no never mind.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

We enter the dining room, and suddenly my mouth feels dry and my mind goes blank. Luckily, I have until after dinner to compose my lie... I shouldn’t have to lie to him...

I could fight it, and tell him it was true, but that could earn me a spot in my own padded cell... I could tell him that it was an hallucination I had while drowning somewhere else - but where else is there? I don’t have any cohesive details to make up a convincing tale.

“How are you feeling, Ash?” Dad asks, smiling warmly at me - the stress still evident in his tired eyes.

“Hi, Dad,” I smile at him as I sit down, the pillar candle positioned in the middle of the table casting a peculiar orange glow across my face. “I’m feeling much better now.”

“Good! Good, glad to hear... Ash, we need to talk about what happened.”

“... I know.” I murmur, avoiding eye contact in fear he would quickly discover what I was planning. Lying to him kills me... No one deserves to be lied to like that, least of all him. Even if he went a little crazy last night, waving a gun around in the streets. It worries me how quickly he escalated to that point, boiling over with rage and protectiveness.

“You told me something about the... Incident. Something that was not true.”

I press my lips into a line to avoid spitting out something stupid that would get me in more trouble. I want so badly to tell him I am telling the truth... But the sad reality of it is, I’m technically not, and I have no evidence of it even really happening in their cellar, or them being involved. So instead of responding, I just nod.

He frowns in disappointment, and it turns the knife in my gut. I guess we’re going into this now, so I have to come up with something quick.

“Tell him it was a hallucination, tell him you were hiking in the woods and slipped into a flooded valley - Ash, there’s no way he’ll believe the truth.” Andy warns me.

“I- I...”

I can’t make myself say it, and he’s staring at me, waiting for me to spit it out.

“I can’t lie to you... Dad.” I finally breathe, wincing as I say it. I risk a peek at his face, and see his confusion.

“What I told you was no lie. That actually happened, I swear on my life.”

His face went from calm to an angry red. “Ash, stop lying!” He bellows, shoving himself up from the table, sending his chair back against the wall. Mom stares at him in shock as he jabs a finger at me, “I will tolerate this no longer. You’ve been peppering every thing you say with little lies, and I’m done! Tell me the truth, young lady.”

I’m shocked, unable to fully process what he’s saying. His glare darkens as he waits, growing more and more impatient.

“Nora and James are not home. They did not push you, they did not lock you in the cellar. I don’t know what happend to you, but it most certainly was not that. Don’t treat me like a dumbass, Ash, I want the truth.”

“That is the truth.” I whisper, still managing to get a hint of firm authority in my tone. “That’s what happened! I can’t prove it, but it did!”

“You’ve been making it harder and harder to trust you, Ash.” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Agh, let’s eat... We’ll go over this after dinner.”

Relief swells in my chest, I have been spared. We sit down and eat, but it’s tense and uncomfortable. I’m starving, or at least, I was. Now that hunger has been replaced by raw anxiety and rainbow colored butterflies battling it out in my stomach.

I pick at my food, not really eating it. I’m too nervous and upset to eat.

After fifteen minutes of anxious picking between us, Dad looks at me, and I avoid eye contact, keeping my guilty eyes averted downwards.

“Sandy, can you excuse us a moment?”

Mom nods, looking confused. He gestures for me to follow him out of the kitchen. I don’t want to go, but the alternative is surely a fresh grounding if I don’t. I get up, and followed him like a kicked puppy out of the kitchen. He goes left, down the hallway to the music room, then right into the living room. The curtains are drawn and the room is lit by deminishing pools of yellow wax bearing blackened wicks.

“Okay, let’s go over everything. Sit down.”

He gestures towards the couch, and I decline. “You’re just going to call me a liar.” I mumble. “What the neighborhood and church thinks of you means more to you than I do, apparently.”

“What?! Where did you get that from?”

“You might as well have said it yourself.” I sigh, walking towards the windows, peeking out the curtains. “It’s obvious that your ‘image’ means more that justice. I’m trying to tell you what happened... But that doesn’t matter, right?”

He crosses his arms tightly across his chest, staring at me coldly while he chooses his words. “Ash, I’m not going to put up with this attitude from you. I don’t know where this change came from, but it ends now. No more rebellious bullcrap.”

“Who said I was trying to rebel?” I snort, quickly losing interest in the kind, respectful route of staying quiet. “I’m trying to find myself, because my entire life has been spent in the pews of a church under stained glass windows and the judging eyes of a God I’m not eve sure exists.”

“Do not say that, Ash. God is real.”

“How do you know that?” I laugh humorlessly, “Tell me what miracles you’ve seen that makes you believe in it. There’s nothing to prove his existence except an old book!”

“You are treading on some thin ice here, missy.” He growls.

“Have you seen a rainbow recently?” I gesture towards the rain stricken windows, “The rainbow that’s supposed to symbolize God’s promise to never flood the earth again. Yet, here we are, being picked off one by one like we’re rats! You’ve had terrible luck! Prayer doesn’t work! God isn’t real!” I shout at him, feeling the burn of tears in my eyes, the unfortunate side effect of me getting angry. “you lose a child, you lost your job, Grandma is on her deathbed, I’ve almost died twice, you and Mom want a divorce - but neither of you will admit it.”

My anger snuffed out immediately as those words left my mouth and I stare at him, watching the angry Itailian man I’d grown up respecting and partially fearing break down, piece by piece. His armor fell away, and he fell to his knees.

“Dad...” I whisper, my words failing me. “Dad, I didn’t mean it.”

“Of course you did, Asheen.” He whispers hopelessly, “People say things when they’re angry, but they’d never say it if it never crossed their minds.”

“Dad,” I try again, but he raises his hand to silence me.

“Ash... Forget it. All right? We both know I’m a crappy parent, everyone on the block knows it. God knows it... If you still believe in him.” He murmurs coldly, staring into my soul. “I just ask that you stop lying to me. It’s obvious that there’s something underlining everything.”

“Like what?” I ask quietly, sitting on the couch in defeat, leaning over my knees to see his face better. His forehead is heavily creased and he looks on the edge of crisis.

He smiles, but there’s no emotion. It’s just a sad, hopeless smile as he looks past me. “The clothes in your hotel room weren’t yours. You’re always talking to someone, but no ones ever there. You’ve changed so much, but you can’t even begin to explain yourself. You’re going insane because of me.”

Not quite what I expected... I watch his face fall and he hits rock bottom. I can’t torture him like this! I can’t lie to him... I can’t... I look up to the mantel over the fireplace behind him, and atop it is various framed photos of us and family, and a few stupid school projects I did in second grade. There’s this rainbow colored ceramic chicken up there.

I look at Andy nervously, and he shakes his head, but I ignore his warning.

“Dad, I need to tell you something...” I begin, but he silences me, wincing.

“If it’s more scarring words, keep ‘em to yourself.” He sighs, finally making eye contact with me. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Go to your room... You’re grounded... Two weeks.”

I don’t protest, because that’s pretty fair considering the snotty little shit I’ve been to him and Mom. I just look down in defeat, feeling the burn of guilt and thngs I should have said instead.

He pulls himself up from the carpet with careful, timed movements. I watch him get up, hesitate, then go. He leaves the living room, and he leaves me alone. Andy is frowning, looking down. I sigh and get up, anger at myself boiling in my chest.

I get up, blinded by anger I didn’t even know I had the power to possess, and I walk towards the mantel across the room. I lock on my sights to the multi-colored rooster, and I reach for it, rolling it around in my palms thoughtfully for a moment before cranking my arm back, turning and aiming for the window.

My fingers are itching to fling the hideously overcolored bird through the expensive glass of the french double doors behind the couch... But I can’t make myself do it.

My anger falls away into guilt and self-hate, and I sigh in defeat, turning around, slamming the thing down on the mantel. I stare at it a moment longer before leaving without another glance, ascending the stairs to my room.

Notes

Ooh stuffs getting intense lol

I finally got around to putting together a physical playlist of all the music that has inspired this story thusfar, it can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL94P5DjO4LzbZRWVCrUyKJQZ1unylsHfd
Setlist:
1. Underwater - Mika (inspired the underwater scene where they kiss)
2. 7 Years - Lukas Graham (a musical representation of Andy's life, and what could have been)
3. The Mortician's Daughter - Black Veil Brides (it inspired all the chapters leading up to Andy's funeral)
4. Hospital For Souls - Bring Me The Horizon (it strikes me as a nice credits song, but it mostly reminds me of the eeriness of the forest.)
5. The Funeral - Band of Horses
6. Lost it All - Black Veil Brides (Andy's car accident)
7. Eternally Yours - Motionless in White (describes the troubles of a morbid romance, in which the partners do not work together at all, but they're trying to find a way)
8. Through the Ghost - Shinedown
9. I Will Fail You - Demon Hunter
10. Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Andy's guardianship over Ash)
11. Love - Lana Del Rey (embodies their nightly adventures)
12. House on a Hill - The Pretty Reckless (Apture House)
13. One More Night - Michael J Langley
14. I'll Follow You - Shinedown
15. Drown - Tyler Joseph (Andy's relationship song)
16. Hush - Automatic Loveletter (Ash's relationship song

That being said, I can always *always* use new songs to motivate my writing. These songs, and pretty much all of the Twilight soundtracks and scores inspired this story and have kept it moving. Feel free to recommend any new songs that match the story!

Shoutouts!

Lay Lay
Cannible Cat
OxfordPictionary