Andy

Dad came home an hour later and began securing the house. I watched him out there from my bedroom window, tempted to go out there and help him, but worried that he would whisk me away.

I told my Mom I wasn’t feeling well, and would be skipping dinner to go to bed early. I lied down on my cold mattress in the dark, and stared at the fading grey light outside my window. Once it was completely dark, my Mom came in to check on me, and I pretended to be asleep, until she left a glass of water and a Tylonel on my bedside table.

Andy was there, but he was quiet and troubled. I tried to get him to talk to me a few times, but he was lost in his own head. I fell asleep a few times, in and out of consciousness after I texted CC to inquire about the festivities ahead. We agreed to meet at eleven, after my parents had gone to bed.

At 10:30, I got up and got a dry hoodie on and opted for boots over converse, since they’d last a little longer in the rain without getting wet. I couldn’t do my makeup or hair, since I had no light, so I decided to go comando and bare-faced.

“Still as dark in this house as Satan’s backside.” Ashley muttered, shoving my bedroom door open at 10:45.

“Oh good, you’ve returned.” I glared at his silhouette, “you’ve come back to grace us with your presence.”

“Ash...” Andy sighed, from the window. He was dimly lit by the moonlight that escaped the thick grey clouds over the town. It was still a full on downpour out there, which worried me. It hadn’t slowed down any all day, almost as if it was spilling years worth of pent up rain drops on us now.

I exhale loudly, and cross my arms, but bite my tongue to shut up. I could feel Ashley’s angered glare following me in the darkness.

“Are we gonna do this or not?” He demanded.

“We’re leaving soon.” I reminded him softly.

“Did I ask you?” He snapped.

“If you two want to spend all night in this shit hole, be my guest. I’m leaving.” Ashley declared, pacing and fidgeting like a madman.

“Would you hold on a Goddamned moment?” Andy snapped at him, “sit the fuck down for a second, take a breath before you give yourself a second death. Quit being a restless prick and chill the fuck out.”

Ashley paced, and grew more irritable.

“What’s your problem?” Andy asked, pushing himself off the window bench.

“I can’t be here anymore.” Ashley said, biting at his nails. “I tried, Andy, I did. I can’t be here in this house, in this town. I need to go.”

“You need to stay.” Andy put a firm hand on Ashley’s shoulder to stop his fidgiting. “There’s something wrong with you that you won’t tell me, and until you do, I can’t help you. For now, I’m just asking for you to take a breather to evaluate things. No, you don’t have to stay here. If you find it’s too painful to bare, go wherever suits you, I’ll be happy for you all the same. But now, you need to try. Which is why you’re staying. You’ve hardly given things a fair shake.”

“I did-”

“You’ve been here 24 hours.” He reminded him coldly. “Give it more time.”

Ashley looked annoyed, but he stepped down, and walked to the window, lifting open the glass panel with a grunt, and glimping out onto the roof. Andy sighs, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

I checked that my jacket was zipped up completely, and followed Andy and Ashley out the window onto the rain slick roof. While Andy turned back to close the window, I lost my footing.

I was about to slick down the roof, but a firm, cold grasp gripped my wrist tightly, and pulled me back up like a doll dangled from fingers. I looked over in the blurry downpour and see that it was Ashley to caught me.

“Thanks.” I whisper, beads of water dewing on the tip of my nose, running down my chin and lips. He nodded silently, and turned to drop straight from the roof. Andy grabbed my hand, and leapt off after him. We hit he ground with a low thud that was easily disguised by the thunder and rain. Water sloshed around our ankles as we cut across the waterlogged street to the sidewalk on the other side.

“We’re meeting at Dokken Bar.” I informed them both when we were on our way. “CC got Jake and Jinxx to tag along.”

“Assuming that they can wade through all this shit.” Ashley muttered impatiently, kicking at the heaps of dead, wet leaves and garbage building up along the sidewalks.

The neighborhood was quiet and dark, leaving an eery, ominous feeling to haunt the streets. Few windows were illuminated by the dying glow of candle light, and ghostly looking faces appeared in the glass to watch us make our way to mainstreet. It feels apocolyptic here, peope living in houses slowly decaying in the weather, looking stoic and frightened, saying a prayer for anyone who dares exit their home.

I pull up my hood to hide my face, and shield my eyes from the pelting rain, looking ahead to where the warm glow of working street lights rose above the heavy mist like a glowing beacon for moths. We pushed on through the intersecting neighborhoods until we reached the straight stretch of road that led straight into the business district. I sighed in relief as we were washed with the orange glow of a street light, the bulb holding it’s own against the pounding rain.

The sidewalks were lined with cafes, antique stores and book shops, and hunkered against the walls under the dripping awnings, were small groups of people. They were bundled up in heavy winter coats, curled up in thick, floral patterned quilts. Their regretful, sorrow filled eyes flickered up at me with a dull glow as I passed, and my heart ached for them. What had happened to their homes? How many homes had been destroyed already?

I keep my head low, and walk briskly to keep up with Andy and Ashley.

Andy slowed and pulled open the bar door, and I automatically resumed my place close to their side as we went in.

My heart sank sorrowfully when I got a look at how packed the bar was. Burdened faces, peering down at tumblers of alcohol while they downed glass after glass. Every booth was packed with water battered men and women. To my surprise, there were even some children, tucked in close to their parents.

“How bad are things really?” I could hardly whisper. If a strict rule like ‘no kids in bars’ was broken just for the sake of giving families somewhere dry to go, this shit storm was far from over. I felt guilty... We weren’t here seeking shelter, but we were here for a leisure meeting with old friends.

“Looks like a lot of homeless people.” Ashley noted cautiously. We stared around the room a little more.

“There.” Andy pointed towards the back of the long, narrow room at booth with three empty seats, the other three containing dripping, annoyed men in leather biker jackets.

We cut through the crowd without being noticed. The three of us were merely ghosts drifting through, and I feel like if we were all visible, these grief-stricken people wouldn’t have thought any different.

Andy stretched his arms out in front out him, his face scrunching up a little in concentration before exhaling. “Hello.” He greeted them and they looked up, eyes tired and faded. Ashley repeated Andy’s exercise until they were both visible to the limited audience of CC, Jinxx and Jake.

CC grinned at them both, and Jinxx and Jake stared at them.

“Shit... CC was telling the truth.” Jake laughed, his expression a mixture between surprise and and disbelief.

“We could exchange hugs, but you’d disappear.” Ashley said smugly.

“Fair enough,” Jinxx shrugged, extending his hand towards them instead. I looked around to make sure no one was watching as they exchanged the gesture. The people crammed inside the restaurant looked like refugees, and sadly, most of them probably were.

“We didn’t think the place would be this crowded.” Jake sighed, reaching for his glass, which was still a fourth full of golden alcohol. “makes sense, I suppose... We just found out that the lower neighborhoods are trashed, that’s where all these people are from. Hotels are packed, anyone who’s got a spare room to share has already taken in people, and now the people who can, are leaving the town in droves.”

“It’s insane.” Jinxx added with flickering eyes of mysterious darkness. “It was just reports of some heavy rain, and then we woke to the sirens in the middle of the night, and people running from their homes half awake, dragging their kids around. We maintained power for a day and a half, and during that time everyone was kept updated on the storm’s movement. Then the wind came, and that on top of all the water already made this town literal Hell on Earth.”

We sat down, and I took a few fleeting peeks around the room at the refugees of the storm. Many were still dressed normally, just wet and looking disgruntled. But there were many who were holding trashbags of their possessions close to their seats like it was their last Earthly attachement.

“It’s sad...” I mumble to myself. The others frowned in silent agreement.

“Damn this is heavy.” CC sighed, frowning, then clapping the table top. “let’s lighten the mood with some ice breakers.”

“You and your damn ice breakers...” Andy sighed, tapping his fingers on the smooth wood tabletop.

“We’ll go around the table, everyone say your name, and how you’re doing.”

“We all know each other, you dunce.” Ashley sneered, earning himself an impatient glance from CC.

“Just do it.”

Ashley chewed his lip in annoyance before heaving a sigh, “I’m Ashley, in case none you you knew, and I’m doing kinda shitty, your turn.”

CC laughed at his sarcasm, “That’s the spirit. I’m Christian, and despite all this flood shit, I’m feeling pretty damn good. Jake, you go.”

Jake raised his eyes from studying his glass to his friend, staring at him with tired, brown eyes. “I’m Jake, I’m okay.”

Jinxx went next, with a short answer, then to Andy and then myself. Up until then, I don’t think anyone had really noticed that I was there.

“I’m Ash... I’m doing alright.”

CC nodded in approval, which made me feel a little better, and slightly less out of place. I clearly look like I do not belong, and the atmosphere from the other men confirmed it a bit. Jake, he was alright by me, and we get along alright, but I think he, like Ashley and Jinxx, were hoping to have a reunion that didn’t include a third wheel sympathy package that no one knows anything about.

“So... Andy... What happened?” Jake asks, breaking the tense, force-friendly atmosphere with a grim expression, leaning forward over the table with his hands clasped.

“What do you mean?”

“That accident... What happened? We only know what we heardd from the news, but we didn’t know how true it was...”

“Oh...” Andy sighed, taking in a deep breath, holding it as he thought carefully. “I guess my version of the story isn’t too different. I was on my way to my parents’ house, Alkaline Trio playing on the stereo of my truck, and the sky overcast, about to rain. I remember those details the most. I approached a blind intersection, too giddy with nervous excitement to be careful.” A longing smile graced his lips as he recalled that day almost three weeks ago.

“There was a semi, it wasn’t supposed to be on the neighborhood streets, but there he was. I didn’t see him until I started to turn, and he plowed right into the side of my truck. Stupid me, I wasn’t wearning my seatbelt, I went straight through the windshield. The guy didn’t stop, he kept going, pushing against my truck until the engine was leaking, and he had pushed by and was on his way. I was faced with the horrific reality that no matter what, I’d die there. Either from succumbing to my injuries, or from the explosion that was bound to happen... I knew it was coming, and despite my history of self-loathing, I couldn’t find any joy in the revelation.”

I’ve heard this story a few different times, and every time there was a new, tragic detail I missed.

“Some lady called 911 after she heard the commotion in front of her house. She came to my side, even terrified as she was, and comforted me. She cried, and smoothed my hair, and I remember the burning in my lungs because I couldn’t breathe. I felt like a fish out of water, lying there, splaid out on the hood of my truck, abdomen torn by shards of glass, and probably a collapsed lung and some broken bones... But I couldn’t concentrate on the pain of death itself, just the unbearable ache of everything I was leaving behind.”

His eyes grew glassy with emotion as he recalled the memory. Jake looked from his friend, back down at his drink.

“I remember getting the call...” He murmured quietly, eyes drifting away to some dark, distant place. “It was Chris, saying they were at the hospital and you had been in an accident. They were praying to God, and they’ve never been religious people. I think that was the sadest part... They just wanted to believe in something, anything, to hope you’d make it out okay. They were in denial, they already knew you died at the scene, but they couldn’t bring themselves to accept the news. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a kid, that...” He shook his head firmly, and downed the last of his alcohol quickly, before pushing back his chair and marching towards the bar for a refill.

“I remember that, too.” CC echoed, toying with the empty amber colored bottle in his hands, “I thought it was you pranking me, actually. That you’d made it to your parents’ house, and was just being an asshole... Damn, I wish that’d been the case. We were supposed to hang out that night, not grieving in your parent’s living room in unbreakable silence.”

Andy looked up at CC with shimmering, regretful eyes. Up until now, he’d made a lot of death jokes at his own expense, saying it didn’t bother him much, but it’s clear that it does. I can feel a lump forming in my throat while I watch the pitiful exchange. It wasn’t my story, and I wasn’t really apart of it in any substantial way, so I feel guilty.

“I’m sorry.” Andy breaths after a few minutes of silence, rubbing his face tiredly.

CC’s brow was creased over his mourning brown eyes, slowly he lifted his gaze to his friend in confusion. “For what?”

“For not being around more... For not staying in contact... I...”

“Hey, this is not on you. This was an accident.” Jinxx interupted Andy’s guilty blubbering firmly.

“Maybe so... But before that?... That’s my fault. No one here can vouch otherwise, I pushed everyone and everything away that had anything to do with this town. I wanted to get far away, even if that meant hurting everyone I love. I deserve this guilt, now. It’s the only feeling that reminds me that I need to do better than I have.”

“We understood why you left after graduation.” CC disagreed, shaking his head “with everything that happened with Ashley and yourself, it felt like the vacation you needed.”

“But I left you all here to mourn on your own.” Andy sighed, combing his thin fingers through his hair, “we’re family, and we’re supposed to do that together.”

They didn’t argue it anymore. Jinxx looked at Andy for a long moment before glancing back down.

Andy winced as he thought more about it, and sighed, getting up. “I’ll be back. Ash, do you want anything?”

“Something hard.” Ashley resonded dully, his eyes looking crazed for the alcohol he needed to numb his memory. I wonder if it affects him the same way.

Andy walked away, his dull footsteps on the floorboards ominous as he left the four of us behind.

“What about you, Ashley?” Jinxx asked, his greyish-blue eyes hesitantly flickering t0 him, curiosity in his voice. “What happened with you?”

Ashley looked put on the spot, and didn’t reply immediately. He crossed his hands on the table, giving a wary, defensive look to those few of us that remained seated around it.

He blinked, took a deep breath, and spoke, “What’s there to say?”

“Why did you do it?” CC’s voice rose, tinted with hurt and confusion. “we could never fully understand why you thought it was the only option.”

“It was the only option.” Ashley sneered, pulling his hands back to cross his arms tightly across his chest. CC waved his hands in defense, “I’m not trying to tick you off, Ash, we just want to know... Closure, y’know?”

“No.”

“Why? It’s not like anything can be changed now.” Jinxx intervened, raising his head to firmly stare down Ashley.

“Exactly. Which is why we’re leaving it in the past, where it belongs.”

Jake pulled his chair out and sat down in it, placing his shot glass on the table with a clatter. “Death turned you into an asshole.” he muttered, downing the shot in a flash, swallowing with a wince.

A humorless smile spread across Ashley’s lips, “I’m the asshole? You’re all invading what little privacy I have with your prodding, personal questions. Sorry, I’m not an open book like Andy, I like to have my secrets.”

“Dude, it’s not the matter of being open, it’s sharing some final thoughts for closure. Hell, I don’t love talking about my passing, either, but if it’s helping someone else, I’d recite it hundreds of times.” Andy defended himself, narrowing his eyes at Ashley. “Man, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me!” Ashley finally shouted, fuming. “I wish you would all fuck off with your stupid, invasive questions.”

Now everyone was glaring at one another. Either with accusive glares for setting him off, or they were glaring at Ashley himself.

“Y’know what? I think I’m going to go. I’m just crashing your cuddly reunion, allow me to let myself out.” Ashley said coldly, before roughly shoving his chair backwards and getting up.

“Ashley!” CC called after him, getting up from the table to pursue him. Andy quickly followed, making his way silently through the crowd after Ashley, who was already ripping open the front door.

“Damn it...” Jake muttered, reaching for his last shot, downing it, then getting up, to follow the parade of confused, drunk friends through the door, leaving myself and Jinxx alone.

“Aren’t you going to go after them?” I asked him, looking up.

He laughed quietly, “No, they’ve got it handled. Ashley’s always been dramatic, more now than usual. And anyways, I’ve got this drink to finish.” He held up his tall glass half heartedly with a sarcastic smile.

I looked back down thoughtfully, considering for a moment tagging along after the others before deciding against it, and opting to stay and keep Jinxx company.

“What happened to Ash? That you remember?” I asked him suddenly, curiosity becoming too much for me to manage.

He shrugged, and smiled a little bit. “He lost it, honestly.” He breathed, tracing the lines of the wood tabletop with his pinky. “he couldn’t handle peer pressure... He just snapped. We all banned together pretty tight in high school, but no matter what we did to defend each other in school, we couldn’t stop the feelings and things that came to us outside. We weren’t at each other’s house constantly to ward off the encrouching demons, so Andy and Ashley were left alone to their thoughts, making them a hazard to themselves. A waste of good skin and energy went into their efforts to escape.”

I frowned, but did not interupt.

“Andy was hospitalized twice, and the first time he tried, he chickened out half way through. Ashley was more strategic in his attempts, doing it in ways, that if he failed, no one could tell he had tried, and he could put on another one of his fake, charming smiles and push on until he was ready to try again. He suffered in silence, whereas Andy, was more vocal about his pain, through the songs he wrote, and the fights he got into over petty stuff. It’s all petty at first, but that shit builds up into an unmanageable storm, that not even the closest of friends and the most encouraging of words can mend.”

“Andy said it felt like he was destined to be bullied from birth. Like people are pre-selected from the Heavens above to be tortured for no reason. What do you think?”

Jinxx reached over, grabbing one of Jake’s empty shot glasses, and taking time to carefully wipe out the inside with a hankerchief, before pouring part of his alcohol into it, and pushing it across the table to me.

“Trust me, you’ll want that.” He nodded towards it with a knowing look, before proceeding to share his thoughts. I reached for the glass, and swirled around the amber colored alcohol a few times before taking a tiny, cautious sip. It burned, but had a nice, heavy, yet sweet undertone. “Damn that’s...” I choked as I gathered my thoughts. “interesting.” I concluded, setting it down, to allow what little I’d already consumed to be processed by my brain.

“Ha! I’d love to see your reaction to someting heavier.”

He watched me flounder and try to understand the taste of the alcohol before waving the incident away with a wave of his hand. “Okay, to answer your question, I don’t think that’s true. People are targeted, for whatever reason. May it be your looks, religion or race, no matter what, everyone faces bullying at some point in their life. It’s stupid, and it’s inevitable. I don’t think it’s pre-decided, though. Bullying others is just how some people cope with difficult changes in their lives. They don’t know how else to let out the anger, so they direct it to someone else.”

“Sad, but true.” I agreed quietly, grabbing the glass and risking a small bit more. “What kind of bullying did Ashley go through?”

“Looks and attitude, mostly. The more popular kids didn’t like how he portrayed himself. They called him a girl for having long hair, and would deface his locker on a regular basis. Ashley was always treated like shit.”

“Weren’t you, Jake and CC bullied?” I ask in confusion, “You all had long hair at the time, too, right?”

“Yes. But Jake is tall and intimidating, CC is quick, witty, and takes degrading comments as compliments, and I somehow always managed to stay out of sight, out of mind for the most part. I did get some shit for playing violin, though. I think a lot of it comes down to how you convert that negative energy. Either you create something better with it, or you succumb to it.”

I look at his eyes, wise, blue irises stared back.

“You’re so strange.” I chuckle curiously, “but awesome.”

He gave me a genuine smile, “So are you, I’m glad you came around tonight.” He extended his glass towards me, and I raised mine to his. The glass clanked against each other, and we polished off our drinks, only I did so much slower.

“Do you think they found him? It’s been fifteen minutes.”

He shrugged, “S’pose we should go look for ‘em. C’mon.”

We got up, he paid for the drinks, and grabbed a toothpick from the dispenser at the register, propping it between his teeth while he fished some twenties from his wallet. “Those four together equal trouble. We’d better find them quick... Before they burn down the town or something.” He shook his head regretfully. I took a last glance around the dim bar at the assorted refugees, before following the mysterious Jinxx out into the dark midnight downpour.

Notes