Andy

Red eyes haunted my dreams. I ran aimlessly through a black dreamscape, chased by those red irises. I awoke with a start, my heart pounding violently out of my chest, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I combed my fingers through my hair a few times, taking deep, relaxing breaths before checking the time. It was only seven AM.

Glancing around myself at the warmly illuminated room, I found that I was alone. I even scanned the furniture for a note, a single sheet of hotel stationary to reassure me, but there was none to be seen. I choked on my breath when it hitched in my throat and I was reminded of the creepy calm. The eyes that haunted my dreams were nowhere to be seen in the comfortable hotel room.

I blinked rapidly, feeling like I was on the verge of connecting two dots, but they evaded me. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up to go take a shower. I drowned in my thoughts while I stood under the hot water numbly, before stumbling out onto the white tile, bundling up in a cozy, thick white towel, and heading out into the room to watch the news.

Nothing new, really. Just the general politics. I tried my damnedest to concentrate, but my mind just wasn’t having it. Something was very wrong.

I combed my hair in the same mirror Ashley had used last night before they left, dragging the bristles through my tangled green locks anxiously. I looked like a madman in my reflection. The mad feeling was slowly taking over me, leaving me feeling like I’d forgotten something very important, like forgetting to put on pants and going into public, only I could not, for the life of me, place what it was.

When I could not go any longer, I donned my clothes and got dressed, going with a black rose print tank top and navy blue crochet shorts. I tied my hair back in a knotted bundle at the nape of my neck, and took a deep breath.

“What is wrong with me?” I sighed to myself, walking away from my reflection to go sit at the foot of the unmade bed, my hands draped between my knees. “All this stress has gone to my head.”

I don’t recall stress ever affecting me like this before... It’s unusual. To strip my mind of a series of events without much warning. What was I supposed to think? Panicking over it would only make it much worse than it needed to be. I just needed to discount it as it was, merely some memory loss, and nothing important, either.

Deciding I couldn’t stand my own room any longer and that I craved socialization, I grabbed my phone from the vanity, and the room key, and headed down to my parents’ suite.

I did not see anyone in the halls besides two maids, cleaning vacant rooms on my floor. I could however, hear the muted rumble of the TV's on behind the doors and the quiet voices of those who inhabited them, living their quiet lives without a clue I existed.

I checked the time on my phone, it read 10:39 AM. While I looked at my screen, I noticed my lockscreen background. It was a selfie of myself and Elizabeth from the first week back to school, grinning side by side with dual fingered bunny ears extended over our heads. I sighed, clicking the power button, sliding my phone into my back pocket, thinking about her.

Although she was often a snippy snitch, she was still one of my best and only friends. The awkward, abrupt ending to our friendship had left me feeling a dissatisfied sense of jaded.

After Eva had moved away with her Dad, I was left to flounder in my lonliness. Elizabeth had alwaus been an extended member of our small friend group, and one day in fifth grade we finially hit it off.

Still, over the years of our joined-at-the-hip friendship, I still never felt like I could fully confide in her, which made me feel bad, because she would tell me everything about herself, every faucet of her secrets and crushes, and she'd tell me the tales with so much confidence you'd think she was just talking about a trip to Hawaii. Which only made me feel worse, because I knew how much of an introvert she was, she rarely told anyone anything major about herself, and the fact that she'd so willingly told me these things about herself in confidence was enough to keep me her friend over the years, more out of pity instead of me genuinely relying on her.

That being said, she might've not told anyone else anything about herself, but as soon as she caught wind of something about anyone around her, it was school gossip the following day, no doubt. This is why I did not trust her with my own.

I knocked a quick and cheery tune on my parents' door, and was greeted a few moments later by my Mom.

“Hi Ash,” She stepped aside and I walked in. “How was your morning?”

“It was okay.” I shrugged, still feeling spent from the day prior. “How was yours?” I looked around the room, finding it vacant and void of my Dad’s presence. “Where’s Dad?”

“He went out to grab some stuff for the lake, said he’d be back in an hour. And to answer your earlier question, it’s been an alright morning. Have you seen the weather back home?”

I shook my head, “No, why?”

“There’s been some major rain storms around Utah and southern Colorado.”

“Anything we need to worry about?”

“I don’t think so,” she shook her head, “but we’ll keep an eye on it.”

I nodded, going to the window, smiling to myself when I noticed the heavy navy blue curtains were pulled back neatly from the glass, revealing the pretty view of the Berkeley cityscape. The intersections were crowded and busy and the sidewalks on the busier streets produced a steady stream of pedestrians, carrying on with their small, comfortable lives. Why do I view people this way?... Instead of viewing them as the many, I try to visualize their lives and what being them every day must be like.

“Okay.” I nodded, pulling my gaze away from the view, and settling into the recliner by the window until my Dad got back.

~~~


The door clicked and my Dad marched through with a casual smile of excitment on his face. “Car’s all loaded up. You girls ready to go?”

I nodded, getting up. I don’t think I needed anything else from my room, so I wouldn’t need to make an extra stop. I was just ready to go somewhere new.

We headed downstairs together, passing the same polite bunch of receptionists. They waved, telling us to enjoy our day, and returned to working on their computers.

I unwound the knotted headphones from my pocket and poked them in my ears, plugging the jack into my phone. It was becoming obvious that Ashley and Andy would not be attending today. I sighed a little in disappointment, and climbed in the backseat on my own.

Drowning out the world the way I always have in a way that has always worked for me, I turned on my music. I put it on shuffle and the first song to play was Adam’s Song by Blink-182. I settled into the comfortable, sad tune, and stared out the window at the rush of warm colors flashing by.

I had to admit, it was pretty cool. I could freely wear dresses and shorts in April without getting a chill, and I think I’m actually starting to get a tan. If I were in Pendant right now, I’d be bundled up warmly every day except for the rare days when it was warm enough out to wear a dress. The sky was normally painted in the shades of murky grey overcast this time of year, and here, I’d only seen blue skies with a few grey days. It was hard to deny California of it’s beauty.

But then I wonder if I’ll miss the moody grey of my hometown when I move... The cheery light is nice, but still, it’s not comfortable and it’s not home. I just hope I adjust quickly after the move.

Jeez... That wasn’t the only thing that would change. I would have to enroll in a new school, and just thinking of that shot me through with a wave of aniety. New people, unfamiliar settings, and a hole shitton of opportunities for me to embarrass myself.

My Dad told me and my Mom more about the lake we were going to, and that occupied my mind for a bit. He’d bought a map while he was out and about, and had learned a few details about it, including what kind of fish the water was populated with, the name of the lake, (which was St. Peter’s Isle) and even cooler, there was an old lighthouse near the lake.

“I don’t know where it is, exactly.” My Dad said as he mauvuered the streets to the outskirts of the town. “The guy at the shop I went to said he wasn’t sure if it’s even still standing, but maybe we can look for it later. There’s some hiking trails in the area, too.”

I was intrigued by the idea of stumbling upon the crumbling ruins of an ancient stone lighthouse, consumed by vegetation, falling to the water as the years go by. I got a cool vision in my head of how it might look, and it inspired me.

“Oh! I forgot!” I exclaimed, leaning forward to reach under my seat, pulling out my sketchbook. “I’m glad I left this in here. I’ll have to get some sketches done.”

We had exited Berkeley, and were beginning to enter a woodsy area unlike the other parts of California I’d seen so far. In fact, this part of California reminded me of Pendant. I felt comfortable and at ease while we passed twisted willow trees and towering pines. It was beautiful.

I pulled out my phone and snapped some probably blurry photos, admiring the scene in awe. It was like home, but in a completely new way. I adored it.

“Maybe another ten minutes or so.” My Dad announced, glancing over at the map my Mom held.

“This’ll be a nice change.” My Mom sighed in excited relief, “No visiting, socialization or anything. Just taking a day to admire our surroundings.”

She reached over the console and gripped my Dad’s over hand, smiling at him adoringly.

“Hey, Ash, when do you want to get your permit? We should start working on it.” My Dad asked conversationally, while he pulled his sunglasses off the neckline of his shirt to put them on.

I nodded in agreement, “Soon, hopefully. I need to start practicing and reading up on it.”

“Oh, yeah. Once you get your permit, we can start driving around different places so you can get the hang of things.”

It excited me knowing I’d have the freedom to visit all these beautiful places whenever I wanted, taking weekends to travel around to different forests and beaches to write music and poetry, and even working on some new sketches.

My whole life is ahead of me, and I have no clue what I want to do with myself. Did I want to go to college? And if so, what for? I’d never really thought about it much, having spent most of my life living in a comfortable world of delusions. And the past few weeks certainly had not provided much time for just thinking, because what few hours I had alone, I spent them fretting over those who were not with me.

We went around a corner that edged a mountain covered in lush green trees and vining flowers, and to our right was a silver railguard, and just beyond that, the faintest glimpse of the silver lake, stretching for miles.

We had the windows rolled down, and sweet, warm wind blew inside the car, tangling my hair into windswept locks of green.

Another five minutes of traveling, and only passing two other cars, we made it down to a large parking lot next to the water. There was only a handful of people there, most of them at the water’s edge, flyfishing or wallowing around in the shallow edges of the lake, shrieking at each other when a river dwelling creature brushed up against them.

Parking the car, we leasurely got out to stretch and get a good look at the surroundings. The sky was blue, shot through with streaks of white clouds and contrails. It almost felt like a perfect day, and like most perfect days, there was likely something bad to happen. I hoped not.

I arched my back backwards and stretched, taking in the vast lake before me, seperated by a long piece of metal guardrail. Below it, was sandy beaches and shorelines dotted with people here for different forms of entertainment.

At the far side of the lake, as far as I could see, through the light veil of fog rising off the water, I could see the forest continuing until it faded into the blue sky. It was undeniably beautiful yet haunting.

I donned my sketchbook from the car, and walked around to the trunk to help grab the bags of groceries Dad had bought.

“How about we set up over there?” He pointed a couple hundred feet away at a stonewalled picnic shelter with kudzu and various other climbing plants trellising the sides.

I nodded in agreement, sliding the loops of a couple grocery bags over my arms, waiting for him to finish locking the car before we made our way towards it.

Even though the sky was a beautiful blue and there was more than enough sun to light every edge of the beach, there was still something about the place that struck me weird. A combination of forbidden and enchanting, reminding me a bit of the Dead Woods behind my home. That mysterious patch of dead trees and foliage where it always felt like a deadzone, which made proper sense, since according to Andy, hundreds of lost souls wandered it. That thought alone made me extremely curious and fearful.

“What are you planning for today?” My Mother asked me as she set the splintering wood picnic table for lunch. I sat down across from where she worked, watching her intently. “Sketching and hopefully some photography. It looks beautiful here.”

She gave me a geunine smile. “Does that mean you could adjust?” She wondered with curious hope.

I faked a thoughtful expression, “If we could live on this beach, then yes.”

She smirked at me and sighed. “Oh but of course,” she said as she ripped open the bag of plastic forks. “only the best.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes, settling back in my seat, entering a legitimate state of thoughtfulness. “Are we moving?” I asked. I didn’t want to ask it, and I’d been putting it off all week, but it was hard to avoid, especially with all the signs pointing to yes.

Her brow creased with concern as she continued to work, glancing up only once to look past my shoulder at my father standing on the beach, with his binoculars to his eyes, checking out the small islands across the water.

“I don’t know, honey.” She admitted softly, looking back down. She paused to brush a short strand of her golden blonde hair behind her left ear. “I’d like to give you a straight-up answer, but I do not know right now. But if I had to lean in one direction or the other, I’d say yes.”

I nodded slowly, looking over my shoulder at my Dad again. “What about you? Do you want to move?”

She looked conflicted by my question, concern contorting her expression. Finally, she responded.

“I’ll go wherever I have to for him.” She looked out towards my Dad again. I frowned and nodded. I could understand where she was coming from.

My relationship with Andy was turbulent, and in the eyes of anyone else, it was fabricated. He wasn’t real, yet, I felt compelled to go to the ends of the earth for him. If a spiritual bind like that was this strong, I could hardly imagine how it felt to have a real, human connection with someone.

I did not respond, instead I looked down at my phone, rolling it around in my palms in thoughtful silence.

~~~


We ate lunch and talked some, but it felt quiet and vacant, yet relaxing. My parents’ forced small talk felt like there was something more to be said. I couldn’t place it. I sketched quietly for a while before I stood up, straightened my shirt and told my parents I was going for a walk.

“Do you want us to come with you?” My Dad offered, leaning forward in his seat, looking ready to jump up right then. I shook my head and gave them both a reassuring smile. “No, it’s okay. I think I’m gonna go look for that lighthouse.”

He looked confused, but he didn’t push it. “Oh... Okay. Don’t be too long. Which way are you going?”

I looked further down the beach, shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight while I contemplated my options. “Probably that trail over there.” I pointed towards the opening of a narrow trailhead at the far end of the beach. It was shrouded by tall, thick foliage before disappearing into the woods entirely.

They looked at the path, then at each other, shrugging. “Have at it. Be careful, though, please?”

“Of course.” I nodded, putting my phone in my back pocket, grabbing my water bottle and sketchbook. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

I put in my headphones and set off down the beach. Some dramatic, inappropriate dance song came on shuffle and I walked in step to the beat while I made my way towards the trail opening.

I passed a few other beach goers who paid me no mind. There were some teens with a boombox and a small campfire set up on the sand. The girls raved in short shorts and tank tops so small they could pass for two piece bikinis. I strayed from them in a wide arc to give their spastic dancing plenty of room while I carried on my way.

It was far too beautiful out to tolerate a moody mood from myself or anyone else. The past few weeks hadn’t been anything more than emotionally taxing and I felt myself getting weighed down by it all. It’d been far too long since the last time I’d been ultimately alone, and I almost felt worried about it. Being alone is a very comfortable feeling until you’ve been around someone constantly for weeks, and then not. Being alone just feels like throwing yourself into the unknown.

I paused in front of the sign labeled ‘North Pike Trail’, with a faded yellow arrow pointing to the nearby enterance into the woods. I huffed a deep breath and set off into the trees. It was quiet and warm, where the sunlight splintered the forest floor in patches.

Forests always came off as creepy to me. Not because they appeared as so, but because there was so much vast unknown beyond you as you sat off blindly in a random direction, relying on large rocks as landmarks to traverse the forest floor.

A few minutes into the hike, and the song changed to Judas by Lady Gaga. All the cheerful, poppy tunes were keeping me from immersing myself too much into the eery atmosphere.

My mind wandered as I did, drifting around boulders and trees blocking my path. My thoughts went back to Andy and I wondered what he and Ashley were up to, and why they’d not returned yet.. I’d been hoping they could have joined me, but I guess they still had some things left to do and to talk through.

It brought me back to the blank moment I’d faced this morning... How unusual it was to wake up with no recollection of what happened the night prior right before I went to sleep.

I walked for roughly fifteen minutes before I noticed that there was a narrow opening in the trees ahead, lightly illuminated with warm yellow sunlight. I pushed on, even though my legs were starting to ache, and my chest heaved for a deep breath of fresh air.

Hiking was always something I enjoyed doing. Like most things, my love for it branched from when I was younger, hanging around my Dad. He’d go on hikes with me on the weekends, and sometimes we could convince my Mom to join us, and we’d go to Apture together for a picnic.

The trees felt foreign, yet welcoming. A sight that made me feel right at home. The woods often felt like my home away from home. Except for that dark part of the woods that made me feel high levels of discomfort. What a unique place, regardless. Andy said there was hundreds of lost spirits there in the woods, wandering jealously, sadly and confused.

I fiddled with my charm bracelets as I walked the last few steps up the steep slope, emerging through that small opening in the trees to find myself in a small meadow, wildflowers beginning to grow all around.

I looked across the small circular field to the other side, where the trees appeared to grow straight up, forming a wall around the towering mountain. My eyes trailed up, and at the top of the steep incline, looming between the tall trees, I could see a white pillar with guard railing at the top. Was that the mythical lighthouse?

I paced the meadow slowly, trying to see further up the mountain, to figure out if it was worth trying to get to. I was too far down the mountain to be able to tell.

There didn’t appear to be an obvious route up the rock, at least not on this side. Perhaps further around, but trying to get to it meant I’d have to leave the trail.

Before I went on, I looked around for a major landmark to mark where I’d exited the trees, and when I settled on a reasonably large boulder a few yards away, I took a deep breath and headed further into the unmarked woods, excited for the adventure ahead.

Notes

I'm honestly surprised that I have not titled a chapter 'Alone' yet :P
Soo I missed a few important things, like updating on the one year anniversary of this story, which was February 28th. I'm still so proud of this story, since it's the longest I've ever worked on one piece. One year strong!

Updates are far and few between. I wrote a lot of stuff, but I just didn't like how it came off, so I'm re-writing some of it. There'll be more updates in the coming week. :)

Shoutouts!

- anathema
- Saber_Tooth
- Merelan