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Andy

Bitter.

“I forgot to mention it, but while I was in Pendant, I checked in on the guys. They’re doing well. The years have been kind to them.” Ashley said as we were a block away from the hotel, taking a moment to light another cigarette from his seemingly endless supply.

Andy snorted, hand clasped firmly in mine like on the day of his funeral. “If you count two friends’ deaths on top of everything that’s already happened to them, then yes.”

Ashley rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply. “What I did was extremely stupid.”

“And what I tried to do was extremely stupid. That’s not the point. I’m surprised they’ve managed after all of this shit.” He shook his head in disgust, then held his hand out towards Ashley expectantly. “Can I bum one?”

Ashley pulled another pale white nicotine stick from his pocket and tossed it in a high, precise arc, landing in his waiting palm.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, digging through his pockets for the Zippo lighter he always kept on him. He finally produced the small metal box and lit up the cigarette, allowing it to dangle from his lips while he put it away, a frown on his face and something worrisome troubling his blue eyes into overcast pools of grey.

“Yeah... I guess.” Ashley muttered in response, taking a long, agitated puff. “I really fucking wish I hadn’t done it now.”

Andy’s lip twitched as though he were about to say something but stopped himself. “It’s over and done now. This is all you have to worry about now. Stop fretting over the past, I’ve learned that it gets you nowhere.”

Flicking orange embers from the end of his cigarette, he was reminded of my silent presence beside them. “Sorry,” He apologized, looking worn out again. “We’re almost there. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Visiting my cousins and some other family... Why?”

“Just wondering.” He replied with a half hearted shrug.

“You don’t have to come with me, if that’s what you’re wondering.” I told him before he could start fretting about being torn. “You guys can stay behind tomorrow and catch up. I’ll be fine.”

I was actually confident about that. Even though I missed when he couldn’t be around on my adventures, he was always up to something else and had stories to share when we got back. It made me think about home again... Working on homework after a long day at school with all the drama, and he’d climb through the window like a force of nature, landing on the pale purple carpet with muddy boots, a grin, and a story to tell. Those were the best nights, even though I almost got caught a few times, up at three in the morning talking to myself.

Too many close calls while I hung out with my ghostly friend, but regardless, I did not regret any of it.

He frowned and began to make up a whiny excuse.

“No. You can stay.” I silenced him, giving him the best reassuring smile I could. He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Why do you always do that?”

“What?” I wondered in confusion.

“Do that damn innocent, puppy dog thing to get your way.” He finally opened his eyes again when he heard Ashley chuckling.

I held my hands up in denfense. “Regardless, I know you’ll want to catch up. You can do it whenever. Don’t feel committed to stay by my side all the time.”

I looked up at my hotel as we merged from the sidewalk into the parking lot. To us, there were three pairs of feet loudly clomping across the asphalt, having conversations about death, but to any bystander, we were hardly so much as a gust of wind.

It left me thinking in wonder how my life had become like this... It reminded me of that overcast day weeks ago when it had just begun to rain, church had just gotten out and I was racking my brain for ideas to write about.

Dammit... I never turned that in...

Though... I wrote it prior to Andy returning, and it had too much of a fairytale aspect and when I finished it, I felt less than satisfied. Maybe I’d rewrite again and include more realistic details about our adventures.

As we walked through the fancy looking double glass doors of the hotel, none of the receptionists looked up. It was just as well, because I didn’t need anyone else suspicious of me... And I thought the people in Pendant were uptight, jeez...

Up the elevator we went, alone, this time. Both Andy and Ashley were pretty quiet the entire ride, and in the fleeting glances I sent them both, they looked exhausted.

They must have been, because as soon as I swiped the key card, they drug themselves to the bed and lied down haphazardly across the mattress. They were still awake, just looking tired as hell. I took a few minutes to go take a quick shower, change into some pajamas, and remove my makeup. The entire time I could hear the low rumble of voices in the bedroom but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

When I exited the bathroom, I was surprised to find Ashley the victor of exhaustion. Andy lied facing the wall, already out cold. Ashley still looked tired, but alert and wary, leaning against the headboard, watching me with narrowed, curious eyes as I did my best to avoid his perturbed gaze and get to my bed.

And of course, before my fingertips could even graze the feathertop, he cleared his throat loud enough to make it obvious he had something to say and would not let me sleep until he’d said his piece.

With an internal sigh, I turned halfheartedly to look at him. He raised his chin slightly as though trying to size me up and read my mind.

“Yes, Ashley dearest?” I ask him with a hint of tired sarcasm in my voice. His eyes narrowed further but at least he wasn’t scowling yet.

“I don’t want to have to explain to you what he’s been through.” He nodded his head towards Andy beside him. At least this time he had kicked off his boots before crawling all over the white sheets. Ashley, however, still sat there, muddy cowboy boots up on the blankets, not a care in the world as he visually judged me.

“I already know.” I sighed, reaching to pull back the blanket and fix the pillows. “I know what you’re going to say, Ashley, and I want you to know I already know all of it.”

“All of it?” He challenged, looking more smug than anything. That struck a note of fear into me as all the worst case scenarios ran through my head.

I flopped down on the blanket, deciding not to respond. He chuckled darkly in victory, which fueled a response out of me before I could think about it.

“I take it that you don’t like me, do you?” I wondered, my tone neutral and calm.

“It’s not a matter of whether or not I like you, but if I respect you. And right now, I have no reason to.” He continued to silently judge me from across the room and I frowned.

“Okay... Fair enough.” I sighed, reaching for the lamp to silence him. I flipped the switch and lied down on the opposite bed to theirs, facing away from Ashley, looking out the window at all the city lights and stars lighting up the horizon for miles. It was no doubt a calming sight, but of course the moment had to be ruined by Ashley’s intrusion.

“Sorry... That sounded rude, but it’s still true. How could I trust or respect you? I hardly know you.”

“I know.” I murmured quietly in response. I know he heard me.

“Do you know how weird this all is for me?” I ask him boldly, maintaining the same tired, calm tone. When he did not respond, I continued. “I am lying here, preparing to go to sleep. I am alone in this room to anyone who might enter, but in my head, there’s two dead men sleeping behind me. This isn’t the life normal people live.”

It was quiet for a few minutes before he decided to respond. “Is that your attempt to gain sympathy?”

I shake my head slightly, even though he probably didn’t notice. “No... Just me stating what’s in my head. What I’m saying is... I’m trying to earn respect and trust from someone who isn’t alive, who’s opinion does not matter. Why should I bother trying to please you?”

“Yet...” He mused thoughtfully in the darkness, ignoring my snotty question. “you’re trying to earn the love of a man of the same status... A bit double standard, don’t you think?”

“That’s different.” I lied stubbornly. It was no different at all and I know that.

“How so?” Ashley challenged. He wasn’t getting angry, but his tone did give up some feelings of annoyance and grief.

“He just...” I stopped to think about the right term. “He feels so real in my head.”

“But?”

“He’s not, and that’s restricting, but nothing could stop me from adoring him anyways.”

“What am I?” He asked curiously, I could hear his smile in his voice.

“I don’t know...” I finally responded after thinking for a few moments. “you feel dark and brooding. I don’t know that I can trust you.”

“Andy trusts me.” He scoffs.

“That’s fine that he does. But like you said, trust and respect has to be earned. If you’re going to give me a hard time, then I’ll do just the same to you.”

A brooding feeling surrounded me and I could tell I’d ticked him off. I waited in silence for a few minutes, waiting for him to retaliate with some well thought-out, lengthy paragraph about why his misunderstanding of me was any different than mine - but it never came. I assumed he’d either fallen asleep or just decided to drop it.

I closed my own eyes, but I couldn’t sleep. I still felt wide awake even though my limbs yearned for the rest and comfort the soft mattress and pillows offered.

In my electrically awake state, I recalled those few minutes spent underwater, the memory already fading, and missing details, but there were still prominent things about it like the way the waters surface appeared from underneath and what it felt like to breathe salt water. They were sharp details in my memory that I am certain I can never forget.

“You’re wrong.” Ashley responded coldly out of nowhere. “The difference between us is, he’s my best friend, all I’ve ever known. I’ve known him almost my whole life, and you’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of everything that makes him Andy. Out of the both of us, the one who has earned the right to be apprehensive is me.”

Notes

Who's heard The Outsider, and what's your thoughts on this new era of BVB? ^^ The warpaint is back! <3

Comments

I just want to say, I am here to support you no matter what you do <3

Mezzy18 Mezzy18
4/12/20

Oh gosh, I'm getting weird vibes towards this "sketchy" part of town.

Mezzy18 Mezzy18
5/8/19

I am absolutely in love with this book!

Mezzy18 Mezzy18
4/30/19

Poor Ashley. Poor Andy. Poor Asheen. Wow, what a story! :)

Merelan Merelan
4/29/19

I am conspiring so many theories about this book my head hurts... lol... anyway, great chapter as usual! Can't wait to read what happens next

Mezzy18 Mezzy18
4/25/19