Andy

I got inside, and my Dad followed, and my Mom came out of her work room a few minutes later, confusion on her face. “You’re both home early.” She commented. “Something wrong?”

“I’ll tell her.” Dad whispered, “Go on upstairs. We’ll talk later.”

I walked away and headed up the stairs before my Mom could make a comment. I couldn’t imagine how much this would break her heart. First me ditching class and worrying them both sick, and now I was punching people I cared about just for saying the wrong thing.

I took a deep breath and pressed my back against my bedroom door and listened.

“What?!” I heard my Mom shriek in surprise and anger, and I sighed softly, closing my eyes and sliding down the door onto the floor, and covered my face in my hands.

After a while of hearing my Mother shout at my Dad about me, things went silent, and I figured that it was only a matter of time before they came to confront me. I got up and went to my window seat and waited, but then they never came. I waited in silence and the door never opened.

I decided that I needed some music to calm me down and get me back to a state of level headed-ness before I faced my parents again.

I played Black Veil Brides, which was, becoming sort of my ‘medicine’ music. My Chemical Romance had been that for me every now and again, but this was just different. It was something I could really hold onto.

~~~

A little after three, I went downstairs, and found my mom in the kitchen, not cooking or anything, just sitting at the island, clutching a white coffee mug, staring out the back window with a distant gaze. I was almost afraid to speak, because she looked on the verge of something.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized again, the guilt was eating me alive, and she wasn’t planning on speaking anytime soon, from the looks of it.

She sighed and looked down at her cup, her auburn hair falling in strands from her messy bun, her work button down shirt had fibers of the colored thread she’d been sewing with stuck to it.

“I’m not even sure what to say, Ash, I really don’t.” She shook her head sadly, pressing her fingers against her temples, trying to rub out the stress that had invaded her life.

I silently approached and pulled up a seat from beside her and sat down, clasping my hands together, I looked down at them, carefully thinking through my choice of words. “I’m trying my best.” I finally told her, and I continued before she could start to criticize my pointless statement. “It’s going to be the last time I act out, I promise.”

Her eyes were worried as she looked at me, reading the emotion on my face. I hated to disappoint her and Dad, but the things I had done wrong were either experimental or just an act of defense.

“Ash...” She gave me a small smile and reached out to touch my cheek, her eyes went to my forehead. “It’s turning black again.”

“I know.”

“I’m going shopping tomorrow, want to get it redone?”

“No.” I looked down to avoid her look of surprise. She had proposed her statement as a question, but it was really just the polite way of her saying “Time to keep everything in line.”

“No?” She echoed in confusion and surprise.

“I actually am kinda curious to see what I look like with black hair again... It’s been years.”

“Um... This isn’t apart of some ‘finding yourself fashion exploration’, is it?” She hedged hopefully. I sighed a bit, “To be honest, I don’t know who I am right now. I thought I did, and then I didn’t. I’m just trying to breathe and figure it out.”

“What’s troubling you?”

Her brown eyes would read everything in my expression if I didn’t lay low and play it cool. “Nothing... Just, the...” I paused to exhale and think, “After the funeral, kids at school started bullying me, because someone filmed me playing the piano and posted it to YouTube, and I became Funeral Girl from day one back to school. It just pissed me off... That’s why I skipped school for two days.” I told her truthfully.

“And when I went back, I just felt really self conscious, waiting for someone to directly assault me, but it wasn’t even that... Elizabeth was just pointing something out, and the stress made me... Snap. I started yelling, and she started yelling, and then she slapped me. Not hard, just enough to put some sense into me, and I retaliated with a damn punch... I didn’t feel like I was in control.”

I looked down at my hands again, which had become sweaty with me telling my mother this uncomfortable story. I wrung them together and waited for her to say something, but her expression told me she was just trying to organize her thoughts.

“Oh...” Was all she said at first, “So this was all because of bullying? Sweetie, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I couldn’t... Didn’t... I guess I just wanted to handle it myself.” I sighed with a shrug. “It wasn’t bad or even constant, it was just the little things throughout the day that slowly began to eat away at me, and I feel like if it hadn’t been Elizabeth, it would’ve been someone else who crossed me wrong.”

I would’ve happened no matter what, I understood that now.

“Do you need me to talk to the principle?...”

“No... No, I return to school on Monday. I can do it. I won’t do anything else.” I swore to her, because I couldn’t stand the accusing, betrayed look they kept giving me.

A few silent minutes passed before she spoke again.

“Now, I realize why this all happened, but you still ditched school, still didn’t tell anyone where you were, and you still hit Elizabeth, so I’m afraid the grounding is still in place until the end of the week.”

I nodded. I knew she would at least enforce that. And I could understand why she had to stand her ground with this, because no matter what or why, I still broke rules.

“Okay, thank you for coming to tell me this, sweetie.” She kissed my forehead as she got up. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” I murmured in reply, lost in thought.

~~~

I had gone upstairs to get some reading done for my liturature class, when I heard my father’s car pull up. I peeked out the window to be sure, closing my book when I recognized his vehicle. He’d gone back to work to salvage what was left of his work day, since his current project was ticking on a timeline, and I had interrupted his schedule a bit this morning.

I got up, and decided to clean up the mess of emotions in appearance I was. My mascara and eyeliner was smeared around my eyes in a mess from all the crying I’d done that morning, and my hair looked worse for wear.

Taking the time to brush out my hair, I decided a shower was in order, as well. I got a clean change of clothes from my dresser before heading to the bathroom to clean up.

As the water ran from the shower head, slowly gaining a warmer temperature with the passing seconds, I listened to my Dad on the phone in my parents’ bedroom in the next room. Chances were, he was pacing as he talked, because he always does that when he stresses.

“I know... It won’t happen again, I can assure you... Of course. Bye.”

I stood there in confusion, wondering what that had been about. It could have been a number of things, but it was most likely that it was a call from his work.

I winced, because I was the reason he had to leave early, to sort out my school drama, and it costed him time on his construction job.

Finishing my shower, I put on a blue tank top and a pair of white shorts, since the weather was warmer, and I still had time for a walk before dinner was ready. I dried out my hair, and took a damp wash cloth to my eyes, carefully wiping off all the traces of the ash black eyeliner and mascara. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief when I looked in the mirror, and all I saw was me. Just me, not the girl who was trying to change for the sake of changing.

After I got out of the bathroom, I jogged downstairs, and found my parents chopping up a variety of vegetables for dinner.

“I’m going for a walk, okay?”

“Not too far.” Dad warned as I headed towards the front door, “Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Okay.” I replied with a nod, and let myself out the front door. I began walking up the sidewalk aways until my house was out of sight, then I reached into my back pocket and fished out the two quarters.

Luckily for me, Pendant wasn’t a fully upgraded town with all the bells and whistles, so there were still a few payphones around, very few, but they were there. And even luckier, there was one a few blocks from home, next to a car wash.

I still enjoyed the walk, because I was in no hurry to get there or home. There was just something I wanted to do, someone I wanted to call, someone who wasn’t family or attached to everyone else by a bunch of threads, someone I could just rant to if I wanted to.

The sun was nearing the horizon the closer I got to my destination, not quite sundown, though.

I saw a few kids skateboarding on the opposite side of the street, and a few minutes later, two girls on pink bikes, with the tassled handle bars and the basket on the front passed me on the sidewalk.

I personally never liked riding bikes, but I had always been kinda curious what it was like to skateboard, and always wanted to try, but my parents would never buy me one, because it was ‘a boy toy’, and ‘it’s dangerous’. No worse than a bike, I’d say. You can easily fall off of both and get hurt just as bad.

I kicked pebbles across the ground with the toes of my converse, trying to see how far I could kick them. I didn’t realize how ridiculous I looked until someone spoke up.

“You look like you’re trying to summon a herd of drop-kicking ninjas.”

I spun around in surprise, and even more surprised, I saw a familiar face.

“Oh uh... Jake, right?”

“That’s right.” The man smiled, which was the first time I’d seen him do that in the entire time I’d known him. Then again... We did meet at a funeral.

He was walking up the same sidewalk as me, in the same direction as me, so God knows how long he watched me make a fool of myself.

“How’ve you been?” I asked conversationally, unsure how to continue on my mission without him following me out of curiosity and it somehow getting back to my parents that I’d been calling people from a car wash payphone.

“I’ve been better.” He told me with a nod, not in a rude way, just stating that he was getting better since the incident. “You?”

“I’m been okay.” I replied, nodding slowly, “More or less, give or take.” I shrugged. He looked at me in confused amusement, the way Andy would when he wasn’t sure if he’d heard you right.

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s just been rough.” I told him without going into detail.

“Oh, I get it. Hey, it’s great seeing you, but I’m actually headed somewhere.” Jake pointed in the general direction of his destination. “It was nice seeing you again.”

“You, too...” I looked after him in confusion as he kept walking up the sidewalk, dressed up in a plain black t-shirt and jeans.

“Okay...” I sighed, looking up, realizing I’d arrived at the car wash. The sound of water spraying echoed from the concrete building, and the steady stream of cars were lined up waiting to go in. I spotted the payphone on the south wall of the building.

Sighing in relief, I headed for it, and popped the quarters in, holding it to my ear in anticipation, looking over my shoulder, wondering if I was truly alone.

I dialed the number, hoping I’d gotten it right, because I’d only contacted CC a handful of times. But since he knew about Andy, he was the only person I could be open to right now.

I listened, the rings humming impatiently on the other end, but after four missed rings, I knew I’d just waisted my 50 cents.

Hey, you’ve reached Christian Coma. Leave a message.

I hung up and groaned, turning around and noticing how much lower he sun had gotten. I’d be late home again if I didn’t pick up the pace. I grumbled as I stuffed my hands in my short pockets and began cutting across the parking lot, standing on the sidewalk for a moment before I began to briskly walk home.

I was was racing the sun, watching it lower itself closer to the ground with every ticking second. I was almost jogging five minutes later, the street lights flickering on around me, and the voice in the back of my head warning me to keep moving.

Then suddenly... I felt it.

I’d felt it once before, almost two weeks ago, on my way home from school. I could feel eyes on me, glaring into my back. I looked over my shoulder in paranoia, but the sidewalk was empty, and nothing accompanied me except the distant dog barks and train horns.

Walking faster, I could see my block, and further down, my house. I sighed in relief and sprinted for it, running up the sidewalk, and shutting myself inside my home, breathing heavily.

It was there, the calm gaze of a stranger staring at me.

I struggled to calm myself down, so my parents wouldn’t ask what was wrong. Because if they did, I wouldn’t have an answer for them.

Notes