"Will you still love me when I shine from words and not from beauty?"
Old Money - Lana Del Rey


Andy accompanied me to the sketchy women’s room while I changed and brushed my hair and did my makeup in an effort to not look like I spent all day at the bottom of a lake.

While in the stall trying to figure out my dress, Andy sat outside on the counter swinging his legs over the edge and rambling about all kinds of things. He provided most of the conversation so I only had to nod along or pitch in every once in a while.

He continued to sit there while I almost broke my brush trying to get it through my heavily tangled locks.

“Alright, no more swimming without taking my hair down first.” I sigh, holding up the tangled clump above my head. Somewhere in that clump was my hairtie.

“So how is that lump on your back doing?” I ask him, preoccupied with sorting the mess.

He groans, “Dammit I’d forgotten about it for a little while.” He reaches over his shoulder to poke at it some more, trying to see it in the mirror behind him, to no avail.

“Whatever it is... I hope it’s cool.”

“What would be classified as ‘cool’ to you?”

“I don’t know... What if it spews spiders or something? That’d be cool?”

I give him the universal look for oh hell no. “You might think it’d be cool but I think it’s a one way ticket to you being single, my friend.”

“What are your theories? All of mine involve something actually hatching from this thing.”

I look up and I can see it in his reflection in the mirror. It hasn’t changed shape or size at all as far as I can tell since I last saw it.

“Maybe you’ll grow a lovely succulent garden from your spine. Who knows?”

“Maybe it’s wings!” He says with giddy excitment, his expression enthusiastic as he starts thinking of more cool mythical appendages that he might end up growing.

“Maybe you’ll grow a unicorn horn out of your spine... We’ll just have to wait and see.”

~~~


Jake and Jinxx work together to drag CC away from the girls who wave goodbye to him flirtatiously.

“Leave me here!” CC wails, clawing at the sand as they drag him backward toward the camp that Ashley and Elizabeth had worked together to clean up in our absence.

“You got like fifteen different numbers from those girls, dude. I’m sure you’ll hear back from at least one of them again.”

They drop him in the sand and get busy carrying things back up to the van. I pat CC’s head and give him a sympathetic smile.

“Come on guys, Ash has got a place to be and I’ve got Forensic Files on at seven.” Jake calls, nudging CC on the ground in an effort to motivate him.

I collect three of the lawn chairs, stacking them carefully in my arms as though I am carrying firewood, and make my way up the hill toward the parking lot. It’s actually getting fuller the closer we get to dark as the party goers and college kids are arriving for bonfires and free alcohol.

“It wasn’t too bad of a day.” Jinxx tells me conversationally as we’re halfway up the hill. I smile at him in response.

“Ashley was in a good mood, too, surprisingly... And Jake. Kinda felt like old times, actually.”

“Did you guys hang out and do stuff like this a lot?” I ask him.

“All the time,” He says with a nod. “It was harder as we got older, since we’re pretty spread out in age. I graduated first, and then Jake did, leaving the other three still in school, which made it hard for us to correlate our plans and get together between school, work, and personal responsibilites.”

“Understandable.” I agree, standing back while he unlocked the van and opens the trunk.

“So this wedding you’re going to, who’s the couple?”

“I’m not sure about the fiance, but the bride is my old Kindergarten teacher. My Mom made her wedding dress so she invited us to come as an added ‘thank you’.”

“Who was your teacher? Chances are we had the same one, a lot of the teachers in Pendant plant themselves here and never do anything else.”

“Eden Bloom?”

His eyes light up and he grins, shaking his head as he chuckles to himself. “Well, she might not’ve been my teacher, but I certainly know her. She was good friends with Andy, kept that fucker in line during his early teens.”

“So I heard.” I laugh, “Babysitter?”

“Oh he hated that.” He laughs, putting the cooler into the trunk and taking the chairs from me and stacking them neatly beside it. “Swore he was ‘old enough’ to do his own shit and didn’t need minding. His parents had to become more sneaky about it as they gave her twenties with firm instructions to follow him wherever he goes and come off as the cool friend of the family... But you know what? I think that after a while the kid actually grew on her. It genuinely hurt her when she found out what he’d been doing to himself when no one was around.”

He shrugs a bit, looking down the hill to make sure no one is sneaking up on us and eavesdropping. Jake is coming up the hill with a limp CC cast over his shoulder.

“Anyway, not trying to get too dark, but yeah, she’s a great lady.”

“Did you know her well?”

“Hell yeah... She had to follow Andy everywhere, so she frequented our band practices, and cheered us on even when even she thought that we were total shit.”

“In that case, I bet she’d love to see ya again.” I give him a look indicating that he should make his presence known at the wedding before running off and stowing himself away in his home for the evening.

“I don’t know...” He admits, shifting his weight nervously. “I don’t want to crash her party or anything.”

“She’d love to see you.” I tell him with a firm kindness in my voice. “You should stop by. You all should.”

He’s not completely convinced yet, but he looks like he’s considering it. Not too long later, Jake brings CC toward the passenger door and stuffs him in, poking in all the limbs that hang out while he tries to strap him in like an oversize toddler.

“Dammit CC I am not in the mood for your crap!” Jake snaps at him. “Own it, you did good. Now move on.”

“But Brittani was gorgeous.” He groans from inside the car. Jake slams his door before he has to endure more of CC’s moaning and groaning over having to leave the beach.

Andy and Ashley bring up the last of the stuff and stick it into the trunk and load up. I give one last look to the glimmering lake in the fading rays of sunlight, giving it a silent promise to return again soon. With that, I climb in and take my place on the seat beside Andy.

~~~


Jinxx pulls into the parking lot of the venue, the park is all done up with lights in the trees and bundles of white balloons everywhere. Everything is soaking up the orange sunlight from the sun sinking low behind the black treeline silhouette behind the festivities.

I climb out, followed by Andy and Ashley whom are my designated guard dogs for the evening. They’d changed out of their swim gear into their normal ratty rock-band clothing just for the sake of feeling out of place.

“You all should come on in and see Eden.” I tell them as I straighten my dress.

They contemplate it for a moment doubtfully before grudgingly climbing out.

“We’re not even dressed for this, Ash.” Jake reminds me, gesturing down at his heavily-worn Motley Crue shirt and holey black skinny jeans. “Judging from the decor, I think she was hoping for everyone to turn up in denim jeans with Texas-size belt buckles and boots.”

“Jinxx said she adored you guys. She won’t care what you show up in.” I tell them enthusiastically, already visualizing the great reuinion between them all.

Jake and Jinxx exchange uncertain looks and CC is looking at the nice decorations with a doubtful stare. It’s been years since they’ve last seen her and they’re undoubtedly shitting themselves a bit.

“Deep breaths, folks. You’re going to be fine. They’re going to be fine, right Elizabeth?”

Eliza is sticking close to Jake’s side wearing the same expression as the rest of them. “Yeah... Yeah, of course.”

“Then let’s go,” I nod toward the park. “My guess is that they’re in that tent trying to get into into that hellacious wad of tulle and lace my Mom made her. They’re going to lose her in there.”

We make our way toward the small white tent, getting looks from the guests standing around mingling and enjoying the nice evening out with their champagne in hand.

“I don’t see my Dad.” I scan the crowd for the social butterfly who’d definitely be busy chatting with a mutual friend.

“Uh... I don’t think we should go in there.” Jake says sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck and hanging back. “We might see something we didn’t want to if we just go barging in there.”

“I’ll scope it out.” I assure them, lifting the flap and letting myself in.

It is brightly lit inside, which takes a moment of rapid blinking to get used to. Once the inital shock passes, I spot my mother standing by the bride with a bunch of safety pins between her teeth while one of the bridesmaids are holding a piece of fabric in place so she can pin it.

Despite this error, Eden is in high spirits... The only one high spirits out of her whole bridesmaid team, surprisingly. They’re all sweating bullets and panicking over the bit of lace that had come loose while she is laughing and saying to slap some tape on it and send her down the aisle.

“Ash!” She greets me with a grin once I come into view, reaching toward me for a hug which one of her bridesmaids quickly shut down, giving her a warning look not to mess up the dress more.

She sighs, still grinning. “How was your day, hun?”

“It was fantastic,” I beam, “I actually brought you a surprise that I think you will enjoy.”

She raises her eyebrows, “Really? Can I have a hint?”

“There are three of them.”

She leans back in her seat while another maid is putting pin curls into her hair. “Huh... You got me stumped. Whatever it is, I am sure it is amazing. I appreciate you coming tonight, Asheen.”

She smiles back at her reflection in the mirror while her bridesmaids bustle around her, making sure that everything in perfect. I excuse myself, getting out of the way while they finish up things and go to join the others outside.

“So?” Jake prods as soon as I close the opening behind me.

“She’ll meet with you just as soon as she’s ready.” I beam.

They all start to fidget uncomfortably, especially Jake. “I don’t want to rush her or anything... This is her night and we’re just highjacking it, we should go-”

“Ash? I’m done.” Eden calls from inside the tent. I give them all a firm look.

“No backing out now, and no keeping the bride waiting. Come in on my cue.”

“Wait,” Andy grabs my arm, looking troubled. “Should I reveal myself to her? I don’t want her to pass out or something.”

“I’d wait on that,” I admit, patting his hand. “I’m sure we can arrange another meeting for you to get everything off your chest.”

He sighs in relief and nods in agreement, letting go of me and allowing me to duck back inside. Now Eden stands, spinning in little circles in the gorgeous gown my Mother had constructed for her.

I haven’t seen many of her clients actually wearing their dresses before, so it’s a special moment to experience it myself, and also to look over at my Mother who is beaming with pride and excitement, snapping photos of her on her phone for her project scrapbook.

“Well? What do you think?” Eden asks me, lifting her skirt like a princess and bowing toward me, making her bridesmaids visibly panic.

“Absolutely gorgeous.” I reply with a smile which she returns.

“Alright,” She says with an excited sigh. “What is this surprise of yours?”

“Are you ready?” I ask her, looking her in the eye as though it were a warning of what was to come. “This is kinda crazy and off the wall but...”

She looks up at the doorway as my crowd of misfits make their way inside of her dressing tent, all wearing expressions of varying degrees of guilt and regret and wanting to bail out before she could see them.

I look back to Eden for her reaction, watching her confusion for several seconds before recognizing the boys who were now men, hidden underneath long, black hair.

“Holy shit...” She breaths, taking in the remaining three of the original Black Veil Brides lineup.

“You three are a sight for sore eyes, that’s for damn sure... Come here!”

She shuffles toward them for a hug, reaching for Jinxx who is closest while the bridesmaids try to reel her in again. This time she smacks away their hands and wraps them tightly around Jinxx’s neck as she pulls him in for the hug of an old friend.

“Where the Hell have you all been?!” She exclaims excitedly, moving down the line from CC to Jake. Eliza, Ashley, and Andy come to stand beside me to watch the scene unfold.

“Here and there,” CC replies, “Seems you were doing the same. Idaho, huh?”

She nods, still grinning, her makeup starting to run a bit causing a fury among her caretakers. “Life has a psychotic way of throwing you in directions you never imagined, and still everything turns out okay in the end.”

She stands back a little bit to take them all in in their normal, grungy band attire. Her smile is proud and her eyes are gleaming as though she is lining up her own children for a senior year photo.

The moment of fond adoration drifts away when one thing weighing on everyone’s hearts comes to mind and her smile falls. “Oh, boys... I am so sorry to hear about Andy’s passing.”

I notice them putting on a little bit of show to play it up. Of course it’s still heartbreaking that their friend could not physically be there for them anymore, but as least he is still here in some sense, which aids in taking away some of the pain.

“That kid, he was invincable. When I knew him, nothing could kill him. I am truly sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to fathom what you’re all going through.”

Jake nods solemnly, offering her a small, pained smile in response. “Thanks, miss... It’s sad, but it still feels like he’s still here... Always nearby looking out for us.” He shoots a look in our direction, his gaze meeting Andy’s.

“It means a lot to me that you boys stopped by tonight! How did you all... Plan this?”

She gives me a confused look as she struggles to construct the scenario in her head where I’d met the three boys from her past here in Pendant and had known enough to bring them here for her special day and as a homecoming gift.

“We’re all friends,” I explain, gesturing toward them, answering her sure to be next question before she could ask it. “We actually all met at Andy’s funeral and have been pretty close ever since.”

Her eyes are tearing up and she is completely overcome with joy, sadness, and excitement. A combination of emotions is sure-fire to make you crumble to tears.

“Oh, boys... I cannot even express myself properly.” She laughs and it’s mixed with tears. The three converge on her and wrap her up in a group hug full of reassurances and praises.

“It’s good to see you again.” CC tells her with one of his beaming smiles. She dabs under her eyes with a tissue, still smiling.

“Would you all like to stay for the ceremony? You’re more than welcome to, and I’d be honored to have you.”

“We’d be honored to.” Jake surprisingly answers for the group despite his previous reservations about talking to her in the first place.

“Perfect,” She breaths, fanning her eyes while her angry makeup techs are dragging her back to her chair for more touching up, shooting dirty glares at the three for single-handedly destroying their masterpiece all with just showing their faces.

“There is an escort in the aisles that will have you seated. Tell him you’re close friends of mine, he’ll seat you up front.”

They nod and bow out, heading out to find seats. I linger for a moment, soaking up in the raw emotion that had just played out in front of me.

“Ash,” She addresses me now, meeting my gaze in her reflection in the mirror. “I don’t know how you did it, but thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I can’t even express to you how much I appreciate it and how good it is to see them again... Even if the circumstances of their lives aren’t the greatest these days.”

I nod, smiling at her in response. Me and Eliza head out with the ghosty boys to go find our seats with the others.

It’s odd. I didn’t even know their relationship with Eden and it had nothing to do with me, but just reuniting them is filling me with the strangest feeling of satisfaction. Almost like restoring an antique to its glory days, just seeing their eyes light up when they first saw each other again... It was all the thank you I needed for the meager work I’d put in.

I sit beside Andy, looking up at the beautiful floral alter they’d set up for the occaision. It’s covered in white flowers and strands of small lights, giving it an Earthy feeling.

“That was pretty cool.” Andy says to me, looking as though he’s been caught up pondering again.

“It was.” I agree, smiling at him.

We have to keep some space between us, and after the last few days of not really having to be careful of getting too close, it feels weird.

After twenty minutes, the guests have all been seated and are chatting amongst themselves. The music begins to play, and we all rise, turning to face the aisle.

It’s one of the strangest feelings being at a wedding... You’re really happy, but also really sad and you don’t quite know why. Maybe it’s because I always get caught up thinking about the pointless things such as ‘well what happens to everyone else? Now that they’re married? They won’t have as much time for their friends and family now.’ I am the type of person who’s always more caught up thinking about the ones left behind.

Beautiful in White by Westlife plays softly through the speakers. I look toward the alter where her fiance awaits, looking like he’s fighting hard to not grin or start crying once his bride comes into view.

I can hear quiet crying in the back rows, and people are dabbing under their eyes, beaming with proud smiles as she passes them by, her lace train and veil drifting across the ground behind her.

She walks past us, her eyes locked on her soon-to-be husband. She goes left, walking inward to meet him at the alter, her train flared out behind her and wrapped around her in a semi-circle.

He reaches for her hands and finally bursts out with the biggest, most excited grin which Eden returns to him, batting her lashes and looking down at their hands.

“Family, friends... We gather here today to celebrate the loving union of Eden May Bloom and Jason Lee Jackson.”

Everything else the priest days blurs while I focus on only them two. The adoration in their eyes, the sweet, loving nuances they use toward each other when they must be silent and cannot speak.

They lock eyes and do not look away. They do not falter in their confidence or look awkward or uncertain... In fact I’ve never seen two people more sure of anything in all of my life.

The music is a soft, sweet thrumming beat in the background, orchestrating an absolutely gorgeous overture to this special moment between them.

They never look to the crowd or act anxious. In fact, it looks as though we’re all peeping in on a private moment between the two because of how naturally they flow together.

I snap out of my over-analytical daze to hear the priest gesture toward the couple. “You may kiss your bride.”

The two embrace, and the crowd rise to clap and cry for them. I am smiling, too and feeling my chest tightening up with an assortment of emotions.

I turn slightly to try and scan the crowd for where my parents had been seated, but I catch Andy’s gaze locked onto me. He looks away when I catch him, pretending to once again be fully invested into the ceremony, clapping himself even though no one else can hear it.

Once the ceremony had been wrapped up, the crowd disbursed to chat with one another and to enjoy the party. I caught a few fleeting glimpses of Eden being bombarded by friends and family.

I wander off on my own, deviating from my designated group to get an idea of who else is here. I see a couple familiar faces, a lot that are from church of parents of the kids I go to school with.

“It’s crazy seeing you here.”

I turn and see Reece standing nearby, dressed up in his usual casual fancy fashion. I sigh a bit, but smile at him anyway in an effort to at least be polite. It’d be shitty of me to ruin the wedding by getting into a heated exchange with dick weed.

“Hi, Reece.”

“Nice evening, isn’t it?” He asks with the same forced politeness that I am. I nod, not allowing him to get under my skin. “It is,” I agree, “It’s so nice to be here for it, don’t you think? Anyway, it was nice seeing you.”

I turn to leave, but he speaks up over the crowd, just loud enough for me to hear before I can get out of range.

“I spotted Eliza a little bit ago with one of your reject friends.”

I stop but don’t turn toward him.

“Jake, isn’t it? He’s a bit old for her, don’t you think?”

“They’re friends.” I sigh, looking at him. “It’s purely platonic. Don’t get your big-boy britches all in a bunch over it. She’s allowed to have friends and a life outside of being your pet project.”

“We’ll see.” He replies as I leave, his voice thoughtful and sending a shiver down my spine. What the hell does that even mean?

The rest of guests are a sea of unfamiliar faces. I navigate it while trying to keep tabs on Reece while I find my way back to Andy to inform him of the latest thorn in our sides.

I move through the crowd as though I am a ghost myself. No one looks my way or pays me too much mind. Everytime I spot Eden, she is surrounded by an entourage while she hangs onto her husband’s arm, her eyes lit up like she is having the absolute time of her life.

It’s got me wondering, who on Earth would come to my fucked up wedding if we went through with it? I can’t even begin to imagine my California family’s confusion when I step up to an empty alter and exchange my vows with thin air... And if we decided to reveal to our families his true self, would they be able to handle it and would Andy be safe or in danger for doing so?

I spot CC by the punch bowl, leaning against the table, trying to be a tease to the bridesmaids that are making easy work of ignoring him.

“So, do you ladies like drummers?” He asks them, wearing one of his signature charismatic smiles. One of them looks up at him, a confused look on her face. “What?”

His face falls and he shrugs away from the table, coming my way once I am in his field of sight.

“What’s up kid?”

“Lots of things, apparently,” I tell him, hooking my arm in his like a 50’s couple walking through the park.

“Spill it on me.”

“I saw Reece, and got an ominious threat that I don’t know what to do with. Things are getting tougher without the intervention of demons and spiritual nonsense.”

I sigh, looking around at the ongoing party, watching everyone have a good time and dancing.

“Times are changing,” CC says, pushing his ratty rocker hair back off his forehead while we walk along. “And if it makes you feel any better, the whole bully issue is something tons of people deal with on a daily basis, not just girls... With ghost boyfriends.”

He shakes his head at the end, looking confused just saying the words. “Anyway, take deep breaths. You two are in it for the long haul. Speaking of which...”

He looks over the crowd, scanning it for the tall boy. “He wanted to dance with you. Said if I saw you, to direct you toward the alter.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Five minutes... Ish.”

“Ish?” I deadpan. “CC you’re the worst. I’ll see you around.”

He gives me a high five and I am once again off, trying not to snap my ankle by tripping in my heels on the uneven ground.

I head toward the alter, which now glows brightly and beautifully under the blanket of stars taking over the sky as the last embers of day sink below the trees fencing in the park.

It’s there that I spot him, standing in the same spot the Eden’s husband had when she came down the aisle.

“You’re one for dramatic enterances,” I say as I walk toward him, humoring him by walking down the aisle still littered with white rose petals. He gives me a crooked smile, extending his hand toward me.

“I requested a special song.” He tells me. I can still hear the upbeat music from the party from here loud and clear. “It took a twenty to move it up on the playlist, but in thirty-three seconds we’ll be dancing away.”

He counts down outloud, clasping his hand in mine and moving into the traditional couple’s pose for ballroom dancing. The space on the alter is small and limited, only allowing a few feet of space for shifting back and forth under the twinkling lights and blooms above.

“Five, four, three, two...”

The song ends and the meloncholy intro of Old Money by Lana Del Rey comes from the speakers, enveloping me into this little world he’d created out here out of sight of everyone else. Reminding me of a timeless era of A-line dresses and when all men wore tuxes, constantly dancing and reflecting upon their romance.

We shift back and forth, me trying not to stumble in my heels. He wraps his spare hand around my lower back and guides me through the slow shifting dance.

I look up into his eyes, confused by all that I see in them reflected back at me. Wonder, love, and longing. How on Earth could anyone see that in me? No one ever has, it’s hard for me to believe that this boy is looking at me in such a fashion.

I look down, the first to break eye contact. He chuckles and keeps up the shifting dance.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks me, humming along to the rythym of Lana’s smooth, low voice carrying sweet and endearing words.

“My frantic thoughts would ruin the mood.” I admit, my voice nervous.

“Try me,” He smiles at me while I avoid his eyes.

“How can you look at me like that?” I wonder, moving with him. “Like you think I’m actually someone you want to love for the rest of your existance.”

“Because you are.”

I shake my head, sighing. “I’m not. I’m not like you... I can’t be. So you can’t love me like that.”

“Is that what you want or is that what you worry about?”

His eyes are still kind, not worried or hurt. I sigh as I think over my words. “It’s what I worry about.” I admit, “I love you dearly, but it often feels as though we will never get ahead or ever get to a point of being completely comfortable and happy with one another. There’s always something else in the way.”

“We’ll get through it. Whatever happens.” He assures me, his tone confident and sweet.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t,” he shrugs, still dancing on slowly under the lights. “But above all else, love perseveres. It’s the one thing that can’t be destroyed through fire or by blade. As long as both people have faith and they have love, they’ll always be complete. No matter what happens.”

“No matter what happens.” I echo, feeling the daunting emptiness in the words. Something will eventually happen, and we could never be ready for it. We’d be too sidetracked with trying to get our house in order to even notice the train coming at us.

“I feel more alive when I am with you than I ever did in my twenty-three years on Earth. It’s ridiculous to say, but it’s true.”

“Likewise,” I reply with a small smile. “I never felt like I was actually living until we met.”

He chuckles, attempting a tiny spin with me, but it was soiled by the alter. “We’re quite a pair, huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Just over a month ago we were exchanging war stories at Apture house, completely uncertain of one another and now... We’re inseperable.”

“I would not trade it for the world.” I sigh, leaning my head on his chest and looking out at where the lively party is still taking place. The song drifts to a close and is quickly replaced by some dance music which the crowd gets hyped to.

“I guess it’s the not knowing that just drives me mad,” I murmur thoughtfully, “All my life as been very structured and scheduled. I didn’t deviate and had no desire to. Now things have changed and I never know what to expect. Anticipation and surprises stress me out.” I laugh quietly.

“You must hate surprise birthday parties, then.”

I laugh, looking back up at him. “Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, huh?”

“I get to watch you get old and senile, that’ll be fun.” He replies enthusiatically.

“It will.” I agree, leaning my head back against his chest, listening for the absence of a heart beat. “Tomorrow should be fun, hm?”

“I’m looking forward to it. Are you going to church in the morning?”

“Of course... And anyway, I feel I need it. We’ve been particuarly sinful this week and I need to confess it.”

“What are you on about? All we did was dig up a dead guy, bribe a priest for holy water, get into a fight, kinda get engaged without your father’s consent... The list goes on.”

“Which is exactly why I need to go. Are you and Ashley going?”

“I don’t know... I still have some last minute preparations to pull together. Perhaps I’ll surprise you and hide out until it is time to pick you up?”

“Works for me.” I laugh.

“It’s a date, then.”

Notes

Thank you Mezzy18, Merelan, and Whiny Emo Batman for commenting! It is appreciated!