A Demon's Regret
It was eleven am, Saturday morning. Andy had insisted we be dressed formally, and be ready early.
Thus, I sat there, makeup done, extra antiperspirant applied, even wearing a skirt over freshly shaved legs, trying to feel excited but honestly mostly just feeling the impending upset at Andy’s departure. He was positively a ball of nerves, and having his fifth cigarette out on the balcony. I hoped he would come in soon, so I could have just a few more hugs before all those strangers got here.
I held back a tear and turned my head to look for Andy, only to find he had vanished, just as I heard the sound of him bustling about in the bathroom. That made me giggle to myself. He was so silly, always brushing his teeth every time he had a cigarette! Hearing his deep gargle make me chuckle even more!
I heard the telltale sound of the sink running, and his snooty little tapping of the toothbrush on the sink bowl. I would miss him so much. I decided I wouldn’t teach Ashley to brush his teeth, not unless I had to.
Just as I felt a fresh wave of despair working its way to the surface, Andy popped into existence, sitting right next to me on the couch! He grinned a dazzling grin and patted his skinny lap. I gave him a questioning look. I was a big girl- ahh!
Andy had dove straight into my cleavage and was tickling me! “No! No! Ahahaha! Stop!”
Immediately Andy pulled away, smirking wickedly. “As you wish it, mistress. But only if you will gift me with the feel of your smooth derrière upon my spindly legs!”
I turned pink as I slowly, carefully eased myself onto Andy’s lap. He threw his long arms around me. “Is it really so uncomfortable? Surely your suffering is not too great?”
I shook my head, then moved to place my lips on his. They were soft but not very yielding, he quickly escalated to sticking his tongue in my mouth and gripping a breast. I pulled away, scandalized, “Andy! You said Jehoshaphat is coming!”
Andy burst into amused laughter, and I felt mildly embarrassed. “Oh no, my sweet, that man is long dead! The only beings coming forthwith whom you have not met are my brother, Ashley, and Metatron.”
He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Metatron is a very powerful, very old, younger brother of my father’s.”
I cocked my head at him. “He’s your uncle? Is he an archangel? Or is he like Jesus?”
I could hear Andy’s tail rustling with his mild anxiety over the discussion. “I don’t know that I would call him an uncle per se. And that whole archangel thing is also, well… Let’s just say that the occupational designations of the Heavenly Host tend to vary by whom you ask.”
I rolled my eyes. “So, I’m asking you.”
Andy took a second to think. “He is more than one of the archangels. He is the voice of Jah. He’s coming here because everyone felt it might be best if the All-Father didn’t come in person, so to speak.” He held up a hand, “Please don’t be offended, it’s just that when that sort of thing happens, most humans tend to get, er, overwhelmed. Sometimes affected in the head.”
I nodded. Made enough sense to me. The last thing I wanted to do was lose my damned mind because God decided to crash my apartment. “Does he have wings? Is he a guy?”
Andy snorted. “Metatron’s gender is practically irrelevant, but he looks male. And he does have wings.”
“Cool,” I said simply, mildly intrigued.
And as soon as the word left my mouth, Jack Nicholson appeared over by the kitchen island. I stood up, not wanting to seem improprietous in front of Andy’s dad. I had second thoughts, wondering if maybe it would have been more appropriate to be making out or something, given who his father was, but I just couldn’t make myself do that sort of thing on cue.
Andy rose beside me, and strode towards Jack Nicholson-Satan. “Father. If it pleases you, you may drop the farce. I intend to be with (Y/N) for eternity, she may as well see your true appearance now.”
Jack Nicholson-Satan shot Andy a dubious look. Andy just nodded. I held my breath in mild terror as he transformed into… A decent-looking guy in his forties? Ok, not what I had expected.
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