Dennis sat back and paused for a moment, looking pensive. “Look, Chris. I’ve thought this through for longer than you realize, all of this.” All of this? Meaning? “I want to make it very clear that I’ve made up my mind. If I need to pull Metatron in here to make it sound more official, we can do that, but I’d rather just talk, ok?”

I could feel my scrotum trying to crawl inside my belly. What the fuck kind of pronouncement was he about to make? I just nodded, scared shitless.

“First off, I admit it: Andy coming across a human woman with emotions more powerful than any before her is no coincidence.” I wasn’t even sure what I thought about that, to be honest. Definitely not surprise. “After what happened, centuries ago, between Andy and one of my most cherished Dominions,” I flashed back, remembering what most in my realm considered Andy’s greatest triumph, “I wanted to test him.”

Shit. Ah, shit! Testing was bad. I held my tongue, waiting for the verdict. “I was unimpressed with how Andy dealt with the development of empathy for Lelahel, Chris. He may not have been in love with her, but he cared for her, and his behavior was distinctly a failure.”

Dì leaned forward, looking a bit mightier and more authoritative than I thought was really necessary, given that I was already half way to shitting my pants. “He was unworthy of being your heir. I won’t tolerate the completely heartless and cruel in positions of leadership. Not even those I love.”

But then, thank fuck, he smiled! “Luckily, Andy has passed his test, at least so far. He’s fallen in love, and has yet to betray (Y/N)’s trust. That’s the good news, kid!”I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

“Wait, there’s more. Quite a bit more, I’m afraid.” Again, I felt my sphincter clench.

“If you and Andy want me to intervene, to destroy his contract, like I said, Andy needs to prove himself. Listen well. If Andy will show humility-“ Shit! Humility?!? “-and abase himself by asking for forgiveness from all the remaining, living women with which he has contracts, I will intercede.”

My mouth fell open. But how could Andy even- Ahura held up a hand. “Don’t even worry about that! I can make it such that Andy will be able to approach the women, even in their sorrow. Goodness gracious, remember who you’re talking to!”

He shook his head, apparently amused. “But you must sacrifice something too. You must announce Andy both as your rightful heir, and as the son of a human woman. Only then, after Andy has finished his task, and you have yours, will I free Andy both of his contract with (Y/N) and his bottomless hunger. I will also grant (Y/N) immortality, just as I granted it to Andy’s mother, Amy, all those years ago, at your behest.”

Before I could say a word, there was even more. “Everyone must agree to this, Chris! (Y/N), Andy, and Amy! Additionally, a proxy must be in place, however long it takes for Andy to beg forgiveness from all the women he has been feeding from.”

I sputtered. “But Andy doesn’t even know he’s human! And what do you mean a proxy? Won’t Andy starve with all the contracts gone? Amy’s going to shit a brick!”

Allah waved a hand at me dismissively. “You made your bed, Christopher, now go sleep in it! I will ensure my grandson does not starve if he is doing my bidding. And as for a proxy, I mean that another one of Andy’s kind has to stay, in Andy’s place, while he is gone, without breaking the contract.”

I sat back, totally overwhelmed, my head spinning. “I, uh, I think I need to go talk to Amy. You know, first off.”

The Creator nodded. “They say communication is the basis of a solid relationship.”

I blinked at him. He sure was ballsy.

Notes

Gee, thanks for the tip, Almighty Creator.

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Note: The character of Lelahel is copyrighted to The Unforgiven, and used with permission.