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I sat on the couch, in shock, trying not to pant with anticipation. I couldn’t think, I just clutched the notebook as my nipples hardened and my mind raced so fast I was surprised it didn’t create a sonic boom.

When he came back, Andy sat next to me on the couch instead of on the chair across the way where he had been, and I tensed. He smiled shyly and handed me a wooden ruler. “I guess I should explain myself more, this must seem incredibly creepy. It will be good info for your story, too.”

I nodded in agreement, as though anything Andy could possibly say would make my involvement in the evaluation and quantification of his erection logical. I readied my pencil and took notes as he spoke.

“So, I imagine you know that Juliet and I have been together quite some time, since 2011.” I nodded. “Well, as Black Veil Brides grew in popularity, Jules responded in a really, eh, unanticipated way to the, um, reaction she saw me getting from female fans. Over time, Juliet developed this weird, ah, I dunno, ‘fetish,’ for lack of a better way to describe it. It almost reminds me of those dudes who are really into cuckolding, but Jules doesn’t really feel inadequate, so it’s different.” Whoa. As in, guys who get off on their woman cheating on them? Where was this going?

“At first, she would pick out certain girls she wanted me to flirt with. Afterwards, she’d be so excited, it really turned her on. But soon, that wasn’t enough, she started asking me to make out with them, then do some heavy petting. As things got more, you know, involved, with these girls, she’d get more and more aroused afterwards, I mean, like crazy! Then she wanted to watch when, you know, they gave me head or a hand job. Initially, she was asking me to do that sort of thing all the time, almost every night, and it caused a lot of conflict for a while, because, I mean, after a while I didn’t really want to. And it felt selfish to ask these fans to do that, when I wasn’t, you know, returning the favor.” Andy looked a little sad.

“We talked about it, and she realized she didn’t even care about the watching, she got off on control. I don’t really understand it entirely, to be honest- she just loved taking her time, finding me women that she thought were hot, were desirable, and then hearing all about it later. She can explain it a lot better than I can. But ultimately, we worked it out so that, instead of Jules virtually demanding I go be serviced by groupies, it’s become, I dunno, something a lot more tolerable. I would go so far as to say that I enjoy it now too.” Andy was smiling at me, I just looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“So, now, I let Juliet tell me about a woman she thinks is incredible, exceptional, and amazing. I check out the lady concerned, and see if I agree. I’m only really interested if I suspect she has more to offer in an interaction than just boobs and a vagina. As in, she would be interested in talking, at least a bit, about something other than how great she thinks I am."

“From there, I usually approach, you know, the girl, and I’m pretty forward, to see if she might be interested in me at all. But the rule is that I am going to tell Juliet every detail she’d like to hear about anything that happens in the bedroom, though not necessarily anything else. Because I can’t even tell you how much Jules loves hearing about that.”

I paused. “So, are you a swinger, or are you poly?” I glanced at Andy from my notebook, who I caught looking down my shirt. He didn’t seem to care that he had been caught red-handed either, just grinning a little crookedly, cheeky bastard!

“I don’t know if any label fits. It depends on what happens, really, what the woman wants, what I want. Jules is open to me seeing someone emotionally. I haven’t had anything last longer than a few weeks, no one has been interested.” He paused, frowning. “It kind of sucks, but I’m definitely a curiosity to most women, and they won’t put up with the hassle of my schedule and that I’m already with Juliet. So they sample the wares, then bail.” Andy chuckled a soft, bitter sort of chuckle and contemplated his knee.

My heart went out to him. I mean, yes, that was some extremely weird shit, but he wasn’t doing anything wrong, so long as he was being honest, and it sounded like he was. And he looked like he had definitely been burned before. It sounded to me like both he and Juliet had to up their game when it came to woman-sorting. If all these chicks were bailing after just a few weeks at the most, they were hardly living up to their supposed awesomeness. Stupid bitches.

Wanting to offer some kind of reassurance, I hesitantly reached over and patted Andy’s knobby knee. ‘Gazelle!’ shouted some corner of my mind, as Andy looked up at me and smiled. ‘Shut up!’ shouted another, more reasonable corner, as Andy put his hand over mine and clasped it, before I could retract it. I noticed the ‘P’ on his thumb as my heart rate doubled.

He was still smiling. “For the record, we really do want you to write our story, this was not an elaborate ploy to get you to beat my meat, ok?” We both laughed. Then his smile turned wicked and my breath caught. “I would just appreciate the help, if you wouldn’t mind?”

I gripped the ruler and my pencil tightly with my left hand while Andy ran his thumb, ‘P’ included, over the knuckles of my right hand. I bit my lip and shook my head, looking from Andy’s eyes to his package. The hallowed front-poop itself. Andy may not have been wearing the spandex pants of yore, but there was clearly something stored yonder. Even if his cock was small, he probably had enormous balls to create that kind of outline. And frankly, the thought of getting to see Andy’s O-face as he shot his load after stroking himself off sounded super hot. No, I certainly would not mind at all.

Notes

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