I rolled over, hoping to feel the warmth of a body next to mine but was disappointed when I felt the cool sheets against my skin. I opened my eyes and blinked the sleep out of them. I cuddled closer to the blanket that was around my body. Wait…How did I get here? The last thing that I remember was wrestling with Eli late last night after a few shots of vodka. He ended up winning after he passed gas on me, but I returned the favor by burping in his face. Oh, the sibling love. Then Andy and Juliet went to bed and Eli went out for a smoke, and I… What did I do? I-I had a pen in my hand; was it a pen? And I was writing something…Did I write something last night? I slid out of bed and walked over to the table opposite of my bed and saw a folded up piece of paper laying there. I unfolded it and instantly recognized my handwriting. I started to read over what the drunken state of myself left me with.

There’s a fire inside,
It’s something I cannot deny.
It soars overhead,
Like the ones that have bled
It takes me in its grasp
and holds me with a tighter clasp.
Oh not, shall he rein
It’s time to come apart,
And start from the very start.
Pain, will she gain.
Pain, pain, pain- It’s all too fresh.
Gruesomely cuts into her skin,
Taking all pride from the opening.
Courage flows out of one,
Hope out of another;
All the while the light fades out of her eyes-never to be seen again.
The determination in her bleeds out of her pores.
Is it time? - She asks herself, the mental pain worse than the physical
Yes my darling- it whispered.
Whom replied, she could care less;
She has permission.
One final element fades out with the sliver of hope she has left.
LIFE.

I gently set the paper back down on the table, folding it with ease. I let my fingers linger on it for a while until something struck me. Never have I written a piece like that without experiencing it firsthand. No, this isn’t real… But when have I ever written anything fake? My thoughts swirled in my head as I raced to the bathroom. I quietly closed the door and flipped on the light. My eyes drifted to my left wrist and confusion hit me like a brick wall. White cloth was wrapped tightly over my wrist; not just my wrist, I was my entire forearm. I raise my forearm in front of me and rotate it, flabbergasted by what must have happened last night. But something inside tells me it wasn’t last night, I-it feels like weeks ago. Taking my past into consideration, I lifted my shirt to expose my stomach only to see it bandaged over like my forearm. I knit my eyebrows together, beyond confused. What happened? What did I do?

I pulled my shirt back over my stomach and left the bathroom. I walked back to my room and lay down on my bed. I felt completely drained and out of energy just from walking that short distance… What the hell is wrong with me? I looked over and saw the cot I had set up for Eli still laying on the floor with his clothes spread around the area. Is Eli still here? I thought he was just staying here for the weekend, he should already be packed by now… I wanted to know what was happening. Now. I didn’t want to hear it in a week or so, I want to hear it now.

A subtle creak sounded from the door and sounded a second time before it stopped. Someone tried to make their way soundless toward me, but failed miserably as they bumped into something and cursed.

“Ow.” I said quietly, complaining at the sudden throbbing in my head.

“You’re awake!” They exclaimed, as Eli came into my view.

“Shut it you prick, my head hurts.” I groaned. He sat next to me on my bed and kissed my forehead. He looked tired, yet restless. His light brown eyes had turned a shade darker from the lack of sleep. He stared at me, worry and hope glinting in his eyes. “What happened?” I asked weakly. Confusion crossed his face.

“What do you mean, do you not remember?” I shook my head. I remember people and faces, but I can’t remember situations; or at least that situation. That frustrates me even more than idiotic people. I have to know what happened, every single detail; from what the person was wearing to what the color the chair they were sitting in was. It was a given must for me to know everything that I was involved in. Not knowing this situation doesn’t fly with me. It can’t.

“Bubby, please tell me.” I pleaded. He broke our gaze and stared down at the tattoo of my name on his thumb. There was great effect put on the metal horns that was behind my name, but there was a word tattooed under my name; just a single word that held so much meaning between the both of us; Drifter. The only problem with that tattoo is that it looked fresh. Were my actions that bad that he got a tattoo for me? He let out a quiet breath before reconnecting gazes with me. His eyes were full of sadness; it hurt to see him like this.

“Annah, you tried to kill yourself.”

Notes

Go ahead, yell at me. I've been busy with school and soccer lately, and I have a jammed weekend this weekend, so.... GO AHEAD AND YELL AT ME.

PLEASE do not take the writing in itallics, I wrote that myself and would appreciate if you'd ask if you want to take it.

So, I'm going to quit the 'Comment, Rate, and Subscribe' because I sound like an attention whore. Okay? Okay. Love you all. xX