dil

I was kind of nervous.
What did Ginny want?
I showered in record time, getting last nights makeup and trip into the alley off my skin as quick as I could manage, and then fussing over my clothes, wanting to look presentable, but not like an asshole.
Which was kind of hard.
I sighed, eventually deciding on a pair of black jeans and a shirt from my clothing line. I shrugged my jacket on, finding my sunglasses and my phone with its half-dead battery.
Well, now or never.
I rode the elevator down to the lobby, and stepped out, immediately finding her agitated form. I walked over to her, seeing her sitting on one of the couches by the window, tapping her feet impatiently, an umbrella clutched in her lap.
Was it going to rain or something?
"Ginny?" I asked, and she glanced over at me, brown eyes irate. She stood immediately and stalked over to me, I halting immediately at seeing her expression.
Had I done something wrong?
I couldnt fathom what it would be.
"What is this?" She demanded, thrusting something against my chest, and I looked down, blinking a couple times.
It was the amulet I'd ripped off her corpse a mellenia ago when I'd murdered her.
"Uh, a necklace?"
"I can't accept this, Ashley!"
What?
I blinked at her a few times, trying to process what was going on, and she dropped the necklace into my waiting hand. My fingers closed over it, a little hurt.
I'd dropped it off at her house in a letter addressed to her, saying it had reminded me of her and something she might like. I hadn't expected her to reject it, literally almost throw it in my face in denial.
It kind of hurt.
"Why not?" I asked after a moment, sounding as hurt as I felt.
She hesitated, hearing my tone, and some of her agitation seemed to melt away.
"Because! Ashley, that thing looks old, like an heirloom or something! And expensive! I can't accept such a gift, regardless --- how would it look to my boyfriend?"
"Don't you mean fiance?"
She glared at me. "You know what I mean!"
I sighed. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, Gen --- Ginny, I swear it. I just saw it and thought it would be something you would like." I looked down at her, my eyes meeting hers. "Don’t you like It?"
"Of course I like it, it's one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry I've ever seen," she muttered, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "But ---."
"So why won't you take it?" I offered it to her again. I needed her to take it back, it was my way of making amends to her in the only way that I knew how.
I was weak back then, i'd taken her life from her prematurely, and I wanted to give it back to her. She didn't know it, but I'd already pulled some strings and some major magazines would be calling her soon for an interview, giving her the option of getting out of Wales.
She didn't need to stay here forever if that wasn’t what she wanted.
Giving her back this necklace was the last thing I had to give her.
It was my apology.
Maybe she was subconsciously rejecting it because she did recognize me in some way from back then and was angry, didn't want my sorriness.
And I wouldn’t blame her.
I sighed, my shoulders slumping as I let my hand drop, the chain dangling from my fingers.
No matter how many lifetimes went by for her, I doubted she would forgive me.
I was a monster, after all.
"Ashley?"
I brought my gaze up to hers slowly, and I felt her cold fingers suddenly close over mine, a look of concern on her face.
"What is it?" She asked worriedly, her eyes meeting mine. "Why does it mean so much to you that I take that necklace? I don't even know you, Ashley. I just met you three days ago, I ---."
"I know," I murmured, abruptly clasping my hands over both of hers. "But I thought... this is something that would look beautiful around your neck, Ginny. You should wear this, no matter how you feel about me."
I transferred the necklace back into her hands, forcing her to hold It. "Please. It would mean the world to me if you accepted this."
"Ashley," she sighed. "Harry would never ---."
"I don't care about Harry, and neither do you," I said, my brow furrowing. "You don't love him."
She frowned at me, pulling her hands from my grip, though she still held the necklace. "I do too!"
"No, you don't. If you loved him as much as you said you did, you wouldn't be here now, you wouldn't have spent so much time with me, --- you wouldn’t long to get out of this place so badly your heart ached for freedom."
I could sense it in her, the yearning to leave, to have a career and adventure, not get stuck here and become a housewife to a mortal who would never appreciate her true worth.
Geneva gazed at me for several seconds, stunned.
"I know how you feel," I whispered, stepping closer to her when she'd stepped away from me. "I've felt it."
I let my hand rise to her face, caressing her freckled cheek. "You don't have to pretend with me."
"Why... why do I feel like I've known you forever?" She whispered after a moment, her lips trembling. "I feel like .... like this has happened before. But there's so much foreboding as well."
Probably because I'd slit your throat open.
I could have punched myself for that thought.
"I know," I sighed, dropping my hand from her face. "I'm sorry, you should leave."
"What?"
"You should leave, go back to your human." I shook my head, knowing what I was doing. If I let myself get to close in this short time, I'd be just like Kenali; a broken-hearted, drunk mess in a bed with the mistakes of last night pressing on my brain.
I'd been there before, I didn't want to go there again.
And Geneva needed the full human life this time, to grow old with children and grandchildren if she wanted, or to be a cat lady with a successful career --- whatever she desired.
I would ruin that.
"You speak as if you're not human too."
I turned my attention back to her, frowning. "What?"
"You say humans and mortals so casually, its as if you consider yourself a different being from us all together," she huffed, crossing her arms against her brown rain coat. "You're no different from us, Ashley, no better, if that's what you're thinking. You have a soul just like the rest of us, so don't act so high handed."
My lips twitched.
My little Geneva, still so fiery.
How I adored that.
I glanced around, reminded that we were still in the hotel lobby, having this discussion in front of everyone.
I wanted to tear her clothes off and devour her right now, damned who saw It.
I sighed, and ran my hands through my hair, shaking my head.
"Goodbye, Ginny."
"What?" Now she looked startled.
While I still had the self-control for it, I was going to leave her.
I couldn't leave Kenali, but at least I could Ginny.
At least one of them had the chance to be better off without me.
"It was nice seeing you, meeting you," again. "But I'm leaving in another couple days for another country, and --- you have your Harry, your life here. It was nice meeting you," I took her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "I hope we meet again some time."
I let her hand drop, and I started to walk away, heading for the front doors of the hotel; I needed to get out of here a little while, get some fresh air.
Maybe devour an innocent bystander and get my sin under control.
I still hadn't slept with anyone other then Kenali, I, as embarrassing as it was, couldn't get that part of myself to work for anyone but her.
It was very frustrating.
And human blood wasn’t near as satisfying.
I sighed, slipping my sunglasses on my face despite how cloudy it was.
I glanced around, then started down the street toward where the bars would be.
Drinking would be a great way to start off the afternoon, maybe help the pounding ache in my chest that increased with every step I took away from the only mortal I had ever loved.
I got about halfway down the sidewalk before someone slammed into me, and I turned, startled.
"Don't leave me!"
I felt my mouth drop slightly, and I stared at her.
"What are you doing?" I demanded, her fingers wrapping through mine, her dark eyes shooting to my face, frantic.
"Don't leave," Geneva pressed, panting for breath after sprinting after me. "Please, I --- I don't know what's wrong with me, but I couldn’t stand to see you walk away like that."
I hesitated, my eyes flicking down to her chest, and then back to her eyes.
"Is there somewhere we can go?" I asked after a moment. "To talk?"
"Yes, there's --- yes!" She tightened her hand in mine and began pulling me forward, ignoring the looks people she knew were giving her, thunder booming in the distance.
Yeesh, it was going to rain after all.
"Ginny ---."
"Just --- shut up, okay?" She snapped at me, and I blinked at her tone. I quieted instantly, and let her lead me wherever she wanted to go.
We ended up in a abandoned park, the thunder scaring everyone off, and she lead me to a bench in the grass, beneath the large trees.
She forced me to sit down, and then sat beside me, swiveling to face me.
"Explain what's going on?"
"What?" I stared at her, baffled.
I wasnt even sure what was going on.
"You know what I mean! Ever since I met you at the party --- you keep acting like you know me and you owe me something but I know that's not true! I've never met you before in my life!"
Not this one.
I blinked at her, seeing her frustrated expression.
Well, um.
Fuck, what did I tell her?
"I ---."
"Don’t lie to me," she warned me, and I frowned, looking down, seeing she still clutched the necklace in her hand.
"Will you wear it again?"
"What?" She frowned at the sudden change of subject.
I motioned at the necklace she held, leaning forward and propping my elbows on my knees. "Will you wear it?"
She looked down, seeming surprised she still held it, and then hesitated. "Will you talk to me then?"
"No."
"What?" She scowled at me unhappily. "Why not?"
"I want you to wear that because you want too, not because you want me to tell you something or for it to be used as a bargaining chip." I muttered, looking down at my murderous hands. "I want it to be because you want too..."
She slipped it in her pocket.
Figures.
"Don’t change the subject. Explain what this is!"
I huffed. "I don’t know what you're talking about!"
"Yes, you do you just did it! 'wear it again', you said. I've never seen this before, Ashley!"
I frowned, and straightened, glancing at her. "Fine. I'm a fallen angel who fell in love with you and Fell from heaven to be with you. You denied my love and died soon after, so I took that necklace off your corpse as a keepsake. You've been reincarnated in this life and I decided I would give it back to you. Happy?"
She rolled her eyes at me.
I had been completely honest, though, probably more than I ever had to her.
Funny how she didn’t believe me.
"Don’t be ridiculous."
I shrugged. "It's your choice whether you believe me or not, I don’t care."
I did care, but she didn’t need to know that.
She scowled at me, growing more and more aggravated every minute she spent with me.
This was a bad Idea, coming with her, and it was going to rain any second.
I needed to leave her be.
"Please, why won't you tell me the truth? I've never... I feel strange."
"Strange?" I leaned up, and looked at her, twisting around until I was at least facing her. "What do you mean?"
Geneva gazed at me, her full lips pouty. She reached forward, and I closed my eyes as she pulled my sunglasses off, letting them drop into my lap. She cupped my face in her hand, and I hesitated, feeling her rough palm against my skin.
"Open your eyes, Ashley."
If I opened my eyes, I would be reminded that this... this couldn’t be.
I nuzzled her hand instead, covering it with my own and pressing my lips against it.
She smelled so nice.
"Ashley... please."
I sighed, and let my eyes drift open, they meeting hers.
I was going to have to leave her if she was going to live.
Thunder abruptly boomed above us, and she winced, cold rain suddenly falling from the sky.
I let her hand go, and got to my feet, irritated.
That timing was definitely a godsend.
Geneva jerked to her feet, and her hand curled in the front of my shirt, stopping me when I started to walk off again.
"Stop walking away from me!" She snapped, jerking me around her face her. "Talk to me!"
"There's nothing to talk about. You're right, we don't know each other," I said loudly, the rain drenching my clothes and hers, her hair becoming plastered to her head. The thunder was booming over us, drowning out whatever words she wanted me to say.
I couldn’t make her happy, there was nothing I could say to her that she would believe.
She bit her lip, much like Kenali did, and I averted my gaze, wishing I didn’t love either redheaded women.
They said you couldn’t love two people at once, but that wasn’t true. Your heart was big enough for more then one person, and you could love them both with all you had, especially when you knew they would never feel the same way for you.
I'd only ever loved Geneva before Kenali had come along.
They were so similar, perhaps it was their kindness that drew me in, their want to help others and not hurt anyones feelings.
Their innocence.
Kenali's had already been tainted by this world and my actions, but Geneva still had a chance.
But only if I left her.
I raised my hand to her face, my thumb caressing her lips, they parting beneath my touch.
The rain was cold as it fell against my skin, but for a few seconds, I didn’t feel it as I gazed into her eyes, all my love for her rushing to the surface, squeezing what was left of my heart.
I cupped her face between my hands.
"Forget all about me," I whispered, feeling water drip from my lips. "Pretend you never met me, you don't remember me, never think of me again. Be happy with your man, be happy with your life and do whatever you want that makes you happy, don’t let anyone stop you." I stroked her wet cheeks. "Goodbye, Ginny."
Goodbye.
I let my hands drop from her face, hoping my enamor had done the job on her, and turned away from her. I started to walk through the pouring rain, clenching my jaw against the pain.
That was the only way this would work, if she just forgot all about me.
That was the only way it could ever be.
No matter how much it fucking hurt.
God did I need a drink.
"Ashley, wait!"
I needed to drink an entire bar.
Two bars.
"Ashley!"
Four bars.
"Ashley!" Her fingers abruptly clenched around the material of my jacket, forcing me to turn around, and I stared at her in confusion.
Why hadnt my compulsion worked?
Why did she still know me?
Thunder boomed, shaking the ground beneath us, water rushing over our feet.
"Okay, one!" She shouted over the noise. "Don't you ever tell me to forget you! Don't tell me to be happy! Two, no one is going to tell me or stop me from doing anything I want, got it? And three --- stop walking away from me, dammit!"
I just looked at her, dumbfounded.
How had she become immune to me so quickly? It had taken Andy months and many doses from Kenali before her enamor hadnt worked on him, but I'd only used it a few times on Geneva --- I didn’t understand.
Her hands abruptly cupped my face, forcing me to meet her eyes.
"I don’t know why I'm going to do this," she whispered, and suddenly her lips were pressing against mine, and I froze, inhaling deeply her scent of pumpkin spice.
My lips sunk against hers, and I raised a hand to her face, pulling her closer against me, my tongue tracing her lips. They parted, and I took control of the kiss, enclosing her tightly in my arms, my hand burrowing in her hair.
Thunder boomed angrily above us again as I kissed my mortal, rain becoming harsher as it beat against us, but we ignored it, letting it run its course.
She was kissing me, she wanted me and I hadn't forced her too.
Even before that had not been the case.
I moaned against her lips, feeling the want start to overpower my senses. I pressed tighter against her, my hands slipping beneath her coat, searching her warm body beneath it.
She gasped as my hand cupped her breast beneath her coat, and I felt my sin.
My sin wanted her body, and damned if I didn’t want to ravage her right in the puddle growing beneath us, fuck her in the pouring rain until she was so sore and bruised she would never be able to walk again.
I wanted to claim her.
But that is what had gotten me into trouble before, and I couldn’t do that again.
So I forced my sin to calm, and I pulled away from her before I made the same mistake with her as I did with Kenali.
She was panting for breath as I pulled away, her face flushed.
She had never been kissed like that before, and she didn’t understand why she was so turned on, suddenly wanting me so badly she was tempted to throw her entire life away for one night with me.
My sin was working on her too, apparently.
But, if I did recall, she was a virgin in this life like she had been before, and she had wanted her silly white wedding.
I wouldnt take that dream away from her either.
Besides, virgins always came with too much baggage and responsibility.
I sighed, feeling the rain lighten as I distanced myself from her, taking several steps back.
"A-Ashley?" She stammered, staring at me, her hand rising to her lips.
"I won't, Ginny." I stared at her, my hands going into my pockets, very aware of the bulge in my jeans.
I didn’t want to have to hurt her feelings to make her leave me, but I would if I had too. I had initiated this, I had drawn her to me, I was the literal monster in her dreams.
And if I didn’t get away from her, I would be the cause of her death again.
But oh, how I wanted her.
How I would kill this entire town just to be with her.
And honestly? If that was what had been required of me, if I had to murder thousands of innocents and raise hell on earth just to spend one mortal lifetime with Geneva, I would probably still do it.
I would destroy anything for her.

Notes