My Fallen Angel

"So this is our new bodyguard," Ashley introduced Cronus to the band as we all gathered in the airport lobby. "Uh, Cronus."
"Cronus?" Jake looked at him warily. "From the bar. Kenna's... Friend."
"Yes." Cronus nodded, gazing with disinterest at all of them.
Ashley sent me a look, and I shrugged; I'd forgotten to mention we went out drinking.
We were getting ready to board the plane to continue their tour, just now we were going to have a new member of the group. All the guys were just looking at him, unsure of how to take Cronus with his hulking size and bored expression.
Especially since for the next four months he was going to he traveling the cramped space with them.
We were heading to Europe, and we would fly by plane before finding a new bus for their tour.
Ashley slipped his fingers through mine, sending me a smile, and I forced one back.
I was so relieved that child hadn't been his, but I was also feeling guilty now over sleeping with Cronus.
Perhaps I had been a bit hasty with that decision.
Ashley would get suspicious when I didn't start weakening; though for all he knew I was just able to last that long; I'd gone a long time with feeding on just him, so maybe he wouldn't think too much on it and I wouldn't have to worry.
I sighed, squeezing his hand as I followed him through the airport, my mood dropping every step I took.
This was going to be a miserable trip, I just knew it, especially if it was cold.
I HATED the cold.
The only cold I liked was when you flew so quickly, ice crystals formed on your wings, looking like crystal tears as you started to fall back into warmth....
I missed flying, and I knew being on a plane wasn't the same thing, but... I still didn't want to go up there and have to sit for six hours in a small metal deathtrap with whinny mortals who all thought they had the biggest problems.
I was so moody today.
I hadn't wanted to get up this morning, Ashlan had forced me, and I'd only half-dressed myself; I did NOT have as bad as a fashion sense as he claimed I did.
I picked self consciously at the pink top I wore; it was one of Ashleys favorites, but I didn't think it looked that well on me.
I glanced forward at Andy, watching as he laughed with the guys.
"What's wrong, Kenali?" Ashley murmured, aviators hiding his eyes. "What's bothering you?"
Was my mood that obvious?
"Nothing, I ----."
"Kenali."
I huffed at his tone. "We're overdoing it with Andy. His mind isn't going to be able to handle our enamoring much more; we're literally driving him crazy."
"It's not our fault his angel self gets him constantly into trouble."
I sent him a dark look, and he chuckled, leaning over to press a kiss to my cheek. "Don't worry that pretty little head of yours; just enjoy the trip. We don't have anything to worry about now."
But we did.
I just hadn't told him about it yet.
I looked up at him worriedly, wondering if I should even mention it.
I suppose it was more my problem then his, but we seemed to share everything, and....
Should I?
No, I decided, looking away from him. I would deal with this, I didn't want to seem whinny or needy.
Besides, it had been my, somewhat conscious, decision to go dark for those few moments it took to save his existence, and just because it was affecting me negatively now didn't mean I regretted it one moment, and I didn't want him to feel bad about it either.
So I would just deal with it myself.
Going dark had done something to me, though. I didn't feel like myself, I kept getting these awful thoughts that I didn't truly mean, or at least I hoped so.
I didn't know who I was becoming now.
It was scaring me.
I had come down here to protect Andiel from Seraphine, and that I had done; she wouldn't bother him now.
And when he died, I would be free to go about my existence doing whatever I wished.
But I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.
I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do right NOW. I still looked over my shoulder continuously, searching for anything that could be a threat, despite how relaxed Ashlan and Cronus appeared to be.
It would be nice having another angel around for a little while, even if he set the mortals on edge; they would get used to him, he was actually nice once he warmed up to you.
I glanced at Ashley again, seeing him texting on his phone.
And who was he talking too? I frowned.
He had been on that blasted thing the entire two days he'd been home, setting something about a trust up? What did that mean?
What was a trust?
I scowled, crossing my arms.
I was so agitated.
I cut my eyes forward as Andy laughed again at a joke CC was telling him, and he shook his head, dark hair falling in front of his eyes.
Did he really not love me?
I couldn't get over it, the heartbreak, the pain that beat in my chest so often I would rather have had it ripped out then feel it. I had loved him so much for so long, I couldn't imagine finding a way ....
I had to stop loving him, running to his rescue every time he got a hair crossed, but I couldn't help myself.
But I was becoming so bitter and angry over it, I felt like it was poisoning me.
Was this what a broken heart was, then? This painful, hurt feeling that ravaged my chest and made me want to rip him in half for hurting me like that?
I mean I wanted to literally rip his body in half and make him eat his own heart.
And that didn't sound like me whatsoever.
I would have never thought that before...
God, what was WRONG with me? I didn't want to be this way!
I didn't WANT to be dark!
I bit my lip harder then I intended too, and winced as I tasted blood.
Ashlan and Cronus eyes shot to my face immediately as they smelled it.
"Kenna?" Ash turned to me. "What is it?"
"I just bit my lip, it's fine," I muttered, putting a hand over my mouth.
"What is wrong, Kenali? You can stop telling me it's nothing," he muttered under his breath, his fingers wrapping around my arm as he drug me several feet away from the others.
I gave a nervous glance at them, seeing CC watching us curiously.
"It isn't anything to worry over," I assured him quickly, looking at his chest. "I'm just... conflicted."
"Over?" he prodded, brushing my hair behind my ears so he could see my face.
"Things. But it's mine to worry over not yours," I shook my head, pulling from his grasp.
"Kenali, anything that worries you is my concern. It affects me, you know. Now what is it?"
He was getting pushy, and I hated it when he did that.
"I told you it's none of your concern!"
"It is too!" his lips tightened, and it irritated me I couldn't see his eyes; I could always tell he was getting temperamental when the red started to show through his glamour.
"Is not!"
"Kenali," he growled, grabbing my wrist so I couldn't walk away from him, is grip tight and bruising. "You've been this way since I came back. What is the problem?"
"What do you care? You've been on your phone the entire time!"
"Is that what this is about?" He huffed. "I've not been paying you enough attention?"
"No!" I flushed, embarrassed; I wasn't being that childish.
At least I didn't think so.
I strained against his grip, and he gave a harsh jerk, forcing me forward against his chest. "You're not getting away from me until you tell me what the fucking problem is!"
"Let go!" I hissed, glaring up at him.
"Ken ---," he started to growl at me, but Andy suddenly stepped to our side, his eyes flicking warily between us.
"Is there a problem?" he asked lightly, his thumbs hooked in his pockets.
"No," I jerked out of Ashlans grip, rubbing my wrist. "There's not. He's just overreacting."
"Overreacting!" Ashley hissed, jerking his sunglasses off his face, eyes flaring red. "How the fuck am I the one overreacting when ---?"
"Guys, that's enough!" CC popped up beside Andy, his face strained. "You're acting like you did in the beginning."
"What are you talking about?" Ashley snapped.
"When Kenna first toured with us, you two bickered and fought like you hated each other! I thought you guys were good now. We aren't gonna go back to that are we?" he grimaced. "Because the fight at the hotel was more then I could take."
I hesitated, and looked down, remembering the night I'd told Ashlandil my plan to kill Andy, and how he'd nearly destroyed the hotel room in his anger; it had been all he could do not to kill me then.
I had been weak, stupid and my mind muddled from lack of feeding.
He couldn't push me around or treat me like that now, not with the strength and health I had flowing through my veins.
I'd like to see him try.
I glared at him.
"Don't look at me like that!" he muttered defensively, putting his sunglasses back on. "You're the one who started it."
"You freaked out! I mean, I can understand since you did the same ----," I stopped myself, realizing the awful thing I was about to say. "I --- I mean ---."
Ashlandils face mottled red, his whole body tensing angrily as he realized where I had been going.
"What the FUCK were you going to say?"
"N-nothing," I stammered, taking a step back.
I wasn't supposed to know about that.
"No, Kenna, why don't you say it?" He hissed, taking a threatening step in my direction. "You obviously want to throw it in my face! Yes, that's one of the fucking reasons I was so mad! Fuck me for trying to spare you some heartache!"
"Ashlan ---."
"Shut up," he snapped, and my mouth clamped shut immediately. "I don't want to hear it. Just shut the fuck up!"
"Ashley!" CC gasped, and he stepped between us. "What the hell is your problem, man? Don't talk to her that way!"
Ashlandil radiated anger, and his fists clenched.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean ---," I started, feeling awful, but he shook his head, abruptly turning on his heel and striding away from me, disappearing around a corner and leaving me behind.
I sighed, deflating.
I should never had said that; it had been so wrong, so cruel of me.
Ashlandil had killed the human girl who he had loved so much in a rage, and it had been the sin that had tied him to this world, stopped him from fading into oblivion.
He hadn't wanted me to suffer the heartache that that sin had brought him.
He really had been trying to protect me, and now I'd just flung that in his face.
What was wrong with me? How could I have been so heartless?
I felt tears well in my eyes.
"Oh, Kenna, don't cry," CC rubbed my arms comfortingly. "He's just cranky right now, don't take it personally."
"I was so mean to him," I wept, wiping at my eyes. "I shouldn't have said that."
"Kenali," Cronus appeared at my side, towering over Andy where he stood uncomfortably and CC where he tried to comfort me.
I turned to him immediately, and he placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. "He'll get over it soon, he always does." He told me softly. "You didn't mean to say it."
"But I did," I wept. "I wanted to hurt him, but I never meant ---."
"I know," he slipped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me away from the others and comforting me, rubbing my arms. I laid my head against his chest, sniffling, and finding solace in his steady heartbeat.
"He overreacted," he told me calmly. "But he'll come around. You know how dramatic Ashlandil can be."
"I don't want him mad at me!"
"You have no reason to fear him, Kenali, you're stronger then he is."
"What?" I shook my head. "I'm not afraid of him, he would never hurt me. And he's so much older then me, Cronus, he's the stronger one!""I have never seen him wield hellfire," he murmured softly. "Vesuvius was the last one I can remember, and he died as a result of his power."
"He also killed thousands of people," I sniffed, remembering the "volcano" that had murdered so many innocent mortals.
"You're going to need to learn how to control it," he told me, stroking my hair. "So you don't lose control like he did."
"But if I keep turning dark, I won't be able to come back to myself!"
"You don't have to turn dark that much that you lose yourself, Kenali," Cronus shook his head. "You just have to turn enough where you don't lose control of your powers and destroy an entire city of innocents."
Well, that was true.
I thought about it a moment. "Ashlan would never agree to such a thing."
"Ashlandil does not have to know."
"What? Of course he does! I could never do something so threatening and not tell him about it!"
"If you tell him, he'll just try to stop you, make sure you never learn to control yourself when you need to and keep you weaker then him."
"That's not what he's doing," I scoffed, pulling away from him and shaking my head. "He cares about me."
"He might care for you, Kenali, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to control you and make sure you're not a threat to him."
I looked at Cronus, uncertain.
No, Ashlandil wasn't like that; if that was the case, he never would have made sure I'd fed, bugged me continuously to take care of myself, made sure I had everything I needed and more.
Ther was nothing Cronus could say that would shake my faith in Ashlandil, not like it had been shaken in Andy.
I let my eyes drift over to where he stood, talking with the guys again, all of their moods brought down by my and Ashland's tirade; they didnt want us fighting again, it had been a bad time for all of them....
"I need to apologize to him," I said after a moment, and took off before Cronus could stop me.
I needed to make this right.

Notes