Ashlandil

I finished off the shot of whiskey, and waved my hand for another one.
"Dude, slow down before you get poisoned," Jake muttered at me, staring at me as I just took the bottle from the guy. I turned it up, feeling it burn all the way down to my stomach. "Ash, I'm serious," Jake jerked the bottle away from me, and I scowled at him.
It took three times the normal amount of alcohol to get me drunk as it did them, and I was just now starting to get a good, numb buzz going through my body.
"Leave me alone," I muttered, eyeing the bartender as she poured someone else a drink. She was a pretty brunette, and I was needing a pick me up.
"Just because you feel like shit over the situation doesn't mean you need to poison yourself," Jake sat the bottle behind the bar. "This isn't good, man."
"What does it even matter? If I wanna drink, I'm gonna drink!" my words were starting to slur, which meant I was on a good track. I grabbed the bottle back and took a swift chug.
I needed this. He didn't understand. I had fucking saved Andys life from that almost-succubus! They would all be thanking me if they knew the truth!
Hell, why was I even keeping it from them?
"She was gonna kill Andy, yknow," I told Jake as he sat watching me with disapproval. "I saved him, okay? She might have been an angel, but she's gonna be a succubus once her shit kicks in!"
I waved my hand to make my point. "I mean, suurreee, I'm a demon, but I still look fucking good! And Seraphine? Pfft! I can take that bitch with my eyes closed! I don't need that fucking red head to tell me, ME, what to do!"
"You've had enough, Ashley."
"No!" I pulled the bottle away from him, glaring at him through bloodshot eyes. "This is all I got, man, get your own!" "Ash ---."
"But don't you let her get too close!" I told him sternly, shaking the bottle at him. "She's a soul sucker, that one! She'll make you get close, start to feel something, and then --- BAM," I let my hand drop onto the bar loudly, "she'll rip your heart out with betrayal. And I'm supposed to be a demon! I don't even have a fucking heart! I don't even know why I'm missing her!"
Jake looked pained.
"Dude, if you miss her, just call her." Some guy down the row sighed. "And let the rest of us enjoy our night in peace, yeah?"
"Come on," Jake hopped to his feet and slipped his arm under my shoulder, pulling me to my feet at the guys comment. "Let's get you out of here."
I held tightly to the bottle as we staggered out of the bar.
"She's a mean one," I mumbled. "That Kenali. But I didn't think she'd leave. I never meant for her to leave, man!"
"It's okay, Ash," he grunted, dragging me forward down the street.
"No, it's not! I hurt her, and I wanted too for what she did! She deserves to know the same pain the rest of us feel, that snooty, prude, innocent vixen! And I'm gonna tell her!"
"Sounds like a good plan."
No it didn't.
"She probably hates me more now," I muttered, stopping a moment to drink more. "But that's okay! I hate her too!"
Jake sighed, and then suddenly he was talking to someone who wasn't me. I staggered to the side away from him, my hand latching around a lamp post.
She shouldn't have Fell, and she wouldn't have if He hadn't taken away the one thing she ever cared about. She was a good girl, a loyal and fierce follower, and look what had happened to her!
"You hear this, you bastard!" I shouted, shaking my bottle up at Him. "Look what you did to her!"
"Now he's screaming at a building. Guys, I need some help here."
Fuck. I slid down the lamp post to the ground, feeling like I was sinking into oblivion. We were all monsters, one way or another.
I couldn't count all the humans I'd killed, and yet she'd just wanted to kill one! One!
I should have just let her.
"Fucking monsters," I muttered, and chugged more whiskey.
"Ash?" I raised my bleary eyes, seeing two CCs kneeling in front of me. I glared at both of them, wishing one would walk away so I wouldn't have to split my attention.
"Come on, get up," one of them grunted, pulling on my arm. I ignored him, and tried to finish off my bottle.
I frowned, turning it upside down. Where was the rest of it?
"Who drank my whiskey?"
"Oh for gods sake," someone else started pulling on my other arm.
"Fuck that! All He does is bring pain to everyone," I told them, feeling someone wrap my arms over their shoulders as I was lifted from the ground. "He just thinks this is some game. We're all pawns! And if everyone tries to make a move ---- POW! He knocks them over the head with a stick."
"He reeks, Jake. How much did he drink?"
"Do you mean before or after I found him?"
"She's just a pawn too," I realized. "He did it on purpose! He was trying to test her loyalty! Well, ha! Fuck you!" I glared angrily upwards. "She chose someone else other then you, you bastard! How's that make you feel?"
"Can't he just pass out already?"
"He thinks we're all useless down here, well nope! I'll throw a kink in his plans, I will!" My vision was starting to darken. "Better strike me now, oh Father, before I find her!"
"What the hell is he even talking about?"
"I dunno. It's been angels and demons and succubuses for the last two hours," someone grunted.
I had hurt her so bad she left. I hadn't meant to do that. I missed seeing her red hair, her big purple eyes that seemed to look past all the bad and try to find the good.
"I was so mean to her," I started to weep. "I treated her bad from the moment she got here. I didn't want that responsibility!"
"Jesus, now he's crying. How much farther to the bus?"
"Just the next block. Has he always been this heavy?"
"We've never had to carry him home before. I don't think he's ever been this wasted."
"Kenna doesn't even know what that means," I snorted, my head starting to drop lower and lower. "She doesn't understand. She doesn't know pain yet. Where is she?"
Everything was about black now.
"Andy! Get over here!"
"What the hell happened to him?"
"He's like a sponge when it comes to alcohol --- help us get him on the bus."
"Why not just let him wallow in his own pain?"
"Andy, come on!"
"Fine. Here, hand him up the steps to me."
Andy should appreciate what I'd done the most, and I tried to tell him so, but I couldn't see anymore, so I decided I would just tell him later.
Maybe he wouldn't leave me too.

Notes