My Fallen Angel

I absently listened to the music from Andys laptop next door. We'd been towed to town, and I'm pretty sure they were paying an extreme amount of money to have the bus repaired overnight so we could keep going and get out of this small town, where everyone looked at the guys with their black hair and skinny jeans like they were devils.
Trust me, I've seen devils, and they were far from it.
The guys were all sharing rooms, and I had to share one with Ashley since everyone assumed we were together. It was small, with two small beds and a dinky television that only had two channels that you couldn't even really make out, and a bathroom I was too afraid to even use.
Ashley wasn't here, currently out fixing his withdrawals with some poor mortal. I think the guys all thought he was avoiding me because of our fight, and even felt a little bad for me as they all suspected Ashley of "messing around" as CC had put it.
Trust me, he could mess around as much as he wanted so long as he left me be.
I was sitting cautiously in the bed closest to the door, leaning back against the headboard with a lap full of magazines whose content confused me. I didn't understand a lot of the terms, nor the pictures. I picked up on some of it, but then there were adds for medication
. Some of it was to make you thin, or last longer?
What did that mean?
Did it lengthen their life expectancy?
I was so confused.
I tossed the magazine to the side in aggravation.
I didn't like feeling confused.
I glanced over as I heard Andy on the phone, talking to Juliet, sounding relaxed and happy. I listened to the timbre of his voice, glad he was content.
I closed my eyes wearily. I was feeling more and more tired the longer I was staying here, and I was starting to doubt I had the courage to do what I'd meant to.
I heard Andy tell Juliet he loved her, and then end the call.
I sighed. I had always wanted to hear him say that to me, had longed for it for several human centuries, but I don't believe he'd ever felt that way towards me, and I had never let on anything either. It wasn't right for angels to be together like that, to feel like that, so maybe I had started to Fall before even I realized it.
I felt something on my skin and opened my eyes, glancing down. I shrieked in horror, magazines scattering as I lurched off the bed, smacking the thing off my leg.
What WAS THAT THING? I backed away from it.
"Kenna?"
My door burst open, and Andy stood there, a phone in one hand and a cigarette in another, a panicked look on his face. "What is it? Are you okay?"
I pointed, my lips trembling, amd Andys gaze followed before relaxing. He started to laugh. "It's just a spider."
"Get RID OF IT." I could still feel the legs crawling across mine, amd the eyes! Why did it need so many? I had never seen such a thing!
Andy laughed again, picking up the magazine it was on and carrying it outside like it was a normal thing humans did. Were there more of those... Spiders? Were they common? Why would anyone not be afraid of such things?
"See? It's gone, it's okay," he grinned at me, slipping his phone in his pocket. "They're basically harmless."
I glanced around the room worriedly. "Is there more?" "Probably. Places like this have a lot of --- I mean, that was probably the only one," he said hastily at my expression. "I doubt there's more in here."
MORE? I couldn't stay in here!
"Why don't you hang with me outside?" he suggested, shaking his head. "Before you have a panic attack over a small insect."
"It wasn't small!" It had been huge! Andy shook his head, and I followed him out onto the sidewalk, the small roof above us blocking the moonlight. I sat down on the edge of the pavement where it met the gravel, and he joined me, dragging on his cigarette
. He turned so he wouldn't blow the smoke on me, but I could still smell it and wrinkled my nose.
"So you're against it too?" he raised his brows at me. "Smoking, that is?"
"I don't like the way it smells." I shrugged, looping my arms around my knees.
"Being a dancer, I wouldn't guess you would anyway," he said, resting his elbows on his knees. He glanced at me after a moment. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Are you in some sort of trouble?"
I looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"Earlier, on the bus, it just sounded like you were running from something, or someone. Is someone after you?" His blue eyes gazed at me in concern. "Is that why you're with us?" "Not... Not in the way you think." I shook my head. "I just had to leave my home, and it was a hard decision."
"Did your dad not approve or something?"
"You could say that." I chewed my lip.
Andy sighed, and let his cigarette drop down, putting it out with his boot. "Look, we got your back, yknow? You haven't been with us long, and I know it seems like we're just a bunch of idiots, but you've really become part of the group."
I turned to look at him. "Really? I thought I was more of an issue. I just kind of showed up. Ashley wasn't exactly thrilled." I muttered.
"Ash is never thrilled, don't let that get to you." Andy told me, giving me a crooked smile. "You just get used to it. He worries about you, though, I can tell. He never lets you out of his sight."
"It's more because he thinks I'll get into trouble whenever he's not around then anything else." And I sort of did. First with Seraphine, then Juliet... I could see a pattern emerging.
Andy chuckled. "Nah, you're an angel, Kenna."
I smiled. He had no idea.
I turned my eyes on him. "Thank you, Andy. I think I sort of needed that."
He chuckled again. "You stay to yourself too much! You need to hang out more. We don't bite."
"I know. But I feel like I intrude," I confessed, stretching my legs out in front of me.
"You wouldn't be." he told me firmly. "You're always welcome."
I looked into his eyes a moment, captivated. I had looked into them so many times, and I'd always been comforted by the kindness and strength in them. He had always been one of the strongest, a leader, and that hadn't changed in his human form. And I appreciated his words so much. I felt so out of place here.
"Kenna?" he murmured, and I blinked, then quickly tore my gaze from his.
"I should probably go back inside." I grimaced at the thought. "You can stay out here with me," Andy offered, but I shook my head, chambering to my converse clad feet.
"I shouldn't. Ashley will be back soon, and ---."
"You know what he's doing, don't you?"
I hesitated, looking at Andy as he got to his feet. He stood in front of me, staring at me, anger in his eyes now. "What ---." "Kenna, what else do you think he's doing at midnight in a podunk town like this? He's not... I mean," he rubbed the back of his hair, obviously trying to find a gentle way to say it.
Amused, I shook my head.
"Andy, I know what he's doing. But it doesn't bother me."
He gave me an incredulous look, so I continued hastily.
"I mean, we're not together. I'm not sleeping with him or claiming him or anything. He can do as he wishes."
Now he looked confused. "But I thought ---."
"It's what he wants you to think." I sighed. "How else would it explain me being here?"
"You could have just said you were in trouble."
"I'm a complete stranger! You wouldn't have just taken me in, that wouldn't have been practical. So you believed what Ashley wanted you too." I shrugged. "He's just my friend."
He looked a little relieved.
I sent him a half- smile, and stepped toward my room, the door still open.
"I'll see you in the morning." I told him.
"Wait," he caught my hand, his fingers warm, and my eyes shot to his as I slightly panicked. He couldn't be touching me, it would persuade him.
He took a step toward me, and I took one back, tugging my hand from his, his eyes not leaving mine.
"Andy, what is it?" I asked anxiously, trying to keep some distance between us.
" I --- I don't remember," he blinked, looking down at me. "I don't know."
"Why don't you go back to your room?" I suggested. "CC probably misses you."
"Yeah," he frowned, but he didn't move.
Uh oh. I glanced around nervously. "Goodnight, Andy." "Kenna?"
"Yes?" I stood by the door, holding it in my hand tightly.
"Why do I feel like I know you?"
"I don't know, Andy."
"Ever since I saw you that first time, it's like something clicked." he frowned at me, my touch suddenly bringing all his worries forward. "I keep thinking we've met, just like I did with Ashley when he joined the band. It's this annoying, nagging feeling in the back of my mind."
I bit my lip as I looked up at him, wishing I could tell him the truth. But he would never believe me anyway.
"Maybe I look like someone you once knew," I suggested. "That happens a lot."
"Yeah, maybe." he frowned, and took another step forward, leaning against the doorframe now.."But I don't think that's it."
"Well, I'm sure it is. And I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep." My smile was becoming frazzled. "Goodnight."
"Why do you not wanna talk about this?" he pressed his hand against the door so I couldn't close it.
"Because there's nothing to talk about." I stared intensely at his chest.
"But ---."
"Im tired," I spoke quickly. "I'm going to bed."
My eyes flicked up to his, and he sighed, frustrated. "Fine." His hand suddenly rose to my face, caressing my cheek, and I felt a shock at the touch.
No no no. "Andy ---."
"You're so beautiful," he murmured, gazing down at me. "I keep wanting to kiss you and I don't know why."
Yeah, well, I knew that feeling. I pulled from his touch. "Don't." "Why?" he gently tilted my face up. "Why shouldn't I kiss you? You're not with him."
His face was edging toward mine.
No!
"You're with Juliet," I burst, eyes widening. His lips were barely an inch from mine, and as many times as I had dreamt and wished for his kisses, I didn't want it to be like this, because he had touched me and was influenced by it.
"You love her, not me, remember?" I whispered, my eyes starting to hurt. "You don't even know me."
"But I do." His voice held a hint of desperation. "I do know you!"
"Andy, please, don't," I pressed my hand against his chest. I was severely lacking in self control when it came to this, I had learned that with Ashley. I had craved physical touch ever since that night, and it was awful. I was trying to resist so hard...
"I know you, Kenna," Andys eyes searched mine, and his other hand rose to cup my face. "I'd know those violet eyes anywhere."
I swallowed; my glamour on my eyes must have faded. "Please." I whispered. "Go."
If he kissed me, I wouldn't be able to tell him no anymore. I had wanted him too long, and now I knew physical pleasure, and we would both regret what would happen.
I had to do something before it was too late.
I pressed harder on his chest, wanting to push him away. And then his lips were crashing against mine, one hand sinking into my hair to hold me against him.
I gasped, and his tongue darted into my mouth, hungrily taking control.
He pressed me back into the room, and then against the table, kicking the door shut. His hands slipped down to my waist, slipping beneath my shirt and against my skin, and I pressed urgently against him, moaning against his lips.
My self control was suddenly gone.
My hand locked in his hair as he tore his lips from mine, trailing them down my jaw and to my throat, nipping at my skin. I gasped, straining against him, our height becoming an issue.
He suddenly lifted me up onto the table with a growl, slipping between my thighs forcefully. I clamped them around his hips eagerly, feeling his want pressing against me, and I felt that feeling rise inside of me, the need I'd experienced before and hadn't been able to control.
I tried to fight it.
If any of the other guys came out --- if anyone saw this --- it couldn't happen and he was only influenced by my touch. This would ruin everything, i told myself. This was selfishness.
It wasn't because he actually wanted me.
He had never wanted me that way.
I could feel the bitterness rise in my mouth, and I pushed him away abruptly, feeling sickened at myself.
"No! Stop!" I cried, straining away from him. "No!"
"What?" he demanded, confusion warping his features. "Why?"
"Get out!" I burst. "Just go!"
"Kenna ---."
I grabbed his chin forcefully, plunging my power into his mind remorselessly.
"You don't remember any of this, it never happened. You don't love me, you love Juliet, and this want you feel for me disappears tonight. Now go!" I ordered, and he stumbled away from me, as if he was drunk. He staggered to the door, and out of it without a second glance.
I slipped off the table and into the floor with a sob, shame flowing over my skin.
What had I done?!

Notes