My Fallen Angel

I stepped wearily onto the bus, my feet aching from the ridiculous shoes. I stepped over to the couch and leaned down, pulling them off befors they caused me anymore misery.
It was dark with the lights off, and eerily quiet. Everything was in shadows, and it was nice for there to just be peace for a few moments.
I heard Ashley thunder up behind me, his stomps angry, and sighed.
There went peace.
I should probably thank him, despite all his reservations and snarky comments, he'd always been here to help me, and I did appreciate it. It just seemed so strange to actually like one of the other Fallen; once you Fell, your weakness to the human world officially wrote you off, and you were to be looked down upon until the Final Days.
But that didn't make them evil;they weren't all like Seraphine, and now I felt foolish for believing so. I turned to him as he stepped behind me, intending to apologize.
"Ashlandil ---."
"What is wrong with you?" he hissed at me, red eyes glaring down. "Why the fuck won't you save yourself?"
So much for apologies.
I frowned, and turned away. I had my own plans and it was none of his business. I juat had to hang on long enough to get the courage to do it.
"Well?" he demanded, and I shook my head.
"Just leave it alone," I muttered, and walked towards the back. I just wanted to change and rest, not have to deal with this ugly world for a few more hours.
"Don't you walk away from me, Kenali!" he thundered, and I whirled around, angry at him.
"Don't yell at me, Ashlandil! I don't understand why you even care!" I shouted at him. "You don't want me here!"
"But you're not going to leave, so I have to deal with you!" he stalked toward me, but I held my ground; he didn't scare me like he did all the others. He might have been a deviant in Heaven, enough to cause concern and fear in some of the other angels, but I had never shared their feelings.
All I felt for him was contempt, just like I did for all the other Fallen who had disobeyed His wishes so blatantly.
Just like I did myself.
"What was the fucking point of coming here if you're going to let yourself go to Oblivion, huh?" he shouted in my face, and I pressed my lips together. "You're not helping anyone by dying!"
"LEAVE IT ALONE!" I shrieked at him, abruptly losing any remnants of calmness I had. "Just stop! I'll do whatever I want! If I want to fade, then I will! I don't want to sin!"
"You knew what you had to do when you Fell, you fool! Fading won't make you a bloody martyr, it makes you an idiot!"
"Stop it! Just stop!" I pressed my hands over my ears desperately, I didn't want to hear anymore; everything he said made sense and I knew that, I knew all of it. But I had to do this my way, not his, and I couldn't tell him why.
I already hated myself for it, and I knew Andiel would hate me as well, and he could hate me when it was all over. Then I would be chained to the earth and deserve it.
"Dammit," his hands closed around my wrists, forcing them from my ears, "if I'm going to have to put up with your bullshit then I deserve to know! Enough of this shit!"
"Let go," I hissed, jerking at his grasp; he was stronger then me now, my angelic strength fading quicker then I had expected it too as.
"Not until you tell me!"
"There's nothing to tell!"
"Well, at least you're sinning with your lies," he hissed at me, making me jerk slightly.
"I swear if you don't let go ---!" My eyes burned.
"You'll what?" he shouted. "Whine me to death?"
Oh! I glared furiously up at him, wishing I could claw those smug eyes out of his face. He was so infuriating! What did he want me to do, anyway? Pick a human and just kill one? I could just as easily do that to one of the human members of his band and make his life difficult.
And I told him so.
He rolled his eyes at me. "At least it would be convenient for you. Which one do you want?"
I knew he was being sarcastic, but it only made it worse.
I finally jerked out of his grip, filled with anger. This feeling is one I'd suffered with for centuries, becoming so angry and upset; it was one of my major downfalls. I'd tried to fix it, but you could only do so much to change yourself.
I had to get out of here before I punched him so hard I broke his face.
I went to stalk past him, my fists clenched, but he growled, grabbing me and slamming me back against the wall.
"I told you not to walk away from me," he snarled, and for a moment, all I could see was the red of his demonic eyes as he glowered down at me.
"Or what?" I taunted him, using the same tone he'd used on me earlier. "What will you do, Ashlandil?"
He growled, frustrated, and I could see the sharpness of his teeth, the fangs they had become.
No wonder they called us vampires.
Monsters.
I pressed my hands against his shoulders, trying to push him away from me.
"Get away!"
"No, not until you tell me the truth! What is this foolish plan you keep trying to follow? What is so secretive you can't tell me?"
"Get. Off!" I hissed, digging my nails into his shoulders, drawing blood. "Or do you want to destroy the bus with a fight?"
"You won't beat me now, little angel," he said, his voice suddenly dangerously soft. "You're weak, almost laughably." "That's not true!"
"Yes, it is," he slammed my wrists above my head painfully, my fingers stained with his black blood. "Seraphine will have a field day with you. She'll kill you with a snap of those red nails."
I squirmed against his grasp, but he was right; I was extremely weak now compared to how I had been. I couldn't fight anyone and win right now, but instead of making me panic, it just made me madder.
Especially at him.
In that moment, I hated him for making me realize how weak I was, how vulnerable and needy. I didn't need him or anyone's help.
"I hate you!" I jerked at my wrists where they were in his tight grasp, determined to get away from him and not feel so powerless. "God, do I HATE YOU!"
"I hate you too!" he growled. "You needy, ungrateful ---." "You're such an arrogant, low-life, undeserving---."
"You appreciate nothing! I do shit for you constantly ---."
"Not because you care! I don't even know why you do---." "Stop being such a bitch---."
"If you weren't such an ass---."
We were screaming over each other, and after a moment I couldn't even discern what either of us were yelling at each other.
I gave a harsh flail, trying to get free, but he only pressed closer, refusing to let me go. I was so angry at him, angrier then I had ever been in I think all of my existence, and I wanted to make him hurt somehow, punish him for how awful he was!
My eyes met his, boiling with rage, and he finally let one wrist go, his hand coming to clamp on my jaw.
"Why are you so fucking irritating?" he muttered, and I realized what he was going to do with sudden panic. I strained back, but it couldn't stop him as his lips suddenly crushed mine.
I bit his lip harshly, drawing blood, and I pressed my nails into his shoulder again, but it made no difference, I couldn't stop him.
But oh, did his blood taste good.
His tongue traced my lower lip slowly, tantalizing me.
He finally released my other wrist, his hand slipping down to my hips. I buried my hand in his hair tightly, knowing it had to hurt, my other hand slipping over his shoulder.
His tongue met mine, and he moaned as he tasted his own blood, pressing closer to me. His fingers slipped to my thigh, lifting it up around his hip, and I gasped as he pressed against me.
He took advantage, slipping his hand beneath the hem of my dress and bunching it around my waist, and my stomach tightened.
He bit my lip lightly, not hard enough to pierce, and I tightened my hold on him. I wanted to resist, but I suddenly didn't want too.
My skin felt warm, overly flushed, and I felt strange.
What is this feeling?
His lips slipped down to my throat, and I caught my breath on a moan.
This can't be happening!
But it was like I was in a fog, and I couldn't stop myself as I pulled Ashlandil back by his hair, forcing his lips back to mine, my arms wrapping around his neck as I strained to be closer.
He slipped his fingers beneath my other thigh and then was lifting me up against him, taking several steps back until we started to fall, landing harshly on the sofa.
His lips greedily took mine again, and I pressed my hips against his where I straddled him, tugging on his once nice black suit.
I jerked his shirt open, needing to feel his skin, and only halfway hearing the material tear.
"God, I want you, " he muttered in my ear, teeth tugging on my skin.
Was this what this was?
Want?
Because I could feel it in my bones.
I moaned, pressing my lips against his throat, pressing as close as I could against him.
He trailed his fingers down my side, causing a shiver to slip over me, and then he was nudging the dress out of the way, grazing my thighs as he reached between us. I didn't recognize the sound that came from my throat as he caressed me through the material of my underwear, gently at first.
I felt like I was on fire.
He tugged, moving the material out of the way, and slipping a finger inside of me. My stomach tighened, and I didn't know what I felt.
It just felt so good.
Oh my God.
I was trying to fight it, this pleasurable feeling that I knew was so wrong, but I couldn't. How did he even know how to do that so well?!
"Relax," he breathed in my ear, another finger joining the first, plunging deep inside of me. "Just feel it."
I felt everything!
I dug my nails into his skin, pressing my face against his shoulder, moaning uncontrollably at what he was doing to me.
I never wanted it to stop.
My breath hitched as a spike of pleasure swept through me, and I tilted my head back, closing my eyes. There was a tightness, something was building in the pit of me, and I had no idea what it meant, just knew I wanted it.
I wanted him.
And I shouldn't!
But I didn't care.
"A-Ash ---."
"Feel it, babe," he whispered, his thumb caressing me. "Feel all of it."
I crushed my lips against his with a moan, and he bit down on my lip this time, my blood filling our joined mouths. I felt the slight shock of pain, but then it was gone, and I was clutching at him as another roll of ecstacy swept through me at the taste of blood.
And then it kept coming.
I gave a cry as he suddenly hit a spot inside of me, releasing all the pent up pressure, and my body shuddered against him over and over, and he held me as it did, tongue mating with mine hungrily.
I leaned against him, breathless.
What was he doing to me?
"You see what you're missing now?" he murmured, trailing his finger tips against the bare skin of my back.
"I still hate you," I muttered against his throat, and he chuckled.
"I still hate you too, Kenali."
So that was pleasure of the flesh.
Desire.
No wondewondrer so many fell.
we stayed there a moment, his fingers caressing my skin as my body recovered, and it was almost... nice. I heard the voices as they neared the bus, and I jerked, raising up.
Oh no!
I staggered off Ashlandil, and he lurched to his feet as the doors opened.
CC and Jake stepped on, laughing at something, and I jerked my dress down my hips, feeling my face redden.
Ashlandil chuckled, stepping in front of me, almost smugly as he faced me, his shirt hanging open and missing several buttons.
"And --- oh." I heard the guys pause. "We were looking for you guys earlier. Did we... Interrupt?"
"You're timing is shit," Ashley told them over his shoulder, and I pressed my hands against my hot cheeks, feeling mortified.
What was wrong with me? I couldn't let him tempt me like that, I couldn't.
Could I?
No!
But...
Would it really be so bad to give into temptation?
Just once?

Notes