Returning To You

“And?” she asks, surprising me with the lack of judgment in her voice. “Did you feel okay?”
I tell her about seeing Joanie’s post, and my reaction to it.
“So what you’re telling me is that you went to a site that in the past caused you great pain.”
I hang my head.

“And while on that site, you saw something that upset you. So in response, you turned off your computer, practiced your breathing exercises, and managed to calm yourself down. Does that sound accurate?”
I’m so surprised by her summation that I look up at her, right in her face.
She’s smiling a little. “Can you not see what a positive thing that is? Can you not see how proud you should be of such a reaction?”

I blink, trying to wrap my mind around it in that way. “I… I guess.”
“Well, I’m certain of it, Daisy. I want you to keep thinking about that, particularly when you’re inclined to be upset about what you see as your lack of progress. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I sit in silence, letting those words run around in my mind.
“I think you should explore this relationship with Paige and her friend. They sound like nice girls, and it’s high time you allowed some fun in your life.”
“So you think I should go with them? On the tour, I mean?”
She shrugs. “That’s entirely up to you and certainly not something you should decide lightly. I do think, however, that you should seriously consider getting in touch with Andy and the boys, one way or another. You’ve punished yourself long enough.”

I stare at her. “You think I’m punishing myself?”
“Why else would you be cutting yourself off from one of the most significant relationships of your life?”
I leave her office feeling more confused than ever, but I’m also calmer. I’m seriously starting to wonder whether she’s right—maybe I am making progress. And maybe it’s time I stop being so hard on myself about everything.

Back on the bus, I check the time. It’s getting close to seven. A big part of me wants to go home, put on my pajamas, and get lost in a movie or a book so I don’t have to think anymore. But that’s the way I’ve dealt with pretty much everything since I got out of the hospital.
Instead, I get off the bus when it nears campus. I have twenty minutes to get to Paige and Karen’s dorm, and I don’t want to be late.

Notes

Yes, I know it's short. But bear with me, I'm really busy. XD I'll be updating either today or tomorrow.

<3 All of you cx