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Night Watch I: Eliza, Ward of Andrew

Don't bullshit me (or) I fucking hated war

*Elder Lemmy’s POV*

War. I fucking hated war. I didn't care if I was supposedly good at the war game, it was a terrible thing to watch friends, loved ones, or any living thing, really, dying in droves around you. A lot of 'tough guys' were really into it, the rush of running into battle, the adrenaline. They were either younger than me, or dead. I had been through enough war. I wasn’t sure how many, I’d lived a long time, I’d have to think about it, write it down and count, and I had other, far more important shit to think about. The past hardly mattered now.

And dammit, Ozzy was hovering, impatient, wanting to know what the fuck my problem was. I hated it when he stared, all intense, weird, quizzical- just like that. How did I get talked into this Elder-bullshit mess, anyway?

I took a deep breath, then stretched, cracking my knuckles. Shit, I was sure. There was less of me. “I do feel different, brother.” I knew what the damned problem was, we both did. I was getting weaker, but it was happening faster than we had thought it would. Much fucking faster.

He nodded. “You’ve been drinking less. I knew something was wrong.” I snorted. Did he want a motherfucking cookie as a reward?

“Look, I don’t want anyone else to have to-“

Ozzy scooted his chair closer to mine. “Lem, this isn’t about us. War is coming. But there’s something really sinister this time. Scouts have disappeared, good scouts. That fucking shit never happens, man. Not our scouts! You know that, fuck all.” Ozzy paused. "Lem, something is coming, something that's worse than anything we've seen, either of us, we've covered this. We don't know a fucking thing, really, but we have to be ready, right?" I nodded.

I knew what he was saying, we had been over this before. Weird rumors that didn’t add up, the troll attacks being coordinated. We had a fucking bad as shit feeling, and we didn’t know what it meant. But we could guess. If war was coming to the Wild Ones, it generally came in pursuit of one thing in particular.

And, of course, the timing couldn’t be worse. For many thousands of years, there had only been one Soul of the Forest, protected by the Wild Ones, able to keep the Forest alive from its home in its shrine near the Wall. Just three years ago, we had almost lost the Soul forever.

So, now, the existence of the entire Forest rested on our shoulders. Two sour, old farts that wanted no part of being Elder, who just wanted to herd sheep and drink mead all day. Well, at least, that sounded good to me. Who knows what the fuck Ozzy dreamed of doing in his spare time? In short, we were all fucked.

Ozz gave me his soulful look. That one that I always had trouble ignoring, the fucker… “You know we need to switch, because you are the Elder, right? The Wild Ones need their leader.”

I pointed a knobby finger at Ozzy. “Don’t bullshit me, I'm 700 years old, fucker! Enemies try to take out the leader first, so it’s safer with you, Ozz. That’s why I agree. Especially… especially since I’ve gotten weaker.” I paused. “I’ll make a good decoy.”

Ozzy raspberried me like a schoolboy. “You’re such a fucking pessimist, Lem! We have to save the fucking Forest, and you’re ready to throw yourself to the enemy already? Like some pansy fucking martyr! Fuckin' A, man!”

I groaned. “How can we save our bloody people with you blowing motherfucking spit bubbles at me, you little bitch?” We had a good laugh for a moment. “Right, well, I’ll have Angela fetch Mick, and I’ll let him know we’ve had Alice swap us out, that he needs to cover you if the walls are breeched.”

Ozzy nodded. “I’ll foist Alice out of bed to give us a hand, before you fucking keel over. The Wild Ones need an intact Elder, Lemmy. I’m sure Mick will love being woken up too, but it’s important… Start brainstorming about who else could host if either of us kick off, or if I start to weaken too quickly, I’m bloody out of ideas.”

I waited for Ozzy to leave my Office before ringing my fucking stupid bell, summoning my Head of the Council Guard. I felt like an incompetent, fucking bourgeoisie boob, ringing a damned bell, but I had shit to do, and it did save time. Angela came in seconds later.

“Elder.” Angela stood at attention, very formal. It made me feel awkward as fuck, but I didn’t want to disrespect her by acting informally.

“Angela, I need to speak with Mick, uh, Mick Mars, about an important matter. Afterwards, if Angus is available, I’d like him to carry a message to Merry Willows, accompanied by a member of the Council Guard as an armed escort, to ensure his safety and security.” And, I thought, if there are two of them, the message is less likely to get read… Not that I don’t trust Angus, but you never know who he might run into. Don't want shit getting all fucked...

“Would Alissa make a suitable armed guard for Angus to deliver the message and for his return journey home, Elder?” I nodded. Poor kid would probably get her ear chatted off and be so pissed at me later, though! I tried not to chuckle, and barely managed it. Angela was really into doing things by the book, and laughter was not according to regulation.

“Uh-huh-hmm, sure. She’s a capable soldier, Ang, you’ve trained her well. I’ll just, eh, get the fu-, uh, to work on writing that message-“

“Elder?” I looked up. Motherfucking shit, I must have forgotten something Elder-y. Gods curse you Ozzy for putting me up to this! “Did you need more sealing wax? For the message? I see you’re out.”

I chortled. Thank fuck for Angela! “Uh, yes, Angela, thanks.” I held the hoots and guffaws in until Angela had left my office and was down the hallway.

Blasphemous fucking anal demons! I hated leading, it sucked the bloody root! Ugh… Well, at least Angela had a mighty fine arse. If I had to die trying to save the whole Forest and my entire people, I might as well have a fine view. Fuck all.

Notes

This chapter is dedicated to the one and only Lemmy Kilmister. I know a lot of BVB fans may not even know who he was. I can't possibly write up a small blurb that would do him justice, I'm sorry. When I say that the rock and metal world owes him everything, that he was so fucking awesome, it's true.

Motorhead, man, just that- fucking Motorhead. Uncompromising. When I heard he had left a show earlier this year, I was worried. When I heard Lemmy had died, to say I was upset is an understatement. Why, I mean, everyone dies, right? Wrong- Lemmy was, in many ways, seemingly immortal. It's so hard for me to explain.

I spent last night writing this chapter, trying to get it right. Listening to Bad Magic, which fucking is so goddamned awesome, everyone needs to go buy it, by the way. i hadn't slept in so long, and had a 6 hour plane ride, but i couldn't get it out of my head, and fell asleep in front of my computer, i had to get it down. my own, sad attempt at a tribute to a mighty legend.

I spent my teenage years reading a column he wrote, i think it was in Metal Edge or Metal Hammer, I thought it was the shit. I still remember the picture it had of by the side of the column- lighting a cigarette. I remember thinking- what a rebel, doing carcinogenic shit. Crazy fucker! Those were the 90s, i bet shit like that wouldn't get published now.

i never got to see them live, i was too busy with vet school, i thought. a huge regret. but you know what, Lemmy will live on in his recordings, audio and visual. i suggest you go check them out now. go learn why the rock community mourns this man, why he is a god, a patron saint of rock. he was even recently honored by los angeles, along with the rest of motorhead, for keeping the spirit of rock and roll alive (not kidding, there's a you tube recording of it), this past year.

and so i conclude with this: rest in peace, Lemmy Kilmister. 1945-2015. you were a warrior, and were loved by many. thank you for 40 years of Motorhead and being yourself. born to lose, live to win. with greatest, humble, respect.

Comments

*NOTE* The author of this story no longer has access to her account due to site malfunction.
SmuttyPariah SmuttyPariah
4/15/17

I've waited right to the end to comment. I loved this so much. I love all the characters and if this site would let me vote loads, I would. I wish it were more like wattpad in that respect. I've read the first chapter of the next installment and I can't wait. I'm super excited.

xPockyCookiex xPockyCookiex
4/7/17

@Teja

yay! so glad you like it so far!

anathema anathema
3/26/17

@smutty pariah

*snorts at you* ;0)

anathema anathema
3/26/17

Yes, can't wait!

Teja Teja
3/26/17