*Blasko’s POV*

Eliza came strutting up to the circle, looking pleased with herself. Andrew was following on her heels, looking ornery. “May I have a quick word with each of you?” Eliza nodded while Andrew gave me a feisty eyebrow paired with a venomous grimace. Frankly, I was glad that was all I got. He was such a hot-head, sometimes, now that he’d sniffed out my plot, I was surprised he hadn’t tried to break my jaw. “Individually.” Andrew sniffed at me and went to go get a wooden training sword. I vaguely registered him asking Otep to keep an eye on Snakebite for him as he unbuckled his scabbard.

Eliza turned to me expectantly. “Eliza…” I spoke softly. “Kindly don’t decapitate my Second Officer. Let’s just go with either disarming him, or knocking him out or to the ground, ok? Andrew is an excellent Watchman, a great fighter, and a good leader. Please leave him intact. It is his, errm… he may seem quick-tempered, because he is, but, it’s just that he’s a very passionate man, when he feels strongly that something is the right thing to do he’s very prone to acting on it, right then and there, you see?”

Eliza hesitated. “First Officer, you have nothing to worry about. I would prefer to die, rather than cause Andrew any harm that could not easily be healed. He has shown me greater kindness than I have ever known.”

Eliza paused again, and I couldn’t read her expression. “Andrew and I are similar in some regards, then: a belief in acting for the greater good. That would be why I am here, among the Wild Ones, now. Though I think I put a little more thought into things, perhaps.” She looked at me, nodded, and headed to get her wooden sword. Interesting.

I whistled at Andrew and motioned him over, hoping to get his dander up a little, without getting my teeth punched in. It worked. He swaggered over cockily, then crossed his arms and grunted. Haha! Perfect! “Now, my boy, just remember, no stomach, no splint, alright?”

Andrew’s dirty look got filthier. “I’m only doing this because it is genuinely what Eliza desires.”

I couldn’t help it, I chuckled. With his dramatic, floofy, man-mane, his pointy little cheekbones, and his nose turned to the sky, I just had to mess with him a little. It was so good to see aloof, dead-to-the-world Andrew having real feelings again! “Son, it’s plainly obvious you’re very interested in what Eliza desires,” Andrew said nothing, but instantly turned bright pink, “and if you don’t want to look like a total idiot, you’ll pay attention. Eliza doesn’t block, she will be using the opportunity to go after you instead, kid, so be lightning fast. Don’t let her touch you, or you’ll end up on your ass, because I don’t think you can block her, she’s too strong. Andrew, I don’t think you can pin her, so if you can disarm her or knock her out or to the ground, we’ll call it, ok?” Andrew snorted and gave me a curt nod.

Well, that settled that. If I knew Andrew, this meant that arrogant ass was going to try and pin Eliza to prove me wrong. Good luck with that, jackass. Well, he was a good guy. I hoped she didn’t accidentally kill him.

Otep ended up holding Andrew’s sword for Eliza too. I went over the red flag mechanically, then stood back and watched them shake hands. You could have heard a pin drop. Eliza thanked Andrew, and he blushed, said it was nothing. I rolled my eyes but pitied him and gave him a few seconds to get his head on straight. What followed after I said ‘start’ did not end at all like I had expected.

Immediately Andrew went in to jab at Eliza’s left leg. Surprising us all, she blocked it! As she swung her fist to hit Andrew in the face, Andrew was already gone, swinging to try and disarm her, she ducked (I hadn’t known she was fast enough), such that all she got was a firm thump to the arm, as she pulled back to regroup. This carried on, Andrew landing small blows on Eliza, but nothing really significant happening, for quite some time. Andrew never came near her stomach or the splint on her back. He seemed to be too fast for her, as Eliza couldn’t use lethal force to slow him down. Conversely, he couldn't strike Eliza's weakest points, or do anything to seriously debilitate her.

But with each tiny blow, I saw a small welt form. It was just pissing Eliza off. She didn’t seem to tire from it, quite the opposite. Oh, Andrew... if you don’t disarm her quickly…

Andrew landed a triple series of smart, harsh blows, and Eliza’s eyes turned black as she whipped around (was she faster than she had been, a moment ago? no?) and went to slap Andrew on the side of the head with the flat of her sword, looking furious! My sphincter clenched with the drama as Andrew brought his sword up and blocked just in time, but it partially cracked from the impact! The sound of the wooden blade fracturing was ear splitting! Shit!

Eliza immediately withdrew her wooden sword from right near Andrew’s face. He was sweaty, blinking, and panting with the effort of having blocked her blow, and it wasn’t clear if he even understood entirely what had happened. “May my opponent have a new weapon, please? I feel that was equipment failure, and not a fault of Andrew’s. I don’t feel weapon disintegration is the same as disarmament.”

I nodded. “Agreed.” I motioned at Ronnie- now I couldn’t blame him for pussying out earlier, but if he was going to watch, he might as well make himself useful. “Give them both new training swords, Eliza’s is likely damaged as well-" shit, Doyle would be pissed “-and let Doyle know later! Put a mark on Eliza’s, since it’s not obviously cracked.” A minute later, and the two of them were re-armed and at it again.

It felt like it went on for ages. As time wore on, they both got more… aggressive. Andrew’s thrusts and jabs became more hostile and desperate, and Eliza’s body language became terribly intimidating. Andrew seemed to realize he couldn’t flutter around like a little butterfly- he had to get the sword out of Eliza’s hands, knock her unconscious, or get her on the ground. Eliza landed several blows on Andrew that sent him flying out of the ring, and everyone had to wait to see if he was (a) dead, then determine if he was (b) still conscious and able to bring himself back into the circle, complete with his sword, and in a timely fashion, in which case, Eliza had not yet won.

It had gotten to the point where I was seriously considering calling a draw. It was obvious that both of them were at great pains not to grievously hurt one another, and that they were getting ragged. I was afraid they might slip-up. If I did that, it would mess up everyone’s bets- draws made everything complicated for Brendan, I felt sorry for him. That was when the unspeakable happened.

Perhaps Andrew’s ego had taken over? Maybe he was too tired and out of practice? Maybe his loins had been guiding his blows all along and I didn’t notice? Perhaps it was the worst coincidental accident possible- who could say? All I know is that Andrew made a move to disarm Eliza, yet again. Except this time, her bloody top came off instead! As in, my Second Officer had just cut the clothes off of his warden in a sparring match. With a fucking wooden sword?

Like everyone in attendance, Andrew’s jaw dropped at the massive, pale globes hanging free before him. Even in the range of such a heavenly sight, you bet your balls I saw Andrew drop his sword! He also went to his knees, apologizing profusely, trying to offer Eliza his vest, when there was no way it could ever cover those beauties… Oh, fuck, Andrew, what have you done, you idiot!

Eliza was the only Watchman among us to have a reasonable reaction to the situation: she grabbed Andrew by the hair and clocked him the fuck out. I dropped the stupid red hanky as she grabbed Andrew’s vest and used it to cover the better portion of her chest. I pulled my significantly larger vest off, jogged into the circle, and handed it to her. “Changing of the Guard should be soon, I can see the change in the stars. I’ll have Ronnie step in for Andrew for the ceremony. We’ll have you and Andrew off to the Healer in a few minutes, after he's alright to walk. Can you check and make sure he’s ok?”

Eliza looked a little timid. “But, eh, my chest…”

I smiled at her. I couldn’t resist making things a little more difficult for the poor bastard. Andrew was the most handsome motherfucker I’d ever met, he literally had gaggles of women and girls following him around, total fanatics begging for weird shit like his used clothing, or stuff he’d worn in his hair. I mean, that’s fucking disgusting, I’d never heard of such a thing before.

I patted Eliza’s shoulder. “Don’t worry my dear, Andrew’s immune to the charms of women, or so it seems.” She sighed heavily, tightly buttoning my vest, her bust straining out around it. I hoped against hope that was a sign she might return my headstrong Second Officer’s feelings. It certainly looked like it as she cradled his head in her lap, smiled when his eyes flickered open, then started cursing him out. Aww, young love…

I looked in the crowd and saw Billy and Siouxsie had arrived for the Changing of the Guard. I grinned at them- they were good Watchmen, and I knew it would take more than topless scrapping to throw them off. I’d give them a brief after the Ceremony.

Notes

yes, Andrew, clearly chopping their clothes off with wooden training swords is the weird seduction technique that should be banned. so- did it work?

they're off to the Healer, for the time being...