*Eliza’s POV*

I had to struggle to keep up with Andy as he practically galloped back to the shelter. While I knew it had to be tough, being so bloody randy all the time, I’d never seen him look quite so desperate over it. “Will you slow the fuck down?”

Andy glanced back at me and frowned. “Stop pouting, it’s cute!” With that, he actually took flight and zipped through the air!

I paused for a second to catch my breath, trying not to laugh loudly enough that Andy would hear it up ahead. Shit, what a curse! I wondered how long Andy would be suffering at the hand of his overactive hormones as I made my way, as quickly as I could, to the shelter. I didn’t want anyone to spot me wandering around by myself, much less have to explain why.

When I got there, I saw the door to the back room was closed. I had intended on offering a hand, so to speak, but I supposed Andy just couldn’t wait. I chuckled as I fed the cats, both of whom looked thoroughly unimpressed with the proceedings.

I started disarming, and noticed that Andy hadn’t even bothered; Little Johnny Rickfield wasn’t on the rack. Hrmm… I wanted to go get some food from Commons, but I couldn’t go without Andy. Irritated, I went to pick through the cabinets when I heard a telltale groan coming from the back. Seemed I wouldn’t have to wait too long after all.

---

*Andy’s POV*

Feeling relieved, I folded my rag around the evidence and buttoned my pants. I figured Eliza would understand, but it was still bloody embarrassing.

I also looked like an idiot, wandering around with a rack of fuzzy, soft antlers with rounded, knobby ends. It made me feel like some kind of children’s toy, not a fierce warrior. As I always did when I was growing a new rack, I wondered why in the nine hells I’d had the ill luck to have antlers instead of horns.

Other Fae with unusual spirit animals had things like gills, and could breathe under water, or tails that they could use to balance and fight. But I had… something that periodically fell off and made me a lecher. Ugh.

I could feel my face heating up as I popped open the door to the main room and stuck my head out. Eliza was grinning ear to ear. “You abandoned your ward to wank-“

I frowned. “-I knew where you were, you weren’t that far! I knew you were coming-“

Eliza laughed. “-I was coming?”

I groaned as I poured some water into the washstand and grabbed the soap. “Anyway… We need to run an errand.”

Eliza, still sounding merry as the devil’s helper, walked over. “Have you chafed yourself? Do we need to go to the Healer’s-“

I rolled my eyes, finding it difficult to get truly irritated with her. “-No! My cock’s just fine, now behave, or I’ll demonstrate!” Eliza just grinned at me, and I had to look away to keep from getting distracted. “I need to have the latrine emptied-“

Eliza made a horrified face, with a strangled noise to match. “What? Unless you want to do it, we need to go pay the gong farmers to do it-“

Eliza chortled. “’Gong farmers,’ is that what you call them here? Devil’s decanter! Farmers?!? Of gongs-”

I chuckled. I'd never thought about how silly that sounded. “-Yeah, well, it fills up faster with two people using it, and I’m particular about my bathroom habits. I like to be clean-“

Eliza chimed in. “-But still regular, I hope!” Gods! Insufferable woman!

---

After grabbing a quick bite, we headed to the gong farmer’s guild. I hoped that Eliza would behave; there was no need to make them feel bad. Work was work, and the Wild Ones shat a lot of shit; we were a large tribe.

Per the usual, Lexxi was minding the books. We caught him adjusting his hair in a hand mirror as we walked in, and he looked up at us, disinterested. “Yeah?”

I had been trying to be more approachable, less of an asshole. I didn’t want to make Eliza’s life any worse because I had been an aloof, self-destructive hermit for years. So I gave my best, friendly smile. “Lexxi, how are you?”

Lexxi sat back and looked at me a little suspiciously. “It’s been a little dry lately, for the hair.” He gestured at his massive, blonde mane. “You need your pit emptied?”

I nodded. Unfortunately, all four of the gong farmers were Day Fae, so I generally lost sleep whenever I required their services.

Lexxi glimpsed at the books, then at Eliza’s chest. I felt a flare of anger and jealousy, but managed to control it. Though I felt an irksome tic start up in my left eyelid. I rubbed at it and tried to think mellow thoughts. “Alright, I know you’ve just come off Watch. Michael and Satchel are free to come by right before Dusk, if that works?”

I nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

Lexxi glimpsed at his hand mirror, on the tabletop. “You want to pay upfront or-“

I handed him the usual two silvers, wanting to get out of there. “-That’ll work just fine. Have prices increased?” Lexxi shook his head and eyed Eliza’s chest again. I rubbed my eye a little harder, irritated. “Alright, thanks again!”

With that, I turned and we left the guild, before I ended up causing a stink. I wanted to avoid getting blacklisted by the only people I knew of willing to empty my fucking latrine pit.

Notes

say hello to the Wild Ones' resident gong farmers! (Lexxi is on the right.)

---

Hillary Clinton won the popular vote. i advise all of you to sign the petition below, asking the electoral college to change their votes to reflect democracy and the will of the people:

Electoral College: Make Hillary Clinton President on December 19, 2016

---

and, as my arch-rival has drawn to my attention:

The FBI determined some months ago that hacking, originating from Russia, was having an influence on our electoral process. These hackers interfered with our presidential election through attempted and successful penetration of email and voter registration databases, among other systems. This created fear, uncertainty, and doubt about the safety of our electoral processes.

Computers tabulated the vast majority of the 129 million votes cast in the presidential election, and polls were wildly off. Did hackers manipulate the results by compromising voting equipment? Did other problems, glitches, or errors affect the outcome?

There's a simple, relatively inexpensive way to find out: audit the electronic results against the paper ballots used by about 75% of U.S. voters.

American democracy depends on public trust of our electoral process, and public trust requires a trustworthy process.

Please sign to demand that election officials double-check the electronic results by conducting a "risk-limiting" audit of the presidential election in every state that uses paper ballots.

Demand An Audit Of The 2016 Presidential Election