Drag Me to the Grave

"How you feeling this morning?" Emily dropped down onto the couch next to Spencer.

Spencer shrugged as he looked up from his notebook. "Alright," He admitted. "My head was killing me a few hours ago though.

Emily giggled quietly. "What are you writing?" She inquired.

"Oh, nothing..." A flustered Spencer attempted to quickly put the book away but Emily was swift.

"Come on, Spence. Let me read it." She insisted.

Spencer was hesitant but handed over the notebook anyway. Out of the three of his friends, he felt as though he could trust Emily the most with the innermost workings of his mind that he let free onto paper.

Emily opened to the page Spencer had been working on and read:

I used to be afraid of the dark
Until one night I learned
How to turn off the closet light
And lay in the dark
And I was okay with that

I used to be afraid of the dark
Until one day
My mind grew swollen with darkness
And I was okay with that

Emily looked up at Spencer. "Spence, this is... This is dark shit."

"I know..." He took the notebook back from her. "But I trust you with this, okay? You can't tell Beth or anyone about this."

"Okay..." Emily trailed and stood up, leaving Spencer on the couch alone.

Emily's mind was spinning. Spencer wasn't okay. There was something going on with him and she needed to tell Beth at the very least. Beth would know what to do; she's dealt with this personally before.

She wandered into the kitchen, finding Beth longingly staring into the fridge. She walked up behind her and sighed. "Beth, I need to talk to you."

Beth turned around and smiled. "Thank god you're still here. I need to talk to you, too. About last night. I barely remember anything that happened. I remember kissing someone but the only two people it could have been are you or... "

"Spencer." They said in unison.

"Oh god." Beth covered her face with her hands. "I kissed Spencer last night?"

Emily walked Beth over to the dining room table and sat down with her. "Yeah, you guys kissed. But don't think of that at a bad thing."

"Em," Beth took her hand. "Of course it's a bad thing." She hung her head and looked down at the glazed wood of the table.

Emily sighed. "Beth, it's really not that bad. I mean, think about it. Spencer obviously likes you. Kissing him last night must've meant you like him, too!"

"But Andy-"

"Oh, would you forget about Andy?" Emily interrupted. "Has he called you once since he left in August?"

Beth solemnly shook her head.

"So? There you go. He doesn't care enough to even call. You guys had a summer fling, but he's in LA now and you're here." She paused, hoping Beth would say something but she just sat there, frozen and staring holes into the table. "All I'm saying," Emily continued. "Is don't count Spence out. Think about it. Give him a chance."

Beth started to think maybe Emily was right. She never had given Spencer a real chance and this summer had been very testing on her. Andy was gorgeous, and famous, and rebellious. Spencer was her best friend; her nerdy best friend who has had a crush on her since high school. Andy hadn't called and Spencer was right here. He was always here.

"Thanks Em." She squeezed her hand and stood up from the table. She was about to enter the living room when her phone buzzed, diverting her train of thought. Her heart stopped when she saw Andy's name on the screen. Did she bother reading the message right now or wait and talk to Spencer?

She decided on the latter. Spencer was more important in this moment. He was a few feet away from her. Andy was thousands of miles away. She stuffed her phone back into her pocket, took a deep breath, and headed toward Spencer on the couch.

Beth smiled and adored the way Marcus and Spencer were cuddling the hangovers out of each other. Last night had been rough, and everyone was feeling the effects.

"Spence?" She called out and him and Marcus jumped away from each other. Beth giggled. "Can we talk?"

"Uh," Spencer was caught off guard. "Sure, yeah."

Marcus stood up from the couch. "I'll leave you two alone."

Beth gave him a weak smile and passed him to take his seat on the couch next to Spencer. "We should talk about last night..."

Spencer groaned. "Hmm. Do we have to?" He tried to joke about it and laugh it off. He was afraid that their kiss might complicate their friendship and that was the last thing he wanted to happen.

"Spence..." She reached for his hands. They were cold as ice and hers were warm. "We gotta talk about it. We can't just let it sit there."

He took in a deep breath and let it out. This could either go really well, and she'll feel the same way he's felt since he met her; or this could go terribly. She could reject him for the final time and lust after Andy for the rest of her life, leaving him in the dust.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, also trying to avoid the subject even though the best way to finally tell him how she felt was to address it head on.

Spencer's eyes widened. She was trying to pin this on him and make him start the conversation. "Uuuhhh....Good?"

Beth looked down at her lap. Just say it. Just tell him how you feel. You'll feel better after you do. He feels the same way; there's no reason to be scared.

"Spence, I gotta be honest." Her grip on his hands grew tighter. His nerves began to race and his stomach churned. "I really liked our kiss last night."

Notes

The poem is written by me. And also I'm sorry if this was filler-y or kind of just a mood killer. I've been recently diagnosed with moderate-severe clinical depression and I'm taking it very hard. I've always known that I was some sort of depressed but to get a real diagnosis from a professional just sort of made it real. A lot of my writing for the next few chapters of this story at least will probably reflect my experiences of dealing with depression and my experiences with seeing a therapist. I think this is really important just because I know it can be hard to live with this sort of thing and I want anyone feeling this way to take some online tests first and see what comes up and if you really think you have depression, please see someone. I put this off for 7 years of my life. All throughout high school my mom constantly told me I should go to a therapist but I never wanted to because that would mean admitting I wasn't okay. If anyone needs advice or someone to talk to, please feel free to message me at any time. The whole story won't be like this, I promise. But this is a message that I want people to know about and understand.

Shout outs:

-anathema - thanks for pointing out my character tags! I fixed Emily's and the only two that still don't work should be Andy and CC but you know what they look like ;D I'll try and get pictures up for them as soon as I can. If any of the other ones don't work for you, let me know! They're all working on my side.