Heart of Fire

This week was over quickly. Today was the day of the concert. I didn't feel well enough to go and my hand killed me. I could only sleep with aspirins and sleeping pills because it got worse from day to day.

I sat on my bed for hours, I didn't want to go. Maybe if I took a long bath I didn't have to go?

So I entered my bathroom and got into the bathtub. I closed my eyes and relaxed a little. A soft knock was heard and I opened my eyes. Cheryl came in "Kisa you should get ready, John comes in a hour to get you" I nodded and she left my room. I got out of the water and walked to my walk-in closed, I chose something comfy to wear. And decided to wear fingerless gloves, to hide my hand.

I walked over to my vanity and sat down, I dried my hair and pulled it up in a loose bun. Then I applied some make up.

When I were done I walked downstairs and sat down at the dinertable, I ate an apple."Kitty Honey, are you excited?"
I only nodded halfheartedly and smiled faintly at her. Maybe she really cares for me?

How could someone care for someone useless like you? She only pities you. No one loved you in the past and no one will love someone like you in the future.

Shut up!

Why? I'm only saying the truth.

I heard this voice all the time since everything happened, when I cried it told me i'm weak, when I ate it told me i'm too fat and when I started to think someone cares for me it told me no one will ever love me. This was another reason I took sleeping pills, besides the pain in my hand. "Oh John, you're already here" Shouko said smiling, I stood up and walked over to him, he led me to the car and I got in.

One hour later we got to the venue, John opened the door for me and let me out. "Have fun miss Kitty" I nodded slowly and smiled slightly at him. The only one whom I talked to was the voice in my head. Maybe I'm crazy, I don't know.

I entered the building and looked around, everywhere hung posters and many people stood scattered in the lobby area. They all were here because they are fans of the band and me? I don't even know this band. They probably would do everything to meet them personally and I didn't even want to be here. Maybe there was a fan who really wanted to go to the concert but didn't get a ticket because I 'stole' her place.

You're the cause some fangirl might be sad, and you didn't even thank your aunt that she got a present for you. You're not only useless, you're also ungrateful and unworthy to be here.

I closed my eyes and ignored the voice. I entered the concert hall sighing and went tothe front. I looked at the stage. Maybe I will stand on such a stage too, sometimes.

You on a stage like this? Who would even listen to someone like you?

I ignored it again. Soon the hall was filled with people. The lights had gone off and the band started to play.

My jaw dropped, they were good.

No they were great. The voice of the singer was beautiful and so deep. At some songs I almost cried but I swallowed the tears back down.

The music helped to make the voice in my head fade away, I didn't hear it the whole concert, but soon it was over. Too soon.

The music stopped and the voice came back, but only in a small whisper so I ignored it and walked out of the hall. I went over to the door that led to the backstage area, a security guard stopped me but when I showed him my ticket he let me in and led me through a busy hallway. He opened a door "The boys will come in a few minutes, they're changing. You can sit down here and wait for them. There's aso something to drink for you" I nodded and he closed the door, I sat down on the sofa and waited.

Notes