When they say life gets, better it really does. I lived through hell so I could find the heaven in everyday life. I had gone from being dependent on my medications to survive to being able to use them when needed and find joy in all the small things. I’ve have been recovered from my eating disorder for many years now and I am proud to say that. It’s been a long tedious journey but I have made it. My anxiety is something I ended up working through and was able to overcome. I still have my moments, but they aren’t as often.

If you told me several years ago that I would end up marrying Chris, I’d laugh at you and tell you to stop trying to make fun of me. If you told me that he would get down on one knee and propose, I’d shake my head and wave you off. But it happened. I’d set my three months that if Chris didn’t propose to me, I would propose to him. But I didn’t have to propose to him, Chris got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was a perfect moment that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Another moment that I will cherish for the rest of my life is when we married. We married on Halloween in the backyard of Balz’s house. Everything was spooky and creepy, and overall how we wanted it to be. All of our friends came, Ash Costello, Angelo, Mike Kuza, Nikki Misery, Jeremy Saffer, Jeremy McKinnon, Corey Taylor, Ashley Purdy, Bret Von Dhel, and of course everyone in our band and their girlfriends.

Since it being Halloween, everyone was dressed in costumes. Chris was dressed as Jack Skellington like he was many years ago. I was dressed as Sally. Everything about that night was perfect. I became Mr. Devin Cerulli-Sola. The guys teased me and called me, “Ghost Motionless.” I liked it though. Having Chris’s stage name apart of my own was cute.

My clothing line over the years has gotten better known and worn. Get it, worn doll. Ha. We’ve toured the world many times over as well as the United States. But my favorite place to play is playing our hometown. When my mom goes to our shows, and watches, it makes me so proud. She is the one who bought me my first bass so I could learn. She embraced me and my sexuality as well as my choices on dressing how I wanted. Without her, I would not be where I am today. She supported me through my struggles in self-harm, drug abuse and mental illness. When she walked me down the isle, I think we all cried a little bit, it was really emotional for me. She later on told me that when she met Chris, she knew I’d marry him one day. I think that made me cry a little harder but it was a happy day overall.

Chris has had my heart from the start. He supported me in high school, he helped me get better and he’s helped me a lot over the years. When we were apart, it was one of the worst things. I missed him terribly and there was a hole in my chest. He was my first love and my last. Liam was a puppy love that soon turned dangerous and unhealthy. I am very glad that no matter how many times I did attempt suicide, I was never successful. I think missing out on this life that I’ve made for my self would be a hell that would last for all of eternity.

High School was a hell that once it was over I never looked back. I had my best friends and that’s all I needed. Watching the guy I loved date a girl because our record company didn’t want us to be together was hell. But throughout all the hell, you find the life and the heaven in things. Hell got comfy once you settled in, but it was disrupting that hell that really changed thing. Everything I ever wanted, I already had. I had friends who loved me and always reminded me that on bad days, I had a husband who loved me endlessly and helped me face my demons and come out a stronger man.

I in return loved Chris with all that I am. Whether it was the way he bit his lip and looked down when he was thinking or how his eyes shined when he smiled, I loved everything about him. I loved how he wore creepers that made him 2 inches taller even though he was already above 6 feet tall. I loved how his knuckles on his left hand once said “Kiss Boys” before he got Scranton tattooed over it. I loved everything about him, how passionate he was and how he would stop at nothing to give something his best. He had his flaws, but those flaws were minor, they were insignificant, because I too had flaws and he looked past them everyday.

There were times when I really didn’t want to get out of bed, or eat, or do anything productive and he’d help me find ways to overcome those deep dark feelings I felt on occasion. I helped him when he was down as well. It was a give and take. We both put in a lot to make our relationship work. There were times where it was really rough but we made it through stronger than before.

Hell wasn’t something I lived in anymore. Every day being in Chris’s arms was Heaven. Every night with him was enough to make a nun blush- but that’s between the bed sheets and us.

Life was ours for the taking, and oh boy did we do the taking.

Notes

OH MY GOD ITS OVER

i hope you all enjoyed this story, as i enjoyed writing it. its sad for the second story of this series to end, but i am pondering the thought of a story that would be the prequel to this story. leave a comment if you are interested, also, pitch an idea if you have something you'd like to see in that!

This has been a roller coaster of ups and downs for Devin. It finally ends alright for him. The hell he went through was now a heaven in which he lived happily ever after. I had to give him his happily ever after, after giving the poor guy hell.

ALL of us will one day get our happily ever after. It may not be in the form you expected, but it comes. Stay Strong! Give them Hell! Stand For What Is Right.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you for the comments and the support. Thank you!


(those on the bvb site, thank you for reading, i know its not our beloved boys, but i needed to save it before it was gone forever)
Rage and Love,

~Ash