Kissing the Concrete

I was pacing back and forth in my kitchen, nervous about what was going to happen. But I needed to confront Andy about all this. Atleast that is what Phoenix told me. Apparently Andy had been worried to death, and had waited for me to text him. But I was scared that meeting him would trigger me to do something stupid again.

"You're sure you want to do this?" Jenna said.


"No. I'm not sure. Not even a little bit. But I think it is the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do? You tried to kill himself because of all the suffering he's caused you! You don't owe him a goddamn thing!"

"I just need to know the true story behind this. All I've heard was what Ashley said to him. I stopped thinking, alright? I blacked out! I guess I am broken inside. But I can't lose any more friends, even if he toys with my romantic emotions."

The door bell rang and I went slowly to get it. Even though everything was intact, I still felt pain in every single part of my legs. No one could survive a fall from a 2-story building without feeling pain.

I opened the door and a crying Andy stood outside. We actually went silent for a short while before he threw his arms around me. I didn't respond to the action, I didn't want to feel right now. Yet he refused to let go.

"Please don't ever put me through all of this again. Just...don't." He said after a while.

I didn't respond. Had my feelings gone this cold? I could only think about everything he had done to hurt me, how broken it all had made me feel.

"I want you so bad it hurts. I need you. I love you, Iris."

I was still silent. My head reverted back to the night before I had jumped. The night when I had texted him and he showed up immediately at my doorstep. I was reminded of my feelings in that moment and instead of letting my arms rest by the side of my body, I wrapped them around his. He returned the action by lightly kissing my forehead.

I started thinking about the words Ashley said. Was he using me? Was he just going to leave?

"You'll break her!"

I remember Ashley's words loud and clear. The entire scenario played in the back of my head.

"Do you still love her?" I asked, out of the blue.

"What?"

"Is it true what Ashley said? Do you still love Lexi? Am I just a pawn in your stupid game?" The tears started flooding again, and I was amazed that I still could cry, after the amounts of tears I had shed during the past weeks.

"Not for a second. The moment I realized I loved you, I forgot about Lexi. I never wanna hurt you again, Iris. Never."

I let go of him and went to sit down in the couch, in the living room. Andy came with me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Please don't. Just don't." I said to him. His face turned into a confused look.

"Did I do something?"

"I can't trust you. I don't want to trust you! After everything you've done to me, I feel stuck here. Stuck in my own stupid mind, thinking that I need to dissapear. It's selfish, I know. I don't care."

"You're the last person anyone could call selfish! After everything I've done, you decided to trust me. Then Ashley got it all wrong. It's true, I have exploited people for my own stupid emotions in the past, but I would never do that to you. I've seen you broken to many times. I know you could never forgive me. I could never forgive myself."

"It's not impossible, Andy. But it will take a lot of time, and I need to make sure that you'll be with me through this. I don't want you to hurt me, and I can't trust you not to do that. Atleast not yet. But I can't afford losing a friend that will run to me, no matter the hour, and hold me simply because I felt lonely. Until a few days ago I didn't know I could be triggered so easily, and that you were so deeply under my skin."

He smiled gently at me.

"Friends?" He said.

"Friends."

"I love you, Iris."

"We'll make it work."

Notes

I don't know what to think. It's not a bad chapter, but far from a favourite to me.

So happy to hear the positive response and all the positive comments!

I'll try keeping up with the frequent updates until I go abroad in a week or so. Then I will have to get less frequent, by that I mean, maybe once or twice a week, simply because of lack of internet connection.

But as I said, I'm doing all that I can to keep this story going, and thank you to all the readers.