The Wild Ones

(Raven’s POV)

The two days seem to pass by in an instant. Like I just blinked and now it’s the morning of the raid. I was let out of the hospital yesterday with some painkillers for my concussion but it should be fine in about a week. Yesterday night, after I was let out of the hospital, Sammi took me down to the shooting range and showed me how to use a gun. I’m a far cry from good, but it’s better than going in unarmed. That’s one of my biggest fears, not being able to defend myself. I’m not used to relying on other people for survival. I guess I’ll just have to get used to it. That’s another problem though, what if someone gets hurt and I’m unable to help them? Oh god, what if someone gets killed? What if Andy gets killed? Asks my panicking subconscious before I have time to think about it. Wait... what?

It seems odd that Andy is the person my brain throws up when my two best friends are coming too. And it’s not like Andy can’t take care of himself. After all, he managed to hold off three shadow men on his own without any weapons. Sure, I guess I attacked them, but I never expected to survive. And I wouldn’t have, if it hadn’t been for Andy. He came back for me, even though he probably knew I was useless to the legion. Stop thinking like that. I scold myself. Raven Elena Winter, you can do this. You’re a good healer.

With that thought, I jump out of my bunk and prepare to face the day. I pull on the same black shirt and shorts that the girls gave me on my first day. They offered me more clothes but I waved them off, telling them that I would get more on the raid today. Besides, I’ve spent so much of my time here in a hospital gown that they aren’t really dirty anyways. At the foot of my bed is a simple wooden chest for my belongings. Stashed inside is a tub of black makeup, an applicator brush, a hairbrush, a toothbrush, my knife, my water bottle, and the battered copy of “Animal Farm” from the library. My hands free the first six items from their wooden confinement and I walk the short distance to the shared bathroom.

The living accommodations in the catacombs are actually rather impressive. Take the washroom for example; There are large mirrors along one wall, and along the other wall are ten wooden stalls. Similar to the roman aqueducts, there is a crude system of tunnels leading from the lake in the polestar, so we actually have running water.

I unscrew the lid off the tub of warpaint and then pause, staring at my reflection in the mirror. For several minutes. I. Can’t. Think. Of. Anything. To. Paint. What if I screw it up and everyone laughs? I know Andy said I was already one of them but I’m not stupid. I know that this raid is my one big chance to prove myself. I just want everything to be perfect. As if on cue, Sammi walks into the room hefting a giant black bag.
“Sammi, can you help me out? I don’t have a single clue what to do for my warpaint and I only have an hour before breakfast.” I stammer in a voice that’s at least an octave higher than my normal on. She raises her eyebrows.

“Geez Raven, calm down. It’s just warpaint.” I take a deep breath and thankfully this time in my voice is almost back to normal..

“I know, I just want everything to go perfectly today.” Her face instantly splits into a knowing smirk. She squeals a little and then darts off, checking every stall to make sure they’re empty. When she confirms that they are, she closes and locks the door, then hurries back to me, grinning like a lunatic. This is weird behavior, even for Sammi.

“Okay, who is it?” She asks excitedly.
“What?”
“You’re stressing out about your appearance, and you’re trying to impress. You have a crush on someone!” She says like that was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You sure got a lot out of my not having any ideas for face paint and my trying not to die or get anyone killed.” I grumble at her. “Are you going to help me with my makeup or not?”

“Not until you tell me who you have a crush on.” She teases. Her arms are crossed and her foot taps a staccato rhythm on the granite floor. Maybe I could tell Sammi. Out of all of the people here I feel closest to her, and I trust her not to tell anyone. Besides, I really need her help and this is the only way to get it.

“Fine.” I mutter, already resigned to my fate. “I think I have a crush on Andy. Happy?” Apparently she is because she starts dancing around me and quietly screaming. “I knew it!”

Despite how much I try to convince her that I only want the warpaint and that nothing could ever happen between Andy and I; She insists on doing my hair and forcing me to borrow a pair of black ripped jeans that hug my legs and are admittedly really cute and comfortable. I sit patiently on a stool with my back facing the mirror while she does my makeup. She won’t even tell me what she has planned, something about it being a ‘surprise.’ Oh well, whatever she does it’s bound to be better than any of my ideas.

After about half an hour she seems to be finished and tells me to turn around. The girl who stares back at me has bold eyes, encased in black circles and stitches running the width of her face, passing through her lips. I look dangerous, fearless. This isn’t the little girl who ran from F.E.A.R. or the girl who spent three years hiding from the shadows. I am someone new, someone stronger and braver. Unfortunately it doesn’t make me any less anxious, but now I feel prepared to deal with that anxiety.

“I think…” I trail off for a second, studying the black lines piercing my lips. “I think this is exactly what I needed. Thank you.” my face breaks into a wide grin to rival hers. She waves it off.

“What are friends for?” She applies her warpaint in less than five minutes, two simple diamonds covering her eyes.

I anticipated to find throngs of people when we turn up at the polestar for breakfast, but as it turns out there are only about sixteen, including the Wild Ones, Sammi, Lauren and myself. It does makes sense that there aren’t too many people accompanying us but it only makes me more confused. If only sixteen people can go, how the hell am I among them? Everyone else is chatting and laughing over bowls of oatmeal, confident in their skills and their relationships. I really don’t feel like being a third wheel, so instead I take my bowl from the stone counter and sit alone at a table far from anyone else. After spending so much time in my own company, it’s easy for me to become absorbed in my own daydreams and thoughts. Or in this case, terrors about what awaits us inside the F.E.A.R. city. My mind turns over scenario after scenario, injuries, prison, labor camp, death… All of the above could happen to one or all of us in the next five hours.

“Hey.” A familiar deep voice snaps me out of my trance.


“Huh? Oh, hey.” I smile weakly at him. It’s the best I can do under the circumstances.


“How are you feeling?”

“I’m really nervous honestly.” I answer, then I realize he was probably talking about my concussion and I instantly force a laugh that I hope doesn’t show my embarrassment. “Oh, you were talking about the concussion. Right?” He shrugs and throws me a lopsided grin.


“Nope. Just a general question. It’s good that you’re nervous though, I wouldn’t let you go if you weren’t.” I frown, surprised by his answer.


“What? Why? Soldiers are supposed to be fearless, ready for anything.” He keeps smiling.


“Think about it. Arrogance before a raid is dangerous; If you aren’t afraid of anything, then you will never prepare for all the possibilities. Being a fighter isn’t necessarily about having no fear, it’s about not letting your fear control you.” It makes sense, but I still don’t think I can do this. Nerves are not a good thing for me. He seems to sense this and grins widely before leaning close to my ear and speaking in a soft voice.


“Don’t worry, the fear will pass once we get into the city.” My breath catches in my throat as he moves back again and meets my dull green eyes with his dazzling blue ones.


A quiet “Thank you.” is all my constricted throat will allow me to choke out. He squints at me for a moment, as though he’s trying to figure me out.


“Can I ask you a question?”

“Always.”

“Why are you sitting all alone?” The question takes me by surprise. I had expected him to ask some question about my fighting skills or healing ability, not something like this.

“I-I didn’t think anyone noticed.” I answer haltingly.

“I did.” He doesn’t say it like he’s upset or anything, he just says it. “You know, I don’t think you’d feel left out if you joined in the conversation. The legion already accepted you.” I respond with a noncommittal shrug. What does he care whether I’m alone or not anyways? He gives me a strange look for several seconds, then just stands up and starts to walk away. Oh god, he probably thinks I’m insane. I’ve ruined any chance of us establishing any sort of relationship. I know there never was a chance anyway but I’m embarrassed and angry with myself nevertheless. After a few steps he turns around with a smirk on his perfect features.

“C’mon Raven, I want to show you something.”

Notes

I'm trying really hard to add some reality to this story (such as the awkwardness and self-doubt of talking to a crush.) please tell me what you think in the comment section, should I continue with the awkwardness or get straight to the drama? Speaking of drama, the raid is going down in the next chapter, I meant to put it in this update, but I got a little carried away with the other stuff. :)

You guys are totally awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. <3 you guys! :)
Until next chapter,
-BVBfangirlqueen