I'm a Loaded Gun

I wanted to know what transpired with Andy and Seth, but I had to continue our sound check. All I saw was Andy talking to Seth and then Seth walking off. What had Andy said? What had SETH said? I was on edge for the rest of sound check.

After we got our equipment back in place, I stepped off the stage to find Seth, but as I turned the corner behind the stage I ran straight into someone's chest. A pair of hands grabbed my waist and steadied me. I looked up into a pair of brilliant blue eyes. My heart raced.

"You...OK there?" he asked.

"Um- yeah. Sorry I was looking for Seth. Sorry I ran into you, I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking."

"Its fine." I realized I was standing really close to Andy. He was still holding my waist. I quickly pushed my hair out of my eyes and stepped back. I started to turn to walk away. "Reya." he said catching my arm.

"What?"

"You might want to leave him alone for awhile. He's pretty pissy right now."

"What did he say to you?"

"It's not really important but hes pretty fucking pissed right now. You don't need that on your mind before you perform. You have two hours before the show. Why don't you set that shit aside for awhile. You guys can all come chill with us."

For the next couple hours we sat around BVBs bus and all talked. Siren couldn't take her eyes off Ashley, and the same could be said for him. I didn't know where Sammi, Jinxx, or Tyler and Blake were. Oh well. They know when to get here.

Siren and I decided to just wear what we had on and not do anything too crazy. A guard came over and called for Prescription Poison to go to the stage. How was it already 4:40? I guess time flies when you are with rockstars.

My hands starting shaking as I picked up my mic. I closed my eyes. I couldn't do this, I can't do this. I will mess up, forget lyrics, forget melodies, I'll trip up. A warm hand gripped mine around the mic.

"Hey are you OK?"

"No." I said with a sigh.

"Come on, I listened to your set earlier. You'll be fine. You have a great line up and a great voice, don't back out now."

I took in a deep breath. I turned around to face Andy. "Thank you. For everything."

I walked up to the rest of my band. We all put our arms around each other in a huddle. Siren said, "Let's go kick some ass! Rock n roll all fucking night!" Siren lead us out onto stage, I hesitated by the entrance until Andy pushed me out.

So many people...Breathe Reya. Breathe. The opening to Bring Me to Life started. I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't breathe, I had to sing now.

"How- can you see...into my eyes. Like open doors." my voice shook. Oh hell.
I thought about being 15, always wishing to be a rock star. We were in Siren's room, with the camera rolling. I pulled in a good breath and continued, strength instantly in my voice. I was fine, I was on stage, I was in the limelight. I wanted to practically scream as I sang because the feeling of the crowd.
The sun was in my face and I'm glad I had an ear piece in to hear myself because by the time I sang "Frozen inside, without your touch, without your love darling, only you are the life among the deeeeeaaaad," the crowd was screaming their loudest, jumping and singing along.

"Bring me toooo Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffee" I dropped my head, letting my long bangs fall into my face. My heart was pounding, in a good way. I felt like I could go run a few miles. We rocked through the rest of our set, including songs from Fall Out Boy, Heart, Mayday Parade, Silverstein, Flyleaf, and finally got to the last song of our cover set. Every Rose Has It's Thorn. It wasn't my choice to end the set on such a slow song, but the band insisted it was the song I sang best. Siren picked up an acoustic guitar. "Alright guys, this is one fucking awesome crowd, we have one song left before we let on stage who you really came to see. Never the less, we appreciate your awesomeness as a crowd and support. We are Prescription Poison, and this is Every Rose Has It's Thorn." The crowd went ballistic. A chorus of yells.

"We both lie silently still in the dead if the night. Although we both lie close together, we feel miles apart in side."

I glanced through the crowd, instantly thinking of Seth. I couldn't help but let me mind wander as I was singing about just how distant things were become with Seth and I. How could they have spiraled down so fast? What had I done? What had I said? Anxiety filled me as I walked off stage that night.

We let BVB on stage. I decided to leave the band to watch the show. I needed to be alone for awhile. I was going to have an anxiety attack unless I was able to stop. I ran to the bus, knowing that what I was about to do had been something I gave up years ago, that I swore to never do again after the initial shock of the first time I had tried. My mind was racing, faster faster faster, my heart was thumping viciously in my chest and I couldn't control my breathing. I flung open the bus door and slammed it behind me. I ran for my bags and began tossing everything out of it till I found the small black bag I was looking for. It was about the size of my hand. My first aid bag. I opened to see a bottle of anteseptic spray, band aids, butterfly stitches, aspirin, and then I spotted it, the small zipper on the side. I opened it and the small silver blade dropped into my hand. I had sworn after my first cut, that I would never return to such a horrific habit. I would never put myself through the pain of doing this ever again. Siren made me swear to never do it, since she had almost killed herself in the process once. I stared at the one innocent scar on my left wrist. No one would ever know I had done it to myself. I held the blade delicately in my right hand. No one would know about this one either...

The door to the bus opened suddenly and he came charging in.

Notes

Yes. This did just happen, who entered the bus? You'll have to wait to find out (: