Maybe there's still hope
Secrets revealed
I woke up at 6:30 on jinxx's lap. I looked around to see everyone there except Ashley. Perfect.
I quietly got off Jinxx and went to get ready. I put on black shredded skinny jeans and a red mcr shirt. I did my hair and eye liner and silently went Into Ashley's room. I walked in to see him sleeping on his bed. I grabbed a black zip up Hoodie from his closet to wear and put it on. It smelt like cologne and alcohol.
I made my way downsairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed a big pot and filled it with water and ice . I started to walk towards the stairs when Andy walked out of the living room sleepily.
" what's going on?" He asked pointing to the pot
" payback" I smirked
" be careful" he warned then walked away
I walked up the stairs and Into Ashley's room quietly. I stood over his bed and poured the pot on him missing his feet. Shit. He shot up and starred at me." Paybacks a bitch and so are you!" I yelled running for the door.
" get back here !!" He yelled as I made it to the stairs he ran right after me. I jumped at the last 5 steps and fell. Before I could get up Ashley grabbed me by my legs and picked me up hanging me upside down. He walked into the kitchen were the guys were sitting at the table drinking coffee.
" save me!" I said through laughter the blood rushing to me head.
" you guys are children" Jinxx said shaking his head.
" he started it" I yelled squirming
" not so fast missy" he held me tighter by my waist still hanging me upside down.
" let me go"
" I don't want to" he smirked
" dude just let my sister go" jake said laughing
" as you wish" Ashley smirked then let me go sending me crashing to the ground on my head.
" ash! What the hell your going to hurt her!" Jinxx yelled
I groaned
" Jess you okay?" Jinxx asked standing over me
" yeah.." I groaned
They laughed
" you wana get up..?" Andy asked raising his eyebrow
" no I'm good down here" I said curling in a ball.
They all started to laugh .cc grabbed my waist and put me on my feet kissing my forehead.i blushed and looked away
" may I ask why your wearing my sweatshirt?" Ashley asked sitting at the table. I walked to the coffee pit an poured myself some.
" I didn't have one clean and I needed one ." I said
" it's hot out though." Jinxx said
" I uh get cold alot." I lied
They all nodded and I checked the time. Just as Ashley came back down from drying off.
" it's 6:45 I got to go to hell.. I mean school " I said picking up my bag
" ill drive you" Ashley said standing up and grabbing his keys
" dude no way are u driving her to school like that!" Jinxx said
" like what" he asked smirking
" ash your in boxers with no shirt on.. No"I said
" too bad I'm driving you as payback ill even walk you Ito the building if you'd like" he said smirking and picking me up
" dear god help me" I said as we walked out the door the guys were bursting out laughing .
" oh look it's a school bus with kids on it" he said stopping. I hid my face
" dear god Ashley they hate me enough" I started laughing . He put me in the car and drove off.
We got to the school and he stopped in the front. He turned to me and grabbed my hand.
" if anyone touches you.. I want you to beat their fucking faces in hear me? Don't take it . Ill deal with the principal after just do what you have to do I don't want to see you hurt like that again ok?. " he kissed my cheek.
" promise me" he said with seriousness and pain I. His eyes
" I promise ash." I said getting out. I walked towards the door and heard a car beep. I turned and saw Ashley beeping the horn hisaricaly causing people to stare. I flipped him off and went inside.
The classes went by with little events . I started to walk towards the lunch room when I was grabbed and slammed into the lockers. Haley punched me multiple times untill blood was flowing. She pushed me down and got on top of me still punching me.
" your emo friends aren't here to save you now are they?" She said hitting me again
Anger swirled inside of me as the words Ashley said to me " Don't take it" in my head.
" just fucking leave me alone" I spat
" your so pathetic if only Emma could see you now then shed realize how much of a failure you are" she spat back at me.
My anger grew. I tried to grab her hand but I couldn't.
" it should have been you" she hissed
I snapped. I kneed her stomach shoving her off me and got up. She ran at me but I hit her again. She grabbed my hands and I kicked her stomach making us both fall this time me being on top. I hit her in the face untill blood came out.
" get off freak" she shouted she threw me off and was about to hit again when the principal came .
" Haley ! Jessica ! come with me now!" She shouted
fuck.
I collected my bag and We followed her into a room with a long table . She sat me on one side and Haley on the other.
" Haley I will get your mom now she still works at the cafeteria correct?" Haley nodded sweetly and I growled at her.
"Jessica ill call your parents now as we'll"
" wait! You can't" I said my parents would kill me if they got the call.
" why not.?"
" they're in London for a few months." I said hoping she wouldn't call anyone else and just drop it.
" then who's taking care of you..?"
" my uh older brother jake pitts and his friends ." I said
" okay while I go get Haley's Mother call him please and have him get down here?"
I nodded
" you two stay here . Don't move"
She left the room and I took my phone out. I dialed Ashley number and put it to me ear. He answered and I heard the guys in the background.
" Jess why r u calling doll?"
" ash.." I started to talk but my voice quivered as I saw Haley watching me
" you guys need to get to the school "
" why? U in trouble?"
" yes now get here fast" I said and hung the phone up.
I looked in my mirror to see my face still had blood running from my lip and nose .
" don't bother your ugly anyway" Haley said and smiled. Tears started to fall and I put my head on the table annoyed with everything.
After what seemed forever the door opened and I looked up. The guys had confusion on their face as they walked in and sat around me. Ashley sat to my right and jake to my left the others followed next to jake with CC at the end. Ashley looked to me then Haley and leaned into my ear.
" Good Job sweetheart" he said noticing Haley's busted lip bruised nose and bloodied face.
" now that we are all here can you two explain what was going on when I came" the principal said
" she was hitting me" I said
" only because you hit me first" she said
" what?!" I yelled
" I believe my daughter she obviously hit her first I mean look at her.. She's all weird she probably hits alot of kids in proud of haley" mrs hamer said
My mouth hung open.
" proud?! PROUD?" I yelled standing up
" Jess it's ok" Ashley said grabbing my shoulder but I shrugged it off
" no it's not"
" are you proud that your daughter beats me every day untill I'm unconscious?" I asked
" no I don't " Haley defended
" shut .the .fuck .up" I yelled and continued
" are you proud that your daughter makes me hate every inch of my body!
Are you proud that 5 years ago she turned the school against me because I was different?"
I raised my voice
" are you proud thy your daughter makes me feel worthless everyday?"
" Jess calm down" andy said
"Are you fucking proud that because of your daughter I do this to myself?"
I unzipped the Hoodie and took it off revealing cuts going all up my arm.
The boys gasped . And whispered no
Mrs. Hamer looked disqusted and the principal was in shock
"Are you proud that because your daughter has told me to kill myself so many times I tried to 3 fucking times!"
" are you proud of your precious little fucking daughter. Now?!" I screamed tears stinging my eyes.
" Haley your suspended fora week for bullying " the principal said
" what?! That's not fair!" Haley sad standing up
" because that freak cuts herself?! Because she hates her life because of the true things I say to her? It's not my fault she hates her life Christ if I was we I would have killed myself a long time ago" she said smirking
" watch your fucking mouth" Andy said .
My fire exploded and I jumped over the table on top of her wresting on the ground.
" Jess !" The guys all stood up
I got on top of her and punched her repeatedly
" Jess get off !" Ashley' yelled but I didn't move
" girls that's enough!" The principal shouted
" get off fag" Haley said squirming
I gripped her kneck with my hand hard and punched with the other.
" CC ash get her off!" Jinxx yelled
Just then I was dragged off by CC and Ashley as they each pinned a hand behind my back.
" let go me!" I screamed trying to get to Haley.
" no calm yourself down Jess" Ashley said
" no let go!" I screamed
" Jess we aren't letting go" CC said gripping me tighter
Haley stood I front of me and punched me again.
I tried punch back but they held on tight and dragged me backwards towards them .
" hey!" Andy screamed jumping In front of Haley
" leave my sister alone!" Jake yelled going in front of me next to Andy.
Haley's mom grabbed her and sat her down.
"Just let her go I'd love to beat her face in" Haley smirked
" let me go" I squirmed
" calm down " jinxx said still at the table standing.
" why don't you just cut yourself you freak!" Haley screamed
" maybe I will!" I cried and I felt CC and Ashley tense
" no you won't" CC said
" make sure you hit a vein" she screamed
" suck my dick you whore!" I screamed
" oh so your a guy now , I knew it!"
I struggled to get her.
" let me go guys !"
" no Jess " Andy said
I struggled even harder
" Jess stop" Ashley said
" yeah Jess stop" Haley mocked as tears poured down my face
" your so lucky they have me or you'd be dead" I screamed.
" seriously just fucking join your sister and die !" Haley screamed
" that's enough!! Haley your suspended for 3 weeks ." The principal cut in
I struggled even more toget her but there was no use.
" you may go now" the principal said and she left
Ashley grabbed me and put me over his shoulder walking out behind the hamers. I struggled against him earning glares from the office people but there was no use. We walked out the front doors and towards the car.
I started to cry into his shoulder
" Jess it's okay calm down everything will be okay" Jinxx said patting y back. We got to the car ad Ashley put me in the middle seat between him and CC. Andy got in the drivers ,jake got in passenger and Jinxx took the seats behind us.
I leaned into CC and he stroked my hair.
We pulled in to the house and got out still silent. We walked in and sat in the living room.
"Thanks ash" I said after minutes of silence
" for what?" He asked raising his eyebrows
" for telling me to beat her face in, you have me confidence to actual stand up for myself."
He smiled
" great words of wisdom Ashley." Jinxx said sarcastically
" hey! I was trying to get her to fight bak"
" we'll it sure worked" jake said chuckling
" I'm sorry for snapping back there I don't know what happened" I said rubbing my arms that were covered by my sleeves.
" hey it's okay but we should talk" jake said sitting up. I tensed I knew this would happen
"First.. About your cutting, how long"
" 3 years" I mumbled looking down.
Andy grabbed my arm and looked at the cuts
" this.. This had to stop okay? No more if you need to you talk to us okay?" He asked
" we can't lose you, I can't , i can't lose you okay?" Jake asked and I nodded tears stinging
They all hugged me.
" your too beautiful to do this to yourself "CC said.
I smiled
" now .. What did she mean when she told you to join your sister.. What happened to her?" Andy asked and my breath caught In my throat
I haven't talked about Emma to anyone .
" Jess please tell us.." Jinxx said rubbing my shoulder I saw jake tense he must of known.
" 2 years ago my older sister Emma who was 17 at the time, we were on our way home and our car was hit by a drunk driver..." I paused tears streaming
" she was driving and I was in the passenger side she uh.. Covered over me so I would be safe.." I stopped
" Jess continue" Ashley said
" she didn't make it.. After that the kids hated me even more saying it should have been me"
I cried harder
" continue .." Jake said
" my parents... Said it was all my fault .. That I was the reason we crashed .. It wasn't .. I . Haven't talked about this ever " I said crying harder
" it's ok Jess.." Jake said rubbing my back
" no it's not! It should have been me she was popular everyone loved her noone loved me !! My parents don't except me I just I I don't know !"
My mind hurt my chest was in pain.
I got up and ran out the door. I ran towards the place I haven't been to in 2 years. Emma's grave
I quietly got off Jinxx and went to get ready. I put on black shredded skinny jeans and a red mcr shirt. I did my hair and eye liner and silently went Into Ashley's room. I walked in to see him sleeping on his bed. I grabbed a black zip up Hoodie from his closet to wear and put it on. It smelt like cologne and alcohol.
I made my way downsairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed a big pot and filled it with water and ice . I started to walk towards the stairs when Andy walked out of the living room sleepily.
" what's going on?" He asked pointing to the pot
" payback" I smirked
" be careful" he warned then walked away
I walked up the stairs and Into Ashley's room quietly. I stood over his bed and poured the pot on him missing his feet. Shit. He shot up and starred at me." Paybacks a bitch and so are you!" I yelled running for the door.
" get back here !!" He yelled as I made it to the stairs he ran right after me. I jumped at the last 5 steps and fell. Before I could get up Ashley grabbed me by my legs and picked me up hanging me upside down. He walked into the kitchen were the guys were sitting at the table drinking coffee.
" save me!" I said through laughter the blood rushing to me head.
" you guys are children" Jinxx said shaking his head.
" he started it" I yelled squirming
" not so fast missy" he held me tighter by my waist still hanging me upside down.
" let me go"
" I don't want to" he smirked
" dude just let my sister go" jake said laughing
" as you wish" Ashley smirked then let me go sending me crashing to the ground on my head.
" ash! What the hell your going to hurt her!" Jinxx yelled
I groaned
" Jess you okay?" Jinxx asked standing over me
" yeah.." I groaned
They laughed
" you wana get up..?" Andy asked raising his eyebrow
" no I'm good down here" I said curling in a ball.
They all started to laugh .cc grabbed my waist and put me on my feet kissing my forehead.i blushed and looked away
" may I ask why your wearing my sweatshirt?" Ashley asked sitting at the table. I walked to the coffee pit an poured myself some.
" I didn't have one clean and I needed one ." I said
" it's hot out though." Jinxx said
" I uh get cold alot." I lied
They all nodded and I checked the time. Just as Ashley came back down from drying off.
" it's 6:45 I got to go to hell.. I mean school " I said picking up my bag
" ill drive you" Ashley said standing up and grabbing his keys
" dude no way are u driving her to school like that!" Jinxx said
" like what" he asked smirking
" ash your in boxers with no shirt on.. No"I said
" too bad I'm driving you as payback ill even walk you Ito the building if you'd like" he said smirking and picking me up
" dear god help me" I said as we walked out the door the guys were bursting out laughing .
" oh look it's a school bus with kids on it" he said stopping. I hid my face
" dear god Ashley they hate me enough" I started laughing . He put me in the car and drove off.
We got to the school and he stopped in the front. He turned to me and grabbed my hand.
" if anyone touches you.. I want you to beat their fucking faces in hear me? Don't take it . Ill deal with the principal after just do what you have to do I don't want to see you hurt like that again ok?. " he kissed my cheek.
" promise me" he said with seriousness and pain I. His eyes
" I promise ash." I said getting out. I walked towards the door and heard a car beep. I turned and saw Ashley beeping the horn hisaricaly causing people to stare. I flipped him off and went inside.
The classes went by with little events . I started to walk towards the lunch room when I was grabbed and slammed into the lockers. Haley punched me multiple times untill blood was flowing. She pushed me down and got on top of me still punching me.
" your emo friends aren't here to save you now are they?" She said hitting me again
Anger swirled inside of me as the words Ashley said to me " Don't take it" in my head.
" just fucking leave me alone" I spat
" your so pathetic if only Emma could see you now then shed realize how much of a failure you are" she spat back at me.
My anger grew. I tried to grab her hand but I couldn't.
" it should have been you" she hissed
I snapped. I kneed her stomach shoving her off me and got up. She ran at me but I hit her again. She grabbed my hands and I kicked her stomach making us both fall this time me being on top. I hit her in the face untill blood came out.
" get off freak" she shouted she threw me off and was about to hit again when the principal came .
" Haley ! Jessica ! come with me now!" She shouted
fuck.
I collected my bag and We followed her into a room with a long table . She sat me on one side and Haley on the other.
" Haley I will get your mom now she still works at the cafeteria correct?" Haley nodded sweetly and I growled at her.
"Jessica ill call your parents now as we'll"
" wait! You can't" I said my parents would kill me if they got the call.
" why not.?"
" they're in London for a few months." I said hoping she wouldn't call anyone else and just drop it.
" then who's taking care of you..?"
" my uh older brother jake pitts and his friends ." I said
" okay while I go get Haley's Mother call him please and have him get down here?"
I nodded
" you two stay here . Don't move"
She left the room and I took my phone out. I dialed Ashley number and put it to me ear. He answered and I heard the guys in the background.
" Jess why r u calling doll?"
" ash.." I started to talk but my voice quivered as I saw Haley watching me
" you guys need to get to the school "
" why? U in trouble?"
" yes now get here fast" I said and hung the phone up.
I looked in my mirror to see my face still had blood running from my lip and nose .
" don't bother your ugly anyway" Haley said and smiled. Tears started to fall and I put my head on the table annoyed with everything.
After what seemed forever the door opened and I looked up. The guys had confusion on their face as they walked in and sat around me. Ashley sat to my right and jake to my left the others followed next to jake with CC at the end. Ashley looked to me then Haley and leaned into my ear.
" Good Job sweetheart" he said noticing Haley's busted lip bruised nose and bloodied face.
" now that we are all here can you two explain what was going on when I came" the principal said
" she was hitting me" I said
" only because you hit me first" she said
" what?!" I yelled
" I believe my daughter she obviously hit her first I mean look at her.. She's all weird she probably hits alot of kids in proud of haley" mrs hamer said
My mouth hung open.
" proud?! PROUD?" I yelled standing up
" Jess it's ok" Ashley said grabbing my shoulder but I shrugged it off
" no it's not"
" are you proud that your daughter beats me every day untill I'm unconscious?" I asked
" no I don't " Haley defended
" shut .the .fuck .up" I yelled and continued
" are you proud that your daughter makes me hate every inch of my body!
Are you proud that 5 years ago she turned the school against me because I was different?"
I raised my voice
" are you proud thy your daughter makes me feel worthless everyday?"
" Jess calm down" andy said
"Are you fucking proud that because of your daughter I do this to myself?"
I unzipped the Hoodie and took it off revealing cuts going all up my arm.
The boys gasped . And whispered no
Mrs. Hamer looked disqusted and the principal was in shock
"Are you proud that because your daughter has told me to kill myself so many times I tried to 3 fucking times!"
" are you proud of your precious little fucking daughter. Now?!" I screamed tears stinging my eyes.
" Haley your suspended fora week for bullying " the principal said
" what?! That's not fair!" Haley sad standing up
" because that freak cuts herself?! Because she hates her life because of the true things I say to her? It's not my fault she hates her life Christ if I was we I would have killed myself a long time ago" she said smirking
" watch your fucking mouth" Andy said .
My fire exploded and I jumped over the table on top of her wresting on the ground.
" Jess !" The guys all stood up
I got on top of her and punched her repeatedly
" Jess get off !" Ashley' yelled but I didn't move
" girls that's enough!" The principal shouted
" get off fag" Haley said squirming
I gripped her kneck with my hand hard and punched with the other.
" CC ash get her off!" Jinxx yelled
Just then I was dragged off by CC and Ashley as they each pinned a hand behind my back.
" let go me!" I screamed trying to get to Haley.
" no calm yourself down Jess" Ashley said
" no let go!" I screamed
" Jess we aren't letting go" CC said gripping me tighter
Haley stood I front of me and punched me again.
I tried punch back but they held on tight and dragged me backwards towards them .
" hey!" Andy screamed jumping In front of Haley
" leave my sister alone!" Jake yelled going in front of me next to Andy.
Haley's mom grabbed her and sat her down.
"Just let her go I'd love to beat her face in" Haley smirked
" let me go" I squirmed
" calm down " jinxx said still at the table standing.
" why don't you just cut yourself you freak!" Haley screamed
" maybe I will!" I cried and I felt CC and Ashley tense
" no you won't" CC said
" make sure you hit a vein" she screamed
" suck my dick you whore!" I screamed
" oh so your a guy now , I knew it!"
I struggled to get her.
" let me go guys !"
" no Jess " Andy said
I struggled even harder
" Jess stop" Ashley said
" yeah Jess stop" Haley mocked as tears poured down my face
" your so lucky they have me or you'd be dead" I screamed.
" seriously just fucking join your sister and die !" Haley screamed
" that's enough!! Haley your suspended for 3 weeks ." The principal cut in
I struggled even more toget her but there was no use.
" you may go now" the principal said and she left
Ashley grabbed me and put me over his shoulder walking out behind the hamers. I struggled against him earning glares from the office people but there was no use. We walked out the front doors and towards the car.
I started to cry into his shoulder
" Jess it's okay calm down everything will be okay" Jinxx said patting y back. We got to the car ad Ashley put me in the middle seat between him and CC. Andy got in the drivers ,jake got in passenger and Jinxx took the seats behind us.
I leaned into CC and he stroked my hair.
We pulled in to the house and got out still silent. We walked in and sat in the living room.
"Thanks ash" I said after minutes of silence
" for what?" He asked raising his eyebrows
" for telling me to beat her face in, you have me confidence to actual stand up for myself."
He smiled
" great words of wisdom Ashley." Jinxx said sarcastically
" hey! I was trying to get her to fight bak"
" we'll it sure worked" jake said chuckling
" I'm sorry for snapping back there I don't know what happened" I said rubbing my arms that were covered by my sleeves.
" hey it's okay but we should talk" jake said sitting up. I tensed I knew this would happen
"First.. About your cutting, how long"
" 3 years" I mumbled looking down.
Andy grabbed my arm and looked at the cuts
" this.. This had to stop okay? No more if you need to you talk to us okay?" He asked
" we can't lose you, I can't , i can't lose you okay?" Jake asked and I nodded tears stinging
They all hugged me.
" your too beautiful to do this to yourself "CC said.
I smiled
" now .. What did she mean when she told you to join your sister.. What happened to her?" Andy asked and my breath caught In my throat
I haven't talked about Emma to anyone .
" Jess please tell us.." Jinxx said rubbing my shoulder I saw jake tense he must of known.
" 2 years ago my older sister Emma who was 17 at the time, we were on our way home and our car was hit by a drunk driver..." I paused tears streaming
" she was driving and I was in the passenger side she uh.. Covered over me so I would be safe.." I stopped
" Jess continue" Ashley said
" she didn't make it.. After that the kids hated me even more saying it should have been me"
I cried harder
" continue .." Jake said
" my parents... Said it was all my fault .. That I was the reason we crashed .. It wasn't .. I . Haven't talked about this ever " I said crying harder
" it's ok Jess.." Jake said rubbing my back
" no it's not! It should have been me she was popular everyone loved her noone loved me !! My parents don't except me I just I I don't know !"
My mind hurt my chest was in pain.
I got up and ran out the door. I ran towards the place I haven't been to in 2 years. Emma's grave
@LindseyBVBarmy
I'm glad!:)
2/20/14